by T E Elliott
“It is not for you to censure how I behave, child.”
“He’s not a child, Mother,” Lisette firmly interjected.
Duchesse d'Aramitz was beginning to see a hierarchy of defense, to which she was at the bottom.
“Perhaps it’s time we all adjourned for the evening,” she responded.
Léa had grown increasingly uneasy during this conversation and now felt guilty. She knew she could win and did so not for the enjoyment of the game but to triumph over the woman in this small way.
As the three young people began to leave the room, Lisette turned and told her mother, “You know you’re quite a bully sometimes!” and closed the door behind her.
In the hall, the girl crossed her arms and humphed, “One of these days I’m not going to be able to hold back what I really want to say to her.”
“Oh, no, please don’t say that Lisette, I shouldn’t have…” Léa wasn’t sure what to admit to.
“Been better than her at cards? Hardly something to feel sorry about.”
“Truly, Léa, you have no reason to defend our mother’s behavior, she can be very rude to you at times,” Audric added.
“That may be so, but I don’t wish to stir up trouble between you all.”
“I know, why don’t we go to the library for poetry reading?” Lisette changed the subject.
“You two go ahead, I’m a little tired this evening.”
Audric watched her thoughtfully as she descended the stairs, but didn’t protest as Lisette led him away to the library. Once in her room, Léa kicked the dressing table in disgust, then immediately regretted doing so as she plopped on the bed to nurse her throbbing toes.
Chapter 17
History wasn’t a subject that Audric had studied recently, so it took him a while to find the books he was looking for. Flipping through his father’s stack of newsprint, he tried to find anything that mentioned the Huguenots. Before he moved his pile to a table, he noticed something set on top of the books on a low shelf. Taking it up, he realized the contents were written in his father’s hand and his breath caught—his journal! Leaving everything else, he took it to the table on the upstairs landing where he was, and opened it.
It started around the time of his father and mother’s wedding. He read:
“My bride is not what I expected her to be, not that I knew what to expect exactly. She told me on our wedding night that I wasn’t to think of making any professions of love now or in the future. She’d given her heart to love once, only for it to be crumbled to dust before her. Never again would she make room in her heart for such a love, and to not expect it from her. We would do our duty by each other and to the family name and no more.
“Indeed, she seems to be fixated on duty and perfection. Though we have only been married a short while, I already feel the effects as it is difficult to please her in anything…”
Audric hurt for his mother and whatever had caused her to give up on love. He hurt for his father as well. Whether he wanted it or not, the chance at love was denied him from the start. He skipped ahead a few pages and continued reading.
“It would appear that my wife is barren, and it pains me to watch her pine. She refuses any comfort from me and instead pours herself into the household and entertaining. Her ‘duty’ to me has increased as well, though I fear I will not be able to give her what she so desperately longs for.”
Rubbing the back of his neck, he flipped forward again.
“At long last God has seen fit to give us a child, a son. He has an unusual hairiness to him. The doctor seems to think that perhaps it will fall out in time…
“We have been to the priest to baptize our son, and what he said was most disturbing. He called our child the fruit of the devil, born of sin, and that we should repent. He said it would be a mercy to let the child die. Hortence is taking it very hard and I struggle to comprehend these happenings. We have both been as devout as we know how to be. I can’t explain why God has turned his back on us.”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“A decision has been reached. We will move to our château in the mountains, keep the child hidden, try to give him a life away from a cruel world. A change has come over Hortence. She has forsaken the duty she was so bound to, perhaps because she tried so hard to reach perfection, only to have it thrown back in her face as rubbish. Instead, her whole being is poured into the child. I confess I find myself questioning God’s wisdom in this; what could we possibly have done wrong that he would do this to our son?
“We have named the boy Audric.”
Something twisted in Audric’s gut. Though it was a short passage on what must have been a difficult time in their lives, his father’s words gave so much insight into the situation surrounding his birth. Flipping to the last page, he read again.
“What a ray of sunshine our little Lisette is. I confess I laugh at Hortence’s reaction to her, she doesn’t know what to make of the girl. One could not find a mother and daughter so completely opposite one another in temperament. If only Hortence would let the girl’s love penetrate her calloused heart. I know there is a gaping hole left in her heart by some man, and it seems that the only love she feels secure in is her son’s. But it doesn’t seem even then to fill her up.
“I would never tell her so, but on the very rare occasions when she smiles a certain way, a genuine sort of smile where she forgets whatever darkened her heart in the first place, I get a tiny glimpse of who she really is deep down. Or, what she might have been perhaps. In those moments, I fancy I could love her if she would let me. It’s possible that I already do…
“Audric is twenty today. His devotion and intelligence astound me, and I could not be prouder of the young man he has become. I never would have guessed that my son would become the closest friend of my acquaintance. It is a crucial time for him, a time when most men find a wife and begin their own way in the world. I worry for where his life will go from here. Will he be content without companionship? Will he find purpose and meaning in life? His faith in God seems to steady him, will it be enough? His devotion shames me. We haven’t taught it to him, yet God has it would seem. Perhaps there is a plan after all. Perhaps after all, it is our children that will bring about our redemption.”
