“I asked my mom if she knew of a jacket that wasn’t too fancy. One I thought you’d actually wear. So these have different inserts you can zip on and make it dressier or more casual. The hoodie zips off and it can just be a jacket.”
“You know what I love most about it?”
“What?”
“That you know me so well. I’m going to live in this,” she said, zipping up the hoodie and wearing it over her jammies.
I laughed. That got more points than I’d expected.
“Okay, your turn,” she said, handing me the first package.
I unwrapped it and pulled out a large brown leather photo album. I opened the book to find the first picture Jade and I ever took together. It was a selfie that we’d taken the day we’d gone to Oak Street beach. Her hair blew back in the wind as she laughed, and I had a ridiculously cocky smirk on my face. Beneath the photo she wrote in pink script: This was the day I officially fell for you.
I turned the page and took in photo after photo of our adventures over the last year. Each one had script beneath it. There were pictures of our first date, our travels on the road, and several selfies of moments that were important. The day I gave her the ring she wore on her finger, Thanksgiving, her first trip to meet my parents. She was documenting our story.
“This is incredible. By far the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received.” A lump formed in my throat for some unknown reason. Because Jade Moore had turned me into a sappy pussy.
“You love it?”
“I love it,” I said, turning each page and taking my time to read each memory.
Jade moved to sit beside me on the oversized chair, as we looked through the book and reminisced.
“I thought it might help if you had that on the road with you. You know, to feel close to me.”
“It will. Thank you,” I said, as I pulled her on my lap and kissed her.
“Oh no you don’t, Romeo. There are more gifts to open. Don’t try to distract me with your moves.”
We both laughed as she got to her feet and grabbed the large package with her name on it. “What’s this?”
“Open it and see,” I said.
She pulled out the hard case carry-on with wheels. Jade traveled a lot to come see me, and she lugged this duffle bag everywhere she went. She needed something easier to carry.
“Wow, this is so swanky. Ooh, la la, it even has wheels.”
“Yeah, it will be a little easier for you to lug all your shit with you, right?” I asked.
“I don’t know what shit you’re referring to, Winslow. But yes, it will make traveling easier.” She stood up and pulled it all around the living room while wearing her blazer. “I look like a professor, don’t I. I’ve got my fancy jacket and my cool wheeling bag.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed. I could get Jade a spiral notebook and she’d make it out to be the best gift in the world. My family didn’t even open gifts like this. We all opened at the same time, and there was no discussion or back and forth involved. No big shows of gratitude or excitement.
She sat back down and gave me my next gift. It was a cardboard, rectangular booklet, with little envelopes and pouches on each page. The outside said: LOVE COUPONS. My head fell back as I read each page. She wrote out each custom ticket for things like breakfast in bed, massage by Jade, Shining Star rendition on the beach, weekend getaway, dinner of my choice, bubble bath together. My favorite one was the one that said: Get out of the doghouse free coupon. Beneath it, she wrote: you are allowed one idiotic mistake, no questions asked. It’s a free pass.
“Thank you. I can’t wait to use these. I plan to use every single one.”
“I figured they’d come in handy.” She wriggled her brow.
She reached for the next box and opened it to find a black frame with three openings. I’d developed my three favorite photographs of us together in black and white. I’d had fun choosing and editing the pictures I liked best. My brother had taken all three photos of us, as he’d become a decent photographer on the road. He mainly focused on landscape, but Jade and I had asked him to take a few along our travels. The first one was Jade rolling her eyes, mouth wide open with laughter, while I took a vampire size bite out of her neck. The next one was a candid. We didn’t realize Lennon was taking it at the time, and she was riding on my back at Disneyland with her ridiculous Minnie ears on her head, and I was smiling, which was a rarity in itself. She had a grin spread clear across her face as she looked down at me. The last one was of Jade sitting on my lap, smiling at the camera with me staring in awe at my girl. They all captured our relationship really well, which was why I chose them.
“Oh my gosh. I love these,” she whispered, studying each cut out in the frame.
“Me too. I have copies of them on the tour bus now too.”
She shook her head and smiled. “You’re full of surprises, Winslow.”
She handed me the last package. It was heavy and I tore the paper off and tossed it on the floor. I pulled out The Collin’s Big Book of Art—from cave art to pop art.
“I’ve wanted this for a while. How’d you know?” I asked, flipping through the pages.
“I didn’t. I just did a little research on the best art history books out there. This one came highly recommended.”
I leaned forward and kissed her before pushing to my feet.
“Where are you going?”
I opened the closet door and reached in the back for her last present. It was an oversized Office Max bag filled with all the silly paper supplies she loved. I carried the bag over and set it down beside her.
“I knew you’d know what it was in the bag, so I hid this one.”
“My God, Winslow. You sure know the way to a girl’s heart,” she said, digging into the bag and pulling everything out.
“I try.”
She dumped out the sticky notes, highlighters, pens, markers, sharpies, stickers, whiteboard markers, index cards in rainbow colors, and so much more. I basically went down the aisles and filled the cart with everything they had.
