by Ruby Reade
BANG. BANG.
'Did you plan on coming out of there at any point today or have you turned into a mermaid?' Drew shouts through the door at me.
'I can't hear you. La la la la laaaaa. I can't hear you.' I shout back not moving a millimetre.
'Hurry up Lucy I've got stuff to get on with.' He moans like an old woman.
'Nagging is not an attractive feature in a man.' I inform him with a smile to myself, still not budging.
'Please will you come out?' He tries again.
'Okay, okay. I won't be a minute.' I grumble and slosh about into a sitting position that feels all wrong after being so comfortable.
'Just move your arse woman.' Drew shouts trying to be all demanding again, and for that, I will stay in here for a bit longer.
Twenty minutes later I finally drag my body from the cooling bath, chuck his clothes on knowing it must be my worst look yet, and slowly walk down to find him engrossed in some car racing game.
'Erhgmmm.' I cough behind him. No response. 'Do you think you could wrap this up, I really do have better things to be doing with my day than waiting around for you.' He looks up and I give him a wink.
He puts the controller down and slowly unfolds out of the chair. Looking up at him I am surprised by how tall he is, usually I have heels on, and I don't think we have ever been this close before. I need to tilt my head back to look him in the eye.
Okay, this is weird now. I do not fancy him at all, but I am still getting that funny feeling in my stomach. I think my hormones are acting up after the promise of last night turning into a massive let down, so any male contact has sent them through the roof with excitement.
'Hey? Are you alright?' He asks leaning in closer.
'Me? Oh, yeah, yes I mean. Fine. You?' I smile up at him and look quickly away again. I start winding my hair into knots when he puts his hand on my mine, stilling it.
'Stop fidgeting woman.' He says softly. 'You are making me on edge.'
'So, no Kevin yet.' I say to fill the gap.
'Sorry Luce, he hasn't been back or called. He can be a real twat sometimes but I'm sure he will have a reason for what happened last night.' He tries to reassure me. I roll my eyes. The only reason Kevin has starts with A and ends in Y.
'If you can call a tramp named Amy a reason then yes, I am sure he does.' I say pointing my finger in his face.
'Well, that told me.' He grins at me and hands me my handbag.
Outside I run past Kevin's car, his precious baby, so I don't kick the hell out of it. I jump straight into Drew's old banger and hope that it won't fall apart on us on the way home.
It is not until I notice we have stopped outside my home that I realise we have travelled the whole journey without saying a word. There hasn't been a sound, not one single word. Just silence.
'Lucy.'
'Yes?' I feel a bit uncomfortable now and fuss about attempting to undo my seatbelt. He puts his hand on mine and unbuckles me with ease. I stare down at his hands, which haven't moved from my lap.
'Lucy.'
'Drew?' I look up to smile and ease the weirdness out of the situation but freeze. He inches closer and my stomach isn't just suffering from butterflies, it’s like fireworks in London at New Years Eve in there.
'What would you say if I asked to kiss you?'
Well I know what my body wants me to say, but 'I think that is a really bad idea,' comes out instead. Thankfully, my brain took over the reply.
'Why is that?' He asks moving back fractionally.
'Kevin. I'm not really sure what is going on with him but you two are mates, so it is a really bad idea.'
'Are you going out with him anymore?' He asks closing the gap again.
'No but...'
'Lucy can I kiss you? Please?' He asks anyway. Looking into his eyes, I cannot find the words to say no, and we are suddenly kissing. His hands are on my neck with his fingers stretching up into my hair and feels like heaven.
We both pull away at the same time.
'Well that wasn't supposed to happen.' I tell him off, but I am unable to suppress a grin.
'I've wanted to do that for ages now.' He tells me.
'I need to go in.' I point up at the house.
'I know, I know. Call me later.' He says staring intently at me making my head spin.
'Will do.' I jump out of the car as gracefully as I can, which isn't in any way shape or form graceful. Sprinting up to the house and shutting the door behind me, I am grateful for a bit of space. I wait listening until his car has gone.
