Loved by the Beast

by T E Elliott

  “Do you?” The Duchesse’s voice grew even more strained, “When Audric was born we brought him to the priest to have him baptized. Do you know what he said? He told us that Audric was a demon child, cursed by God for the sin of his parents. What the sin was he couldn’t tell us but that we should search our souls in anguish, and it would be better if we’d let the child die.” She spoke with a bitter chill to her voice, “Instead, I found no interest in a God who would punish such a tiny, innocent thing for something I or his father had unconsciously done.” She turned again to Léa, “Oddly enough, Audric is the most spiritual man I’ve ever known. He claims God speaks to him.”

  Léa turned to watch Audric. He gave her an innocent smile and she returned it as she considered what the Duchesse had just told her.

  The lady continued, “And lest you think the nobility would behave differently, that they would be more educated and less likely to respond with fear and ignorance, let me set the record straight. When Audric was a little older, a friend of the family came to visit unexpectedly. When he saw my son, he asked us if he could buy the boy from us so he could be added to the man’s collection of oddities. Audric's father was still alive at the time and was able to brush him off and distract him to other things without the man pursuing the idea further.” She paused then continued with force, “So, if your question is, would I risk death for my son from the church and villagers or for him to be a spectacle like some sort of exotic animal among the nobles, my answer will most certainly be no. There is no doubt that the situation is dire enough to keep him hidden and to punish anyone who would venture to risk my son’s safety for their own curiosity.”

  Léa tried to blink away the tears that started to form. They rolled down her cheeks and for Audric’s sake she brushed them away quickly.

  The piece he was playing ended and he looked between the two women. He felt that their conversation wasn’t going well, so he didn’t start anything else and came back to join them.

  “Excellent, as always,” his mother smiled and held out her hand. He took it and kissed it, glancing over at Léa, then sat down across from them on the settee.

  “You didn’t tell me you played as well, Audric,” Léa smiled congenially.

  “Ah, well, I wanted to wait to tell you until you could have the opportunity to play too.” His smile was shy. “What have you two been discussing?” He glanced from one to the other, trying to read their expressions.

  “You,” Léa offered.

  “Ah,” he straightened up, a twinkle in his eyes, “nothing too embarrassing, I hope.”

  “We were speaking of your childhood,” his mother tried to be light, but didn’t quite succeed, her face was still frozen in a frown.

  Audric told a few stories of his own, all much lighter than the ones his mother told her, full of the typical childlike antics and mischief of small boys. Francine brought in tea and coffee. Léa especially enjoyed the coffee since she’d not had the pleasure of drinking it since her family’s fall from wealth. She told them some stories of her childhood and life as a merchant’s daughter, as well as about her siblings and their little cottage by the woods. This was more for Audric's benefit as he encouraged her to tell them more about herself and seemed genuinely interested. The Duchesse relaxed some but still didn’t engage fully.

  As the evening wore on, Léa asked if she might be excused to her room.

  “You are not unwell, I hope,” he asked with concern as they both rose.

  “No, just a little tired, and a slight headache.”

  “May I escort you to your room?”

  “Of course,” she gave him a tired smile.

  “Audric, I wish you would stay for a moment, there’s something I wish to speak to you about,” his mother interjected.

  He took a step toward her and leaned down, “Can it not wait a moment? It won’t take long to escort her back.”

  Léa moved to intervene, “It really is no trouble to walk back myself, it’s not far.” She didn’t want to aggravate the woman further.

  Audric felt as though his hands were tied. He took Léa’s hand and kissed it lightly. “Goodnight, Léa.” His eyes lifted to hers. Was that a touch of sadness he saw, or was she truly just tired?

  Léa curtsied to them both and left the room. After walking a few paces, she moved faster down the stairs. She didn’t think she could hold in her emotions much longer. Making her way to the room, she closed the door and fell into a heap on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. There was no need to hold the tears back now, so she let them come. Everything came crashing in on her at once: the lady’s threats, the reality of never seeing her father again, the truth of whom she was to marry, and the knowledge of the unfair treatment of that man. It was overwhelming and she didn’t have anyone to turn to.

  Back in the sitting room, Audric turned to his mother. “That was very rude, Mother. Would it not have been proper for me to escort her back?”

  “Audric, please come sit beside me for a moment. Indulge your mother this one time.” She reached her hands out to him.

  Sighing, he took them and went down on one knee in front of her. Once he was down, she brought her hands up to his face and smoothed the hair on his cheeks. “Perhaps my behavior was a bit unwelcoming, but seeing her there made me fear that I might lose you.” Her voice turned maternal again.

  “Lose me? Mother, you could never lose me, I’m not going anywhere,” his voice was gentle.

  “Yes, and what of your heart? I will not be first there for long, I’m afraid.”

  He lowered his head and let out his breath, his heart flipped at the thought.

  “But, that is as it should be,” she conceded as she patted his shoulder, “I just wasn’t prepared for it tonight.”

  “I didn’t plan it so myself, it just suddenly seemed like the right time.”

  “Then you were right to do so, and I will simply have to adjust.”

