“Hey, look at me.”
Holly snapped out of her memories. Only then did she realize they were stopped at an empty park. Of course, the ground and playground equipment were piled with snow, but she recognized this park since she’d spent a lot of time here when none of her friends had wanted to hang out with her.
“Holly, look at me,” Rafe said again, wiping the pad of his thumb across her wet cheek.
She blinked, realizing she was really crying. Inwardly, she groaned. I’m such a fool who can’t forgive and forget!
She turned her head and met his worried gaze. He stroked her cheek affectionately.
“Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.”
Although it was hard to smile, she still offered him a small gesture of her appreciation. “Rafe, there’s nothing you can do. There isn’t anything anyone can do.”
“If only I could turn back time.”
She shrugged. “If only, but you can’t, so I must deal with this. I must get past this and move on.”
“Are you going to be all right?”
She shrugged. “It was just quite a shock, you know. I can’t believe my friend had set me up to fail fourteen years ago. She set me up to look bad in front of the boy I had liked at the time, just so she could have him.”
He slipped his arms around her and pulled her closer. “We must look at the bright side of all of this.”
Cocking her head, she narrowed her gaze on him. Her heart lightened. Of course, it always did whenever she looked at him. “There’s a bright side?”
“Yes. If you hadn’t gone into that room, I wouldn’t have kissed you. And if I hadn’t kissed you, we would not be sitting together right now, in my truck, holding each other.”
She sighed and caressed his neck softly, before running her fingers through his hair. “You don’t think we would have gotten together otherwise?”
“Who knows, but I do know I was supposed to kiss you fourteen years ago, just like I was supposed to kiss you again in the prop room a few weeks ago, which of course, brought us to this point. We’re sitting here, in my truck, and I’m holding you and enjoying your company. Being with you today has been perfect. But if you hadn’t gone into that prop room, we might not be here.”
Her heart softened and she pressed her head against his chest. “Oh, Rafe. You probably think I’m the biggest baby there is.”
“That’s not what I’m thinking at all.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m thinking what a strong woman you are because of your rough past. You’re a sweet, loving lady, and if you were anything different, I might not be with you now.”
His words were soothing her just as much as his tender touch. For the first time since they had first kissed all those years ago, she began thinking differently about fate. Had they been destined for this moment way back then?
Although, the longer she thought about it, the more happiness filled her. But part of her mind tried to stop it. After all, she’d be leaving him right after Christmas to return to California.
Leaving her cheek pressed against his chest, she lifted her face to look up at him. “Thank you for cheering me up.”
He smiled. “I did? Are you sure?”
“Yes. I don’t feel like crying my eyes out right now. When we left the Soup Kitchen, I was sure I’d end up crying and ruining our day together.”
“I’m glad I was able to help.”
“Yes. In fact, I’m beginning to wish every day was like this one.”
He chuckled. “You’re reading my thoughts.”
“Oooh, are they as wicked as mine?”
He laughed loudly, this time. “I don’t dare answer that one.”
Sighing, she cuddled closer and shifted her gaze out the window. The park seemed so peaceful now. Of course, snow always made things so much calmer.
“Rafe?”
“Yes?”
“Do you want to build a snowman with me?”
“Are you kidding me?”
She looked up at him again. “No, why?”
“Because, once again, you’re reading my thoughts.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
Holly felt like a kid again... Well, almost. She and Rafe built a snowman, and had so much fun doing it, they built another one. They stood the second one right beside the first, and joined their stick hands together.
Laughing, Rafe and Holly held each other as they looked upon their masterpieces. But then suddenly, their snow fun turned into a snowball fight. She knew Rafe was going easy on her, but she didn’t mind.
Soon, the sun dipped toward the horizon, making the air chillier. Rafe took her to a restaurant for dinner, and requested a table near the large fireplace.
She loved being with him. He doted on her every word, and treated her so special. When she asked him questions about his life, he didn’t hesitate to answer. She loved how open he was with her. Part of her wanted to tell him that soon she’d be leaving, but then she didn’t want to ruin the mood between them. This day was too glorious to end with him being upset with her.
After dinner, he drove her to the other end of town. It surprised her to see Mr. McGregor was still giving rides in his one-horse open sleigh. Bells and red ribbons decorated the horse along with the sleigh. A small space heater sat underneath the seat in the sleigh, but two large quilts were inside to bundle in as well.
Mr. McGregor allowed Rafe to take the reins and lead the horses himself. Holly wasn’t surprised. Rafe definitely knew how to handle a horse.
A lamp was attached to the sleigh, but the path through this park was also lit with a few lamps to help guide the horse along the way. Everything was so romantic. Even the full moon and star-filled sky helped with the mood.
Silence stretched between them for the first several minutes, but it wasn’t uncomfortable in the least. Her cheeks and nose were cold, but the rest of her was very warm. Next to her, Rafe had his arm around her shoulders while he held the reins with his other hand.
