by Ruby Reade
'Wow Amy, I know you said we would be slumming it today, but this truly takes the biscuit.' Clone number one takes a break to insult me.
'It does make you realise just how lucky we are though, doesn't it.' She says to the clones but faces me while she says it.
'Okay then you lucky ladies, what can I get you all?'
'I have everything I need. Oh, sorry, you mean coffee.' She smirks at the other two producing more giggling and the knowledge I am being laughed at. 'Three skinny cappuccinos to drink in.'
'Ri-ght.' I turn around leaving them to it, if it is that important, she won't let it rest until she is certain I know exactly why she is laughing and making sure I feel like shite to boot.
'Bring them to us.' Clone two orders. Bloody bring them, I want to bring them over and dump them straight on her lap alright, the only thing stopping me is the fact she would no doubt sue me and due to some bad luck that has followed me since forever I would end up locked up for it.
'Are you okay?' Miranda whispers sliding up next to me at the coffee machine. I turn to face her, and she nods her head back at the three crows in the corner. 'What’s their problem?'
'Yeah I am just dandy, and it's me, I seem to be their problem along with this place. Fingers, toes and everything crossed they piss off quickly.'
'You are over here muttering to yourself and your eyebrows are doing that crazy thing they do when you're mad.' I raise them up at her in response. 'In short you are looking a bit crazy.' She finishes off with a smile to soften the blow.
'Fabulous.' I say grinning at her.
'Is that girl something to do with Kevin?' She asks frowning over at Amy who is being particularly shrill.
'Yeah.' Is all I say.
Setting my jaw, I make my way over with their order and vow to myself to keep the hulk inside me locked away. I need this job.
When I get to the table, the talking evaporates, and they all stare up at me. Resisting the odd urge to do a dance just to see if any of them can come up with a genuine smile, I dump the tray and walk away.
Another bout of laughter as soon as my back is turned sends my shoulders up to my ears.
'Oh yes Kevin has been am-azing. Such a sweetie looking after me while I have been feeling poorly.' She says as if playing a part on stage. The roaring in my ears drowns out her vile voice that continues along the same theme. Kevin? Not my Kevin? He wouldn't, not again.
'Yesterday afternoon, he came and brought me soup and flowers to my bed, as you can imagine that's not all I had in bed.' He did say he had to do something yesterday afternoon and not to ring.
She must be talking about a different Kevin. I try to kid myself. Don't be such a fucking fool all your life. The voice in my head berates me.
'...Daddy loves him, and it is so handy being with a man like him. He really knows how to use his hands.' Their laughter feels like bullets in the back of my skull.
'And his tongue by the sounds of things. One of the clones adds to more fits of giggles. That bastard. I am going to castrate him like a fucking dog.
'He told Daddy he wants to propose. Daddy will give me away obviously.' The noise in my head engulfs me and I need to grip onto the counter before I collapse to the floor. I can almost see my body stumbling about and making a complete fool of myself. Forcing my body to cooperate I make my way around the back of the counter and slide down to the ground behind the till out of sight.
'I know exactly what you mean, it is such a shame when people can't let go. Kevin said he feels sorry for her, and that she needs him, unstable is the term he used.'
My face is flaming like a warning beacon. He thinks I can't let go? I'll show him all about letting go when I chop off his cheat stick. I feel so angry that I might burst out crying at any given second.
I look up at and Miranda, she has frozen and is staring at me horrified, kind of giving away my hiding place, but that is the least of my worries. The growing queue of people is trying to get hold of her attention but neither of us moves.
I hear the scrapping of the metal chairs before Amy's irritating voice trills out, 'I think I need to get out of here, there is a terrible smell of defeat in the air, and I only like to smell victory.' Cheesy bitch has watched far too many films.
I still don't move even after I hear the jangle of the bells when she drags her entourage out of the door.
The world has kicked back into gear around me, but I remain on the floor helplessly watching Miranda flying around serving customers. She dodges around me as if I am as much a part of the furniture as the till.
