"Uh-huh," I breathe, afraid that saying more will break the intimacy of the moment, simultaneously thrilled and horrified to get this glimpse behind the curtain, as it were. To see the great Oz revealed.
"But those thoughts are fleeting," he says, his voice stronger. "For me, it's like dreaming you're the president or an astronaut. I love the life I have as a priest, and those daydreams are just that...bits of fluff that pass right out of my head."
Moment over. "I guess it's only human to wonder," I say. "And you know, Father Tim, even if you don't have, you know, a family...well, we all love you here in Gideon's Cove. You're a wonderful priest."
"Thank you, Maggie," he says gently. "You have a gift of making people feel very special. You know that, I hope."
I smile, feel a warm squeeze in my chest. "Thanks, Father Tim," I half whisper.
After we hang up, I go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I like my face. It's not beautiful, not really, but it's nice enough. Pretty. A pleasing, friendly face. And to hear Father Tim confide in me, tell me I have a gift...well. I like my face even more. Of course, Christy's face is exactly like mine, but that's a minor detail.
There's a knock at the door, and I jump.
It's Malone, his face as cheerful as the angel of death. Irritation, nervousness and attraction flutter around in my chest as I open the door. "Hi," I say. "Hey. How are you, Malone? Oh, what a nice night, isn't it? I thought maybe it was raining."
He stands there, looking at me as if assessing my babble, then deigns to speak. "Hi."
"Hi," I echo in full idiot mode. "So. Want to come in?"
He steps inside, immediately making my apartment seem even smaller than it is. Colonel slips off the couch and comes over to greet my guest, wagging gently. "Hey, boy," Malone says, bending down to pet Colonel's head. Colonel licks his hand and goes to his doggy bed in the corner and begins his nightly ritual--five turns in a tight circle, followed by intensive sniffing, followed by the actual lying down. I watch him intently so as not to have to look at Malone, who is staring at me. Don't say anything, Maggie. Let him go first. Keep your mouth shut.
"Can I get you a beer or some coffee or something, Malone?" I ask. My inner self rolls her eyes at me.
"No, thanks," Malone says.
"Okay, well, um, do you want to take off your coat?"
He takes it off and hangs it on a hook. The silence stretches on.
"So, Malone, what are you doing here?" I ask. "I mean, it's a little late. Almost eleven."
"I wanted to see you," he says, and there's a softening around his mouth. My stomach squeezes gently in response. God, I'm such a slut.
"Well, you know, Malone, I do have a phone. And I am in the book. Maybe you could call next time." My prissy tone doesn't fool me; even now, I'm kind of hoping he'll take me on the kitchen table. He steps closer, and my heart rate kicks up. Oh, yes, the table...
"Line was busy," he murmurs, his scraping voice sending tremors to my joints.
"What? Oh. Yes. Yes. That's right. I was...on the...you know...the phone."
He takes my hands in his and pulls me closer, studying my mouth. I can feel the heat from his body, smell his soap and laundry detergent and a faint, salty smell. Resisting a strong urge to lick his neck, I swallow. "Who were you talking to?" he asks, just when I want him to kiss me the way he did last night. He raises an eyebrow, waiting.
"What? Excuse me, I mean?" My voice is tight.
"Who were you talking to?"
"Um...I--well, I think it was Father Tim."
Malone's eyes meet mine.
"Yeah, you know, I'm on all these committees and stuff. At church. Church committees."
His eyes return to my mouth, his tangled lashes lowering. Lashes like that are just not fair. "That's nice," he mutters.
"Malone," I whisper hoarsely, then clear my throat. "You think you could drop the chitchat and kiss me?"
CHAPTER TWELVE
SO WHEN I WAKE up in the morning, alone again, I really have no one to blame but myself. I'm as clueless as I was yesterday. Perhaps I should make a list and mail it to him, because that man does something to my brain. Things to Ask Malone. 1. Are we seeing each other or just sleeping together? 2. Do you like me at all, or is this just a physical thing? (Unfortunately, I suspect the latter...at least on my part.) 3. Can you tell me about yourself so I don't feel like you're a total stranger? 4. Why don't you ever come into the diner?
Oddly enough, it's the last thing that bothers me the most. The diner is a surprising little treasure in Gideon's Cove. For the first few years that I ran it, I worked a second job over at the hospital, filing medical records from four until ten each night so that I could sink some money into the diner. It took me almost four years to completely restore it. I pulled up the linoleum that Granddad put down over the tile floors, painstakingly retiling the areas that needed it, scouring the grout with bleach until my hands were raw. Reupholstering the seats in their original red vinyl took some money, and I had to buy the bigger oven so that I could bake all the homemade goodies that we're now known for. I'd like Malone to see it, to have that pie that I promised him.
