by Jude Watson
"You loved Tahl," Obi-Wan said. "You broke the rule. And now you're asking me to give up something that you took for yourself. What were you and Tahl thinking when you pledged your love?"
"Yes, Qui-Gon," Yoda said. "Interested I am in your answer as well."
Qui-Gon thought before he replied. He did not want to answer this question. It touched on the deepest part of him. If he spoke her name aloud, would he crack?
"It was a confused time," he said. "We barely had time to acknowledge what we felt before she was kidnapped."
"An answer, that is not," Yoda said.
"What were we thinking?" Qui-Gon passed a hand over his forehead. "That we would find a way. That we were Jedi, and we would be apart much of the time. Yet we wouldn't deny the feeling."
"You would break the rule," Obi-Wan said. "You would have kept it secret."
Qui-Gon shook his head. "No, I don't think either of us wanted that. I think we felt that we would work something out somehow."
"The same way I feel now!" Obi-Wan cried.
Qui-Gon sat next to him on the bench. "Here is the difference between us. I did not get a chance to examine my decision. To see its pitfalls and its faults. I do not know what would have happened if Tahl had lived. We might have decided to put our great love aside. We might have left the Jedi Order. I do not know. I will never know. And I live with the heartbreak of losing her. But I am living, Obi-Wan. I am continuing to walk the Jedi path. What I'm saying to you is that once in a great while we have a chance to look at our lives and make a choice that will define us. You have that choice. It is ahead of you. Do not make it in haste. Use your head as well as your heart. Remember that you have chosen a life that includes personal sacrifice. This is the greatest sacrifice you can give."
"Add only this, I will," Yoda said. "Feel some of us do that great troubles lie ahead. We cannot see them or know them, but feel we do they are waiting. Need you, we do, Obi-Wan."
"And how will you feel," Qui-Gon said, "if the great troubles come, and you are not standing with us?"
"I don't know what's right." The words seemed torn from Obi-Wan. "I don't know what to do!"
Siri appeared at the top of the path. She ran toward them, her face stricken with sorrow.
"Magus has struck," she said. "Taly's parents have been killed."
CHAPTER 20
"Revenge," Qui-Gon said heavily. "It creates the greatest evil."
Yoda rose. "We must see what we can do for Taly."
"He gave information to the committee on the bounty hunters, but he did not reveal if he knew who had hired them," Siri told them.
"We'll never know the answer," Qui-Gon said. "Increasing in power, the dark side is," Yoda said. He looked at Obi-Wan and Siri.
Qui-Gon and Yoda walked away. Siri stared after them. "It's almost as if Yoda knows about us," she said.
"He does."
Obi-Wan drank in the sight of her. Her crisp beauty, the way she stood and moved and talked. The compassion in her eyes for Taly. He had come so close to having her in his life, to sharing things with her that she would not share with anyone else. So close to knowing her best. Loving her best.
"Don't look at me like that," Siri said, almost in a whisper. "You look as though you're saying good-bye."
Obi-Wan said nothing.
Her hand flew to her mouth. "What did they say to you?"
"They said to me what I already knew. What you already know. The rules will not change. And if we leave the Jedi together, we will never rest easy with that decision. We will regret it every day. And sooner or later that would lie between us and be greater than our love."
She turned away angrily. "I don't want to look that far ahead. I don't believe you can see what will happen. Anything can happen!"
"So what do you want to do?" He touched her shoulder. At first she jerked away, but then she relented. She leaned against him, her back against his chest. He slipped his arms around her waist. He couldn't help himself. I will give you up, Siri. But not yet. Give me this last moment, Qui-Gon. Let me brush my mouth against her neck. Let me feel her shudder.
"I didn't want to decide," Siri said. "Isn't that weak of me? I wanted you to decide. I was so afraid of what lay ahead that I wanted to let go of my own will." She shook her head, and he felt her hair swing against his cheek. "Is this what love is? Then maybe I'm not cut out for it after all."
He smiled at her rueful tone, even though his heart was breaking. He tried to turn her to face him, but she resisted.