Audric smiled as tears flowed down his face. He’d never seen such a personal side to his father. Though he was kind and supportive, he didn’t always show what he was feeling. Lowering his head into his arms on the table, Audric wept for the empty place his father left when he died, and that he wasn’t here now to advise him and share in his son’s joy.
Léa slipped through the library doors and looked up to find Audric sitting at a table with his head down. “Audric?” she called out, but he didn’t respond or look up. Climbing the stairs, she called his name again, yet he still didn’t move. Worried, Léa rushed to him and realized he was weeping. “Audric?” her voice softened as she gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he sat up too fast, knocking the journal on the floor.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” Léa bent down to pick it up and set it back on the table. “I was worried when you didn’t respond, but I can leave if I’m disturbing you.”
Audric reached for her hand, “No, please don’t go. Will you sit with me?”
“Of course.” She sat next to him and squeezed his hand. “What’s the matter, mon chou?”
“I’ve found my father’s journal. I guess it just reminded me of how much I miss him.” He smiled and wiped his face on his sleeve.
As he looked down at the journal, something poking out from between its pages caught his attention. He opened it at that spot and gasped at the sight of an unframed miniature of a man like him with a woman by his side. Looking over at Léa, he saw that she had the same surprised expression on her face.
Audric lifted the book and read the entry aloud to her.
“A certain man and his wife has come to my attention. I found their portrait whilst procuring art for our collection. It s
et me on a search for more information about the pair, and I didn’t stop until I found it. Petrus Gonsalvus and his wife, Catherine, lived almost a century ago. Petrus was hairy, just like Audric. He was gifted to the King as a boy, brought to him in a cage. Petrus became a curiosity for them. He was given a nobleman’s education and a wife to see what he was capable of and what kind of children would be produced from such a union. Of the children born to him, some were as himself and some were without the excess of hair. The children like the man were given as gifts to other nobles, taken from their parents and treated as something to be packaged and given to someone else!
“I can’t help but think of Audric and, right or wrong, that my decision to keep him confined is justified. If he was known to the world, he might have the chance to travel, to marry and have children, but at what cost? I only hope he will understand this choice and that I am truly not in error.”
Audric picked up the portrait again and let out a breathy laugh. “I’m not the only one. I’m not alone!”
And neither am I, Léa thought as she took the portrait from him and looked at the woman in it. Her hand was placed affectionately on Petrus’ shoulder, and Léa suddenly wished she knew more about the woman, that she could talk to her. Running her fingertips over the portrait in thought, she handed it back to Audric.
“Do you agree with what your father said? Do you prefer a life of dignity over a life without isolation?”
“I have sometimes thought that it would be better to be out in the open, to just have the worst over with, but ultimately I know I would not enjoy the ‘freedom’ that I have now, such as it is. Petrus’ treatment only confirms how unusual it has been for my parents to do what they have for me, and how much I appreciate it.”
Looking over at her, he thought for a moment then took her hand back into his.
“Léa, Father said some of their children were born the same as their father. I haven’t given children of my own much thought, it seemed like such an impossibility, but how would you feel if some of our children were given the life that I have now?”
The thought of “their” children made her uncomfortable and she withdrew her hand. She tried to keep her voice even as she spoke, “You would know what kind of life they would be given better than I, Audric. Besides, there are other things to think of before such thoughts are needful, surely.”
“You’re right, forgive me, I wasn’t expecting to find all this today. Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.” He tried not to dwell on her evasiveness and instead turned back to his father’s journal.
“I’ll leave you to your privacy. I came in to find a book myself, actually.” Léa stood to leave.
“Thank you, Léa, for caring.” He looked up at her with the trusting tenderness of a small boy and she relaxed.
“Of course.” She smiled and continued down the library stairs.
Chapter 18
The beginning of fall brought much excitement for the Rousseau household. It was market day in the city, and any of the staff that wanted to were headed to town. Duchesse d'Aramitz and Lisette were going this time as well. Lisette pleaded with Léa to come with them, but Léa had already decided against it. She knew Audric wouldn’t be able to attend, and she didn’t want him to be alone. She told them she looked forward to a quiet day with him. Madame Villeneuve and Devereux, Lambert, and a few others decided to stay behind as well.
Audric was secretly touched that Léa would stay behind with him, but he also didn’t want her to miss out on the fun on his behalf. As everyone was loading up in carts and carriages, he took her aside. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to town? You haven’t been off the estate in months.”
“You’ve never been off the estate, Audric. It will be pleasant to have a quiet day out of doors or in the library. We can give the staff the evening off and fend for ourselves for a change. It will be like old times when we had quiet dinners alone together. I miss our talks.”
“Do you really?” He couldn’t keep the admiration from his eyes. “If you’re sure you don’t mind, I’d be honored to have your company today. But you are sure?”
“Yes, of course.” She smiled. “We’ll have a grand time!”
