“Maybe you’re right. It’s just been a crappy week, you know?”
I tensed at her words. I hated that my shit affected her. “This Farrah bullshit pisses me off.”
“Yeah. I mean, I know nothing happened. I just hate that everyone wonders. I shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks. In the big picture, I honestly don’t. But it’s weird having so many people think they know what goes on in our relationship, you know? Does that make sense?”
“It does. It’s bullshit. It’s the part of this business that I don’t like. And I fucking don’t want to be around Dex anymore. I really think he put her up to this.”
“Why? What does he have to gain? Why wouldn’t she just say she was with Dex? He’s in the band too,” she said.
“Dex is a manipulative fuck. He doesn’t like that I have a girlfriend. Hell, he’s just jealous. But either way, he’s a vindictive dude. He won’t admit he put this chick up to it, but he does say that the attention is good for the band.”
“He’s so messed up. I think he’s very jealous of you,” she said.
“Maybe he wants what’s mine? He’s been trying to come between us since we first met, right?”
The thought made my stomach twist. How far would this fucker take it? He’d already done some messed up shit.
“How are he and Adam?”
“Not good. Adam wants him out of the band. The problem is that he and Lennon know I’m trying to get out. They can’t afford to lose both of us. Replacing one member will be challenging enough,” I said, leaning down to kiss her neck.
Her head tipped to the side to give me better access, and her breaths came faster. “Does Luke have any leads?”
“He does, actually. There’s a dude in New York he’s met with a few times. His band fell apart a year ago, and he’s a kickass vocalist. The only downside is he doesn’t write music, but Luke thinks they might let me continue to write the lyrics after I leave.”
“You’re going to be impossible to replace. You’re so talented,” she said, leaning back to kiss me.
“Not true. I’m an average singer at best,” I said.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” I asked.
“Sell yourself short? You’re an amazing singer and songwriter. The label wanted you, they see your talent. You’re the only one who doesn’t.”
“Baby, I know I’m a talented fucker at a lot of things. I’m not suffering from low self-esteem. But, I’m not the best singer. Yeah, I write some kickass songs, which are all inspired by you, by the way. And you know what I’m fucking best at, right?” I thrust my hips beneath her.
She laughed. “Hmmm… what are you best at?”
“Giving you all the orgasms,” I whispered against her ear.
Her head fell back in a fit of giggles, and damn if I didn’t love making my girl laugh. “You’re so cocky.”
“Am I though?”
“Well, you are talented in that area, I’ll give you that. Not that I have anyone to compare you to,” she said. Her tone was all tease and she looked over her shoulder at me, biting down on her bottom lip. And I fucking loved that I was her first—everything.
“Trust me when I tell you, no one could love you the way I do. Nor could they rock your world like I do.”
“Is that so?” She flipped over in the tub like some sort of fucking mermaid and pushed up on my chest, her lips teasing mine as she laughed against my mouth.
“It is so.” I pushed to my feet and lifted her up with me. Water sloshed over the tub, and Jade’s laughter filled the space.
“You’re insane.”
“No argument there,” I said, wrapping her in a towel. I dried my body quickly and picked her up, laying her down on the bed. With the white towel wrapped around her, she looked like a little cherub. Green eyes shining up at me and her cheeks flushed. Absolutely fucking stunning.
“I wish we could stay right here forever. No school. No grieving. No band. No Dex. No Farrah. No lies. Just you and me,” she said.
My chest tightened, and I sat on the bed beside her, pulling her on my lap. “It’s always you and me, baby. We just have to tune out all the noise. And it’s just you and me.”
She buried her face in the crook of my neck, and her warm breaths tickled against my damp skin. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. It’s what she needed right now. I was still caught off guard that I knew exactly what this girl needed. I’d never cared about anyone’s needs but my own. Until Jade.
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
I held Jade like that until she fell asleep in my arms and I laid back on the bed with her against my chest. And it’s the best sleep I’d gotten in weeks.
Our show in Seattle provided much better security, but that didn’t stop Luke from hiring a security team of our own as well. We got on the tour bus to head to Montana for our next show. The tension with Dex was building, and I made an effort to keep my distance. The Farrah bullshit had died down, but it still caused Jade a shit ton of stress which pissed me off. Adam had been in a perpetual bad mood since he and Tory broke up, but she was actually flying with Jade to Montana this weekend to see him. He was in better spirits since he’d agreed to see her again. And I couldn’t wait for my girl to be here. My short stint in Chicago wasn’t long enough at all.
I was thankful that I had my own room on the bus. It was just part of the deal to get me to agree to go on tour. I needed my space from these guys, as well as a place to focus on my classes when we were in between gigs. I was determined to graduate by the end of this year, but I wasn’t sure how attainable that goal would be. Our tour schedule was insane and much busier than any of us expected with all the travel and the shows. I was working on a new song, and I sat back on my bed and jotted down some potential lyrics.
