I’m proud of you.
Dex will get what he has coming.
This will not go unpunished.
I think of you every day.
You deserve better.
I miss you.
It was painful not to respond, but I wouldn’t allow myself to go back to that place. Cruz needed help, and I’d come to realize that I couldn’t save him. He needed to save himself. And I needed to save myself.
So, I’d signed up for a three-month medical brigade in Honduras. It was time to focus on things bigger than myself. Bigger than my boyfriend and Exiled. Bigger than gossip magazines and rumors. I wanted to do something good with my life, and there was no time like the present. I’d survived finals even after having a concussion and a broken heart. Turns out I was stronger than I realized. And I was proud of that. I’d given everything I had to Cruz Winslow, and it hadn’t been enough. And I’d reached for a life vest before he drowned us both.
Turns out love wasn’t always enough.
Jessica and I dropped to sit at our gate after meeting up with the others in our group. We had all arrived early, and some went to grab a bite to eat, while others just walked around to stretch their legs before the long flight. I agreed to watch our carry-ons and hold down the fort. I was reading all about the families we’d be working with when I heard my name. I turned around and my jaw hit the ground.
Cruz.
“What are you doing here?” I said, moving to my feet, looking around to see if anyone recognized him yet. He wore a baseball hat and kept his head down. He’d gotten good at blending in and people here seemed to be minding their own business.
“I wanted to say goodbye.” He moved close enough that I could feel his warm breath on my face. God, he was beautiful. I wished he were ugly. And had a boring personality. And no charm. And maybe a few warts on his face. That would help.
“How in the world did you get to come to the gate?” I itched to touch him, so I shoved my hands in the back pockets of my jeans.
“I may have bought a ticket I won’t be using to fly to Nicaragua, just so I could say goodbye. Too desperate?” He smiled.
My chest squeezed and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Not for you.”
“So, I wanted you to know that Dex isn’t going back to Exiled. I made sure of that. He wasn’t going to get away with what he did to you and just return to his life.”
Proving what Dex had done was tricky because there were no witnesses, and he found a couple girls to say he’d been with them at the time of the accident. Due to the little bit of physical evidence found at the scene, he was at least slapped with a brief stint of house arrest. I begged Dad to let it go, because I didn’t want to drag things out, nor did I want it to become a story for the tabloids.
“Really? What will happen to Exiled?” I asked, because I certainly didn’t want the band to suffer for Dex’s behavior.
“Zach is going to take his place, and I’ve agreed to stay on another year,” he said, watching me intently as the words left his perfect mouth.
I nodded. We weren’t together. There was no reason for him to leave anymore. At least not for me. But my heart still ached when I looked at him. “It’s a solution. At least you got him out.”
“I did,” he said. “And I met with the bigwigs at the label, and they agreed to my terms.”
“Which are?”
“Dex is cut from the band, and I agreed to stay on for twelve more months. We take a thirty-day leave from touring so I can enter a program. I’ve been working with Dr. Roberts, my mom’s doctor, doing daily phone consults, and it’s important to me that you know I haven’t had a sip of liquor nor any prescription meds since the night you were attacked. I flushed everything. I’m sure it doesn’t mean much now, but I wanted you to know. I’m going into a program to make sure that I don’t slip back into old habits, although, the last two weeks have been the worst in my life, and I haven’t numbed myself through them. And it fucking sucks,” he said.
“Tell me about it.” I met his gaze.
“I’m so sorry, Jade. So, fucking sorry.” His eyes filled with moisture and his bottom lip trembled. I didn’t doubt for a minute that he’d tortured himself about what happened. But maybe that’s part of hitting rock bottom. He needed to take a hard look at his life.
That’s how much I loved him. Maybe you could love someone too much. I believed I did. And forcing him to heal was the only thing left to do.
I reached for his hand and squeezed it. “I know you are.”
“I love you. I’m going to make things right.” He interlaced our fingers and moved closer.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Cruz,” I said, biting down on my bottom lip.
“I never will again.”
“You know I’m leaving for three months. I won’t be back until school starts.” I didn’t pull my hand away, but I fought the urge to wrap my arms around him.
“I do. I’ll be here fixing myself. Waiting for you.” He smiled, and my stomach did little flips.
“We’ll see.”
“Hey, that’s not no. I’ll take it.” He laughed and reached in his pocket. “I have something for you.”
“Why?” I asked, my tone skeptical.
“Listen. You gave this back to me. It belongs to you. I get it if you don’t want to wear it on your finger, so I put it on a chain. I just want you to keep it with you. You know, a piece of me. So, you won’t forget me,” he said, his tone was all tease, as he handed me the chain with the beautiful ring hanging from it.
I sighed and held up my wrist to show him my music note tattoo. “Well, I always have a piece of you with me, right?”
He put his hand over his heart. “And you’re always right here.”
My eyes welled and my breath caught, suddenly overcome with emotion.
“Can I keep texting you?” he asked.
