Debating about whether or not she should sit with him, or take her food up to her room with her, Charlize knew she really had little choice.
They had a matter to discuss, whether he was going to like it or not.
She decided to wait until they were almost done eating—which they were doing in complete silence. No point in ruining a perfectly fine appetite with such incredibly good food on the table.
“I’m too old to be a father.” He’d taken a sip of the beer he’d pulled from the refrigerator. She’d opted for a bottle of spring water. Almost choked on the swallow she tried to take after he’d spoken.
“I don’t know what to say to that,” she told him when her throat was clear enough to speak. “Of course, you aren’t, but I’m guessing you aren’t really talking about years.
“In my experience, and I’ve got a lot of it, the healthy state of a family isn’t based on the parents’ ages—at least, not entirely. Obviously, some younger parents maybe wouldn’t have the struggles they do if they were a bit more mature, or wouldn’t have them to the same extent. But a person’s ability to love, to guide, to set and maintain boundaries, to discipline, to teach, and, to love, isn’t bound by age.” She put extra emphasis as she repeated the most important quality to happy family life—love.
“I’ve had a lot of years to develop my particular habits. I’m set in my ways. And I’m grouchy when I have to be flexible.”
Like avoiding the passenger side of any vehicle. He’d handled the situation just fine. So he wasn’t telling her the real problem. He wasn’t talking to one of his sisters, or a client or law-enforcement peer. He had a counselor at the table. One who was pretty adept at knowing when to hold her tongue.
Dinner was almost done. She still had that matter to discuss. Didn’t want to think about it. The discussion, or the actual event.
“If we were to ever go out with the kid together, you know to a teacher conference or sporting event, people would think I’m the grandfather.”
“You’re only thirteen years older than I am, Riley, not thirty. And you’re in better shape at forty-three than a lot of the fathers I visit who are my age. You’ve got an added maturity and wisdom that any child would be lucky to benefit from...” Because they were talking about him being a father, not them being a couple.
The former was happening. The latter was very firmly not. No matter how succinctly her subconscious kept remembering his lovemaking.
“Say we have a boy,” she started, and noticed him flinch at the word we. Almost let her thought trail away unspoken, and then chose not to do so. “Say he plays football. You’d be fifty-eight or so if he makes varsity. I’d be willing to bet my life’s savings that you’d still be able to outthrow him, and catch him on the field, too. Assuming disaster hasn’t struck before then.”
He glanced up at that, frowning. “What? Disaster? Who goes around making room for disaster?”
Smiling, she nodded. “Exactly,” she said. “Anything can happen to anyone at any age, in terms of physical disabilities or death. We don’t live our lives looking for either. Most of us live our lives hoping that they’ll be long and fruitful. And it happens more times than not. A good majority of us live to old age. So with that in mind, and with today’s longer life spans, this child will have gray hair by the time you’re heading out.”
Putting his fork and knife in the middle of his empty plate, Riley didn’t respond verbally or in his expression.
He stood, reached for her empty plate, carried them both to the sink. And when he came back for her silverware, said, “I’m closing in on half a century of living. I’m set in my ways.”
Leaving her to decipher the message she was supposed to take from that. Was he telling her he wasn’t going to be a father to the child they’d created?
Or just stating a fact she was going to have to learn to live with?
Maybe he was just reiterating that there was no hope for the two of them as a real family.
He needn’t have worried on that count.
* * *
Riley figured his handling of the dishes, combined with his surly mood, would be cue enough for Charlize to clear out of the kitchen. She continued to haunt him with the scent of her shampoo. And the beating of her heart in his personal space.
He could almost feel the palpitation. And the air she breathed in and out of that gorgeous body of hers. He’d been adamant about his right to protect his child. Pretty much left her no choice but to move in with him. Had been completely certain he was absolutely right in his insistence.
And he’d been wrong.
Having Charlize Kent in his personal space had not been a good choice. Having any woman there would have been an oddity. He’d never, ever brought a girlfriend or fling home to CI headquarters. Or the family home when it had been that.
Not ever.
Charlize’s presence in the space made things complicated again. Too complicated.
He wanted her; the chemistry between them as explosive as a match to gasoline. Had to stand at the sink after the dishes were in the dishwasher to keep his hard-on from becoming another unspoken conversation between them.
“I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning.”
Or...an announcement from her could shrink his penis right up.
Of course she’d have called her doctor. She was three months pregnant. And he, in all his smartness, had insisted on accompanying her every single place she went.
“They’re going to be doing an ultrasound, since I’m already starting my fourth month. The appointment will last about an hour. You can wait, or you can drop me off and pick me up afterward.”
Her dismissal of him, speaking of his presence there like it was no more than taking care of her, acting like the whole thing was no big deal...kind of pissed him off.
Whether it made logical sense or not, he didn’t like feeling dismissed. His phone vibrated in his pocket. Again. The fifth time since he’d texted his siblings. As he’d done with all the rest, he ignored it.