After five more minutes of nothing she bends down to ask, 'Will you be okay?' I stare back blankly at her because I am not really sure.
I feel so bloody stupid because even after everything I still really didn't expect it. Men don't change I guess.
The flowers enter my peripheral vision sparking me into action. That is why he brought the flowers. I grab the flowers from the vase where I was showing them off to the world, march over to the draw grabbing out the scissors.
With every hack into the beautiful roses and carnations, I feel slightly better. I can't and don't stop until I am left with only a handful of stems.
'Never make a woman mad, that is my motto my dear.' One of the pensioners says looking back and forth between me and the massacred flowers surrounding my feet.
'That is why you managed to get so old then.' I say smiling sweetly and leaving Miranda open mouthed. She whizzes up to me, bulldozing me into the kitchen before I can cause a riot.
'Right, I think you should go and have it out with him. Let’s be honest you are not going to be much use to us here while you’re still feeling like this.' She tells me.
'I can't believe you sent Mike out there. Mike, to deal with, customers.'
'Mike is fine, stop worrying about that.' That is a matter of opinion. I peek around her to see Mike glowing red and stuttering, at a group of The Mums who are unashamedly teasing him. It might man him up a bit.
'Fine, I guess that I should go and see him.' I concede.
She nods her approval, 'You best make a move now though so I can go and rescue that imbecile.' She rolls her eyes in Mike's direction who is having some kind of overflow disaster at the coffee machine.
It looks like I have a date with an arsehole.
***
Pulling up outside Kevin's office I realise I don't have one single memory of how I got here, which is more than a bit scary. I take a couple of deep breaths to brace myself then jump out of the car. Slamming the door behind me, I almost run into the building.
The door bangs loudly behind me and the receptionist, I can never remember her name, jumps in her seat.
'Sorry.' I apologise without stopping, I am on a mission straight for Kevin's open door. He sees me heading towards him and starts to smile before noticing that I am not here for anything good.
'You cheating lousy bastard.' I shout at him, slamming the door closed as I enter.
'Wh-at?'
'I'll give you what. You feel sorry for me? That I am a charity case to you, is that what this is about? You think I am unstable?' I scream the last line at him, stabbing every point home with a finger in his chest. Anyone watching might agree there could be some grounds to that theory.
'What the bloody hell is the matter with you now? I have no idea what you are talking about.'
'Ah whatever. That is your classic fall back line, just pretend I am a stupid blonde bitch, oh no, hang on a second, I’m not blonde, and I AM NOT AMY.' I scream.
'Amy? What has she got to do with us?' He looks genuinely bewildered. He is good. No wonder he is so believable.
'How about you tell me, Kevin.'
'Lucy, Amy is the past and not even a significant past, I am with you now for fuck sake.' He has the cheek to rant at me, pacing up and down behind his desk. 'Look, let us both just sit down and talk this through because I have no idea where any of this has come from.' He stops pacing and points to the chair in front of his desk.
'STOP SHOUTING AT ME.'
'YOU ARE SHOUTING.' I scream back.
'NO I'M NOT.' He shouts and I fold my arms and just look at him. 'Okay, I was shouting as well.' He rubs his hands over his face. He always does that when he is frustrated. I watch him fall into his seat, and I take the one he offered.
'You are still with Amy, even though you told me it was over. I am not putting myself through this anymore Kevin. I believed she was history until today when it was made abundantly clear she is very much your present and future.'
'But Lucy...'
'Kevin you must think I am stupid. I won't be made a fool of again.'
'You? You are made a fool of? You are the one who went and fucked your boss let’s not forget that little gem. This all started because of you and your slutty ways and now you have the cheek to bring Amy back into it. I am sick of it.'
'WHAT? You absolute prick. My slutty ways? You are still seeing her, how is that the same thing at all? If you can't get past the Matt thing then we can’t be together anyway. I just wish you had been honest with me the other day.'
'I'M NOT WITH AMY. Not like that anyway.'
