by Phil Morgan
Legends.” Harry grinned pointedly at me. He had a bit of a point.
“I prefer to call it an overly-refined sense of self-preservation.” I said with mock indignation.
“Call it whatever you like, I tend to agree with Crowley. Count me out too, just for different reasons. I am far too glamorous to bother with rounding up some nobody I have never even seen on a dance floor. Who is this Insomniac? Wait don’t tell me, I don’t even care.” Sarah said with a dismissive sniff and if you have never been sniffed at dismissively by a demon-girl, count yourself lucky.
“The Insomniac is chaos and destruction, pain without remorse, a gleeful Armageddon in somewhat human form. Some say he is the oldest living mortal. That he cannot die, no matter how hard he tries. He cannot even sleep. If a person goes without sleep long enough, without dreams long enough, they go insane. The Insomniac stays awake for centuries unless somebody lulls him to sleep. Somebody like you three.” the Balancer explained.
“Why me?” asked Harry. “I can understand Crowley. He’s the damned Believer and I can even understand Sarah Phim, if she is half as powerful as she seems, but me? I’m just Harry van Helsing, Dr. van Helsing’s grandson with a pocketful of tricks and a slight condition. What good will I be against somebody like the Insomniac?”
“A slight condition?” I stammered in astonishment. “You aren’t just a werewolf. You are an Alpha werewolf, twelve foot tall if you are an inch. You really are a walking, talking force of nature.” Harry shrugged at me because I was telling the truth, in fact I was probably underestimating him. I turned to glare at the Balancer. I glared well. “Still he deserves an answer. We all do. Why us?”
“It’s not for us to wonder why…” he began and I glared at him harder. “Listen, every oracle and soothsayer, fortune teller and precog has been screaming their bloody heads off about this all day. I don’t know why it has to be you three but suffice to say, all the timelines say you are destined to be here. Now, you can either accept my contract and get paid or you can just let Lady Destiny drag your sorry butts back here and do the job for free. Your choice.”
“Well, when you put it that way, what choice do we have.” I said.
“The price of wolfsbane went up seven cents yesterday. I’m in.” Harry said.
“Oh fine. It was getting a little boring at Where Angels Fear to Tread, all the same old immortals trying to buy me the same watered down drinks. I might as well tag along too, if only to get some extra shoe money. Being the most fabulous demon-girl in the Shadow is hell on heels.” said Sarah as she spun in place, her voice like your first kiss, like your greatest heartbreak.
“So, fill us in. Why are we in Futuretown? This is not really where I would expect to see the Insomniac. His idea of technology is a rock that is shinier than normal.” I said.
“Well… We sort of were trying to put him in suspended animation.” the Balancer stammered. “The number one research firm in the Shadow came to us with a proposal, a stasis chamber for the Insomniac and it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Anything involving the Insomniac is a bad idea. Where is he now?”
The Balancer gestured across the street and there stood a building that hadn’t been there before, because we hadn’t needed it before. That was the thing about the Shadow, everything was always were it needed to be, except when it had something better to do. It was a tall, gleaming structure with the massive letters spelling out the name of the company.
“N.E.R.D.S.?” asked Sarah. “Seriously?”
“Neurologically Engineered Research and Development Solutions. The greatest minds of this and any other time. If there is a way for science to solve it, they will find a way and when they are the ones looking? Science can always solve the problem.” said Harry.
“Or create it. Whichever pays more.” I replied.
“The Insomniac is inside. Speak to Dr. Powell. He will tell you what you need to do.”
“Where will you be?” I asked.
“As far away from here as is possible without coming out the other side. And no, don‘t expect any backup from me or mine, you three are on your own.” he said and waved his hand. Air rushed back into the spot where he stood with an audible pop.
“Say what you want about the Balancers, they do know when to duck and cover.” Harry said.
We crossed the street without bothering to look both ways, ground traffic being a lot more forgiving in Futuretown than in Evercity. A small device on the front of the building scanned us from head to toe before we could even consider getting close to the door. Harry and Sarah both enjoyed it, Harry because he felt it was his due and Sarah because she just enjoyed attention. I scowled, more for anybody watching than from any distaste at the intrusion. A brooding assassin had to keep up appearances.
