by Grant Hunter
As I entered my room I cursed myself. Apparently I forgot to lock the door again. The smell of sweat and unwashed clothes was unbearable. I opened the window and immediately felt a warm breeze entering the room. Humid and warm, suffocating. From beneath I could smell the garlic coming from the kitchen and I sniffed in the scent of herbs. Joy was probably preparing dinner. I moved away from the window and looked in my cupboard and found a can of tuna.
Disappointed I grabbed my mobile phone and scrolled through the menu. ‘Let’s order a pizza,’ I muttered, then noticed a new name in my messages:
Gabriel Frost. Call me if you are feeling better.
I couldn’t remember how he had gotten my mobile phone number. My finger touched the phone icon and he picked up immediately.
‘Naomi. That took a long time.’
‘Err, hello?’
‘Do you feel better finally?’
I felt light-headed. ‘How did you know my number?’
‘You gave it to me yourself, silly. Don’t you remember?’
‘No,’ I said, hearing my voice tremble.
‘That’s all right. I’m glad to hear that you are feeling better.’
I sat down and stared outward, to the lights in the distance, to the silhouettes in the houses across the street. Families at the table, who appeared as cardboard-cut figures in a mysterious shadow game, which I was not invited to play.
‘Do you remember what you said to me when you gave me the number?’
I decided to say nothing.
‘Silence? What a pity. Can we start over? Start with a clean slate. Act as if we met for the first time. Forget that I kicked a ball at you and gave you a bloody nose ---- or that you vomited all over my shoes?’
‘Oh, God. Really?’
‘It’s no big deal. Guess I deserved it,’ he laughed.
I laughed back sheepishly. Trying to find an excuse in the meanwhile, but I couldn’t.
‘Come on. Let’s forget first impressions. Your first impression of me was a disaster and the second one too. Give me one last chance. Come on Naomi.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Maybe?’
‘Yes, it’s complicated...’
‘Isn’t it always, though?’
I sighed.
‘Ouch. That sounds really frustrated. What did he do? You want to talk about it?’
‘No. And there is no one,’ I lied. ‘Know what? You are right.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. What about pizza?’ I asked.
‘I don’t follow. You want me to make it up with a pizza...?’
I could hear him smile, as I stayed quiet. ‘... that’s fine with me. But there is still something else.’
‘OK. I’ll play. What’s that, Gabe?’
‘I work in a pizzeria. Do you know that I make the best pizzas in London?’
‘Really?’
He murmured agreement. ‘I’ll sort out something with my boss. Shall I bring the pizza, or do you want another delivery boy?’
‘Err...’ Better if I had said no or why not arrange to go somewhere else? But that gnawing hunger! I couldn’t get beyond the thought of the most delicious pizza in the city.
‘Where I work they only deliver. Come on, Naomi. If I had wanted to attack you I would have done so a long time ago. Give me this chance then we are even.’
‘OK.’
‘See you later,’ and Gabe hung up.
I tidied my bed, put on a black dress, then picked the laundry up from the floor and stuffed them all in a heap in my wardrobe. I put the cushions and the bedspreads on the floor, roughly like Jen had her stuff arranged. Then I realized that the air of old unwashed clothes was still hanging around, so I lit a couple of scented candles. When I lit the last I heard someone calling me softly from behind the door.
Was Gabe that fast? Before I opened the door, I turned to the mirror and had a quick look. My black dress looked amazing and my hair hung gracefully around my blushing face. I pushed a lock of hair behind my ears, just before opening the door.
‘Oh. Hi.’
The skinny figure took his glasses off. Squinting, he looked at me. ‘You look amazing. I thought you might want to have a drink with me.’
‘No. Sorry, Justin. I am expecting a visitor.’
‘Oh...’ His face turned white. He put his glasses back on and walked away without saying anything.
‘Maybe another time?’ I said as he walked down the stairs. Although I did not want to at all. No! Of course not!