“Yeah. I think there should be some boundaries. How about we text once a week to make sure the other is okay?” I said.
He pulled me in and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and I was lost in the moment. In his scent, his charm, in his honey-colored eyes and the love I had for this boy.
“That’s fine. Whatever you want. I love you so much,” he whispered against my ear.
“Sometimes love just isn’t enough,” I said when I pulled back and looked at him. I swiped at my tears. “Love has never been our problem.”
“So, we’ll figure it out. There’s no one else for me.” He held his arms out to the side.
“I’m afraid I’m in the same boat. I’m destined to grow old and gray alone,” I said, pulling the chain over my head.
“I won’t let that happen. I’ll go fix what’s broken with me, and I’ll be waiting here for you when you’re done saving the world, More Jade.”
I blinked a couple times to fight back the tears. I wanted to believe him. But old habits die hard for both of us. His ability to convince me he was fine, and my ability to look the other way when I knew things weren’t, was something we’d need to overcome if we ever wanted to be together.
“I hope you’re right.” I smiled.
They called our flight to start boarding and I realized the kids in my group had all returned. Some were on their phones, a few were staring, including Jessica.
“Alright. Time for you to go charge the tundra. Be safe, okay?” he said, pulling me against him one more time.
“You too.” I pulled away and reached for my bag when everyone left to get in line.
“I’m sure rehab will be boring as hell, so if you want to actually respond to my texts and fill me in on your exciting life, I’d appreciate it.”
I laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He held his hand up in a small wave and turned on his heels. I moved to get in line, taking deep, slow breaths to fight the lump in the back
of my throat.
“I can’t believe he came here,” Jessica whispered. “My God, that guy is so crazy about you.”
I was crazy about him too.
“Can you hold my bag for a minute?” I asked her, panic setting in that I wouldn’t see him again for a long time.
“Of course.”
I took off running and spotted him moving down the corridor. I shouted, “Cruz.”
He turned around just as I crashed into him. I buried my face in his neck. “I love you, too.”
He let out a relieved sigh. “I know you do, baby.”
“Do good in rehab, okay? I’m proud of you.”
He pulled back to look at me. “I will. I have something to fight for now. Go save the world. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Okay,” I said, swiping at the tears running down my face.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and walked me back toward the gate.
I hugged him goodbye and grabbed my bag from Jessica. Before I boarded the plane, I looked back to see Cruz standing there, watching me board the plane. I waved and he nodded with a smile.
I placed my bag above in the storage compartment and dropped down in my seat. I reached for my phone to turn it off, just as a text came through.
My heart fluttered.
Cruz ~ I love you more.
I held the phone to my chest and closed my eyes.
I hoped he meant it.
My heart was counting on it.
THE END
A Love You More Rock Star Romance Series…
When good goes bad in this star-crossed lovers trilogy, you’ll want to be there every step of the way.
BOOK 2
MORE OF YOU
Bereft, betrayed, and broken, the healing begins in the last installment of Laura Pavlov’s star-crossed lovers trilogy.
BOOK 3
MORE OF US
Book 3: More of Us
Chapter One
Jade
We’d been in Honduras for just a few days, and I was adapting to my new environment. We’d flown into Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras, and driven endless miles on dirt roads to our compound. The building was surrounded by a large, cement block wall. There was no TV here, none of the modern conveniences we were all used to, and every evening we all pulled out our pill bottles and took our malaria pills—a daily reminder that we had entered a different world.
It couldn’t have come at a better time. I was in desperate need of a change, which is why I’d signed up last minute to spend my summer here. I was sick of the drama that had followed me and Cruz, and I’d come to a fork in the road—and I’d decided to change my course.
My heart ached every day, and I hoped that once I immersed myself in helping those in need, it would hurt a little less. That was the goal. I’d found my rock bottom… it was lying on a hotel room floor after being knocked unconscious by my boyfriend’s bandmate, all while Cruz, the love of my life, lie only a hundred feet away unaware because he’d decided to take prescription sleeping pills. Did I mention he chased them down with whiskey? After he’d promised he would stop the pills and the drinking. It could have ended in so many different ways. I could have died if I’d hit my head differently. And no one would have known.
It was time for a fresh start. No more crying over Cruz Winslow. I was sick of myself and sick of who we’d become. I still loved him. There was no denying it. But that didn’t mean he was good for me.
He wasn’t.
I’d known it for a while, but my traitorous heart had steered me wrong. But I wasn’t thinking with my heart anymore. I was thinking with my head. I was a smart girl. It was time I started acting like it.
I’d done well on my MCAT, and I’d be applying to medical school in two weeks, if we could find reception out here. My group leader, Richard, would also be applying at the same time, so he said we’d figure it out together, even if it meant driving into the capital to submit our applications.
Cruz had texted me twice since I’d arrived here, letting me know he’d started a thirty-day rehab program in Utah. I didn’t have high expectations. He was continuing as the lead singer of Exiled, and I doubted he’d remain in this program for thirty days. Cruz was stubborn and he hadn’t thought he had a problem before my accident, so what would make him think differently now? I wanted to trust him, but I knew better.