The doors slid open ominously, like a giant maw waiting to devour us. Inside the facility, we were met by Dr. Richard Jones, also known as Dictionary Jones for his photographic and photogenic memory. He stumbled to a halt in front of us. He had dark brown hair, curly and unkempt, an open face with big innocent eyes, and more than a little bit of a potbelly growing. He was wearing a dirty lab coat and an expression of worry.
“Right this way, Mr. Crowley, Mr. van Helsing, and Ms. Phim. Dr. Powell is waiting for you.” he said in a rush, his voice showing tension and fear.
“Dictionary Jones, so good to see you again! How long has it been?” I said, genuinely happy to see him. He was one of the few pure of heart people walking around the Shadow that I could stomach talking to for more than a few minutes.
“Not since that demon tried to destroy half of Justiceville. That was a hell of a day.” he said with a grin. Justiceville was a medium sized city in the Shadow where all the superheroes and villains tended to congregate. It was wholesome and hearty and I found it just a little too morally black and white for my tastes. There were no shades of grey in Justiceville, just primary colors.
“That it was, let’s not do that again.” I grinned back easily.
“Do you know everybody in the Shadow, Crowley?” asked Sarah.
“Everybody who matters and don‘t ask how. You really don‘t want to know.” I said dismissively, it was always good to be a little mysterious with the major Players like Sarah. It kept them off balance. Let somebody like Sarah Phim know you were bluffing and she would eat your soul as an appetizer. “This is Dr. Richard Jones but everybody just calls him Dictionary for short. He is known as Dictionary because he remembers everything he sees, touches, tastes, hears, and smells. He is the go-to-guy for information in Justiceville, one of the smartest minds in the Shadow, and dates the hottest little street vigilante there is, the gorgeous and deadly Stiletto. Did I miss anything?”
“Got it all in one, Crowley. I must say it is gratifying you recall me, remembering inconsequential things is usually my job.” he said, self-consciously.
“If you date Stiletto, you aren’t inconsequential. I have long considered a life of crime just to get her to look in my direction. Those silver daggers of hers always change my mind though.” Harry said, nodding at Dr. Jones.
“I think you have considered everything to get any woman to look in your direction.” shot back Sarah.
“You would be right. What would I have to do to get you to?” he grinned back easily.
“You really don’t want her attention. You couldn‘t handle it.” I said as Sarah smiled sweetly, and dangerously. “Back to business, what’s the deal Jones? Fill me in.”
For a moment, he balked. I was a little worried that he wouldn’t tell me what he knew, that he would clam up and not be helpful. With an exasperated sigh, he looked me in the eyes and began recalling what happened.
“The head of the Balancers came to us with a proposal…” he began.
“Wait. Stop right there. He came to you? He said you came to him with the idea.” I interrupted.
“Never trust a Balancer, take it from a demon.” said Sarah.
“We came to him with the solution. He came to
us with the problem. Who is telling this story anyway?” he said and I gestured for him to continue. “He came to us with a problem, the Insomniac was major trouble and was due to awaken soon. He wanted to prevent that, wanted to get ahead of the disaster. We put our heads together and invented a way to put the Insomniac on ice, if you will. We would surround him with a special gel that would insulate him from outside stimuli but also disintegrate if he started moving around. And no, don’t ask what it is made of, you really don’t want to know. We hoped this would help keep him asleep as well as stop him from waking up in a restrained state, because everything usually ended in tears when he did.”
“But it didn’t work?” Sarah asked.
“No, it worked perfectly. I still don’t know what all the fuss is about. He hasn’t stirred one millimeter since we put him in the chamber. Personally, I think this is all some sort of mistake. That’s why I don’t trust oracles.” Dictionary replied.
“That makes two of us. Either way, we are getting paid to make sure the Insomniac goes back to sleep peacefully if he wakes up. Take us to the stasis chamber.” I said.
