Your Mistress Demon cannot penetrate such purity of soul.
Was the same true of Lightning Enterprises? They existed for the sole purpose of developing machinery that would save lives, of using every resource they had to help other people. Sure, they made money from it, but their inventions had thus far been directly or indirectly responsible for hundreds of thousands of people living rather than dying.
This is the only thing which can defeat any demon.
This was why Jal’gonnoth had failed to help him capture Ibrahim all those years ago; why he’d even failed to get Katherine or young Jane when he was right there inside the Tanner Ranch. And it was why he’d never been able to take any of the Tanners. Suddenly he knew. Ibrahim…Ibrahim’s wife…the infant. His eyes widened as the knowledge of what was happening hit him full-force. He was startled by a gasp from behind him. When he turned toward it, his heart leapt into his throat.
“You came back,” she breathed, tears filling her eyes.
He rose to his feet. He knew he must have looked a sight, but since she would probably turn right around and run as fast and far away as she could, it didn’t really matter. He nodded.
“Are you…all right?” she asked, dropping her gear to the ground and taking a few steps closer.
“I—” His voice cracked, and he felt dampness on his cheek again. Swiping at it with his hand, he saw the wetness on his finger and held it out in front of him. “I was never able to cry until you.”
“Tao,” she sobbed, launching herself into his arms.
He embraced her, holding her tightly to himself, feeling her energy flow into his body. “Jane,” he whispered into her hair.
“I…I never thought I’d see you again…I thought you had died, or that thing…what was that thing? That thing, it…and I cut you and…how did you…?”
“Shhhh,” he soothed, a faint memory surfacing of his mother holding him and cooing the same. “I must tell you.”
She backed away and looked up into his eyes. “You look like you haven’t slept.”
“I have not.” He looked toward the sun as it advanced upon the horizon. “You know now. You remember the experience.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“I must tell you, Jane. You have seen some, but you do not know all. Will you listen?”
She nodded, wiping the tears from her face. “Let me get things set up.”
“No!” he said, a little more forcefully than he’d intended. “There is very little time.”
Giving him an odd look, eventually she nodded. “Then tell me.”
He released her and turned away, gathering his courage. Courage. Another foreign entity. He’d always felt confident, speaking and moving with an assuredness that rivaled no other. Before this woman he felt like the helpless child he had been so very long ago.
“Long ago, when I was just a boy, my father killed my mother. This you know.” Jane nodded and he continued.
“What you do not know, Jane, is what I have done to others throughout my life.”
“But I do know. You have told me, remember?”
He shook his head and sighed heavily. “You don’t know. What you are aware of doesn’t even scratch the surface.” He took her hands in his. “I must confess it all to you, Jane.”
She moved to sit cross-legged on the ground, pulling him down with her. “I want to know, Vasan. I want to know everything.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
It was nearly 2 a.m. Jane had built a fire and kept it going. Sometime after he had begun his story, she’d seated herself close to him. She asked questions as he went along, and when at last he had finished explaining what she’d witnessed, and why he had left without a trace, she moved to kneel in front of him.
“What you tell me is fantastical. It’s like something out of a movie. People don’t just…do things like that. Torturing, maiming, killing. Buying and selling people.”
His face fell as he looked down at the ground. “You don’t believe me.”
“On the contrary, Tao, I do.” A glimmer of hope shone in his eyes as they met hers. “But what of your palace and your slaves? What of all the lives you’ve taken?”
“I let all my slaves, all my prisoners, go. The palace is empty.” He looked away. “I can never make atonement for those I have killed. I am a murderer.”
“Were.”
“Are you not even more frightened of me than you were before?”
“I…I should be. Lord knows I should be. But for some reason, I’m not. I’m just…I don’t know what to feel or think. I’m in shock.” She reached out and took one of his hands with both of hers. “You tell me you’re this evil character who’s worse than I ever could’ve written. But I don’t see that part of you. All I see is someone who wants to be a man, who wants to be human again.”
She understood. Somehow, in some way, she actually understood.
“Is there any way you can exorcise this demon you have a pact with? Is there any way to rid yourself of her once and for all?” Suddenly her eyes widened. “You told me,” she breathed. You told me either the keris in your heart or me. How?”
He couldn’t. He wouldn’t do this. He didn’t deserve it, he realized. He had sealed his own fate, and it was time to pay the piper. And in spite of how he felt now, how he had begun to change, and how much he wished to shed his past, he could spend the rest of his life trying to atone but would never succeed. He’d done so much wrong. So much…
“Tao, please?”
“It’s too risky for you.”
She grasped his biceps. “Tell me how, dammit!”
He sighed. “If we are touching when Jal’gonnoth possesses me, there is an incantation we must say together.”
She swallowed hard, but continued to listen, dropping her hands to his. He squeezed them as he continued. “I will be transported back to the moment when I made the pact, and will have to break it.”
“What…what then?”
“Jal’gonnoth will be gone and I will have the chance to make things right.”
