by Tegan Maher
Myrtle wrestled a suit bag from the back of a silver car and handed it to the Santa. “It’s been going on for a couple weeks now and getting bigger by the day. That’s why we needed another Santa. Our other guy couldn’t handle the long hours on his own. We’re now the only Christmas-themed town running twenty-four seven.”
Jordie glanced around, noting the lack of traffic and overall movement of people that would warrant a secondary Santa on duty or support an event around the clock for weeks.
“I can practically read your mind. Wait until you see what we’ve done to the school. It’s like our very own Hallmark Christmas movie set.” She opened her passenger door and retrieved a flyer. “We have people coming in from all over to see what we’ve done.”
Jordie took the red paper from her and read through the advertisement for a Christmas bonanza. Gingerbread house contest, hot chocolate recipe contest, carolers, apple-bobbing, pin the tail on the reindeer, pictures with Santa, and all going on for twenty-four hours a day like she’d boasted. “That’s a lot of Christmas cheer to spread around.”
“Wait until you see it. It’s a magical winter wonderland.”
If anyone would know if the town was under some trance from a teenaged siren, it would be a town activities coordinator like Myrtle.
“Do you host this event every year?”
“Oh no, but I wish we had. I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before. It’s so much better than what the town is previously known for.”
“How so?” Jordie leaned against Myrtle’s car.
“We’ve always been known for the world’s best sausage biscuit, but that fame will only get you so far. Union soldiers camped here during the civil war, and when they left, the town became a barren waste of nothing. That all changed when Pops Donavan bought land for the sausage farm.” She leaned in and put up her hand as if telling Jordie a secret. “That’s how we describe a pig farm that also processes its own meat. Anyway, a few weeks ago his great-grandson was so filled by the Christmas spirit that he’s started selling the hogs to put in Christmas tree seedlings. The rest of the town became just as inspired. Now we’re all Christmas all the time.”
Jordie didn’t like where this was going. “Really? All the time?”
Myrtle clapped her hands. “We’re rebranding the town. We’ve even put in an official request to the state to amend our town charter so we can be called Wurst Christmas Grove.”
“Uh-huh.” That had to be the work of Tippie’s siren nephew. Why would a teen create his own personal Christmas town? There was no way the townsfolk had decided to give up being known for Alabama’s best sausage in exchange for planting Christmas trees on their own. Had they?
Time to find Neri and put a stop to the town’s Christmas metamorphosis.
“I wish I could say that I’m here for the Christmas joy or the sausage biscuit, but I’m looking for someone.” Jordie held up his cell phone. “Have you seen this guy? He stole my sister’s dog. She’s raised that dog since he was a tiny pup abandoned on the side of the highway.”
When Myrtle pursed her lips, Jordie swiped to a picture of Ris holding Jekyllpup. Bolster the lie with a pretty girl holding a puppy and people were about sixty percent more likely to give up information.
Myrtle’s expression softened. “That’s terrible. And not very Christmassy. I haven’t seen him with a dog, but that’s the young man who’s been hanging around the diner on Main Street. It serves Pops Donovan’s famous sausage biscuits. You absolutely must try one before you leave town. You might not have another chance next time you pass through.”
The Santa came out of the back entrance of the store, a hand over his large belly. The suit fit him perfectly, and when he laughed for effect, it literally looked like a bowl full of jelly.
“After you find the dog thief, make sure to stop by the Christmas town. I’ll save you a Christmas cookie or three.” Myrtle gave his shoulder a quick pat.
Jordie didn’t know what he’d find on the other side of town, and he couldn’t let his guard down.
2
More Christmas. That’s what Jordie found on the other side of town. Along with the jolliest inhabitants this side of the Mason Dixon line. Carolers weren’t limited to the school, and a haggard group of singers stood in front of the diner singing “O Holy Night.” A woman whose voice had turned hoarse stepped back and another filled her place. Two men dressed as Will Ferrell from the movie Elf exited the diner. They had dark circles beneath their eyes and mentioned returning to their shifts at Santa’s workshop.