I tiptoed down the stairs and I saw him in the corridor. How he went down the last staircase, walked towards the front door and disappeared through it. I glanced at my watch. Only a view minutes had passed. My heart pounded in my chest as I went to Jenny’s room and put my ear against her door. No sound. Maybe she was out? Or was she sleeping? I didn’t know, it didn’t matter anyway. Ever since Justin had lived in the house I only wanted one thing and this was my chance.
I went up the stairs shoeless. Just in front of his door I held my breath and pushed the latch down. Bingo! Exactly as I thought. There was no need for a key to enter the attic room. As I entered the room I was hit by a suffocating air, of old socks and piss. The floor was still covered by magazines and cuttings. Against the wall stood a table that was used as a desk. Even his bed, which was under a low part of the roof, was covered with papers. On tiptoe I went to the desk and looked at the collage of cuttings. There were many pictures of naked women covered in blood and over them he had drawn lines, circles and notes. I recognized my name on one of the naked figures; he had crossed out the closed eyes.
‘What the fuck?’ I whispered.
I quickly browsed through some more sheets with photos stuck on them. My eye fell on a note that lay underneath it and I slowly drew it towards me. Justin had scrawling handwriting, shaking, as if it were written by a small anxious child.
My index finger traced over the letters as I opened the last page I muttered the phrases to myself:
“I finally spoke to Naomi. She looked so gloomy. She has money problems and I offered my help but she rejected it. I have to move fast, now that Robin is chasing her. That’s why I will try again tonight. Maybe she will begin to trust me if we go for a drink together. Then I’ll tell her what I’ve found. She needs to know and I’m going to make sure she does.”
Wide eyed I scanned all the notes. Everything was about me. My name was on every page; from the date that Justin first came here. I could read exactly what I had said to him and how I had looked at him.
‘She wore the same blouse as yesterday...’ I read a following passage, whispering to myself, ‘she just came out of Joy and Robin’s bedroom...’
Furiously I grabbed the note, ran out of the room. Down the stairs to the living room where Joy and Robin were watching TV together, with a plate of macaroni on their laps.
‘If you are thinking about throwing anyone onto the streets, take a look at this.’ My voice sounded hysterical and high.
‘Wah at oo ay?’ said Joy with her mouth full.
I threw the note between Joy and Robin. ‘Read! Read what that creep,... that stalker who lives above me has written.’
Joy put her tray aside, grabbed the note and glanced at it.
‘She has problems and I want to help her... bla bla bla,’ she read aloud. ‘Yes, so?’
‘So? He is stalking me, Joy. Throw him out of the house.’
She gave me the note back and nodded as if she wasn’t curious anymore.
‘I can’t do that. If I were you I would put that back. Be glad I’m going to keep my mouth shut about this. You can’t poke around in someone else’s room and in other people’s stuff and then take things, that’s called stealing.’
I felt the pounding of my heart in my chest. ‘W-What?’
‘Jesus Christ, don’t be such an idiot. This guy has a crush on you. That’s not a crime. You know what is? Stealing!’
Robin grabbed the note out of my hand and scanned through it. He made
whistling noises and shook his head every now and then.
‘Fucking loser. Innocent though. He only fantasizes about you. If he dares to hit on you, he’ll have to deal with me.’
He bent his arm and flexed his muscles. I saw Joy’s expression turn sour.
‘Put it back, Naomi. We won’t say anything to Justin, but stay out of anyone else’s room from now on. Consider this a warning!’
‘What? So you won’t do anything?’ I asked.
Joy shrugged and went on with her plate of macaroni. Ignoring me. Stamping my feet, I walked up the stairs to the attic and put the note back in Justin’s room, exactly where I found it. Maybe I still had time to look under his mattress quickly? Just as I lifted the mattress, I heard the bell go, followed by a voice at the door.
‘Did you order pizza, Naomi?’ Joy shouted up.
Shit. ‘Yes! Just a minute!’ I cried.