"No. I can't look at you right now. Just . . . don't move." Her voice was a murmur now, and he could hear the tears behind it.
"I know we have to let each other go," she said slowly. "I can't imagine walking out of this room without being together, but I know it has to be done."
"You know that the Jedi need our service," Obi-Wan said.
Siri sighed. "Oh, Obi-Wan. Try not to be pompous." She twisted in his arms, ready to face him now, mischief in her eyes. "That is a trait I would tease out of you, given the chance."
"I'm sure you would. And I would tease your impatience with rules out of you."
"Yes, you were always better than me at the acceptance part."
Her words sank in, and the light left her eyes. "Even now," she said. "Even now you're teaching me acceptance, just at the moment I don't want to hear about it."
"Siri —"
"Wait." She pulled away from him and backed up. "Here is another thing you know about me — I don't like to drag things out. So let's make a pact. There's only one way this is going to work. We have to forget it ever happened."
"Forget?" Obi-Wan looked at her, incredulous. "I can't forget!"
"Well, you just have to," Siri insisted. "You have to push it down. You have to bury it. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. But I am going to do it. I am not going to think of you or wonder if we did the right thing. There will be no special looks exchanged when we see each other. You will never mention what happened between us again. We will be comrades when we meet. Comrades only. I am not going to look back, not once." She stamped her foot, as if stamping the memory into the ground. Obi-Wan started at the sound, wincing as though she had struck him. She was a warrior now, willing her body and mind and heart to obey her.
"And you will never remind me," she continued. "Not by a word or a look. Promise me."
"Siri, I —"
"Promise me!"
Obi-Wan swallowed. "I promise."
Her face softened for an instant. The last instant, he suddenly knew, he would see her look at him that way. "And I hope," she said, a catch in her voice, "that we don't meet for a long, long time."
Now that the moment was here, Obi-Wan saw more clearly what was ahead. A chasm of longing inside him that he would not be able to ever, ever fill up. A loss he could never acknowledge.
I can't do it, he thought, taking a step toward her. He had to touch her one more time. Maybe that would change everything.
"No." She backed up. "It starts now. May the Force be with you."
She turned and ran down the path. He reached out blindly for her. He felt the empty space where she'd stood. The waterfalls continued to mist the air, and he felt the spray on his cheeks. It tasted of salt, of tears.
Part Two
Twenty Years Later
CHAPTER 21
"The problem is," Mace Windu told the Jedi Council, "that Count Dooku has had years to plan the Separatist uprising. We are still catching up. We gain small victories, but they grow stronger. What we need is to strike a big blow. Something that will turn the tide and get undecided worlds to join us."
"A battle?" Anakin Skywalker asked.
"No." Mace steepled his long fingers. "Something else." He turned to Obi-Wan. "Do you remember the name Talesan Fry?"
The truth was, the name was buried. He had piled mission upon mission on top of it. When the thought of the boy crossed his mind, he thought of something else. He forgot the name of the planet Taly was from, erased the memory
of the ship rigged to explode, never thought of the cave he'd slept in for close to a week.
Yet even before the full name had left Mace's lips, he had remembered every detail.
"Of course."
"Kept track of young Taly, we have," Yoda said.
"Responsibility, we had, to protect him better than we had his parents."
Obi-Wan turned to his Padawan. "Taly had agreed to testify against some bounty hunters out to attack a meeting of planetary leaders. We foiled the attack, Taly testified, but one of the bounty hunters killed his parents in revenge."
"Who was behind the attack?" Anakin asked.
"Suspect we did that it was Passel Argente," Yoda said. "Prove it, we could not."
"Taly went underground," said Ki-Adi Mundi. "Took an assumed name. But then he popped up, under his own name again. He's an adult now, of course. He spent his years underground developing his knowledge of surveillance. He's fulfilled his early promise and become the foremost expert in the galaxy. He's a leading innovator of surveillance tactics and equipment. He built an empire. He's also a recluse."
"Who can blame him for that?" Obi-Wan muttered.