“I’m in heaven,” she said, organizing piles by paper goods, markers, and other supplies.
Once she sorted her piles, she pushed to her feet and came to settle on my lap. She straddled me and ran her fingers through my hair. “And now for the big finale.”
I laughed. “Are you teasing me, by offering up your body?”
“No tease here,” she said.
I pushed to my feet, wrapping her legs around my waist and carrying her back to the room. I dropped her down on the bed and settled above her.
“Thanks for the best Christmas. I love you,” she said.
“You aren’t going to insist on wearing the blazer right now, are you?”
She quirked a brow. “It does give me the studious look, doesn’t it?”
“I can’t get enough of you as is. I’ll take you exactly how you are, More Jade,” I said. I lifted her up and pulled off her jacket and her sweatshirt. “Jesus, you’re like a little hot pocket all bundled up.”
She smiled and arched her back so I could slide down her pajama bottoms and her panties. She pulled the Santa hat from her head and tossed it aside. Her hair was spread out all over the white bedding and I just took her in for a minute before I ripped the T-shirt over my head and pushed down my boxers.
“So, fucking gorgeous,” I said.
I kissed her hard. Her breathing came out in little pants and I fucking loved it. My lips traveled down her neck, kissing her slowly. Moving down her body, I took my time tasting and worshiping her. I settled between her thighs, burying my head where I knew she ached to be touched. I looked up at her and watched as she squirmed and moaned, and I took my sweet time. She cried out my name with her release, and there was nothing more satisfying than pleasing her.
And I only wanted more.
Chapter Nin
e
Jade
We arrived in New Orleans for New Year’s Eve. Exiled was performing at a sold-out arena. I’d never been to Louisiana, so I pulled out my journal and wrote about everything I’d seen that day. We’d spent the day in the historic French Quarter. We’d taken a double decker bus, per my begging Cruz, and had an amazing tour of the city. It was getting more difficult to be out in public with him. Even with a hat and glasses, people recognized him everywhere we went. The paparazzi was real, and they loved to snap pics of Cruz any chance they got. It was wearing on him, though I could tell he tried to hide it from me. He said it was no big deal, but I didn’t believe him.
We’d argued about the prescription I found for Xanax in the bathroom at the hotel. He was already taking Adderall to handle his hectic schedule, and now he was taking anti-anxiety medication to take the edge off. I obviously wasn’t a doctor yet, and I didn’t pretend to know everything, but, if you need all these medications to deal with life, perhaps you needed to change your reality. He didn’t want to hear my input about it, because he said it was temporary. As was the increase in his drinking, apparently. And he just kept saying there was light at the end of the tunnel, and he ended the conversation every time I brought it up. I didn’t like it. When he was in Chicago, and it was just me and Cruz, he kept things tame. But being here with him at his shows, he wasn’t himself. He was edgy and short tempered. Not with me, but with everyone around us.
We arrived at the show, and Tory and I sat on the side of the stage like we usually did.
“Does it seem like things are getting crazier, or is it just because it’s New Year’s Eve in New Orleans?” Tory asked me, leaning close so I could hear her.
The guys were out on stage, mid-performance, and the crowd was rowdy.
“Yeah, things feel different every time I come. The paparazzi are relentless, sticking their cameras in their faces. The fans seem more aggressive with each show. I mean Miami was insane, but that was due to poor security. Now, even with all the security, they are so aggressive,” I said.
“Yeah. Cruz does not seem happy about people shoving cameras in your face,” Tory said.
She and Adam were back together, and I couldn’t be happier. I liked having someone to watch the shows with and Tory had become a good friend.
“He’s ridiculously overprotective.” I laughed.
They finished the show and jogged off stage. Cruz picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he spun me around, it kind of became our routine when I was there. “So glad you’re here, baby. It’s always better when I can look over and see you.”
“Time to get back out there. This crowd is nuts,” Luke said.
Cruz set me down before taking the bottle from Dex and slamming whiskey. I watched the liquid move down his throat. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and his gaze locked with mine. I wasn’t smiling anymore. I couldn’t fake it with him.
“You worry too much,” he whispered against my ear, before kissing me hard and running back out on stage.
When they finished their last song, we all made our way backstage to get our things. Cruz lit a cigarette and grabbed my backpack for me.
“What a kickass show,” Dex said, passing around a bottle of whiskey.
I took a small sip and passed it to Tory. It was New Year’s Eve after all. Thankfully it was almost midnight, so we’d made plans to go back to Jackson Square for the countdown.
Cruz guzzled from the bottle before passing it to Adam. Adam and I exchanged a look, but I quickly looked away. Cruz would not like me and Adam discussing this. Even though I disagreed with what he was doing right now, my loyalty would always be with him.
We made our way to Jackson Square. The streets were filled, and though people recognized the guys, they just offered them booze and cheered as we walked by.
Cruz pulled me close and leaned down to talk against my ear. “You having fun, baby?”
“So much fun.”