Chantal comes in for lunch, something she does every Thursday, and because Judy is in a rare mood and actually working, I sit down and have lunch with the resident expert on the men of Gideon's Cove.
"These fries are the best in town," she says, popping another curly, spiced delicacy into her mouth.
"The only fries in town," I correct her with a smile. When Chantal's not busy seducing some man (or any man), she can be quite pleasant.
"You want to go to Dewey's tonight?" she asks. "I could use a drink."
"Um...well, no, I'd better not. I have stuff to do." It's true. Laundry. Bills. Possibly Malone. And speaking of tall, dark and not exactly handsome, I risk a question.
"Chantal, remember how you were telling me I should check out Malone?" I blush and take a bite of my cheeseburger to cover.
"Oh, Christ, I wasn't serious," she says. "He's all wrong for you. Not husband material at all, if you know what I mean."
"No, no. I know that." I don't, actually, but for some reason, I don't want to admit to my...whatever it is that Malone and I are doing together. "No, I was just wondering if you ever...you know. Hooked up with him," I ask, dreading the answer.
Chantal sucks up some milkshake through her straw, managing to look quite pornographic as she does, something I'm sure she practices. "Nope. I haven't. Not yet, I should say, and not for lack of trying, mind you," she says easily.
My shoulders drop in relief and, I admit, pleasure. "He turned you down?" I ask, surprised--Chantal could fill the bleacher seats at Fenway with the men she's entertained.
"Well, sort of. I mean, I flirt with him, because he really is pretty hot in that ugly guy way, but he just kind of smiles and drinks his beer. I think he's gay."
Doubt that. "He smiles?" I ask.
"Well, maybe not. But there was this thing once, long time ago now, back when we were still in school..." She stops and drops her eyes, her thickly mascaraed lashes shielding her expression.
"What?" I ask, leaning forward.
"Well, it was nothing. I gave him a ride. Someone had roughed him up... This must've been when I was a senior, because I was driving my dad's Camaro, I remember, and Malone was out walking by the blueberry plant, and I pulled over and drove him home."
"Really?" This little nugget of history fascinates me, picturing Malone as a youth. "Did he say what happened or anything? Did you guys talk?"
"Not that I remember," Chantal answers, chewing thoughtfully on a fry. "I just gave him some tissues for his lip, because it was bleeding. For a while, I thought he might have had a crush on me...you know, we had this little secret between us, and he was a year or so behind me in school, but nothing ever came of it." She drains the last of her milkshake. "Still, that brooding thing he's got going on is pretty steamy. Don't you think? Or, no, I forgot. You like them all sunshine and light and g
oodness. And speaking of, there goes Father What-a-Waste." Chantal's voice drops to an unmistakable purr as Father Tim walks past, throwing us a wave and a smile as he goes about his business. "God, he's delicious."
"Now, now. You know he doesn't like us to talk like that," I say primly.
"Mmm. But he is, isn't he?" she purrs, smiling widely.
I laugh, unable to resist. "Yes. He is."
"I SLEPT WITH Malone," I tell my sister later that day.
"What?" she shrieks, dropping the baby's plastic bottle. "Jesus, Maggie! Give a person a little warning here!"
Being the one with the news packs a certain wallop. It's definitely been Christy's life that has grabbed the most headlines, aside from my own embarrassing forays into the Catholic church. And so dropping this choice little nugget is, I admit, incredibly satisfying.
It's showering outside, a gentle, nourishing rain that patters in the gutters and against the lead-paned windows of Christy's house, deepening the three inches of mud that already blankets the great outdoors. Violet is sleeping, Christy is tidying, I'm lounging.
Christy sits down across from me and takes a sip of her now-cold tea. "Let me warm this up," she says, sticking her mug in the microwave and pressing some buttons. "I want to hear every detail. And Violet better not wake up, because she's going to have to wait."
I tell her, starting with the kiss when he drove me home and ending with waking up alone this morning.
"Wow," she sighs. "This is... Wow. And I have to say, I told you so. Remember?"
"Yes, I do. Well done." I salute her with my mug.
"So...Malone. He's really... Well, what's he like? What do you guys talk about?"
I blush. "That's a good question. Of course, it's only been a couple of days. We haven't talked much."