'See now the truth stats to seep out. So what is it like then? Actually wait,' I hold my hands up and close my eyes. 'I don't want to know.' I stand up and back towards the door. This was a mistake coming here I should have just ended it by email and saved myself the bother. 'The thing with Matt was on me and you are right about that but think about why it happened. You and Amy though, this is entirely your fault. We are over, again. Now you can go and get married to whoever you like, just leave me right out of your messy little love story.' I finish what I wanted to say and have reached the door.
'Married? What the hell are you talking about?' He stands up and swiftly walks towards me, setting off flares in my brain again.
'STOP TREATING ME LIKE AN IMBECILE.' I shout in his face.
'WELL IF YOU GO AROUND MAKING STUPID STATEMENTS THEN HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPECT TO BE TREATED?' He screams into mine.
'Just forget it Kev, forget all of it. I'm going.' I push the down on the handle, but he puts his hand out to stop it from opening.
'Please. Stay.' He asks and I feel all the fight drain out leaving me empty.
'I can't. really I can't.' I say.
Looking down trying to prevent the threatening tsunami that is building pressure behind my eyes.
'Lucy, I need to explain things to you. I don't want us to be over.'
'It's too late.' Chokes out and the first drop falls onto my cheek. He steps back finally defeated and I run out with my head down so my hair can cover my face.
I get in the car and look up tears clouding my vision. I see Kev's hazy figure standing at the window watching me.
I somehow put the car into gear and mange to drive to the nearest lay-by where I completely lose it. Hopefully no one I know drives past and sees me in this state.
I can't believe he is getting married.
Chapter 23
Lucy
I. Am. Never. Ever. Drinking. Again. Or so help me I may have to shoot myself.
Each time I attempt to lift my head from the pillow a wave of pain starting from the base of my scalp works its way throughout my entire body bringing sickness with it. This is by far, not the worst part of my day so far. Drew is laying asleep next to me. My friend. And more importantly, Kevin's best friend is lying next to me naked.
This is causing me several problems.
The usual, do I sneak out and disappear or stay and face the music constantly wondering if he is pleased I stayed or desperately wants me to leave.
I think I regret last night, but does he?
Do I actually like him and never noticed before, or did alcohol, hurt feelings and a tinge of revenge leave me here?
This is the most crucial, how do I get out of the house without bumping into Kevin.
Sometimes I really manage to shock myself with just how easily I seem to land myself in the shit. Is nothing ever easy?
'Are you going to sit there staring at me all morning?' Drew mumbles, eyes still closed. I freeze holding my breath. 'You can keep breathing. I wouldn't want to be responsible for your death.' He grins and opens his eyes. I can't move.
'I think I should go home soon.' I throw out there and take a full lungful of air to catch up.
'I could take you, or if you fancy it, we can do something?' He offers stretching lazily so the cover tugs tightly between us reminding me of the fact neither of us have anything on.
'Erm.' Is the extent of my wit.
'Hey, I know last night wasn't ideal timing wise and everything, but I want you to know I have always really liked you. I hated watching the way Kevin treated you, and as you said last night if he can move on, then so can you.' I wish I could remember more of what else I said last night. I look down at him. Maybe more of what I said and what I did. 'I hope you meant it.' He says sitting up. 'I know I am laying a lot on you right now, and you probably have the hangover from hell, but how do you feel about me?' He asks making me want to pull the duvet straight over my head and hide away.
'To be honest, I don't think I really thought about it before.' I reply staring at the wall unable to give him the answer he wants.
'Maybe it might be the right time to have a think about it. I can make you happy, I know I can if you give me the chance.' I look back at him my heart aching as much as my head. 'Kevin cheated on you because he thought he could have both of you, I have never done that to anyone, I have too much respect for myself and the person I am with to do it.' My head is filling with a jumble of questions and possibilities that I can't begin to unravel in this setting.
'Drew, I need some time to...'
BANG. BANG.
'Who are you talking to in there?' Kevin shouts through the door. 'Don't tell me you have finally pulled I might go into shock and die.' He laughs at his own joke. Meanwhile my heart is no longer aching but about to pop out of my mouth in terror.