I needed him to stop texting me every day. I needed this time to figure out who I was and find a new path—and so did he. Love wasn’t enough. I’d learned that the hard way. I told him he was free to date other girls and do what he wanted. We were done.
Donezo.
Finit.
The thought of him with someone else made me sick to my stomach. But it was a necessary pain. I needed to get over him, and I couldn’t do that if we were still hoping to make things work. This was not our time and the sooner we both got on board, the better.
I shared a room with seventeen other girls from all over the United States. There was a boys’ side of the compound and a girls’ side. We’d all come on this medical brigade together. There were nine sets of bunk beds in my room, and Jessica and I shared the one in the back corner. I was on the top bunk because apparently Jessica is afraid of heights. I actually laughed when she told me that. She wasn’t kidding either. She can’t even climb up there to sit and talk. I had to go down to her bunk if we wanted to visit. The window in our room faced the surrounding sugarcane fields, and it calmed me in a weird way. There were no paparazzi waiting outside for me, no gossip magazines spreading lies about me and Cruz, and no drama.
I was here to do something good with my life and help people that were in need.
I stepped in the restroom shared with seventeen other girls, with one shower and one toilet. You weren’t allowed to flush the toilet paper in the toilet, and the shower water was cold at all times. It was a perfect daily reminder of my fresh start. Literally and figuratively.
I rinsed my mouth using purified water from my water bottle and quickly washed my face. I pulled my hair into a knot, covered every inch of my body in insect repellant, and slipped into a pair of scrubs.
“You ready to go grab some breakfast before we head out?” I asked Jessica, and she set her journal aside and pushed to her feet.
“Yes. We officially start in our small groups today. I’m so glad we got placed together. And Richard seems pretty cool.” Jessica grabbed her water bottle and we made our way to the dining area.
I chose fruit and cereal for breakfast, and we both tucked a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in our backpack for lunch. The food trucks would come out mid-day and provide us with lunch, but Jessica and I gave that food to the kids we were working with, and we brought our own sandwich to hold us over. We were finally breaking into small groups today, and our group would be assisting at a dental clinic for the next few days. I would be working in triage and assisting Dr. Lingy with exams.
“Let’s load up,” Richard said, and we grabbed our bags and made our way to the bus.
The bus would drop each group at their locations. Ours was the furthest away, and I settled in next to Jesica for the long two-hour commute. The roads were bumpy and Jessica and I laughed a few times as we bounced out of our seats. I pulled out my mom’s journal and read today’s entry.
May 19th
Dear Journal,
I am working full time at the news station this summer, and I couldn’t be happier about it. One of the news anchors told me that this was where he started. I have so many dreams, and I’m so ready to start chasing them. This is definitely the first one, and it’s going better than I ever imagined. Sabrina, the lady who set me up with this internship, said that the producer was singing my praises, and she told me to keep up the good work. I definitely plan on it.
Jack and I are going strong. I can’t believe how much I love him. Even when he d
rives me crazy, which of course he does, I love him. We will get to see each other more often now that I’m on summer break. Even working full time, it’s better than spending late nights in the library.
We have similar hours as he’s training at the fire academy, and he’s pretty wiped out at the end of the day. But I’m proud of him for chasing his own dreams. Of course, I will worry once he actually has to run into a burning building, because who wouldn’t, right? But we support one another, and I’d never try to stop him from doing what he loves.
I know I’m where I’m supposed to be, and I couldn’t be happier. I need to get to work.
Ciao for now,
J.E.
“You two ready to kickass today,” Richard said, dropping to sit in the seat in front of us as the bus continued to bobble on the dirt road.
Jonah was asleep beside him, with his head resting against the window.
“Yeah, I’m excited to break into our small groups today,” I said.
“Me too.” Jessica leaned forward.
“I spoke to the coordinator, Jade, and we can go this weekend and submit our med-school applications. It’s going to be a drive into Tegucigalpa, but we’ll have wifi there hopefully. So, make sure you have everything completed and ready to upload,” Richard said, running a hand through his dark hair. His brown gaze studied me. His white teeth were perfectly straight when he displayed his megawatt smile. He rocked that all-American boy look rather well, and he oozed charm.
“Okay, great. Thank you for setting that up. My applications are all ready to submit, so I can go any time.”
“How many schools are you applying to?” he asked.
“Six.”
“Six? That’s not very many. I’m applying to twenty-eight. You’re also young since you’re graduating early, you may want to up that number to increase your chances.” He smiled, and I straightened in my seat.
“Yeah, I’m pretty set on where I’d like to go, and I’m not that young,” I said. It came out more defensive than I’d meant it to. The truth was, applying to medical school was expensive. I couldn’t ask Dad for more money, because he’d funded my trip to Honduras as it was. Six applications would already be a small fortune, and I’d just have to hope for the best and pray that someone would accept me.
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