“As the father of the child, I’d like to hear what the doctor has to say,” he blurted, as much out of perverseness than anything else, he supposed. “And... I’d like to be present for the ultrasound.” Marisol had talked about her husband having been in the room when they’d found out they were having a girl...the conversation had been pertinent because she’d been missing her son so acutely one night...
He turned from the sink at Charlize’s silence. In the middle of the kitchen, halfway between the refrigerator and him, she stood, mouth open.
His bad mood dissipated way too quickly at the sight of that mouth. Yeah, because it looked so tempting and kissable, but more because he’d managed to make her speechless.
She wasn’t as unaffected by him as she pretended.
It was almost enough to make him take back his ultrasound statement. Yet, he didn’t. He’d never been to an ultrasound before. Was a bit curious.
And as Charlize continued to stand there as though she’d just heard the worst news of her life, he softened, no fractiousness left at all. “I’m not trying to make more between us than what’s there, or insinuate myself into your life. I’m not even sure I’m insinuating myself into the child’s life. I’d just like to be there for the ultrasound.” But it wasn’t nonnegotiable. “If that’s okay with you,” he added, to make that clear.
She closed her mouth. Studied him for a moment, and then nodded. “Yes, of course that’s okay,” she said. “As you say, the baby is your child, too.”
With that, she passed by him, left the kitchen and a few seconds later he heard her feet climbing the stairs. She’d gone without leaving the kiss on his lips he so desperately wanted.
Whether she’d be back down, or had locked herself in her room and would remain quiet enough that he shouldn’t know she was there, didn’t matter. She could be invisible and complete
ly silent and he’d still feel her. Still want her.
And still not want a marriage and family of his own.
Heading into his office, Riley hoped to God he could lose himself in work. He hoped for a lot of things.
While the only thing he knew for certain, was that it was going to be one hell of a long night.
Chapter 11
Charlize slept all night. She didn’t toss and turn. Didn’t have any dreams that she remembered. Didn’t even wake up once before dawn. She’d expected to lie awake, at least until she heard Riley Colton come upstairs, and then to fight memories of the night they’d spent several hours in bed together. Expected to have to fight off her mind’s attempts to re-create the fantasy world she’d grown up in and had thought he’d completed.
Instead, she’d lain down just before nine, with her plugged-in phone in hand and a puzzle game pulled up, and had woken ten hours later with her phone on the mattress beside her.
She’d never heard Riley come upstairs. Didn’t know if he was up yet.
And didn’t want to run into him in the hall on her way to the shower. But she had to pee. Grabbing a couple of the saltine crackers she’d brought from home and laid on the nightstand beside her before crawling into bed, she munched as she slipped out of her nightie and back into the light blue pants and white shirt she’d had on the day before, grabbed her toiletry bag and a pair of light blue skinny jeans and another short-sleeved, tailored white top, along with undies and, arms full, peeked her head out the door.
Silence met her. Hoping Riley was already downstairs, and not lying naked in all his sexy gloriousness in bed just a few doors away, she slipped quietly across the hall, into the bathroom, and locked the door behind her.
As it turned out, she didn’t see Riley until five minutes before they had to leave for the doctor’s appointment. She’d heard his voice coming from a room just off the huge main office area as she’d made herself some toast and poured a glass of juice for breakfast. And she’d smiled at Ashanti, who was sitting at a huge L-shaped desk with multiple computer screens, her long braids hanging over the shoulders of her pantsuit.
The CI tech expert hadn’t seemed surprised to see her. Which likely meant that Riley had filled in his colleagues and siblings on her temporary presence in their abode. Had he told his employees about the baby, too?
Or the woman’s smile could have meant that she was used to seeing female strangers coming downstairs in the morning...
Already dismissing the thought, she was distracted from it as Riley came out of the room off the main office.
“You ready to go?” he asked. His beard was looking a little tamer than usual—maybe because he’d recently come from the shower?
The thought brought images of his naked body that she most definitely couldn’t ponder over, and instead, her gaze was caught by the vivid intensity in his bright blue eyes. The man lit her up. Whether he was naked, or fully clothed and heading out the door.
Not a comforting realization.
One more thing to deal with.
She glanced behind him. “What’s in there?” She hadn’t even walked into the office portion of the house. Just passed it.
“My office. It used to be my father’s study,” he said as he led them through the kitchen and out to his SUV.
The comment brought her up short again. For as much as Riley Colton didn’t see himself as a family man, he seemed to have planted himself right in the very core of all the family he’d ever known.
How did you hate a guy like that?
Or even continue to resent him?
The couple-mile ride to her clinic was quick—and passed uncomfortably as she kept a close eye out for any activity that looked at all suspicious. A person sitting in a parked car. Or someone scary-looking walking on the sidewalk.
For any black trucks at all. New. Old. Big. Small.