I liked writing. More than I realized. I liked seeing my words come to life on stage. There was a power in the message I was sending out, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I enjoyed it. But being apart from Jade sucked, and this lifestyle was taking a toll. I was drinking and smoking way too much. I’d become dependent on Adderall to make it through the day. It took a shit ton of whiskey to get me buzzed lately which wasn’t a good thing. I needed to find my exit strategy. Lennon was kicking ass. He was in his element. I did the right thing agreeing to do this, for my brother’s sake.
My phone buzzed and I saw my father’s name across the screen. He’d been less annoying lately because I was doing what he wanted. When things were going his way, he was much easier to deal with. But when I left the band, all that would change. Unconditional love did not exist in my father’s world.
“Hey,” I said when I answered the call.
“You aren’t seriously thinking of walking away from everything you’ve built, are you?”
I knew he’d fight me when Luke talked to him about it. He knew I wanted out from the minute I signed my contract with AF records. But now that Luke had his feelers out, he would push back. Typical Steven Winslow move. He was like a child having a tantrum when things didn’t go his way. Most people backed down because he had a big bark and he never stopped when he wanted something. It’s probably how he’d won Mom over.
“You knew this was coming. Luke’s just putting his feelers out. I told you I’d give it twelve months.”
“Even after you’ve come this far? Jesus, Cruz. You’re a household name now. People are talking about you. Exiled has skyrocketed under your leadership,” he said.
“That’s not true. Adam and Lennon are fucking rock stars. Hell, even Dex is talented as hell even if he’s an asshole. Don’t put the band’s success on me. It cuts down the other guys. This is not my dream. It’s not something I want to do forever. You knew that going into this.”
“I assumed you’d wise up when you realized how many doors this would open for you,”
he said.
“Doors I never wanted to walk through.”
“Your face is splashed across tabloids everywhere. That doesn’t appeal to you?” he said.
He was fucking serious. My dad lived for fame. Good or bad press worked for him.
“Not even a little. That’s not something I’m seeking. Never have. Never will.”
“So, the money doesn’t appeal to you? Because from where I’m sitting, you sure seem to live the high life pretty well.”
And there it was. No one loved to wield their power around more than my father.
“Well, I was raised with it, so obviously it comes naturally for me now. But the truth is, my trust fund from grandfather is completely separate from the trust you have set up for Lennon and me. So, if you want to wave that around and threaten to take it away because I want to pursue my own dream, go for it. I’ll make residuals on the music that Exiled releases while I’m in the band. I also plan on getting an actual job when I stop touring, so I’ll have income of my own as well. I’m not worried about it.”
Dad let a rush of air go, and I pulled the phone away from my ear for a minute. He was pissed because his money card had been played and it wasn’t working. My mother’s father set up a trust for my brother and I years ago, and the interest alone made us a shit ton of money. But the private planes and lush lifestyle came from my dad’s income, one he wanted to wield over me. But I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t need it. I had more than enough, with or without his help. And with the success of Exiled, I was putting away a lot of cash, and I’d benefit from doing this for years to come.
“I guess you’ve got me there. I can’t force you to do anything now, can I?” He didn’t hide his frustration.
“I’m not trying to stick it to you, believe it or not. I’m just trying to live my life. I don’t want the same things that you do. Why is that so bad?” I said, surprising myself at the logic behind this conversation. My dad and I usually just yelled and screamed, and that’s how we communicated.
“I just don’t understand how anyone could walk away from what you’ve created. You’re on the verge of being an international star. Everyone will know who you are everywhere you go. If you walk away, then what?”
Jesus. The man was warped. I don’t want the level of success where I have to rent out a fucking theater to see a movie—I mean, who in their right mind would want that shit?
“The people I care about will know who I am. Why the fuck do I care what the world thinks of me? That doesn’t appeal to me. Never has. Why can’t you respect that?”
“You’re so much like your mother. She was just like you when she was your age, you know. She didn’t want any of this. She always wanted it to just be her and I. And now look at her, she’s hosting parties for the most famous people in Hollywood.”
I ran a hand down my face. He really was delusional.
“Jesus, Dad. Listen to yourself. You didn’t let her live her life. You forced yours onto her. She never wanted any of it. And you’re so proud of what she’s become, because you aren’t seeing what you’ve done.”
“What have I done, son? Given her a life most people dream of?” he said.
“No. You gave her the life you dreamed of. Where is she during these fabulous parties? She’s locked in her room, downing Ambiens like they’re candy. That’s not a happy woman. Sure, she loves you, which is why she does it. But what about her? If you love her so much, shouldn’t you contribute to her dreams? It’s all about you and it always has been.” It actually felt fucking good to have a civil conversation with him. Even a brutal one. I wanted him to hear me. To understand my resentment. To fucking wake up and see what a selfish prick he was.
He laughed. “You’ve always had a flair for the dramatic. Trust me when I tell you that your mother, my wife, has everything she wants. She’s a supportive wife, nothing wrong with that.”
He never listened. Never saw anything beyond himself. He’s what made me realize how important it is that my girl chases her own dreams.
“If you say so.”