The ride was slow, but soon the horse came to a complete stop. Rafe tied the reins to one of the bars on the sleigh before turning toward her and gathering her fully against him.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For sharing this magical day with me.”
“I’m very glad you asked me, too. I’ve been in heaven all day long.”
She cuddled against him closer, and his arm tightened around her shoulders.
“Do you know what I’ve been thinking?” He peered up into the sky.
“What?”
“Today’s outing wasn’t just about getting to know you better, and doing something to take our minds off the Christmas program.” He looked down at her face. “But I’ve felt the Christmas Spirit today. Haven’t you?”
She nodded. “Yes, I believe I have felt it. Christmas isn’t about buying – or receiving the best present. It’s about spending time with family and friends.” She sighed. “And relaxing.”
“Exactly. Remember when we were kids and the excitement of Christmas was building inside of us? The whole month of December everyone seemed friendlier. More giving. And mostly, there wasn’t anything that could stress us.”
“Yes, I remember.”
He touched his gloved finger to her nose. “You have made me feel that again. I don’t think I’ve felt that way since I was a young boy.”
Her heart softened. “I’ve felt it, too. And surprisingly enough, I’ve come to realize something myself.”
“What is that my sweet Holly?”
“That I’ve been going about this Christmas program all wrong. I was trying to make this project all about me.” She shook her head. “But it’s not about me. It’s about the children doing this because they really want to... because they enjoy seeing their parents’ expressions light up with joy afterwards.” She sighed. “I’ve been selfish, and starting tomorrow, it’s going to change. From now on the Christmas program will be about them. Not me. I’ll direct th
is program because I want to, not because I have to. And do you know what? I’m going to really enjoy it.”
“You are pretty amazing, Holly Kidman.” He touched the tip of his gloved finger to her nose.
“No, you are the one who is amazing. If not for you, I wouldn’t have felt this way at all.”
His face was shadowed slightly, only because of where the lantern was positioned on the sleigh. But she didn’t need light to see him. She had his face memorized. She knew where the creases in his face were every time he smiled. She knew the outline of his tempting mouth, and the parts of his goatee that were thicker than the other places. And she would never forget his eyes, and how she could stare at him forever.
“Holly, I don’t want this day to end.”
“Me, neither.”
“My heart has been filled with happiness all day. In fact, it’s not just been today.” He cupped her face. “Gradually, I’ve been falling in love with you ever since we kissed in the prop room this last time.”
Holly’s heart jumped with excitement, and yet... did she want him to love her? Finally, she’d found a man who was nearly perfect – one who treated her like a queen, and one who was kind to others as well as his family. And, a man who was settled with his life and made a good living, and would be a doctor one day. She would never be able to find another man like this again.
Her mouth dried, so she licked her lips and swallowed. “Rafe, I – I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you love me, too. Say you want every day to be like this one... with me.”
“Oh, Rafe. Do you know how badly I want to say that? I’ve not had a real relationship for so long, and now I’m struggling with my mind and my heart. Part of me wants to stay here with you, and the other part wants me to live out my dream.”
He swiped his finger along her jaw before moving to her mouth. The tip of his finger toyed with her bottom lip.
“Is there no room for me in your dream?”
The longing in his voice tugged on her heartstrings. “Rafe, I don’t know—”
He covered her mouth with his, silencing the rest of her words. But then once their lips met, all words disappeared. She didn’t want to talk. She wanted to kiss.
His nose was cold against hers, but the longer they kissed, the warmer she became, and soon, his nose didn’t feel cold, either. With one of his arms around her shoulders, and the other around her waist, he was able to cuddle her closer. She had more room to move her hand, but his bulky coat got in the way, so she stroked his neck and the back of his head.
Soon, his mouth left hers and traveled down her neck, but her scarf was in the way for him to go any farther. She wanted to rip off the scarf and unzip her coat, but before she could move her hands to do it, his body shook in a silent laugh as he pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” she asked in a low voice.
“This morning when I kissed you in the truck, I promised myself that the next time I kissed you, we wouldn’t be wearing coats.”
She smiled. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” He took the reins again and urged the horse forward.
She cuddled back beside him, slipping her arm around his waist. After a few moments passed without them talking, she cleared her throat.
“Rafe? Would it be terribly bad of me if I didn’t want to return to the ranch tonight?”
He stiffened. “Why not?”
“Because your brother and Lynda are there. I don’t want to talk to Lynda. I’m not ready to play catch-up with our lives.”
“I understand. But where do you want to go?”
“Back to my mom’s house, I guess.”
“But it’ll be cold. You haven’t been there in a week.”
“I know.”
“What if we stay out late tonight, and then sneak in the house at the ranch? I’m sure they’ll be in bed by the time we get there.”
“Probably, but what about in the morning?” She tilted her head back and peered into his eyes. “What if Lynda wants to talk then?”
“Steve said they would be leaving early.”
She shrugged and rested her cheek against his chest again. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to take the chance.”
“And I don’t want to leave you in a cold house.”
“But I can turn up the thermostat, you know.” She chuckled. “I’ll only be cold for a few minutes.”
