by Cee, DW
I had read the first message, but I chose to forget about it. “You obviously didn’t come all the way here to see me. What brings you to Rome?”
“Obviously, you didn’t read the second email.” I hadn’t. “In it I wrote that Austin Jones, the guy singing all my songs, is doing a music video here. He wanted me to come along as his creative director.”
“Wow. That’s cool. I didn’t realize they still made music videos. I don’t think I’ve seen one since elementary school.”
“That’s because you’re not into the music scene.”
I had nothing to say to that so I stayed quiet.
“You have a driver?” I asked when Ben led me to his car.
“We don’t shoot until late tonight, so I asked Austin if I could visit a friend.”
“OK.”
“We are still friends?” Ben asked with much doubt. An immediate answer was out of my reach. I pondered what Ben and I would be beyond in-laws. “I’m sorry, Mar. I know I didn’t handle this well with you and your sister.”
Two months after their engagement party, I thought I’d gotten a handle on my feelings. Ben wasn’t making this easy for me, dredging up ugly emotions.
“We are friends, Ben. We will always be friends, no matter what.”
“Are you sure? You haven’t returned any of my calls. You sure aren’t a welcoming friend.”
How was I to react to this uncomfortable situation? A confession of my feelings, and how much it hurts to be around him and my sister wasn’t a viable option. Was I to tell him that I was ashamed to be in love with my sister’s fiancé? How would he feel when I explained I hadn’t been with a man since we were together months before we broke up? What the hell to say to my ex-boyfriend, turned almost-brother-in-law, turned “friend?”
“Ben.”
“I can almost hear you thinking, Marni Montgomery. Stop wondering what we’ve become and let’s get back to being friends.”
“What do you need me for when you have my sister?” I whispered. My mouth just wouldn’t stay shut. This smartass question begged to be asked. “Sorry. Don’t mind me.” I brushed off my ornery question. “Is Melody here?”
“Mel couldn’t get away. She had fittings for her dress and for the bridesmaids’ dresses.”
There was another kick in the gut. Melody left me a message explaining that she was only having two bridesmaids and since I was out of the country, she was asking her two best friends. “I hope you’re not offended. I only did what was the most practical. You know we’re having a very short engagement and I need help from people who are readily available.”
“I assume wedding planning is going well?”
“I’ve no idea. Mom, Jean, and Mel are taking care of everything. Austin has kept me too busy to think about anything but writing songs.”
“You’re not pursuing singing, anymore? That was your first love.”
“Now that I’m getting married and have to provide for a wife, I’ve come to my senses.” Of course, he’d come to his senses, now. “I’m much better at writing songs. There’s no way I could cut it as a singer. Plus, with Melody by my side, writing songs has become like breathing. I can’t believe how much she inspires me.”
I disagreed, but kept the opinion to myself. He was talented in his own right, with or without my sister.
“What are you exactly doing here? If it’s to know that we are friends, be assured, we will stay friends.” I didn’t know how much more I could stand Ben waxing lyrical about his muse. “If we’re done, I’ll let you get back to Austin. My roommate and I are touring Rome today, so I need to get back.” We weren’t, but Ben didn’t need to know.
“Can I come with you? This is my first time in Rome and today’s my only free day.”
Shit. How would I get out of this one?
“Give me a sec. Let me ask Sylvia.” I called my roommate and asked her if it was OK for Ben to join our tour date. The smart girl that she was, she caught onto my lie and told me she’d like to sleep in and to have a great time with Ben. Sylvia wasn’t “feeling well,” suddenly. Before we hung up, she reminded me to text “jump” if I needed her out of our room.
“You’re laughing again. I assume your roommate is a funny gal?”
“That she is,” I agreed. “Let’s go see Rome, Ben Howard.”
It was pretty damn nice to have a driver at our disposal. We started at the Colosseum and latched onto a tour group about to walk in. The guide did a wonderful job explaining the history of this amphitheater and its uses. Once we were done visiting this new Seventh Wonder of the World, Ben took us to a gladiator workshop.
“What are we doing here?” I questioned, afraid of the answer.
“Haven’t you ever wanted to pick up a sword and pretend to go into battle?”
“Not since you sliced me with your plastic sword when we were five.”
“Come on.” Ben dragged me into the office. “I saw this online and it looked like fun. Let’s try this.”
“Never have I wanted to be cut open by anybody, Ben Howard. If you want to die before you get married, be my guest.”
“I’d like to die with my friend and future sister-in-law.”
There were no options to drop out and watch from the sidelines. Ben forced me to change into a gladiator get-up and carry a sword and shield.
“If I get even a nick on my body, you’re busted,” I threatened.
Ben gave me his all-American boy-next-door smile.
Between running around the Colosseum in heavy armor, and carrying an impossibly heavy shield, I thought I might murder my friend and future brother-in-law.
“Are we done?” Regardless of Ben’s answer, I was done playing gladiator for a lifetime.
“I’d like to continue but my stomach’s grumbling. You know of any killer pasta joints?”
“Practically every restaurant in Rome has amazing pasta.”
