“That was sort of the plan,” I said, turning to face him and trying to cover my smile.
“Oh yeah? You enjoy torturing me, don’t you?”
I leaned down and kissed him. Slow and soft. “I actually don’t. But you need to understand what this is doing to me. I’m stressed all the time. I haven’t felt well in a long time. I shouldn’t even be kissing you right now. You could get this, you know.”
“I don’t give a fuck if I get it.” He pushed the hair back from my face and ran the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. “I don’t want you to be stressed, baby.”
“I don’t either. This is harder than I thought it would be. And when that girl answered your phone, I was in the hospital—and I don’t know, I was so angry, Cruz. I don’t like feeling this way.”
“What way? Jealous?” He smirked.
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe. If that’s what you want to call it. I don’t want to worry about you getting drunk and doing something stupid.”
“Baby, it doesn’t matter if I’m drunk or sober. I don’t want anyone else. Ever.”
He kissed his way down my neck, and I pushed off his lap so I could face him.
“We need to figure this out. Things need to change. It’s not a joke, and I can’t talk about it if you’re kissing me,” I said.
His honey-brown gaze searched mine before his lips turned up in the corners. “Tell me what you need.”
I leaned back against the couch. What did I need? I needed a boyfriend who wasn’t traveling all over the world. I needed a boyfriend who was here with me. But I couldn’t have that. Not yet.
“I need to know you’re safe. You can’t be out of control drunk, Cruz. I know you have a lot of pressure, but we’ve already seen how it can spiral. I can’t fly to concerts as often as I did this past semester. With my research and my courses, it’s just impossible to keep up. And I—I just don’t know where I fit in your life now.” My voice cracked as the words left my mouth, and tears ran down my face. It was the truth. That really was at the core of this. I didn’t know where I fit in his life anymore. I wasn’t some groupie or some jet-setting rich girl who didn’t have a care in the world—I was just, me. A girl with dreams and responsibilities of my own.
He used his thumbs to wipe away the liquid running down my cheeks. “Baby. You fit right here.” He grasped my hand and placed it over his heart. “You are all that matters. You’re the most important person in my life, and if I haven’t shown you that, I’m sorry. Only you, More Jade. Please don’t give up on me.”
“I’ll never give up on you. That’s not what this is about. I just need you to be okay. I worry about you all the time. And things are changing so much and so fast. It scares me.”
“What’s changing?” He searched my gaze.
“You’re a famous rock star now. People are obsessed with you. They follow you around. They want to take you away from me, and I feel like I’m fighting against a current that’s too strong. The lifestyle and the fans. It’s just gotten overwhelming.”
I’d had all of this bottled up for far too long, and the floodgates had opened, and I couldn’t stop the sobs that followed.
“Jade.” He pulled me back on his lap and wrapped his arms around me tight. I melted into the safe, little cocoon that was Cruz Winslow. “No one is ever going to take me away from you. Ever. You’re all I think about. We’ll get through this. Just a few more months. I’ll talk to Luke and make it so I can come home more often, okay?”
I sucked in a few long, slow breaths to calm my breathing. “You can’t change the band’s schedule. We’ll just have to get through these next few months. I just want to go back to our simple life, you know?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s a lot. But I don’t want you to worry. I’m going to cut out hard liquor. I felt like shit after that night. I’ll just have an occasional beer or a glass of wine. How does that sound?”
“It sounds like a start. I think you’ll be able to handle all of this better if you aren’t drunk all the time.” I snorted.
“Is that funny?” He tipped me back and laughed when he settled above me.
“It’s really not. But it is the truth.”
“I agree. No more hard liquor, okay? You don’t need to worry about me. We have a little over three months to go and then you’ll be with me for the last portion of the tour. We’re almost there, baby.”
“Okay,” I said, tangling my fingers into his hair.
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe everything would be okay.
“And Luke’s meeting with those two guys this week, right? The ones that might replace you?”
“Yes. He has a meeting with each of them. It’s going to happen, baby.”
“And I’m staying through Valentine’s Day. I’ll get to see your presentation too.”
“How’d you pull that off?”
“I know some people,” he teased. “I missed you, baby.”
“Missed you, too.”
“Isn’t that new opening act starting with you next week? I thought you had to rehearse with them this week?” I said.
“Yeah. Tia. They’ll have to figure it out without me.”
“I never trust anyone who just uses one name. Tia. I googled her. She’s pretty,” I said, studying his reaction.
He laughed. “She’s not as pretty as you. No one is.”
His mouth came over mine. I knew in my gut that we’d just put a bandage on our issues, this wasn’t a solution. Maybe it would be enough to get us through the next three months. But right now—I couldn’t see beyond this moment. Beyond us being together.
And wasn’t that the problem?
I never could.