Music blared in the streets and Tory and I danced. Luke went to get us all drinks, and when the countdown began, Cruz reached for me and held my back to his front as we yelled out with the crowd.
“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…”
He turned me around and covered my mouth. My body swayed against his as fireworks went off around us. I pulled away to look up as the sky lit up like a painting against the dark background. Pinks, oranges, and yellows broke off into large designs above. It was stunning. Cruz wrapped his arms around my middle and rested his chin on my shoulder as we watched together.
Dex dragged us to a bar where we had another round of shots. I didn’t want to overdo it, as we were in a new city and I wanted to explore more tomorrow before I flew home. I skipped the last few rounds of shots and so did Tory and Adam. Cruz did not. But it was New Year’s Eve so I wouldn’t nag him tonight.
People made their way out of the bar, and Adam suggested we head back to the hotel. Cruz intertwined his fingers with mine and we stepped out to the street.
“Well aren’t you a hot piece of ass,” some drunk guy said as he walked our way, staring directly at me. I ignored him.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Cruz turned around and shouted at him.
“You heard me. When she dumps your ass, she can come warm my bed,” the jerk said.
The guy’s friends appeared pretty wasted from the looks of it, but they made an effort to shut him up. They tried to pull him away, but he pushed them off. “Leave me the fuck alone. I can hit on whoever the hell I want. She’d be lucky if I let her fuck me.”
Cruz dropped my hand and dove on top of him. It was one big blur. The street light above shone right on them, as my boyfriend flailed his arms like a wild animal. The sound of people cheering and fists hitting bones filled the air around me. Cruz punched the guy in the face a couple of times before Luke and Adam pulled him off. Dex stood there laughing and Lennon moved to stand beside me. The whole thing was ridiculous. The guy was a drunk asshole, but Cruz should have just walked away. I swiped at my face when I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks. People had gathered around to watch the show. It pissed me off. What was the point? We were having a good night.
Cruz stood over him and spit on the ground, before taking the bottle Dex offered him and tipping his head back to take a long pull. The other guy was lifted to his feet by his friends who supported him as they walked away. I heard him shouting, “fuck you” as they dragged him off.
I turned and stormed away. This was not how I wanted to spend my New Year’s Eve. I could walk to the hotel. It wasn’t far from here, and I needed some space.
“Jade. Baby. Stop.”
I ignored him and kept walking.
He jogged up beside me and laughed. “You can’t be mad.”
“I sure as hell can be if I want to be.”
“He disrespected you,” he said.
“It’s New Year’s Eve. He’s drunk. Be the bigger person.”
“Not when someone talks to you like that,” he spouted, and he didn’t hide his anger.
“You wouldn’t have reacted like that if you weren’t drunk. You don’t just get to punch everyone who pisses you off.”
“Ah, of course that’s what this is about. You think I drink too much. I shouldn’t be taking any medications either, right? Do you have any fucking clue the pressure I’m under?” He stopped in the middle of the street, his voice loud and his face red.
I put my hands on my hips. “No. Because you keep telling me everything’s fucking fine.”
His eyes doubled in size when I dropped the F-bomb. Good. That’s the way it was meant to be used. For effect.
“Because you have enough goddamn stress to deal with. I’m trying to handle it. Handle you. Handle my brother. Handle the band. My father. My fucking life.”
I poked him hard in the che
st with my finger. “You don’t need to handle me. I can handle myself.”
“Is that so? Like you just handled that guy? Like you handle Brayden every time he fucking hits on you?”
“Oh my God. You’re insane. This isn’t about that guy, nor is it about Brayden. You’re deflecting. This is about you being out of control.”
“Me being out of control? I’m the only fucker in control. I’m the one holding everything together,” he said, his words slurring.
“That’s not how it looks from where I’m standing.”
His face hardened. He looked angry. He studied me before he spoke, “What’s this about Jade. You want to pick a fight with me? Is this your idea of foreplay because you want me to fuck you?”
My hand came up before I could stop it. I slapped him across the face. Hard. I turned on my heels, tears streaming down my cheeks as I walked to the hotel. Thankfully, he’d given me a room key when I’d arrived at the concert. I felt him behind me the whole way as I made my way down the sidewalks of New Orleans. He didn’t speak and I never looked back.
When I stepped on the elevator, my gaze locked with his as he approached, and the doors shut before he could get on. He looked—broken.
I slipped the key in the door and latched the swing bolt above once I stepped inside. I leaned my back against the door and slid down to sit on the floor. I heard something knock on the other side of the door and I guessed it was Cruz’s forehead.
“Jade,” he said, his voice calmer now.
“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“Baby. I’m sorry. I fucked up,” he said through the door.
We’d never had a fight like this. Sure, we argued. We disagreed. But he’d never spoken to me like that, and I didn’t like it. I knew he was spiraling, and I didn’t know how to stop it. Didn’t know if I could.
I stood and looked through the peek hole and saw him sitting on the ground. I slowly opened the door and looked out.
“It’s your room. I can’t stop you from coming in. But I don’t want to talk anymore tonight. You’re drunk and I’m tired,” I said.
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