Duchesse d'Aramitz walked up to them as she put on her gloves. “Cook has laid out enough food in the kitchen for a simple lunch and cold dinner. If you should need anything, Villeneuve, Devereux, and Lambert won’t be far away. Oh, and if the weather turns, we may stay in town overnight. Is there anything you need in town, my dear?”
“More paper, hmm, I think that’s it. Léa, is there anything you require?”
“Hm, no, I don’t think so,” she smiled demurely and shrugged her shoulders. If she did, she wouldn’t very well ask in front of Duchesse d'Aramitz. The woman still treated her like one of the servants—well, less than one, because she had respect for them. The lady’s heart would not be so easily penetrated.
“Very well. Enjoy your day,” she said warmly as she kissed her son on the cheek. She turned to go, then paused and turned to Léa, “It is good of you to stay and keep Audric company. I am obliged to you.”
Audric and Léa looked at each other behind her back with wide eyes and smiled. They walked everyone out and waved as they left. Lisette waved enthusiastically out the window of the carriage until the Duchesse pulled her back in. As the gates were closed and locked, Audric turned to Léa. “Well, what shall we do first?” He raised his hands in question.
“I have some astronomy books in the library, I’ve been wanting to ask you some questions. Shall we go there first?”
“Certainly.” He paused, then asked, “Do you enjoy cocoa?”
“I love it!”
“Then let’s head to the kitchen first. I can finally show you the hidden passage there.”
Once there, Audric started to heat milk, cream, and sugar in a pot on the stove then turned to the table, where Léa sat. He took out a chunk of rich dark chocolate and began to chop it.
“Why does it not surprise me that you also know your way around a kitchen?” she smirked.
“Actually, this is the only thing I know how to make,” he acknowledged as he continued to chop.
“What! Something you’re not expertly skilled in? How will Duchesse cope?” She put a hand to her chest in mock disbelief.
He sniffed a laugh, “I’m afraid Cook would have run an inquiring and pesky boy out of her kitchen before she would give up her secrets.”
“Well, that I can believe. Yet, you can make cocoa?”
Audric brought the pot to the table and added the chocolate to melt into the creamy mixture. “You have Lisette to thank for that. Sometimes late at night she would get scared and come find me. I taught myself to make cocoa as it always seemed to comfort her.”
“How sweet.”
“Eh, middling, I try not to make it too sweet.” He looked up without lifting his head as he stirred the luscious liquid.
She saw his playful smile and reached over to swat him on the shoulder.
Laughing, he moved out of her reach. “Hey now, this is hot.”
After pouring the cocoa into two cups, he handed them to Léa and lit a candle at the stove. Coming over to one wall of the kitchen, he pulled at a lamp on the wall and a door opened to them. The passage led under the main stairs and ascended gradually, ending with a few steps up. Audric pushed at the wall and Léa found that the passage had brought them to the library.
“How perfect!” she exclaimed.
“Yes, and if you want to go back the way you came,” he shut the door, which was actually one of the bookshelves, and showed her a switch under a shelf, “just lift this lever and it shall open to you.”
In the library, they took their liberty and spread books out all over the floor to make a map of the night sky. Audric took off his long coat and tossed it on a chair, then rolled up his sleeves below the elbow before kneeling on the floor in front of the books. As he pointed out different constellations and what they might see this time of year,
Léa noticed that his hair covered the top and underside of his forearms, and through his shirt sleeves it appeared to extend up his upper arms as well. She wondered where it ended.
“Léa?” Audric startled her out of her observations. She looked up to find him staring at her with his vibrant green eyes.
“Hm, yes?” She was embarrassed at having been caught thinking about such things.
“I asked if you would want to see some stars tonight, I have a telescope I can bring out into the garden.”
“Yes, yes, that sounds lovely.” She smiled awkwardly then turned back to the books. He gave her a bemused smile and did the same.
Later that afternoon, Audric gathered his telescope while Léa packed some food. They made their way to the hedged garden where Audric set up the telescope just outside the little cottage. He lit a fire in the fireplace inside and they settled in for the evening. Léa brought out the food she’d packed and they enjoyed their meal while they waited for the dark to come.
It did come soon enough and Audric went outside to the telescope, squinting one eye to look into the view piece and make the necessary adjustments, finding something of interest to look at in the process. Léa came and stood close. He traded places with her and indicated what she would see. When she looked up, they were mere inches apart and Audric held his breath. Léa noticed something in his gaze that she hadn’t seen before. He wanted to kiss her. Her heart started pounding and she turned her head away quickly. “It’s cold out here, isn’t it...” she shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself.
They found a few more sights of interest, then settled back into the cottage. Léa read a book on the chaise lounge and Audric wrote at his desk. After some time, Audric set down his pen and rested his head on his fist. He looked over at Léa and observed her as she read. He thought how soft her skin must be and suddenly had the desire to caress her cheek, to kiss the curve of her neck. He inhaled deeply, shook his head, and rose. “I’m just going to get some fresh air,” he told her as he opened the door and walked out. Léa, surprised, rose too and opened the door. “Audric, you’ll catch your death out there in the cold, you don’t have your coat.”