"He barricades himself behind the security he developed. All his workers have to agree to live in the complex. He has several trusted associates who deal with the necessary details of his business, visiting clients and such. He has no contact with the outside. He has no friends, no family, no allegiances. His only uncle died some time ago. He's managed to stay neutral in the Clone Wars."
That sounds like Taly, Obi-Wan thought.
"Now he has contacted us. While developing new surveillance-blocking technology, he stumbled on a startling invention." Mace leaned forward. "A foolproof codebreaker."
"Nothing is foolproof," Anakin said.
"We've seen the tests," Mace continued. "This technology could allow the Republic to break the code of the Separatists. And continue to break it no matter how many times they change it."
"Is Taly giving the codebreaker to us?" Obi-Wan asked.
Ki-Adi grimaced. "I wish it were that simple. Taly feels he owes the Jedi, because we saved his life. He's willing to offer us the technology first — if we come up with the right price. Taly has made it clear he's perfectly willing to turn around and offer it to the Separatists. What the Jedi must do is go to his compound and obtain the codebreaker, then bring it to the Azure spaceport. We've assembled a team of tech experts to study and deploy it. We know a Separatist attack is imminent. We need to discover where it will be."
"Who will go to Taly's compound?" Obi-Wan asked.
"You and Anakin," Mace said. "Taly asked for you, Obi-Wan. In consultation with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, the Senate will send a representative as well, Senator Amidala from Naboo. She's proven to be an able negotiator for the Republic cause."
Obi-Wan noted Anakin's start. He knew Anakin and Padme had forged a friendship. Although he liked Padmê and knew she'd be an asset on the mission, he wished the Chancellor had picked another Senator. It wouldn't do Anakin good to be around her too much.
"I have to object," Anakin said.
Mace raised his eyebrows. He was always surprised when someone disagreed with him. Beings rarely did.
"This mission could be dangerous," Anakin went on. "We already know that there have been attempts on Senator Amidala's life. We would be putting her in harm's way."
"It does not seem to me that the Senator turns away from danger if she sees a need to act," Mace said.
"And we could also be drawing the opposition. No doubt they are watching her every move."
"I have no doubt that we will be able to maintain secrecy," Mace said drily, "thank you though, Anakin, for the reminder."
"I just think there must be a better choice," Anakin said. Obi-Wan wanted to give him a hint to stop, but he didn't think it would have any effect. "Senator Bail Organa from Alderaan, for example —"
"This is the Chancellor's decision. Not the Jedi's. We cannot forbid her to go. Especially," Mace added sharply, "when we welcome her help."
If Anakin felt the sting of the rebuke, he gave no sign of it. There was no graciousness in his manner as he inclined his head, only a reluctant assent.
The passion in his Padawan's voice sounded an alarm in Obi-Wan. It stirred a memory. What had it felt like, to connect to a woman, to want to protect her?
He tamped down the memory as it rose.
I am not going to look back, not once.
The doors to the Council Room slid open, and Siri strode in. Since her Padawan, Ferus Olin, had left the Jedi Order years before, she had never taken another.
"I see that being at war hasn't helped your punctuality," Mace said severely.
"No," Siri admitted freely. "It's made my tardiness worse. There's so much more to do. But perhaps my excuses are improving."
Mace frowned. He didn't care for levity in the Council Room. "I have already briefed Obi-Wan and Anakin on the mission. It involves someone you may remember. Talesan Fry."
There was no reaction on Siri's face. No involuntary movement of her body. Her gaze stayed clear, her chin lifted. She did not look at Obi-Wan.
Ki-Adi Mundi went on to describe the mission. Siri listened impassively.
It was as though she had no memory of what had happened. As though she had wiped it clean.
She had buried her memories better than Obi-Wan had. He would follow her lead.
CHAPTER 22
Anakin strode along the walkway to the Senate. A speeder would have been faster, but he needed to feel the thud of his boots on the permacrete and hope the air would cool his temper. So far it grew with the pace of his walk.