'Attractive look there babe.' Jen tells me from the top of the stairs. Looking down and agree Drew's joggers, t-shirt and heels is not a look I want to repeat.
'I kissed Drew.' Pops out and stops her in her tracks, halfway down the stairs.
Holding my hands up to defend my actions, I say 'I know already before you start having a go.'
'You know? Lucy what the fuck did you do that for?' She is predictably horrified, even though she has a cheek judging me. I mean the way she carries on, this is tame.
'It just happened so do not make a big deal of it, I just wanted to tell someone.'
'Fine, it's your funeral.' She shrugs losing interest. 'I'm going out for dinner with Pete tonight.' Jen changes the subject with a suspicious smile.
'That sounds good, but what do you want? None of my clothes will fit and everything I own is shit anyway.'
'I need help shopping.' She turns up her smile a few grades and I can see my day of sleeping and vegging out slipping away. 'Pleeeeeeeeease. Oh pretty, pretty please.' She begs not caring if I feel like I am on the verge of death or in the middle of an emotional crisis.
'Fine.' I agree hating myself for not saying no.
'Oh yay.' She claps her hands and vanishes back upstairs, leaving me to use the banister to pull aching body up.
***
Walking back inside the shopping centre after a fag and stacked up like a carthorse with Jen's purchases, my patience takes a deeper nosedive when I cannot see her. I specifically told her to stay where I left her for precisely this reason. Why I had to take the bags in the first place, I do not know. I scan up and down and turn left for the want of doing something.
Then I hear her. There is a massive crowd of people blocking my view, but I can hear her shrieking and swearing her head off. In a panic I shove my way through and there she is. I should have brought a t-shirt with the slogan I am with the lunatic.
Jen is standing at the hole in the wall, literally losing the plot screaming and hitting it with her handbag. Maybe I could start a new television show. Shoppers Go Wild.
'Fucking machine. Stupid fucking wanking bollocking bastard machine.' Each expletive punctuated with another whack of her bag. For her next trick, she turns and starts punching the air instead. It’s at that point she notices me. She slowly lowers her arms and straightens herself out. She opens her mouth to say something to me but closes it again when she realises the extent of the scene she has just caused. I am surprised Security isn't on the scene already.
'The card machine seems to be down.' She calmly tells the crowd before walking past me and dragging me off by my sleeve.
'Well, that is one way to liven the day up I suppose.' I say trying to keep up, still the one carrying all her bags.
'Don't, just bloody don't alright.'
'What the hell happened?' I ask wanting to make sense of the tantrum.
'Ah it swallowed my card so I can't draw money out or buy anymore clothes. 'Unless, hey, can you give me some cash?' She tries her luck.
'Do you remember I have a shitty job now?'
'Yes, but do you have any money?' She persists.
'I've got...' I dig my purse out to have a look. 'Thirty pou...' Before I can finish, she has snatched it from my hand.
'That will do nicely.' She says before slotting the money into her jeans. 'I still can't believe you haven't heard from Kev after he left you to sleep outside all night, although maybe he thought you would have
woken Drew up...' Frown lines make an appearance on her forehead. 'Hey, you don't think Drew told him about the kiss do you?' She asks solving the puzzle in her head to a satisfactory conclusion.
'No, no way would he say anything. He has too much to lose by telling Kevin anything. This morning will just be forgotten and written off as one of those things.' I tell her crossing my fingers behind my back. I sincerely hope Drew isn't a massive moron and thinks the same way I am.
I mean Satan was one thing, but his best mate. That is pushing it a step too far.
'Lucy.' I hear my name and freeze.
'Lucy?' A hand touches my shoulder. I knew coming out today was a bad idea. Steeling myself, I turn around slowly.
'Sa... I mean Matt, what happened to you?' I ask instantly horrified at the state of his face. The last time I saw him was when he made his so-called offer to me at the gym.