“Well, don’t just be a know-it-all. Lead me to something incredible.”
After lunch near the Colosseum, a guided-tour of the Pantheon, a ride on the hop-on and hop-off bus, and a thorough tour of the Vatican, we were both wiped.
“What was your first thought when you looked at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?” I asked a wide-eyed Ben who couldn’t stop staring at Michelangelo’s work.
“It’s so amazing, I want to cry?” Ben laughed. “Was that a wussy statement?”
“It was the perfect sentiment.”
“Do you think we can go back to being friends, again, Mar?” After an entire day of normal and fun, Ben’s question put us back in that awkward state. “Can we go back to being Ben and Marni before we got together?”
“Sure, Ben. I’d like that.”
We both said all the right things to one another about how we’d stay in touch and how Melody would love to have her sister back. We knew that we could never go back to the friendship of the past. Too much had happened. For now, we’d vow to stay friends. Once Melody entered the picture again, I assumed we’d go back to being distant relatives, distant acquaintances—no matter this reunion.
Chapter 5 Noah (Present)
Reunited ~Peaches & Herb
“Who the hell is bothering us?” I was pissed Marni kept receiving picture texts all day long.
Here I was, trying to win her back, but doing everything wrong. Here she was, giggling and smiling at every snap that was purposely sent to distract her.
“Sorry,” was Marni’s word of the day.
“Hey. Did I waste my time coming here? Are you completely done with me? Should I go and leave you to play house with your new family?”
Marni kept her lips firmly together and sighed. That didn’t bode well for me. “Noah. What is it you want from me?”
“To be loved? To have an answer to the proposal I gave you a long while ago? For you to want to be with me more than a family who ignored you until they needed you?” Why couldn’t she see that they were using her? They weren’t interested in Marni’s welfare. I was the
only person who loved Marni without an ulterior motive.
“I love you too, Noah. I have for a long time and I hate seeing us like this. But, I’ve explained why I have to do this. This situation is temporary…I think.” She was kidding herself if she thought this was temporary. That baby had her hooked deep. The number of times she checked her phone since I got her out the door should have been a sign that she was done with me.
“OK.” I took a deep breath and decided to approach this sinking ship another way. “Let me start, again, by saying I’m sorry. My parting words to you sucked. All the accusations were unfair and untrue. But deep in my heart, I’m insecure.”
“What are you insecure of, Noah? When we first started this conversation, I told you I’d come home every weekend. ‘Abandonment’ wasn’t on my agenda.”
“I know. I know I screwed this up and I forced your hand.” It was hard explaining the real reason for my ornery behavior. “I’m jealous of Ben.” That was as abrupt as could be, but there was no better way to confess.
“Why would you be jealous of Ben? He just lost his wife of ten years. His baby girl has been passed around from daycare to daycare. He’s trying to hold it together so Ali can have a normal life—a life where she’ll never know her mother.”
“He was your first everything. I hated knowing he always came before me.”
“Ben only came before you sequentially. Never in our years together did Ben ever factor into our relationship.”
“You never let the hurt of his and your sister’s marriage go.” Marni didn’t have a response. I knew I wasn’t wrong making that statement. “I really thought you would eventually fall in love with Ben, again. Everything is in place. All they need is you.”
“Did I ever tell you about my childhood and how Ben and I grew up together?”
This story took us from the park bench to a café for lunch, to a long walk along the beach.
“So you’re saying that you owe Ben? Is that why you’re here?”
“Ben and I don’t owe each other anything. He is family. Ali is family. Why won’t you believe me when I tell you my sister asked me to watch over them?”
“I know I sound like a jerk but the story is just too convenient.”
“Then I guess there’s not much more to talk about.” Shit. She was angry. “I’ve been honest with you from the beginning. When you came to me unexpectedly, I told you I needed honesty in our relationship. You hurt me, not much differently than the way Ben did, back in college.”
“I apologized profusely for an entire year until you took me back.”
“Listen, against instinct, I decided to give us a chance because I still loved you. While we were briefly together, I know I wasn’t good at expressing how I felt. When I love, I love deeply. There aren’t too many things flippant about me. Though I didn’t do a satisfactory job letting you know, I loved you a lot. Those feelings never left and thus, the reconciliation.”
What she said bothered the hell out of me. I liked that she loved me deeply, never fell out of love, and that was the reason for us reconciling. The big question looming was whether she felt the same way about Ben. By her logic, she never fell out of love with him, either. He was no dummy when he called his “sister-in-law” by his side. He could fall back in love with Marni and they could become that happy family.
I shook off the nasty thought and tried to win my girlfriend back. “I screwed up. The glamour, the prestige, the sense of power—that was all too much for a twenty-one-year-old. I made the same mistake my father did. But, you’ve always had a way of dredging up my history, making me feel guilty for what I did to you. I’ve tried so damn hard to love you. I even asked you to marry me. You’ve yet to answer.”
Marni looked startled by my admission. “Noah.” She grabbed my hand. “It was never my intention to make you feel bad about anything. I’m sorry if I did.” My heart broke for her as tears welled up in her eyes. I shouldn’t have accused her of any wrongdoing. “Let’s not talk about the mistakes of the past. We all have them. I only want to resolve our present and see about a future.”