Chapter Twelve
Cruz
I hadn’t slept much because my body had obviously grown accustomed to taking an Ambien these last few weeks for sleep. I sure as shit wasn’t about to take it while I was with Jade. I’d flushed the pills before I left London. I needed to get my shit together, or I was going to lose her. I’d come just in time because she’d had enough. But being back here, being together—we just picked up where we left off. I was still taking a little Adderall because I was a moody fucker when I wasn’t taking it. But I hadn’t taken Xanax in the three days since I’d been back with my girl. When I was with her, I didn’t need much of anything else. No booze, aside from an occasional glass of wine at dinner. It was the best I’d felt in weeks. Jade was feeling better too. We were good for each other.
I watched her sleep, which I’d normally find creepy, but not with Jade. I loved it. Loved to watch the way her eyebrows pinched together like she was trying to solve the world’s problems while she slept. She talked a shit ton in her sleep too, which always made me laugh. I propped myself up on one elbow and studied her pretty features. The dark circles under her eyes had lightened. We’d spent a lot of time in bed the last few days, and I wrote music while she studied. We both needed some downtime, and I was glad to be here with her. Exiled had a break in our tour, but the guys were out in California rehearsing with our new opening act, Tia. She was an up-and-coming singer, and she was very popular with the younger audience. But I’d spoken to Luke, and he’d made it work for me to stay here this week. I needed it and so did Jade.
“Are you seriously staring at me?” Jade whispered, eyes still closed, and her lips turned up in the corners.
I laughed. “I like watching you all tortured and angry when you sleep.”
Her eyes opened and her smile grew wider. “I am not tortured and angry in my sleep.”
“How the hell do you know? Have you ever watched you sleep?” My voice was all tease.
“No. What do I do?”
“Well, you know how in the movies they always show the princess sleeping and she looks like a peaceful angel? All content, and calm, and shit?”
“Yeah,” she said, studying me a
s she licked her plump lips.
“You look nothing like that. You’re like a mad superhero on a mission. All pissed off and ready for battle.”
We both burst out in laughter and she swatted my shoulder. “I do not. You’re making this up.”
“I’m not. I just rummaged through your closet to look for your cape just in case you needed it for tonight’s mission,” I said, pushing the hair back from her gorgeous face.
“Well, I’m probably fighting off all those girls who keep throwing their panties at you.”
I leaned down and kissed her. Morning breath and all, the girl was perfection. I couldn’t get enough. Ever.
“You’re my superhero, More Jade.”
“Yeah? See, you really do need me,” she said, pushing to sit up. “What time is it?”
“Almost eight. You ready for your presentation?” My girl was brilliant, and I loved seeing her shine. I was happy I’d get to see her present this afternoon.
“I am. So, it’s going to be a few hours. You’re okay just hanging out there? It’s probably going to be very boring.”
“Of course, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. I love watching you strut your shit.”
“I don’t strut my shit. What does that even mean?” She laughed and shook her head.
“It means you’re going to show off all your nerdy superpowers today. And then I’m taking you somewhere to celebrate Valentine’s Day after. I know you can’t travel right now, so we’ll be doing it here. In the wonderful state of Illinois.” I planned a little staycation for her. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and I thought relaxing at a hotel would be nice for her.
“You sure found your way out of the doghouse, Winslow.”
“Did I? Well, I did give you that get out of the doghouse free love coupon you gave me. That was supposed to be a free pass. I’m just throwing in all these bells and whistles as a bonus,” I said, kissing my way down her neck.
She laughed and arched her back so I could pull the T-shirt over her head.
“What other bells and whistles you got?” she asked, already breathless.
“I’ve got a lot of bells and whistles for you, baby.”
“Ohhhh,” she whispered when I slipped her panties down her legs.
My gaze locking with hers as I propped myself above her and settled between her thighs. “I love you.”
“Love you more.”
Our mouths collided and her fingers tangled in my hair. I pushed forward, owning and claiming her in every way possible. She arched into me, wanting more.
“Slow, baby,” I whispered against her ear, as I filled her completely.
We moved together until we were both sweaty, and panting, and desperate with need. She cried out my name with her release, and I tumbled over the edge right along with her. Always with her.
Jade fucking Moore was the real rock star. The girl got up in front of a room full of professors, doctors, researcher’s and students and—owned her shit. They fired question after question at her and she never missed a beat. I sat back, watching in awe. She had so much passion when she spoke. Everyone was mesmerized, me included.
She hurried over to me when she finished, and I moved to my feet. She wore a white blouse and the blazer I’d given her for Christmas sans the attachable hoodie and black dress slacks. Her hair was straight and tucked behind her ears, and her jade eyes beamed when they met mine.
“So, what did you think?” she asked, pushing up on her tiptoes to give me a quick kiss.
“You killed it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I said, pulling her closer and wrapping my arms around her.
“This must be the infamous Cruz,” a lady said as she approached.
Jade pushed back and smiled. “Yes. Professor Callahan, this is my boyfriend, Cruz.”
“So formal today, Jade. Hi, I’m Elaine, nice to meet you.” She extended her arm and I shook her hand.
“Hi, Jade speaks very highly of you. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I said.
“Same. You must be proud. Jade, you blew me away today. Well done.”