“How?” she asked. “How will you make it right?”
“I don’t know for certain. Xyza said I would know in that moment, but she also said I might be stuck back there in my past. That I might not be able to return to the present.”
“Is there a way for me to help you return?”
He looked into her eyes. “This is the one thing I could ask of no one; not after how I have conducted my life.”
She leaned forward and kissed him softly. His senses reeled. “Ask it of me.”
Swallowing hard, his voice was low and quiet. “I have to bind you to me, but you have to agree to it. Henceforth, if we are bound, we must remain together until our natural deaths.”
“If we don’t?”
“The Evil will return. All will be as it is now. I will be vulnerable to Jal’gonnoth and her children.”
“And?”
“And you will be none the worse for wear. You will remember everything, but be left unharmed. Truly,” he admitted, “there is nothing in this for you.”
She cast her eyes downward. He was right. There really wasn’t much in it for her. Except…except that she felt so compelled to help him.
“And there is the other man.”
Her head whipped up so fast it made her dizzy. “What?”
“Vincent Tanner,” he said matter-of-factly. He looked into her eyes. “I know you love him, Jane.”
She swayed uncertainly, as if forgetting who she was, where she was. “Vincent…I…I think I do.”
“Think? I think you more than think you do.” He rose to his feet, shaking his head. “There is no reason for you to do this.” He turned suddenly and pulled her up by her hands. “Jane, there is one thing I didn’t tell you.”
She swallowed hard.
“When you and your mother were thrust into the dimension you have lived your life in, your counterparts were thrust into mine.”
“What? You mean…we replaced them?�
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He nodded, squeezing her hands. “Several years later I found that other you; the other Jane. She was on the outskirts of Balingian; her parents were missionaries to a village there.”
“Is she still there? In your dimension?” Jane could have sworn she saw tears in his eyes as he dropped her hands and turned his back to her. “Tao?”
“No,” he replied so softly she barely heard him.
She placed a hand on his arm and slowly turned him back to face her. “Tao, what happened to that Jane?”
“She was just a child, just a little girl. She…enraged me so. She would not come with me so I took her.”
“And?” He wouldn’t look at her. She placed her index finger under his chin, forcing his face level with hers. “And?” she repeated.
“On the journey further into the forest, she got away from me and ran. She ran and hid. Eventually I found her. But she stabbed me with a spear she had fashioned from a tree.”
“What did you do?”
He looked right into her eyes. “I killed her, Jane. I killed you.”
She gasped, choking on the breath, and stumbled backwards. “You couldn’t have.”
He nodded and now the tears fell freely down his face. “I did,” he said, voice cracking. “I killed you. I knew as soon as I had done it, that it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
“My God,” she whispered, hand moving to cover her mouth. She backed away a few steps and turned from him, tears now coming unbidden.
“Now you know why I was obsessed with finding the clone of her soul,” he said, wiping the tears from his face. “And when I located you, when I found the one who was closest to what she had been, I made it my highest priority to obtain you; like I have always simply obtained whatever I wanted.”
“I was the replacement.”
“Yes,” he replied. “Jane, I know you can never forgive me this. And you see, that is why I could never ask you to help me. I am already responsible for your death once. I cannot be so again. I will not.” He shook his head. “As much as I have tried to force you to become that Jane, placing spells on you, glamours, using trickery…you’re not my Jane.”
No matter how Jane did or did not feel, Vasan knew as he had known in the Void before Ibrahim had rescued Jane, had taken her away, that his past deeds meant he would never be rid of Jal’gonnoth. Not truly, no matter how differently he felt now. He had always, quite simply put, been bad.
Could a man such as him really and truly change? Or would it all fall apart? In spite of his best intentions, in spite of having Jane if she chose to stay with him, in spite of the fact that he had learned how to truly love at long last, he felt the balance too precarious; at any moment a grain of sand from the very shore upon which they stood could tip the scales and it would all come crashing down around him.
And what would he do? He was used to luxury and wealth. He was used to taking what he wanted, not working for it. Asking his demon and having it provided. To become human again; to become mortal. What if she did by some miracle agree? Would there be any point to it?
Without warning, she was in front of him. Without a word, her arms encircled him. He could hear and feel her crying. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, for what he was certain would be the last time.
He bent his head so that his lips touched the top of her hair. His eyes squeezed shut and he took a deep breath. “I love you,” he whispered fiercely.
Her body shook. He wasn’t sure what it meant, and so just kept his eyes closed, reveling in the moment, trying to memorize every breath she took, how it felt to have her in his arms, how it had felt to finally say the words to her. Only they were not merely words. He had bared his very soul to one he knew would reject him. But he had to. Just this one last time, to ensure she knew for always.
“I love you,” he whispered again. Her head moved back and turned upward. He could feel her breath on his face. “Putri saya,” he choked out as he wiped her tear-stained cheeks. “You will never know how sorry I am for what I have done.”