What she said all sounded positive, however, she was continually anxious to be elsewhere. Our conversation was disjointed and she was distracted.
“Can we try to do what you originally proposed? Will you come back to me on the weekends?”
Hesitation marked her expression. “Give me a little time with Ali, first. She’s adjusting to me and I don’t want to leave her just yet.”
“How much time do you need?”
With a lifeless shrug that confounded me, Marni wouldn’t answer. Only when she received a phone call, did she start talking again.
“I’m unsure how much time it will take for Ali to settle in. How about if we talk about this again this weekend? Mom hurt her back and is using that to get Ali to visit her.”
I just didn’t get why mother and daughter were so devoted to this little girl.
“You’re pushing me away and I don’t seem to have a choice of accepting or not accepting this decision.” I stood up to leave. “Do you need a ride home?” That was a rhetorical question since her “home” was just down the strand. “I’ll see you later.”
I walked the opposite way without another word.
Before leaving San Diego, my intention was to woo her with flowery words and bring her home—our home. I succeeded in neither. Marni would stay here playing house. I would be in our house alone, again.
Chapter 6 Ben (Present)
Complicated ~Avril Lavigne
“Thank God you chose to come back!” There were no more telling words of relief than when I embraced Marni the second she walked through the door.
Marni looked tired and beat up. I didn’t know if it was a bad sign that she didn’t return my hug.
“How was Ali today?”
“As lost and cranky as her father.” That elicited a weak smile. “You want to talk?”
Mar looked at the clock and mentally wavered. It was past midnight, but as tired as she looked, I could tell she was willing to appease my curiosity.
“Sure.”
“Have you had dinner?”
“Kind of.”
That was all I needed to hear. “Go get in a swim while I chill your beer mug and heat up your snack.”
The smile that now greeted me was encouragement enough for me to grab the baby monitor and head downstairs. I knew I didn’t need to check up on Ali again. There was no way Mar would come home and not make sure her niece was all right.
True enough, I heard Ali’s door open through the baby monitor. While it pleased me to know Ali was Mar’s main concern, I was alarmed by the crying I heard.
“I missed you so much today, Baby Girl. I so wanted to be with you today.” Oddly, Mar’s words sounded desperate. “I’ve loved you since you entered my life and when your…mom…” she paused at that word, “asked me to leave, it killed me to stay away from you. Now that I’m here, I’m not ever leaving. You are my life. You are my priority. You are my everything.”
No questions were necessary after hearing that kind of heartfelt confession. I had no more worries about Mar reconciling with Noah.
“Hey. How’s my dinner coming along?” Mar finally came down after hanging out in Ali’s room.
“Your dinner is served.”
“Shit, Ben. How am I supposed to eat all this? You’re really going to make me fat, again.”
“It’s not all for you, Greedo. I haven’t had much of a dinner, myself.”
“Why not?”
“Ali and I were both too depressed to eat because you weren’t home.” I answered in the most serious tone.
Mar took my confession as a joke, and in part, I meant for it to be a joke. But in truth, there was no humor in what I’d said. My little girl was mostly fine, but her daddy was not all right. It was probably not a smart thing to become so dependent upon the first sense of stability, but I was damned if I wasn’t going to hold onto the lifeline that came to us with open arms.<
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“I take it you didn’t stay up this late to eat hot wings and drink beer?”
“You don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want. Well, except maybe that you are staying with us indefinitely so both my baby and I can get a peaceful night’s rest?”
Mar grinned. “I peeked into Ali’s room and she was snoring away.”
“A princess does not snore!” My attempt at indignation didn’t work.
“Oh yeah? Well, the one-year-old upstairs is either not a princess, or she’s a princess with a serious nasal issue.”
“She missed you, today,” I spoke in all seriousness.
“I missed her, too. It’s only been two days, but I don’t think you can get rid of me anymore. If you ever decide to remarry, let the woman know that I’m a part of the package. I’m going to care for Ali until she moves away to college. I may even decide to move near her, wherever she goes.” Mar was dead serious.
“Are you going to be the crazy spinster aunt who’ll take care of her great-grand nieces and nephews, leaving them your fortune because you don’t have kids of your own?”
She didn’t think twice before answering, “Most likely.”
“What happened with Noah?”
“He and I have so much history together, it’s hard to let go.” That history included his girlfriend getting pregnant, with him not being the father. “He didn’t mean to come off as such an ass this morning. He said he was jealous of you.”
“Me?” That made me feel pretty damn good.
“He made himself believe I came up here for you.”
“Didn’t you?” Now, I was feeling insecure.
“Obviously, you’re part of the reason. But, I wouldn’t have come here had it not been for Alice.”
“Oh!” That came out wrong. “Yeah. Of course you wouldn’t have moved your life just for me. I wouldn’t have asked you to live with me if I was alone. That’s ridiculous.” I babbled on, “Who would move in with their brother-in-law/ex-boyfriend because he lost his wife? That’s unheard of…” I had no idea why I couldn’t shut up.