Half of the parking lot was a live manger scene complete with a donkey and sheep.
Everyone appeared happy enough, but they also looked exhausted. Everyone except a certain teenager sitting at the diner counter with a sausage biscuit in his hand and a giant grin on his face.
Jordie settled on the stool beside him. “Hello, Neri. Nice job on turning this town Christmas crazy. Now turn it back.”
He leaned toward Jordie and whispered, “I’m not the guy you’re looking for.”
“Nice try, Obi-Wan, but I have this.” Jordie pulled the chain and pendant Tippie had given him from beneath the collar of his shirt and showed Neri the green stone.
Neri’s grin fell flat, and he shoved his long hair away from his face. “Aunt Tippie sent you?”
Jordie put the necklace back in place and clasped his hands in front of him. “Her sending me is better than an official LSP file opened with your name label at the top. Are you hoping to spend your young adult years in paranormal prison? Is that why you’re doing this?”
Neri’s eyes widened. “I’ve turned a gray, boring sausage town into a wonderland of joy. Everyone here is happy.”
“Their voices are raw from singing Christmas carols, they have bags under their eyes from lack of sleep, and look at this before picture of Myrtle.” Jordie pointed to an advertisement on the back of the menu with the real estate agent’s picture. “This picture was taken in September. She’s gained twenty pounds from eating Christmas cookies every day for weeks. She’s probably pre-diabetic. You’re putting all these people’s health in jeopardy. And for what?”
He couldn’t prove that about Myrtle, but he needed a face and a name to make the point more personal, and hers was the only one he knew.
A young waitress passed by and gave Neri’s nose a little boop. She wore a sweater with reindeer and a sleigh on the front, and little Christmas tree earrings jiggled from her ears. She’d pulled her blonde hair into a high ponytail tied with a red ribbon. She chewed on a wad of gum as she took an order from a woman at the end of the counter.
Jordie narrowed his eyes. “Did you mojo that waitress into liking you?”
“What? No. Chrissy’s immune. See that device on the back of her head? It’s a bone-anchored hearing device. She’s hearing impaired and therefore immune to my siren call. She likes me for me. And she also happens to love Christmas. That’s what all this is about.” He waved his hand at the paper snowflake décor hanging from the ceiling. “I just like seeing her smile.”
“If you can’t make her smile without giving her all of this, then she’s not the right one for you.” Jordie pointed to a couple who stumbled through the door and begged for a thermos of coffee. “You’re turning these people into holiday zombies. They are trying to change the name of the town so they can be Christmas twenty-four seven. You need to turn it off.”
The woman dressed as Mary from the live manger scene stumbled into the back of a chair, and then toppled over to the floor.
A collection of gasps rang out through the diner.
Jordie leapt forward and kneeled beside her. After checking for a pulse and breathing, both of which were strong, he braced her head and called out, “Someone call for an ambulance.”
He guessed she’d passed out from exhaustion from standing for hours in the parking lot or not eating enough.
He turned to give Neri an I told you so look, but Neri had vacated his seat. The waitress Chrissy was
no longer behind the counter either. Great. Did Neri think Jordie was just another modern-day Scrooge?
A man rushed in and knelt beside Jordie. “I’m an off-duty paramedic. The EMS truck will be here in a minute.”
Jordie moved to allow the paramedic room to evaluate the woman. Neri and his girlfriend would have a five-minute head start by the time the paramedics arrived. As much as Jordie wanted to stay until they showed up, he had to make Neri turn off the Christmas mojo.
A burly man dressed in an elf onesie put his hand on Jordie’s chest.
“Can I help you?” Jordie asked.
“You have to stay in the diner for ten minutes.” The matter-of-fact tone didn’t match the guy’s happy grin. Everyone in town grinned way too much.
Jordie sighed. “Did a wormy little guy whisper that in your ear?”
The guy spread his arms wide. “He said to hug you if you asked any questions.”
“What? No!” Before Jordie could back away, the man pulled him into an awkward bear hug and held tight. His costume smelled as if he hadn’t had a shower in several days. Jordie didn’t know whether to scream or gag. “Ten minutes is a long time, big fella.”