“Yeah, I know.” His arm tightened around her shoulders. “I guess I’m just finding excuses to keep you by my side all night.”
“You know that’s not possible, either.”
“I know.” He kissed her forehead. “Only in my dreams, right?”
“Yes, and in mine.”
He took them back to Mr. McGregor. They climbed out of the sleigh, and Rafe took her back to his truck. Inside, she sat next to him and held his hand. He drove to her house and parked in front.
“Do you want to come in?” she asked.
He arched an eyebrow. “Do I dare?”
She laughed. “Good answer. However, once the front room gets warm, we can hold each other on the couch without our coats to get in the way.”
“Hmm... that’s a tempting thought.”
“Well, while you’re deciding, let’s go in the house.”
He grinned and climbed out. Hand in hand they walked to the door and using her key, she let them inside. Minutes after she’d turned on a lamp, she hurried to the thermostat and cranked it up.
“Do you want me to build a fire?” he asked, pointing to the hearth.
“Sure. Cuddling in front of the fire sounds very romantic.”
Holly watched him wad up the newspapers and set the pieces of wood inside, before lighting a match. Her heart had been light all day, and it wasn’t any different now. She loved the way he moved. The way his muscles in his legs bunched every so often. She’d miss this when she was gone.
She shook the thought away, reminding herself she wasn’t going to think like this. She’d enjoy the day – and evening. Especially the evening.
He stood and faced her. “Can you feel the heat yet?”
“Not yet, but I’m sure it’ll warm up quickly. It always does.”
She unzipped her coat and threw it on the cushioned chair her mother sat in all the time. Rafe’s gaze slowly moved over her from the top of her head, down her sweater and jeans, to her booted feet. Her heart flipped and her limbs weakened. There was nothing more sensual than a man checking out a woman, especially the way he did it.
He unzipped his coat and tossed it next to hers. She gazed over him the same way he’d just done to her. Although she knew nothing serious would happen between them tonight, just knowing they didn’t have their bulky coats to get in the way, made her breathless.
Rafe held out his hand, and she quickly slipped her palm against his. Without saying a word, they walked to the couch and sat. Immediately, his arms were around her as she cuddled against his side.
“I like this,” he said in a deep voice.
“So do I.”
He cupped her chin and lifted her face to him. “And I like this.” He kissed her forehead. “And this,” he said, kissing her nose. “And this, too.” He moved his lips to her ear as he left tiny kisses along her earlobe. “But I definitely like this the most,” he ended, placing his lips on hers.
Sighing heavily, she met his sweet kisses, tender and stirring feelings inside of her that she didn’t want to deal with. She was falling in love with him, but at this moment, she didn’t want to stop the exhilaration growing inside of her.
His large hand moved over her back – all the way up to her neck, and then down to her waist. She enjoyed his warm touch that heated her faster than the fire in the hearth. She moved her palm all over his chest, remembering what he’d looked like without his shirt. Although the lighting hadn’t been great that night, she’d still seen enough. His chest muscles flexed beneath her touch, and she sighed with pleasure.
He broke the kiss long enou
gh to move aside the thick collar of her sweater from her throat before he placed his lips there. Tingles erupted all over her, and she thought she’d died and gone to heaven. Rafe Montgomery definitely had very talented lips.
“Oh, Holly,” he mumbled against her throat before bringing his mouth up to hers once again.
Their tongues danced together, sending her mind reeling into ecstasy. Perhaps inviting him in the house was wrong, because now she never wanted him to leave.
He broke the kiss, shaking his head as he rested it in the curve of her neck. “I need to stop... before I can’t stop.”
Her breathing was ragged, just like his. “Yes, I know.”
“And now I think that maybe wearing bulky coats while we kiss is a good thing.”
She laughed. “My thoughts, exactly.”
They sat together in this position for a few moments. Being with him like this was relaxing, and she wouldn’t mind falling asleep in his arms. But soon, he lifted his head and met her gaze.
“Will you do me a favor tonight?”
She looked into his lovely amber eyes. “What?”
“I want us to be together, but I’m not going to push you. I want you to really think about your dream, and I want you to think about me. I’m not asking you to choose between the two of us, but I’m asking you to think about how we could make this work. I love you, and I don’t want to lose you.” He kissed her lips again, briefly. “I’ve never felt this way about another woman. And I like my attitude when I’m with you.”
“Your attitude?”
“Yes. I’m happier, and I want to help people more than I’ve ever done before... just like we did today. It’s all because of you I feel this way.”
Pain twisted in her heart. She loved him, too, but she was afraid to confess her feelings. For years, she tried not to become serious with a guy because she didn’t want to commit to a relationship. So now when she wanted to tell him her feelings, she hesitated.
She nodded. “I promise to think about that tonight.”
He kissed her again, before standing. Having the heat from his body removed from hers was like dumping a bucket of ice-water on her. She stood and wrapped her arms around her chest as if she was cold.
A Thrill of Hope Page 18