“Anyway, this was about you, not me. My life isn’t up for debate. Yours is. Once you make this decision, you won’t be able to take it back. Are you sure it’s one you can live with? Walking away from all this?”
“Yep. I’m sure.”
I’d never been surer of anything in my life.
Chapter Seven
Jade
I hadn’t slept much in days, and here I was, getting off a plane in Las Vegas. Traveling so much was making school more of a challenge. I was chronically sick. I’d been on antibiotics twice for strep throat. I was drowning trying to balance my classes and my boyfriend’s touring schedule. Next week was Thanksgiving and I was looking forward to some downtime. Cruz would fly home and we’d spend time with my dad.
“I’m so glad we’re here together,” Tory said, scooching her stool closer to mine as we sat on the side of the stage.
“Me too. I’m so happy you and Adam have patched things up.”
“Well, we’re getting there. That asshole Dex keeps trying to cause trouble.”
“What is he doing?”
“He keeps making jokes about the night my relationship blew up in my face. I don’t know what his problem is. I hate that guy,” she said.
“Yeah, I’m not a fan. I don’t know why he messes with you and Adam. No one wants to be around him. You’d think he’d figure that out.” Dex definitely seemed to thrive on ruining everyone’s relationships. The guy was as insecure is they come.
“Well, Adam said they can’t really get rid of him with Cruz wanting to leave at the end of the year. They’re kind of stuck with him.”
My pulse picked up at the mention of Cruz leaving the band. I couldn’t wait to get away from this lifestyle. In the beginning, it was fun and exciting, but this world was toxic. Between Dex, Cruz’s father, the stories in the press—I was over it.
“Yeah, I guess replacing two band members would be tricky. He knows that too, so I’m sure he feels like he’s in a position of power,” I said.
“How are you handling the whole long-distance thing? I’m sure it’s tough with your classes?”
“It is. And I miss him when I’m at school. But we’re making it work. What about you guys? Do you have a plan?” I asked, assuming things were back on track for her and Adam.
“Adam wants to take things one day at a time, so I don’t really know. He doesn’t think I should tour with them because of what happened before. You know that’s not me, Jade. I don’t even know what I was thinking,” she said, her eyes welling with emotion. “I guess I just wasn’t thinking.”
I squeezed her hand. “Hey, stop beating yourself up. You made a mistake. You owned it, and you’ve learned from it.”
“I know. I just love Adam so much and I want to get back to where we were,” she said, sniffling as Cruz glanced over at me from the stage.
My stomach dipped. It didn’t matter how many times he looked at me, he always got a reaction. His honey-brown gaze locked with mine, and I smiled. Tory left to go use the restroom and I watched my boyfriend move across the stage. He’d become such a confident performer, even as the size of their audience had grown. A girl jumped up on stage and my heart raced. They had a lot of security there, so I didn’t know how she pulled that off. I moved to my feet and stood at the edge of the stage to see what she’d do. She moved behind Cruz and started grinding up against him. My blood boiled. I was seething. Luke sent one of the guys out there to get her off stage, but the crowd went crazy. Cruz glanced over at me and I didn’t wave, nor did I smile. I wondered what happened at all the shows I couldn’t attend. I’m sure he did his best to shield me from it all, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t bothered by it. Girls were offering themselves up on silver platters as they shouted crazy things at my boyfriend. I’d never been a jealous person, but I’d also never been in love
before Cruz.
I decided to go use the restroom as Tory walked my way. “Where are you going?”
“Bathroom,” I said, but it came out more, huffy than I meant it to.
“What happened?”
“Some girl just got up on stage and dry humped my boyfriend. You know, a typical day at the office,” I said with a laugh. But I was pissed.
She smiled and studied me. “Don’t let that get to you, Jade. Did they get her off the stage?”
“Yeah, after she had her thirty seconds of fun.”
“I know it sucks, but you know he can’t do much about it,” she said.
“I know. I’m fine. Just going to use the restroom. I’ll be back out in a little bit.”
“Okay.”
I took my time. Checked my texts and emails. Calmed myself down. When I made my way back out to the side of the stage, the show was coming to an end. Cruz ran out and pulled me off the stool, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I didn’t look at him and tried my best not to smile.
“Are you mad, baby?” he teased.
I rolled my eyes. “What would you do if someone dry humped me in front of you?”
“I’d beat the shit out of him.”
I met his gaze and shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“You know I only want you, right?”
“Yes.”
Dex gripped Cruz’s shoulders, interrupting the moment. “Time to go back out there.”
Cruz glared at his bandmate and set me on my feet. “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” I said, and Tory laughed and shook her head at me.
“You two are so dang cute together.”
“Baby,” Cruz said over his mic from the stage.
My stomach dipped and I shook my head at him. I was not going out there this time. The crowd was huge, and I didn’t want to be scrutinized.
“My girl doesn’t like big crowds. And she definitely doesn’t like when girls jump on stage and grind up against me. She’s the only one that gets to do that,” he said to the crowd, and they cheered even louder. “So, how about I sing the song I wrote for Jade now.”
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