  He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’ll always have all the love I can ever have for my mother…but, I feel I must make sure Léa is well.”

  “Of course. You’re free to go, I will not keep you longer.”

  He smiled hopefully at her, and hurried from the room.

  As he stood in front of Léa’s door to knock, he stopped a moment. Was she crying? He leaned his head closer to the door to listen. Yes, she was weeping. Lowering his hand, he turned to leave, then stopped and turned back. If her sorrow was because of him, he was probably the last person she would want to see. Then again, if his mother had said something to upset her, should he not try to make it right? He lifted his arm again, then stopped and ran a hand through the hair on the top of his head. Finally, he didn’t think about it, he just knocked. Better to be wrong and be turned away, then be right and not be there for her.

  The crying stopped suddenly. “It’s all right, Marguerite, I’ll manage on my own tonight.”

  “It’s…me,” he spoke through the door.

  Léa thought about turning him away. She was embarrassed by her tears and wasn’t sure she wanted to be seen by anyone. Then a thought struck her, he was probably the one person who did understand at least to some extent what she was feeling at that moment. He’d lost his father, he had no friends other than those who worked under him, and he’d felt the full weight of isolation and rejection by the world.

  The quiet lingered and Audric thought about leaving, when the bolt clicked back and the door opened. The girl’s eyes and cheeks were red and blotchy. She sniffled and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. Digging in his pocket, he produced a handkerchief. “It’s, uh, clean,” he said as he offered it to her. She looked at him and laughed, taking the handkerchief. She fingered it, then her face contorted as she began to cry again. Audric took a step closer to her and she leaned her head into his chest. It seemed the natural thing to do to wrap his arm around her, though he wasn’t entirely sure it was proper. When she melted into his embrace, he brought his other arm around her and held her close. Proprie
ty seemed less important than comfort in that moment.

  After letting her cry for some time, he searched behind him and found a bench along the other side of the wall. He led her to it and they sat down together. She unfolded the handkerchief and wiped her face, then blew her nose.

  “I’m afraid my appearance is less than ladylike,” she sniffed and blew her nose again.

  “Not at all,” he said softly, then thought about what he said and quickly tried again, “That is, what I meant was, it doesn’t bother me.” He winced. “I guess what I should have said was ‘think nothing of it,’ because even ladies need to give way to tears at times. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  Léa put a hand on his arm, “Thank you for understanding. And don’t give it a thought, I know what you meant the first time.”

  “So, would you like to talk it over? I’m good at listening. I hope it wasn’t something Mother said to you. Or, is it me that has brought you to tears?”

  “No,” she turned her head down, “and yes, but no.”

  He moved his finger in the air, “Which one, to which one?” he asked.

  She laid her head on his shoulder. The act made Audric’s heart flip and propriety was no longer a thought. He took the liberty of wrapping his arm around her and she nestled into him, saying, “No, I don’t want to talk it through just now, your mother did say some things, but only the hard truth. And, no, it isn’t you.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief and hugged her tighter, leaning his head on hers. It was as much a comfort to him as it was to her. He’d experienced enough heartache to know that presence is more of a comfort than words at times, so he just let her be without speaking. Eventually, her breathing evened out and Audric realized she had fallen asleep. He smiled and thanked God for such a peaceful end to the day.

  When Marguerite came around the corner some time later, she stopped upon seeing them and started to back away slowly. She was surprised but pleased by the sight and didn’t want to disturb them. Before she went far, Audric whispered to her, “Wait, Marguerite.” Shifting the sleeping Léa, he took her in his arms and carried her to the boudoir, where Marguerite turned down the covers and he laid her gently on the bed. They made their exit, quietly shutting the door behind them.

  Chapter 12

  Léa woke to the sound of Marguerite bringing in her breakfast. She sat up stiffly. Female attire didn’t lend itself well to sleeping in. Though she had slept soundly. After swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she went over to the vanity and glanced in the mirror, then she glanced again. “Oh, dear,” she sighed at the sight of her hair half pinned, half loose strands popping out all over the place. Her face was still a little splotchy and her eyes puffy. “Perhaps today would be a good day for a bath, Marguerite.”

  After the necessary preparations were made and the tub was steaming and ready, Léa soaked away the stiffness, the grogginess, and the effects of her emotions from the night before. As every muscle relaxed, everything from the evening before came flooding back to her. She finally had a face to attach to the voice she’d come to know so well over the past two months. It wasn’t at all what she’d envisioned. The faces of the men she’d known throughout her life played through her mind, those she considered handsome and others that held no attraction to her. Could she love Audric in the way that she needed to? Would she find him attractive someday?

  She hadn’t lied to him exactly, she wasn’t disgusted or frightened by his appearance, but neither was she drawn to him in the way he no doubt would like her to be. But he was so dear to her at the same time; he had become a friend. His thoughtfulness, care, and concern for her was endearing and she valued their friendship and discussions. Had she not longed for someone just like that before she’d come here? The safety of his arms around her and the warmth of his embrace was so comforting, enough to put her to sleep. And those eyes. She’d never met a kinder or more intelligent man, and it shone brightly through his eyes.