Dictionary led us deep within the bowels of the N.E.R.D.S. research facility. We passed sights unimaginable, wonders never to be believed. There were perpetual motion machines and free energy batteries, warp cores and artificial intelligences, and weapons the likes of which none of us dreamed existed. Laser and Masers and Phasers, plasma rifles and photon torpedoes, energy swords and ion cannons, and jetpacks, why does somebody always build a jetpack? They were shiny, fiery, death wishes waiting to happen.
There was every kind of invention you had never dreamed of and all of them being tested by men and women who looked less than confident in their use. Explosions were commonplace, damage was extensive, and pray for the insurance companies because they were going to be paying out the ass.
We reached a lab on the lowest level, the most remote and secure level. The security here was ridiculous and extensive. Everything from laser security grids to massive blast doors, this place was ready to be locked down. And with good reason, if the Insomniac woke up, he would tear through this place in minutes. The security precautions would serve their purpose though, they would slow him down long enough for at least a few people to evacuate. Though, there was only so far one could run when the Devil himself, or at least a reasonable enough facsimile, was chasing you.
We entered the lab, after an extraordinary amount of scanning and alarms and security checks, and stopped dead in our tracks. Before us, the tableau was something like we had never seen before. The room was huge, another spatial distortion spell, the scientists at N.E.R.D.S. were not above using magic when and if it suited their scientific purposes. The walls were lined with equipment I could not hope to fathom with a guidebook and an engineering degree.
Dominating the room was a massive machine. Within its mechanical depths, I could see a mountain of a man floating in some sort of frozen amber-like substance. Looking closely, I could see that the guys at N.E.R.D.S. had dressed him in a suit of pink footie pajamas. Floppy rabbit ears rose from his head to be frozen in place by the suspension gel. Welcome to the Shadow, good taste and a rational sense of self-preservation were optional.
Standing in front of the huge machine was a tall and slender scientist in a pristine lab coat. Dr. Powell, democratically elected head of N.E.R.D.S., far more than a genius with computer systems, and if rumor had it, even more of a genius with the ladies. His hair was blonde and receding, but his blue eyes were crisp and his fingers a blur as they flew over the console he was manning. He turned as we were gawking and upon recognizing us, walked briskly over.
“Gentlemen, Lady, Dr. Jones. Welcome to the Stasis Chamber. Everything is working properly, the specimen has not shown any signs of awakening. I really don’t see why you are here, except to bother me and distract me from my important work. I swear, it’s enough to make me want to give this all up and go back to university to teach.” He said in one big, rushed breath. “And who did they decide to send to interrupt my day? Harry van Helsing, the Gigolo-who-walks-the-night. Sarah Phim, Armageddon guaranteed or your money back. And last but not least, Allen Crowley. The Great and Terrible Believer, Mr. Scorched Earth himself. I swear, this day just gets worse and worse.”
“Dr. Powell. Good to see you again.”
“It’s not good to see you again, Crowley. Not good at all. They are still cleaning up the mess from the last time you were here.” he lamented and with good reason, I had destroyed a large amount of the facility a few months ago. My target had taken refuge here to arm himself with something that could slow me down. It wasn’t my fault, that was just the way thinks worked out, in the Shadow.
“How many times do I have to apologize for that? It was an honest mistake. How was I to know that rail gun was experimental? It’s not like there was a big sign on it telling me not to use it to kill a rampaging alien worm the size of a subway car.” I said indignantly. “You guys should consider investing in some signs. Big ones. With easy to sound out words.”
“Just do whatever it is you are here to do, see whatever it is you are here to see, and whatever happens, don’t touch anything. I am just going to go over here by my station and wait for it all to turn to tears.” he said and wandered off, defeated. That was usually what happened when I was involved in an assignment, I was the Believer. People tended to do what I wanted, if they knew what was good for them. This was doubly true when I was with heavy hitters like Harry and Sarah.