Riley asked her to stay seated as he parked next to the building, and then came around to stand guard at the door as she got out of his SUV. He kept himself at her back, with only the building in front of them until they were inside, and then still stood behind her at the desk, listening as she gave her name, watching as she signed in.
And when they were asked to take seats, he chose ones in the corner, with the backs to the wall, away from the one set of windows farther down the room. He seemed at ease. Nonthreatening. Had even untucked his polo shirt, leaving it loose to cover the gun he wore.
“How’d you sleep?” He asked the first personal question of the day.
“Great,” she told him, still marveling at how she’d just dropped right off and slept all night. The bed was comfortable, but it had been more than that. It was like all of her worries and responsibilities had just slipped away for those hours.
Because Riley was there to watch over them? And her?
He seemed restless once they sat down. Lifting his ankle across his knee. Then dropping it. Smoothing his hand down one thigh. Then the other. Leaning on one side of the chair with his elbow, then the other. He didn’t pull out a phone. Didn’t occupy himself as the two women in the room, farther down and out of earshot, were doing.
He was making her nervous. The exam itself wouldn’t be comfortable, and she’d probably need a prenatal vitamin prescription, too. And the ultrasound...her entire body buzzed with nervous energy every time she thought about it. Her stomach started to churn and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could just sit there.
Was she having twins? They ran in Riley’s family.
“I’ve always wanted kids,” she finally said, needing to feel relevant, like the moment wasn’t time out of time, but her new reality. Like she belonged in that room with two other pregnant women.
“Kids?” he asked. “As in plural?”
She nodded, knowing he wouldn’t get it, wouldn’t agree. But not at all apologetic for how she felt. With all that she was going through, that they were facing, so much of it out of her control, speaking her own truth, being completely honest, was paramount.
“I was an only child,” she told him. “And while I was greatly loved, and always felt safe and special, I was also lonely a lot, too.”
Twins would take care of that.
And be double the work for a working single mother.
Still...
“Because your mother wasn’t around,” Riley inserted, more statement than question.
“And because I never knew my father,” she pointed out. “But I had my grandparents to fill those holes, at least in large part. And my aunts, too. But there was never anyone like me at home, you know? No one to play with, tell secrets to, or get in trouble with. Christmas morning I was the only kid, the only one antsy with excitement...”
He groaned. “I was, too, for a long time.”
She looked over at him. Wondered what he was thinking. And really thought about how his life had changed so drastically when he was more than halfway grown up. Tried to remember herself as a teen. Would she have welcomed a baby then?
She was pretty sure she’d have been overjoyed...
He hadn’t said anything more. And she wasn’t okay with the silence.
“Didn’t you ever get lonely?” she asked him. “Those first thirteen years?”
He shook his head. “With my dad’s career, and politics...my folks were always so busy. Back then I got to go with them a lot of the time...”
“A kid living in an adult world.” Sounded lonely to her. “What about at home?”
A shrug was his only answer.
“I don’t want my child to grow up lonely.” It mattered that he know that. At first, she didn’t get why, but when she sat there, nervous and being oddly calmed by his warmth next to her, too, she figured it out.
No matter what happened between her and Riley, even if they were able to co-parent their child somehow, no matter how much they might be attrac
ted to each other, there was no future for them. He wasn’t a man who’d want more kids in the future.
Of course, he might not be attracted to her at all anymore. He hadn’t given her any real indication that he was.
But something told her that he wanted her. A vibe. A sense. Something.
Self-preservation, most likely. The knowledge was there to warn her of the danger.
If she didn’t want her heart stomped on a second time, she had to stay away from him.
* * *
Riley waited while Charlize went back for a physical with her doctor. He kept a trained eye on the room. On what he could see of the parking lot outside. But didn’t figure any of Charlize’s clients would figure her for an OB/GYN appointment.
He was confident they hadn’t been followed to the clinic.
But he wasn’t going to get complacent. Not for a second.
He’d lost a loved one once to the evil in society. He wasn’t about to lose his child, or its mother, to them. Marisol had lost a lot, too, before she’d been killed.
He’d spoken with Iglesias that morning. There was nothing new to report on Charlize’s case. The bullet they’d pulled from her town house was too common to trace, from a make of gun that was sold commonly all over the state. Michigan was a hunting state. Guns were as prevalent as ice cream. Iglesias had expressed again his relief that Riley had Charlize at his place, and told him to watch his back.
“We’re dealing with a firecracker,” Iglesias had said. “Someone with anger issues acting on a surplus of emotion. Someone who’s not too smart, who won’t probably weigh the consequences of a stupid action.”
Riley knew the type.
In terms of Wes Matthews and Capital X, the detective had spoken with Police Chief Andrew Fox, and everyone was frustrated with how little there was to go on. All the investors who’d already reported to the police had provided cash transfers that couldn’t be traced. Riley had Ashanti trying, anyway.
Colton 911--Family Defender Page 12