12
My pizza box was completely empty, so where the two bottles of wine, lying next to me on the floor. After three glasses of wine I had told Gabe almost my whole life story. He nodded occasionally and didn’t say much, but smiled at the right moment, so I had the feeling I could tell him more. At first, we only talked about pizzas, how Gabe had found the job and what it was like working there. After a few glasses of his wine, we laughed about our first meeting. I told him that I was really angry at him because my lip had been hurt so much, but that he had made up for it now. Then I chatted about other things and my stories became more personal. I even told him about my afternoon with Joy and Robin.
‘Really? You did that?’
‘Ah huh.’
‘And you did that because you had no money and didn’t want to be thrown out of this house?’
I nodded hard.
Gabriel dropped on his back and stared at my ceiling. His tanned skin contrasted beautifully with his white T-shirt. I looked at him from head to toe and wondered if I just liked him as a friend or if there was more to it.
He turned his head. ‘You know...’ he said slowly. He did not finish his sentence.
‘What?’
‘Ah, nothing. Forget it.’
‘Why are you staring at me so strangely?’
He came up into a sitting position. ‘Do you know what you need?’
‘More wine?’
Gabriel jumped up and looked around the small room. ‘Someone like me.’ He stayed standing there and took something out of his pocket. It was a small wallet. He opened it.
‘No, No. I can’t accept that.’
‘It’s really not a problem. I have my savings and earn enough. So here, take it.’
He bent down and held the money in front of my nose. It was enough for a month and I realised that my hand wanted to take it.
‘Are you trying to seduce me?’
He smiled.
‘That idea has crossed my mind. But this is just friends between each other. Please give it back when you have a new job. Then you don’t have to do things that you will regret later.’
‘Regret? Who says I do?’
He sat down on the floor. Next to me on the pillow and handed me the money.
‘I really like you. You are a nice guy, just as Jenny said. Do you like me to?’
‘You know I do. But don’t tempt me, Naomi.’ He gave me a shy smile. ‘You almost drunk two bottles of wine. Before you do things you don’t want or won’t remember, I must go home.’
‘What? Seriously?’ I was stunned but he got up on his feet.
‘I don’t want to take advantage of a woman. I’m not like that.’
‘But... I feel fine.’
He left me bewildered. I sighed and counted the money I held in my right hand. I sorted the banknotes out and just when I put the last one down, I heard someone creeping outside my door.
When I looked at the clock, I noticed it was after midnight. Maybe Gabriel forgot something? I thought. Or maybe Justin is fucking with my head? Shit, is the door locked? I rushed to the door, turned the lock and put my ear against the door. I couldn’t hear anything. Relieved I slipped into my pyjamas, picked the blanket off the floor and rolled into bed.
‘Tomorrow I’ll find a job. Then everything will be OK.’ I murmured.
Shouting aroused me from a new nightmare. Hassle. Downstairs, in the kitchen. A woman’s voice that sounded hysterical penetrated through the walls. I sighed and stuck my head under the pillow. It didn’t help. Damn, it was only half past seven. I turned around and put my hands over my eyes as the bright orange glow of the sun shone in my face. Bloody curtains! A man’s voice responded. Loud, furious. The front door slammed closed.
I got out of bed and opened the window. Silence. Only the sound of the dawn chorus. I breathed in the sweet morning air. The smell of jasmine, mixed with the aroma of baked bread from the bakery down the road. It immediately aroused an awful feeling of hunger. I suddenly remembered the money. I really could go to the bakery and buy a delicious croissant. But first I had something to do.
I checked in the laundry basket and decided that I could wear yesterday’s black dress one more day. Then I brushed my teeth and tugged a brush through my hair. Satisfied I shoved the money in my bra and hummed a song while I walked down the stairs. Today everything was going to be different.
I immediately stopped singing when I saw Joy in her pyjamas on the couch, with her hands over her eyes.
‘Are you OK?’
Joy took her hands away and showed her red bloodshot eyes. Her face was moist. She said nothing, stared at her bare feet. I grabbed the money and laid it in front of her on the table. This was definitely the worst moment to pay her, but I wanted to get out of debt as soon as possible.
‘Look...’