“Thank you. I was pretty nervous,” Jade said, looking up at me and smiling.
“Well, it didn’t show at all. You appeared cool as a cucumber. Maybe you get your stage presence from your boyfriend,” Elaine teased.
“That means so much to me. Thank you. I’ll see you next week.” Jade gave her mentor a hug and reached for my hand.
“Have a nice weekend. Go celebrate. You deserve it.”
Jade waved goodbye and we walked back to her house.
“I’m so fucking proud of you. This is why you’re here, baby. You’re in your element. You kicked so much ass out there,” I said.
The wind blustered around us, but the sun was out, and it was a beautiful day.
“I’m so happy you were here for it. I’ve been so down lately, and just having you here has turned everything around.” She looked up at me and bit down on her bottom lip. So vulnerable and honest. I loved the shit out of this girl
“I’d do anything for you. Are you ready to go on a little staycation?”
“Okaaaaay. So, what’s this staycation? We’re going somewhere?” she asked.
“Yep. Pack an overnight bag. You don’t really need any clothes unless you want to leave the room to eat.” I teased.
“We’re going to a hotel? In the city?”
“Yes. I booked us a suite at the Waldorf for two nights. How does room service, massages, and lots of sex sound?” I wriggled my brows.
She laughed. “You’re such a perv. It sounds like heaven.”
“Heaven, huh? Who’s the perv now?” I said as we walked into her house.
“Maybe I’m a perv when it comes to you,” she said, dropping down to sit beside me on her bed.
“Pack your bag, or we’ll never leave this room.”
She kissed me before pushing up and grabbing her new suitcase from the closet. We threw a few things in her bag and got the hell out of there. We’d needed this time together more than either of us had realized. Spending time without having other people around us. Without all the outside noise and distractions. Just me and Jade. Just the way I liked it.
When I landed in Los Angeles, I tried to rally. We had a concert tonight and I was still wishing I was back in the city with my girl. We’d barely left the room for two days. We’d talked and laughed, shared great food, and spent the rest of our time in bed together. In the shower together. We’d walked down to Oak street beach this morning before I took her home and headed to the hangar. This week solidified that I was doing the right thing. I needed out of this band and this world as soon as possible. Stepping away for a few days showed me how fucked up my reality had become. It was so skewed. I’d spent a few days sleeping normal, eating normal and I’d barely had anything to drink since London. And it felt good.
“You look good. Refreshed. How’s our girl?” Luke said when he met me at the back door of the venue.
“She’s fucking amazing. Thanks for making that work out with my schedule. We needed it. It was nice to unplug and get away from here for a while.”
“Yeah, I get that. Just a few more months, brother, okay?”
“Yep. How’s that going? Did you talk to the guys at the label?” I asked.
“I did. They aren’t thrilled, but they also don’t want to lose Exiled by fighting you on this. They’re open to both candidates and Jerry is flying out this week to meet with them. It’s a process, but we’ll get there. Is your dad still giving you a hard time?” Luke asked.
“Nah. He doesn’t have anything to bargain with, so he’s backed off.”
“Good. Well, I’m glad you’re here. Adam and Dex got into it this week. I don’t know that they’re ever going to get past their issues.”
“What happened? Tory was
here with Adam, right?”
“Yeah, and Dex kept messing with her, which sent Adam sideways. You know, the usual,” Luke said, and I dropped my bag in the back room.
“Did Lennon get involved?”
“He was the peacekeeper. You know your brother. He doesn’t like conflict,” Luke said, and we both laughed.
“Yeah, I know. But someone needs to put Dex in his place, man. He’s such an asshole.”
“You’re preaching to the choir. But we can’t afford to lose him. Not with you transitioning out, Cruz. I think it’s ultimately going to happen, because he’s out of control. But we’re going to have to cross that bridge when we get there. Hopefully the guys can keep it together until then.”
Shit. I wanted Dex out, but I wanted myself out more. It sucked because Dex knew he was in a power position and he used it against everyone. Even Luke sounded resolved to the fact that it wouldn’t work with Dex long term, but he couldn’t do anything about it now.
“I’ll talk to Adam. Thanks for putting up with all our shit.” I said, slamming a bottle of water.
“No problem. That’s what I’m here for. Glad to see you drinking water. You look good, man. Who knew?” he said with a laugh.
“Who knew what?”
“Who knew all you needed was a week with your girl. You look like a new man,” he said with a shit-eating grin.
“Yeah. Jade’s got that effect on me. So how did it go with Tia? Is she any good?” I asked.
“She’s decent. Has a good band that works with her. She shut down Dex the day they met. She doesn’t take his shit which is good.”
“I like the sound of that. Hopefully he backs off. We don’t need to have drama there. They’re going to be with us for a while, right?”
“Yeah. We’ll see how it goes. She’d like it to be long term, but we need to see how our fans respond to her. See if she brings in a good element with her fan base.”
“Alright. Sounds good. Are they out there right now?”
“They are. You’ve got ten minutes,” Luke said, before walking out the door and giving me a little privacy.
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