“You only have five left.”
Jordie squirmed hard, but the man didn’t loosen his grip. “Look, stray pigs running down Main Street!”
The man chuckled, and it bounced Jordie up and down.
“Nice try. Two and a half minutes left,” he said.
Thank the heavens above Lex or Gregor or most importantly Ris wasn’t here to see this. They’d never let him forget it. He heard a click from behind. Someone had taken their picture. Awesome.
They hugged while the EMTs rushed in and out. Not a single person questioned their embrace.
Please let this end.
“And that’s ten minutes.” The man released him and stepped back. “I’m Bob Donovan. Elf in charge of Santa’s sleigh in the big parade later.”
“I’m Jordie. And I hope we never meet again.” Jordie hesitated. “You wouldn’t happen to know where Neri and the waitress were going, do you?”
“Sure. They’re off to the school for the gingerbread house competition. Chrissy’s been working all week on her entry. Her mom and I are so proud.”
“You’re Chrissy’s dad?” Jordie glanced around at the walls, noticing family pictures behind all the Christmas decorations. “Are you Pops Donovan’s great-grandson? The one who makes the sausage?”
“Yep. That’s me.”
“And you’re giving that up for a Christmas tree farm?”
Bob shrugged and his goofy grin widened. “Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.”
Jordie knew why.
Bob arched an eyebrow. “You look like you could use another hug.”
“No, man! Keep your hands to yourself.” Jordie dodged Bob’s offer of another embrace and dashed out the door.
All of this chaos for a girl. Jordie wished he had Gregor with him, then he could show his friend what lovesick really meant.
3
Hallmark movie set didn’t begin to describe Wurst Grove’s Christmas town. Jordie fished ten dollars out of his wallet and handed it over to the parking lot attendant who was dressed like a life-sized Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Jordie had seen a lot of paranormal weirdness but this might be the thing to give him nightmares.
“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, friend!” she said to him, adding a squeal of delight before her eyes drooped closed. She snorted awake. “Did I take your money yet?”
“Yes. And please take a rest break before you get caught in someone’s headlights.”
She snorted a laugh. “Deer in the headlights. Good one.”
He’d been deadly serious. If one more person ended up physically harmed from Neri’s antics, then the LSP would come down on him in an official capacity, and there wouldn’t be anything Tippie could do about it.
He parked the van and grabbed a bag with a few tricks inside in case Neri made another run for it. Two squads of Girl Scouts rang bells for Salvation Army donations by the front entrance. He put a few dollars in both buckets.
Once inside the school, he didn’t stop to gawk at the ice sculptures or the room with the fake snow. As amazing as the townspeople had made their Christmas town, Neri had to stop the mojo. But not only stop it, he had to understand that deep down, he didn’t have the right to control others to win over the affections of a girl.
Myrtle called out to him from a room that smelled strongly of freshly baked sugar cookies. “Hey there, newcomer! Here are the cookies I promised.”
Jordie paused outside the room. Maybe he had a few seconds for a cookie break. “Thank you, Myrtle.”
“I do hope you’re coming to the parade in an hour. Bob Donovan has worked like a tireless Santa’s helper to get the floats organized. The children are so excited.” She motioned behind her to a group of kids running around and screaming as if on a sugar cookie high.
Jordie sighed and crammed a cookie in his mouth. The children in town would be disappointed when all the festivities abruptly came to an end. Best to rip off the band-aid quickly and let the exhausted parents get a handle on their hyped-up kids. He gestured to the hall. “Where would I find the gingerbread house competition?”
“Down the corridor and take a left.” She turned from him to offer a kid another cookie.
Jordie spotted Neri standing with Chrissy in front of a gingerbread house. Chrissy applied the finishing touches by adding M&Ms to the white frosting on the house.
When Neri spotted him, the teen’s gaze darted to the nearest exit.
Jordie shook his head in warning. If Neri ran, he’d chase him and tackle him in front of his girlfriend.