'Your boyfriend that is what happened.' Now he is making no sense. 'You can tell him from me that he is welcome to you, you are not worth this shit.' He gestures to his face. 'Nor a night in the cells. I have moved on.'
'What? Kevin did this? But why?' His face is going redder with each of my questions.
'Don't get smart with me, you probably told him to do it.'
'I certainly did not.' Bloody cheek of the man. If I did want anyone to knock him out, then I would have preferred it to be me.
'I have said what I wanted to say to you.' He tells me before barging past me and sending me flying into Jen. I look at her with my mouth practically hanging on the floor.
'What the hell just happened?' She asks watching Satan storm off until he is out of sight. 'How funny is that? Kevin beat Satan up over you, they got arrested and chucked in jail, all the while you were snogging his best mate.' She concludes even though I do not want it spelled out. 'Maybe he did have a good excuse after all.' She says unable to keep a grin stretching over her face.
Before I can attempt to answer, she grabs my arm and starts dragging me to the next shop. 'We need to make a move now. I have a date remember.'
'It's alright for some.' I grumble at her but follow along dutifully.
Chapter 18
Kevin
I take another mouthful of my pint before continuing with my eventful night, proudly showing off my war wounds to the boys.
'Where was I? Oh yes, the police. I didn't even know they were there until we were pulled apart and chucked in a wagon together.' I glance up to try to work out if Lucy is eavesdropping or not. Instead, I get to watch her talking to some gay bloke at the bar. I hope he is gay anyway.
She hasn't even said hello or acknowledged me yet. Rude bitch.
Who is that guy? The thoughts running away in my head are leading me back to a night in jail.
'Mate. Mate? Kev!' Luke's face breaks into my view of Lucy and is far too close for my liking. Jumping back, I knock half of my beer onto my lap. Smoothly does it Kevin you prick.
'Thought we had lost you forever there sweetness.' He says slapping my face none to gently. He sits back, satisfied he has my attention again. 'Right, there is something I wanted to run past you boys, don't be offended that I have already spoken to Pete about it, but he couldn't make it tonight.'
The last time he looked this excited he disappeared to god knows where for nearly a year. I could do with getting away for a while. I check on Lucy and she is still talking to that bloke. What are they doing? Sharing fashion tips?
Just as I mentally pack my suitcase, don my sunglasses and sort out cover, he drops the bombshell.
'I am going to ask Kate to marry me.' He practically jumps out of his seat and into mine.
What! He is going to do WHAT? I manage to croak a small 'What?' The plane in my head crashes into the sea and explodes. 'Married? You?' I quickly look at Drew who looks like a fish and is no support whatsoever. 'Kate.' I try again, only getting out one word at a time.
He sits there looking like he has won the lottery. Marriage and happiness do not mix. What is he thinking?
'What are you thinking?' Drew echoes my thoughts.
'I am thinking about getting the girl of my dreams back, permanently.' He tells me and all I want to do is slap the smile from his face.
'Luke, I don't know how to ask this without sounding like your mum, but did you get into a cult or drugs while you were abroad?' I ask. He chokes on his beer, spraying the contents of his mouth across the table.
'Drugs!'
'Aha. Say no more my son, I knew you were the victim of a trip or hallucination, or, something.' I watch him bent over shaking. When he lifts his head and I can see he is laughing, I have to say I am grateful because for a moment there I thought he might be crying. Sitting up properly he wipes his eyes still chuckling to himself. I can't say I can see what is funny about the situation.
'You...ha. You... oh my god... ha... can't, breathe.' Other people are starting to stare now. Even Lucy has taken a second from the riveting dick at the bar to look over. Then I see Kate standing at the other end of the bar with Laura, staring over with her arms folded and an upside down smile. I can't help but think he is an idiot for wanting to marry that.
He finally pulls himself together, 'Woah, I am okay.' He is still smiling like a freak but at least he isn't hysterical anymore.