“Tao,” she sobbed, reaching up to place the palm of her hand against his face. “Oh, Tao, don’t you see? Don’t you see that I must help you?”
His eyes widened. What had she just said?
She started to smile through her tears. “It was only after you had disappeared the night Jal’gonnoth attacked this camp that I realized who and what we both were. That we had made love in every sense of those words. In spite of Vincent, in spite of all you have done, what we shared in those moments was channeled from the one meant to be your Jane. The part of me that’s her, feels the same way you do.”
He backed away slightly, searching her face for signs of deceit. But of course, there would be none; not with her. “I don’t…you know, and…but what of what you have just learned?”
She shook her head. “Didn’t Xyza tell you that if you and I were touching at the moment Jal’gonnoth entered you, and if we said an incantation, you would be transported back in time to the moment you made the pact with her?”
He frowned. “Yes. That is what she said.”
“And didn’t she say you would be able to make things right? That you would know how to do that when the time came?”
Vasan nodded, but his sleep-deprived brain combined with an overload of unfamiliar emotions had rendered him unable to think clearly.
“Tao, my love,” she said, leaning up to kiss him softly on the lips. “You murdering the other Jane could be the very moment she spoke of. I believe it’s why somehow she and I have merged.”
His jaw dropped.
“If you don’t make the pact with Jal’gonnoth, you won’t become the man you became. You won’t be a murderer, a torturer. Tao, that means you most likely won’t be after my father and mother, which means Ibrahim won’t push us into the other dimension.”
He backed away, then turned and rapidly walked several paces toward the Colorado River. He stopped, pivoted and stared at her for a long minute before quickly walking back to her. “If none of that happens, then that Jane will remain in her dimension—”
“And I will remain in yours,” she finished for him. “With my mother and my father.”
He studied her face as his mind churned through this scenario. “But what if I wind up killing you then?” he asked. “And what if the fact that I don’t drive Ibrahim to the Tanner Estate changes more than just what happens to you and me?”
“What do you mean?”
He paced away again, thinking the possibilities through. “It was because I pursued my brother, and therefore also his wife, that he was driven to John Tanner.”
“Yes.”
“It was my invasion of the Tanner Estate, my capture of Katherine, that led to my brother sacrificing her and you to the portal to keep you safe.”
Jane nodded.
“And now John Tanner and my brother are still living together, he’s part of their family. Lightning Enterprises have developed incredible technology, much of which was made as part of the search for you all those years.”
“So you’re saying Ibrahim would never enter the Tanners’ lives. That they wouldn’t invent much of what they’ve invented because there is no me to look for.”
“That’s it exactly,” Vasan nodded. “If I change that one moment in time, if I refuse to make my pact with Jal’gonnoth, it could have ramifications we cannot foresee.”
“But if you don’t, Tao…” her voice trailed off.
“If I don’t, puteri, then I remain cursed. But all else will stay as it is. You will return to your proper place, to live out your life, and you will have your Vincent Tanner.”
“Vasan, I…I can’t think about him now. Right now, you need me.”
His face softened.
“Think of it. All those people you have killed, directly or indirectly, would most likely live.”
He nodded.
She backed away, but kept her hands in his. “Then to me, there is no other choice to make. We have to do it, Tao. Fo
r the sake of all the people who will be saved, we must.” She shook her head, eyes filling with tears. “Vincent, John, Steve…Johnny, Father…they would do the same. To save that many lives? You know it. I know it.”
“Jane, do you understand that if I bind you to me, you cannot leave me in this life? We are from different dimensions. I don’t know if you fully comprehend the ramifications of what you’re proposing.”
“I do understand. And besides, Tao…this is actually my dimension, remember? And in spite of how off this sounds, somehow, for some reason, I love you. I think it’s the other Jane within me, but whatever the reason for these confusing feelings, you can’t ask me not to do this.”
He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her again. “Then you will.”
“I will try,” she said, craning her head back to see into his eyes. “We must, for everyone’s sakes.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
She had insisted.
He was uncomfortable, to say the least, as he led her to the sacrificial room. Hand clasped tightly in his, she barely flinched when they found the body at the altar’s base.
“Is that…Xyza?” she whispered.
He nodded.
“Lori.”
He nodded again and the betrayal was evident on her face, though she said nothing more.
They moved through the vacant rooms, each as he had described it to her. He wanted to show her this, his former world. He needed to show her. As if by bringing it all to life for her, it would ensure she believed his tale, believed the horrible things he had done.
There was one final place to be seen before he rescued the remains of his wealth from the underground bunker. He opened a thick steel door and flicked on the switch at the top of the stairs. She took his arm and together they descended into the place some had called worse than Hell.
A sharp breath from his side was the only audible reaction as they came to stop in the center of the first room. She separated from him and walked to a long table with straps that looked as though they’d been cut. She touched the table, running a hand along its cool length, before noticing the dried blood at its end. Jerking her hand back, she frowned, and turned to look at him.
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