Neri must have understood the silent warning because he kissed Chrissy on the cheek and made his way through the crowd toward Jordie.
“You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” Neri asked, his tone had a smidge of whining in it.
Jordie started in on him. “Don’t you understand what you’re doing is wrong? This isn’t a free meal or a shopping spree you convinced someone else to pay for. This is town-level hypnosis. They don’t even know they don’t have the ability to stop and go home.”
“Christmas is two days away. The town will go back to normal by the twenty-sixth.”
“I hate to be the bearer of Christmas humbug, but you’re creating real, irreversible damage. Snap out of your love fog and think.” Jordie pointed to a man in a Christmas suit slumped over under a table. “They are going to do this twenty-four-seven, three-sixty-five. The people in this town are going to break at some point. There won’t be a sausage farm for Bob and Chrissy to return to when they realize Christmas doesn’t sell all year. Those Christmas tree seedlings will take years to grow. Bob will likely lose the farm. The café will close. People will spontaneously combust from too much cheer, and you will go to paranormal prison. Chrissy won’t wait for you.”
“Come on. Two more days,” Neri pleaded. “We’re so happy.”
“What happens when she finds out that you’re the reason her family loses everything? She’s not going to forgive you. The happiness will end.” If there was ever a threat that made him feel like a schmuck, then that would be the one that did it.
Neri blinked a few times before his expression settled into a scowl. “Fine. How do we do it?”
“What do you mean how do we do it? You un-mojo the town.”
He scoffed. “I’ve whispered to a lot of people over the last few days. I don’t know how to corral them all together and change their minds about Christmas without them figuring out that I’m the one who convinced them to do all of this in the first place. I just assumed it’d wear off eventually.”
A loud, familiar giggle came from down the hall. Myrtle.
Jordie snapped his fingers. “What if I get you on the Santa float in the parade? Do you think if you had a microphone you’d be able to convince the townsfolk to put a halt on their Christmas town
plans in a way that would look like it’s their idea?”
“I guess it could work.” He glanced at Chrissy who gave him a finger wave before blowing him a kiss.
“Nothing would be cooler for a gal who loves Christmas than to ride on the Santa’s sleigh float with her boyfriend. It’ll be a gift from the heart that doesn’t hurt anyone in the process.” Jordie’s stomach clenched as he waited for Neri to agree to the plan. If the kid dodged him again, he’d have to make a call to Tippie and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. He waited for Neri to make the right decision without further prompting.
Neri pointed to a guy and girl who’d dressed in elf onesies. “Can we dress as elves?”
Jordie didn’t hide his cringe. “I’m sure nothing would make Myrtle happier.”
“I’ll wait here with Chrissy while you set it up.”
“Sure, sure.” Jordie reached inside his bag and removed a pair of handcuffs. He slapped one around Neri’s wrist and attached the other side to his own. “Except after the hugging incident with Bob, I don’t trust you. We’ll stick together until we’re finished with the float.”
Neri glanced down at the cuffs, his eyes wide. “How are we going to get the elf costumes on?”
Jordie blinked hard. “We’ll figure it out.”
They moved through the halls together until they found Myrtle and made their request about riding on the main float. Jordie made sure Neri kept closely behind him so no one noticed the handcuffs.
“I thought he was a dog thief.” Myrtle said. “I’m not sure that sends the right message for the Christmas spirit.”
If Jordie confessed he lied about the missing dog, that wouldn’t win her over either.
“What dog?” Neri asked.
“As it turns out,” Jordie started. “My sister lied about the dog incident. She confessed on the phone earlier. I’m so angry with her, and she won’t be getting that pony I promised her for Christmas.”
“Pony?” Myrtle repeated.
“A porcelain pony, I mean. A collector’s item. Anyway, as a way to show Neri that I’m sorry I accused him of such a heinous crime, I told him I’d get him and Chrissy on the Santa float.” Jordie locked eyes with her and put intensity into his next words. “Please, Myrtle. We need this. Christmas is a time for forgiving and big gestures.”