He leans forward and puts a hand on my shoulder. I know what is coming and shrink back into my chair. Cringing I await the next joke.
'I want you to be my best man.' He says in all seriousness. I look at Drew who has suddenly become very interested in beer mats.
I look back at Luke but the sound you get when between radio stations is drowning out any coherent thoughts.
'Kevin?' I lip read and watch him raise an eyebrow at me.
'It's just, you know, erm, congratulations mate.' I pull him in for a hug knowing it is what he wants from me.
'Now I have to break the news to the lucky bride!' He says and we all look over at her scowling face. I pat him on the back.
'I'm not sure it is going to be as easy as that mate.' I pull my hand up raise my glass at him and then turn to wink at Kate who rolls her eyes and turns her back on me.
'Nah mate, piece of cake. I got this.' He raises a glass at me, and I envy his confidence. The sun definitely fried a few cells in his skull.
'Luke, I don't mean to be funny or anything but how do you suppose you are going to convince Kate to marry you?' Before Luke has a chance to respond, Drew carries on regardless. 'I mean you cheated, several times, then told her you didn't do commitment and fucked off for a year getting up to whatever and now, here you are on bended knee?' He raises his arms up for what I assume is a dramatic effect.
I lean in between them. 'What Drew is trying to say in his usual less than tactful way, is it may not be so cut and dried.' Luke is looking at me like one of those dogs on an RSPCA advert.
Suddenly the gay bloke talking to Lucy is whispering in her ear throwing all Luke's problems out of the window. 'Seriously. Who the FUCK is that guy?'
I watch her hand rest on his chest. Turning around before she spots me I order Drew and Luke to, 'Stop looking!' a bit too loudly.
'You two aren't exactly faring any better in the love stakes. I hate to break it to you, but out of the four of us, only Pete has a potential bird. You,' he points at me, 'have fucked up big time and are trying desperately to back peddle and at the same time, act like you don't care. While you,' he turns on Drew, 'are just too tragic for words.'
Ignoring him completely, I slap him on the back and dart off leaving them to it. Lucy has finally left the side of Twatface and is heading to the toilets. If I am quick enough, I can head her off.
I try to casually jump in front of her. 'Hi.' I say making her jump. Her smile isn't encouraging but I carry on. 'You having a good night?' I step around and block her only path.
'Kevin I need to go to the toilet.' She tells me with a hand on her hip. I just want to kiss the frown off her face, but I don't fancy the slap on my injured cheek either, so I restrain myself.
'Who is that?' I ask nodding in the direction of Twatface.
'Jamie. Why?' She asks tilting her head to one side.
'So what has he got that I haven't?' I ask softening my voice and leaning in.
'Charm!' She winks at me and dives past before I can react. I think I would have preferred a slap in the face after all.
Kate walks past after Lucy and gives me another dirty look as if I am an eighty-year-old flasher.
Seconds later I can hear them laughing behind the toilet doors. Well that was a bit of bollocks.
‘Balloon, lead and went down is all I can say mate.’ Drew comments helpfully when I get back to the boys. I swipe him around the back of his head before sitting down.
I look up at the bar where Twatface is staring at me with a smirk. I raise my glass and nod at him.
'I need to get Lucy back.' I announce to no one in particular.
***
'Right I am going to make my move.' I tell the boys.
'What? Are we going?' Drew asks bleary eyed.
'No mate, gay boy has left so I am going to the bar, although judging the state of you it might be best if you do head off.'
'Ahhh.' Drew twists around to look at Lucy standing on her own and smiles. 'You going to get the devil out of the cage?' He asks laughing to himself.
'I have no idea what you are trying to say but it isn't making any sense so give up.' I say turning to Luke instead. 'Right you go and speak to the unwilling bride, I can start my plan of action with Lucy and you,' I turn back to the useless piece of flesh propped up on the table. You can go and talk to Laura.'
We all stand up, Luke bracing himself for Kate's wrath and Drew concentrates on standing up.