He shouldn't have challenged Mace. He knew that. But he had been so stunned when Mace had told him Padmê would be on the mission that he had spoken without thinking. How could Padmê agree to this without telling him? Why would she agree at all?
Anakin thought he'd made some valid arguments, but Mace hadn't even listened, as if Anakin was still a youngling. Mace hadn't considered that he might be right, that putting a Senator in danger was a stupid idea. Their support in the Senate was crumbling by the day. Why should they risk losing such an important ally?
Of course, the reason he didn't want Padme to go was more personal than that. She'd nearly been killed several times by an assassin. Why would she deliberately risk her safety? Anakin shook his head. He did not understand his wife. He only knew he loved her. Hungered for her. Needed her. And he could not let anything happen to her.
He had one last chance. Chancellor Palpatine had urged him to come share with any problem, no matter how small. Anakin knew that if Mace found out he'd gone around him, his momentary annoyance would change to anger, but he couldn't help himself. Palpatine was the only one who could order Padme not to go.
The Blue Guards were standing at attention when he walked in. Sly Moore walked forward, her shadow robe moving with her gliding walk. She pressed a button on the wall. "You may go right in," she told Anakin.
Some Senators waited days or weeks until Palpatine could find a spot for them in his crammed schedule. But Palpatine had given a standing order to Sly Moore that when Anakin came, he would be seen immediately.
The Supreme Chancellor rose when Anakin hurried in.
"Something is wrong, my friend," he said, coming around the desk and approaching him with concern. "What can I do to help?"
"You know about this mission to Talesan Fry's headquarters?" Anakin asked.
"Of course. It could lead to the end of the Separatists. To peace. It is crucial."
"I understand you have picked Senator Amidala to accompany the Jedi," Anakin said. "I told Mace Windu my objections."
"Then tell them to me," Palpatine said. "I'm anxious to hear them. I always respect your opinion, Anakin. You know that. You have wisdom deeper than anyone I've ever known. You can see further than the Jedi Council."
Anakin felt uncomfortable when Palpatine said such things. But then again, there were times whe
n he believed them himself.
"Whoever goes on this mission is in danger," he said. "Senator Amidala has survived several attempts on her life. But assassins could still be tracking her. We compromise our safety and hers if she goes. "
"All of this is true," Palpatine said. "I had not thought of those things." He clasped his hands together, his skin so pale that Anakin sometimes wondered if blood actually ran in his veins. "Anakin, I wish that I could help you. Especially in the light of your excellent argument. But I am not ordering Padme to go. She chooses to go. How can I take back an order I did not give?"
Stopped in his tracks, Anakin didn't know what else to say. But Palpatine, as usual, had shown him the path. He needed to talk to Padme directly. Palpatine couldn't order her not to go. But Anakin could.
Padmê's laughter bubbled, then died when she saw he was serious.
"You're ordering me?"
"Yes. I have a right. I have more experience than you do; I'm a Jedi and I know what we could be in for. I'm also an officer in the Republic army."
"But I'm not." Padme continued to fold a robe she was placing in a small bag at her feet. "So thanks but no thanks, Commander."
"It's dangerous and unnecessary for you to go, and I won't allow it."
Padme turned. Her gaze was direct. Cool and composed. That always infuriated him.
"I think you know well enough how your attitude angers and upsets me. I don't respond to orders. I am a Senator. I have a duty to perform. So I am going."
"Padme, please." He wanted to give in to her softness, but she stood before him, ramrod straight. She wasn't wearing her ceremonial robes, only a soft sheath down to her ankles, but she might as well be costumed in armor.
He collapsed on his back on the sleep couch. "I don't know why it's so hard to talk to you."
"That's because you're not talking to me. You're ordering me."
"I'm just trying to keep you safe."
"This is not the way to do it."
He looked up. She was smiling at him. She came and sat beside him.
"I know you worry about my safety," she said in the soft tone he loved. "I worry about yours. We live in perilous times, Anakin. We're in the middle of a war. I'm in danger no matter where I am. We've both been in some kind of danger since the moment you arrived to protect me."