'Don't come in.' Drew shouts back sounding strangled and as scared as I feel.
'Are you watching that fat girl porn again?' Fat girls? I raise an eyebrow at him and almost laugh forgetting for a split second the situation we are in.
'Piss off mate.' He calls back sounding more normal this time.
'Fine, I'm off out but I'll see you down the Dogs in a bit.' His voice gets quieter as we hear him stamp his way down the stairs. I finally breathe out as the door slams.
'Fuck.' He swears dropping back onto his pillow.
'That is exactly why this can't happen.' I tell him pointing at the door even though Kevin is long gone.
'But Lucy if I speak to him.'
'NO. No, do not speak to him, look this won't be happening again anytime soon. Just forget about it.' He sits up preparing to argue his case.
'Drew. That is your mate.' I remind him jumping out of the bed, taking the duvet with me, I leave him on the bed completely naked, not that it seems to bother him at all. For a split second I wish again I could remember more of last night.
I watch him slowly stand up, grabbing his jeans as he does so. His eyes don't leave mine and with each foot sliding into his jeans he steps closer and carries on his way towards me, so they are on and fastened by the time he reaches me.
'Lucy, you mean a lot to me and if it came down to it then I would blow him off in an instant if it meant I could have you.' His hands are on my bare shoulders and he’s so close I stretch my neck back to look at him. Things are shifting between us and it is freaking me out a bit. This is messed up.
'Damn right it's messed up.' He says and I realise I must have said it out aloud. He puts a hand on my face.
'I can’t do this.' I say jumping back. I am flinging clothes on any which way I can get them to cover me. Holding my shoes and coat in my hand I stop at his door.
'Please Lucy don't regret last night. I don't.'
'I know you don’t, but I need some space to get my head together.' H
e nods at least understanding if not happy about it, he opens the door.
'I meant every word I said.' He tells me again.
'I know.' I kiss him on the mouth because I do know, and I think I might have been the cruellest bitch last night and taken advantage of the one person, other than Jenny and Kate who is always on my side and makes me feel safe. I am a fucking moron.
I step past him and pause. Not sure if I want to go or not.
'Do what you said, take as much time as you need.' I close my eyes and take a deep breath before walking down the stairs.
I only get halfway down when the front door opens.
'Drew? Drew, I forg...'
'Kevin.'
'Lucy?' I watch his face change.
'I just popped over.' I try to salvage the situation.
'Just popped over?' Kevin asks turning a horrible shade of red and his eyes disappear into lines on his face. I watch his jaw clenching up and his knuckles turn white because he is squeezing his hands so tight. 'Do you take me for some kind of mug? Your hair is messed up, you are wearing yesterday's clothes and your make-up is half smeared around your face.'
'Kevin...' I start to make an excuse, but nothing comes out.
'Mate, calm down a second.' Drew says from behind me.
'Mate? I am quite clearly no mate of yours.'
'Kev.' I say his name again but again come up short of what to say.
'JUST SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU.' He screams at us and starts walking slowly up the stairs.
'Don't talk to her like that.' Drew orders walking down the stairs leaving me trapped in the middle.
'Who do you think you are telling me how I can and can't talk to her, or you for that matter?' He stabs a finger in my direction. 'I've been shagging it for over two years, you have had one night, so why the hell do you think you get to dictate to me?'
'Hey, you made your choice and picked Amy over her, she doesn't deserve to be treated like this.' Drew defends my honour but I wish he wouldn't. I just want to click my heels and be home.
'How dare you.' Kevin's voice is so low, and he looks scarily like he might pounce at Drew at any second. I plaster myself against the wall trying to take up as little space as possible. Hopefully, I can sneak past him and escape. 'You bring up Amy now when you know EVERYTHING ABOUT WHAT I DID WITH AMY AND WHY. YOU SCHEMING LITTLE COCKSUCKER.' He gets louder and more aggressive with every step.