  Once she was clean and clothed and her hair was freshly pinned, Léa decided to take a walk. It was a beautiful early summer day, the sun was bright and the air was fresh. As she made her way to the formal garden area, she stopped as she noticed a dark head. Audric was sitting on a bench ahead. He was sketching and had his face turned away from her. She had wondered whether he would keep to seeing her at the evening meal or whether he would seek her out more, and here was her answer. It would certainly help the days to pass quicker to have someone to talk to during the day. Coming up quietly behind him, she peeked over his shoulder at his sketch. It was a bluebird.

  “How lovely!” she said. The bird in question startled and flew away. “Oh, I’m sorry!” She clasped a hand over her mouth.

  Turning to her, he gave her a broad smile, “I was hoping you would come. Don’t worry about the bird, she’ll be back. There’s a nest right up there in that tree.” He pointed and she saw a small bunch of twigs and straw in a high branch. She sat down next to him on the bench.

  “You look refreshed this morning, are you feeling better?”

  “Much.” She smiled, then grew serious, “I want to thank you for last night. I needed the presence of a friend.”

  “Of course, any time,” he returned, then asked, “Are you ready to talk about why you were crying?”

  She looked down at the path, “It’s silly, really.”

  “Léa, if it made you weep, it’s not silly.”

  “It’s just that I miss my father. Something your mother said made me realize…well, I’ll never see him again.”

  “That’s not at all silly.”

  “I thought you would understand, that’s why I opened the door. Do you…miss your father?”

  “Yes,” he looked down, “every day. He was the anchor to our family, a good father, and my only friend.”

  “How long has he been gone?” she asked gently.

  “Eight years. The following year we decided to send my sister Lisette to live with our aunt. With Father gone and Mother not willing to travel often, we thought it was her best chance to experience life, and marry when she came of age. It was hard on everyone, especially Lisette, she was still so young and to lose a father and be sent away…I can only hope we made the right decision. I just felt so helpless, as her brother to not be able to look after her properly, to have her be just as isolated as I am, it was an impossible situation. I hope she has come to understand.”

  “I only wish any one of my brothers showed the same level of concern for me as you have shown to your sister. If she doesn’t know that you acted in love for her now, I’m sure that someday she will. Does she not write?”

  “She does, but she keeps it light and doesn’t express her feelings much, to me anyway.” He leaned onto his elbows and looked over at her, “May I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “Why did you choose to come here? Surely you had others who hoped to gain your hand in marriage.”

  Léa tried to read his face. Does he truly not know? she wondered. Should she tell him all? Would he release her from her obligation and be able to dissuade his mother from continuing with the charges against her father? Fear seized her heart. She couldn’t take the risk, not when they’d come this far. Money had been paid…and she knew his secret.

  Her eyes flitted down to her hands as she tried to keep her voice steady, “To give my family a better life…to escape those who would hope to gain my hand, as you say.” She let out a breathy laugh, but it held no mirth.

  He lifted his head in concern, “What do you mean escape? Did someone try to hurt you?”

  Taking a deep breath, she plunged ahead, “Not exactly, just one man in particular who I know would not take no for an answer. Whom I couldn’t say anything but no to,” she added quietly, looking away out over the gardens.

  “Olivier,” he said as if that explained an unanswered question.

  “Yes, do you know him?” she quickly turned her head back to him.

  “What? No, you, uh, mentioned hi
s name before.”

  “Did I?” she tried to remember what she had said.

  “Yes, it was some time ago, don’t trouble yourself,” he tried to brush it off. He was embarrassed for having been caught remembering such a detail. “Would you like to walk?” he tried to change the subject, “I’d like to show you something, if you have the time.” Setting his sketchbook and pencil down, he stood up and offered her his arm.

  Taking it, she smiled, “My dear Audric, I have nothing but time.”

  He led her through the winding paths of the formal gardens until they came to the straight path that led to the hedged garden. Léa hesitated a moment. She couldn’t quite get it out of her head that she shouldn't be there.

  “Something wrong?” he asked.

  “No, I don’t suppose so,” she spoke with uncertainty. “I was just warned not to come here, so it still feels like forbidden ground.”

  “Well, without me in it, it’s just an ordinary garden. I’m the forbidden ground, I think.” They laughed together and continued down the path.

  About halfway there, he paused and pointed into the distance to their right. “That’s where the married servants live,” he said, indicating some cottages in the distance. “Father had them built when it was clear that our current servants would be here for some time. It also frees up some space below stairs for those who are unmarried to spread out and be more comfortable.”

  “Are the unmarried servants not allowed to marry?”

  “Mm, they are. They aren’t completely blocked off from the outside world, they go to the city regularly and are allowed to visit outside family. Some were married already or found their spouse among the servants here. As long as they are trusted, they can marry from the outside and keep their families in the cottages. Once,” he laughed, “I thought perhaps I could persuade Francine to marry me, but it turns out she saw me as nothing more than her master, or at most a little brother. I was heartbroken.”