Silence. Just when I started to turn, she tugged on my dress. ‘Naomi? Do you find me annoying?’
I swallowed. ‘Did Robin say that?’ Somehow I felt that I had to sit next to her. Had to put my arm around her to comfort her. But after yesterday I didn’t want to come any closer to Joy than was strictly necessary. So I crossed my arms and looked at her with some satisfaction now that I had nothing to feel guilty about.
‘Well, that’s your money anyway. I have to go.’
She gave me a deadly look. ‘You know, you’re really insensitive.’
‘Great. But Robin thinks differently.’ It came out without thinking and immediately I felt guilty.
Joy’s neck reddened.
‘Fucking bitch.’ She wiped her tears away and gazed at me demonically.
‘Sorry, Joy. I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘You want to take him from me. That’s it.’
‘No.’
‘I can tell when people lie.’
‘You’re getting paranoid, Joy. Don’t you see what Robin is doing to you? Even Mercedes warned you about him. Where is she by the way?’
Joy shrugged her shoulders casually.
‘You’ve fired her?’
‘Yes. So what?’
‘Oh, is it because of Robin?’
‘Mercedes didn’t respect him,’ Joy murmured.
‘You’re crazy,’ I said and turned around and left her behind crying. Oddly enough, it did make me feel better.
I took my jacket from the hook, slammed the door behind me, undid my bike chain and jumped on the saddle. The sun’s rays shone on my bare legs as the pedals spun around quickly. I rode off the tree lined road, turned right on Mycenae Road and followed the road to the roundabout where I took the first exit. I rode through Westcombe Park, until I went right again at Westcombe Hill. When I rode through the shopping street, I kept my eyes skinned. Where would I decide to go in to look for work? Would I dare to do it at all? Of course.
Later on I stepped off my bike and put it against a tree. I breathed deeply and had a good look around me. Probably I had to go further into the city in order to find something, but I decided to try my luck here anyway. On the corner, at the first restaurant I saw, I popped in, even though it was dark and there was a sign in front of
the door saying Closed. My heart was thumping when I walked to the bar, where someone was working. I gave him my warmest smile.
‘We are closed,’ he grumbled.
‘Yes. Sorry. I eh... I’m looking for a job.’
The man grabbed a beer glass and started drying it with a cloth. ‘A job? Hm. I do have something for you.’
‘Really?’
‘Sure. We can use extra help washing and cleaning.’
‘Cleaning?’
‘Full-time. You can start right away. The windows need to be cleaned.’
‘Well, actually I’m looking for a job as a waitress.’
‘Sorry. Then I can’t help you.’ He turned around and put the glass on the shelf behind him. ‘If you change your mind...’
I thanked him, turned around and left the restaurant. Outside I crossed the street to buy a croissant at the bakery. Eating and pondering I walked back to my bike a little later. Maybe I had to look for work at a fast food chain? Or just in a shop as a sales assistant? or temporarily as cashier. Anything was better than washing and cleaning. In the worst case I could ask Joy if I could take over Mercedes’ work.
13
At the moment that I jumped on my bike, it happened. And it happened so fast I barely realised it. I pedalled like I was possessed, but it had no effect. The gears jammed. I just didn’t have enough momentum to keep my balance, especially with only one hand, as I was holding my croissant firmly in the other. The handlebar swung to the right and I hit the pavement with my front wheel. As the bump came, I pushed the handlebar to the left and then it all went completely wrong. Everything moved in slow motion. The bike tilted below me and the next moment I toppled over. In the seconds that followed I thought: Oh God, this fall is going to hurt, if I only had worn trousers. And then: Bam! A dull blow, different from what I had expected. Other than breaking bones or scraping my flesh over concrete. Just a dull thump. As if a bag of potatoes had hit the pavement. The croissant, which I was so pleased with, shot out of my hands. My elbows slipped over the rough ground but at least prevented my head from bouncing against the concrete. My legs felt like they had been sandpapered. And immediately after that there was a sharp pain. Hot. Burning.