“We will let you know if we need you.” I called out to Dr. Powell’s back. It was always good to get the last word. I motioned to Sarah and she began sauntering around the room, looking at dials and screens without even the slightest bit of understanding about what they were for. I nodded at Harry and he immediately began transforming.
Few people had ever seen Harry van Helsing transform into the Wolf-who-walks-the-night, fewer still wanted to. Harry wasn’t just a simple werewolf. Harry was an Alpha werewolf, twelve feet tall if he was in inch and nasty in disposition. Before my eyes, he suddenly towered over us all, his skin sprouting long, wiry brown fur. Wolf’s fur. His fingers lengthened and grew sharp black claws. His already lupine face morphed into a huge vicious wolf’s head. Harry was nature, red in tooth and claw and when he was like this? Nobody was truly safe.
Even me and I carried around a set of silver knuckles specifically designed to knock Harry ass over teakettle. He had crafted them himself and given them to me, just in case he ever lost control. He wanted somebody he could trust to put him down if he needed. I considered it an honor, in my own twisted and demented manner.
Harry’s eyes swept over me with a predator’s hunger, a killer’s rage and in spite of myself, I shivered inside. The moment passed and Harry swung his massive head in a circle, smelling for the Gods only know what. I gave a little nod of satisfaction, Harry was a professional. He knew what he was doing. His wolf senses let him see and smell and hear things a normal person wouldn’t. When Harry van Helsing was the Wolf-who-walks-the-night, no man, woman, or beast could escape him for long. That was why he got paid the big bucks.
That was why he was here, I suddenly realized. As the Wolf-who-walks-the-night, Harry would never give up, would never stop chasing whatever he was after. As the Wolf, he was virtually invulnerable or at least, he healed so quickly he might as well have been. He was savage and wild and he would rip and tear and bite his way through anything in his path. That brand of savagery, of animal determination, would stand to slow the Insomniac down. It wouldn’t stop him, maybe nothing would do that but Harry could keep him occupied. Keep him busy while the rest of us hoped and prayed for a miracle.
I wandered over to where Sarah was staring at a computer screen much to the chagrin of the tech who was working in front of it. I couldn’t blame him, I wouldn’t want Sarah Phim looking over my shoulder while I did anything, much less work to keep somebody like the Insomniac under wraps. Taking pity on the poor man, I motioned for Sarah to
step over and join me.
“So, what do you think Crowley? Think Big Pink over there is going to wake up?” Sarah said flippantly. She wasn’t worried, she was glamorous, powerful, and immortal and even something as terrifying as the Insomniac better think twice before crossing her. “At least it will be less boring than all this standing around.”
“I am perfectly fine with standing around. My biggest wish is that this is the shortest, quietest assignment in history. I hope it’s so boring we all fall asleep.” I said.
“I never sleep, darling. The eternal and the infernal have no need of it. Sleep is for you mortal creatures, so the dreams of man can come and comfort or terrify you. I don’t envy any of you in the slightest, sounds more like a curse than a blessing to me.” she said in the peculiar way she had that made you both glad you were mortal and jealous of her immortality.
“You never sleep?” I asked, that was news to me.
“I can sleep. I choose not to. I did it once back in the Middle Ages and I woke up with the meanest headache you have ever seen. Lasted all the way through the warm period and that was the only period worth paying attention to then.” She said. “The fashions and dances and music were far more free and happy and more to my liking than the rest of that time and I had to spend it with a pounding migraine. Sometimes, being a demon-girl can be a real bother.”
“I imagine so.” I said, even if I didn’t. Sarah was just a little too powerful, a little too immortal for us regular people to really understand. It wasn’t a weakness because Sarah could not understand our mortal pursuits and dreams either. It was more of a trade-off, everything being fair and all that.
Still, that was interesting. Sleep, or more to the point, waking up from sleeping caused her pain. That got gears to turning in my head, ideas flitting in and out of my consciousness. I didn’t know what it was, it was something I had been doing for so long it was second nature to me but my mind would often piece together a puzzle for me. Taking all the different parts and putting them together in such a way that I could understand, that I could see a path. I could feel it happening now, feel myself starting to