"Oh, really?" Christy purrs. "So. Okay. He's sexy, we knew that. I love the scruffy ones."
"You do?" I ask. Will is quite tidy and clean-shaven.
"You always want what you don't have," she tells me with a wink. "More about Malone, please. What else?"
"Okay, well, we covered the great in bed part. Incredible kisser. Doesn't talk much. That's all I know." I sigh. "He really hardly talks at all, Christy." I frown and trace the rim of my cup. "To tell you the truth. I'm sleeping with a guy I really don't know very well. It's a little slutty."
"Is that how he makes you feel?" Christy asks, mirroring my frown with one of her own.
I think about that. "No. He makes me feel...beautiful."
Christy's frown morphs into a smile. "Oh...that's nice," she sighs. "Beautiful is good."
I smile, too. "Yes, it is. I just wish..."
"What?"
"Well, I just wish he was more...talkative. More like..." I wince but tell my sister the truth. "More like Father Tim."
"Well, I for one am glad he's not," Christy chides. "Father Tim is a--"
"I know, I know. Save it. What I meant was, I wish Malone would just...open up a little."
"He will, Mags, he will," Christy assures me, not that she has any authority over Malone. "You know how they grew up, the Malone kids," she adds.
"Actually, I don't," I say. First Chantal had something on him, now my own sister. Does everyone know more about Malone than I do?
"Oh, no? Well, it--" She pauses, considering. "It wasn't good."
"How do you know?" I ask.
"His sister was in our class, dummy," Christy informs me. "Allie Malone. Don't you remember? She was shy, black hair like Malone's...pretty quiet."
I wrack my brain for some recall. "Oh, okay, okay. God, I hardly remember her."
"Too wrapped up in Skip."
"Yeah. True. So tell me what you know," I prod.
Christy takes another sip of her tea. "Well, I never went over there or anything," she says. "And I don't exactly remember how much she told me and how much was just what the kids said. But we were lab partners junior year, and we were kind of friendly."
She stiffens as Violet rolls over, the rustling clearly audible over the monitor, but when no coo or cry follows, she goes on. "I guess the father was abusive. I don't think sexually, thank God. But there was definitely some bad stuff. The police came once, I remember Allie talking about that. She was crying in the bathroom one day and told me that her brother and father both spent the night in jail..."
"Yikes," I murmur.
"So, anyway, I really don't know more than that. She went away to Boston and we never really kept in touch."
"Did you ever hear that Malone hit his wife?"
Christy frowns. "No. I never did. He's not--you know, rough or anything, is he, Maggie?"
"Oh, no. No, no." My cheeks grow hot. "Not rough at all...just...intense."
"I wish you could see your face right now," my sister says, laughing.
"Listen, don't tell anyone about this, okay? About Malone and me. It's not like we're actually seeing each other... We're just...I don't know...."
"Fuck buddies?" Christy laughs.
"Christy! No! Oh, hell, maybe." I can't help laughing, too.
"Can you imagine what Mom would say?"
"I really don't want to think about that," I answer truthfully. Mother is not one to be sympathetic to hormonal urges. Young people today are so trashy, she's fond of saying. Don't they have any self-respect? Even if Malone and I had a real relationship, he's not exactly what Mom has in mind for me. Why can't you meet a doctor, Maggie? Or a lawyer? Or maybe that Microsoft executive on Douglas Point? If you'd just clean yourself up a little, you'd be quite presentable, you know. You need to stop lighting your fire under a bushel.
At this moment, my niece lets out a coo over the monitor, signaling the end of her nap. Christy gets up and goes upstairs, and I sit at the table, mulling over what she's told me.
I stay to play with Violet, rolling on the floor with her, encouraging her to grab the little moose puppet Jonah gave her at birth. She finally does, and Christy and I cheer as the genius baby stuffs an antler into her drooling mouth and chews on it. Christy convinces me to stay for supper, and I do, drinking in their domesticity and happiness.
On my way home, I try to imagine Malone acting like Will, laughing, pulling me onto his lap the way Will does to Christy, kissing his baby and practically leaping at the chance to change her diaper. I can't. Malone doesn't inspire thoughts of husband and father.
So what are you doing with him, Maggie? Mom's voice asks in my head. Killing time until the real thing comes along? Or just scratching an itch?
I'm pretty sure I don't want to answer those questions, but I have a long time to think about them. Malone doesn't come over that night. He doesn't call, either. And I don't call him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
"SO, MAGGIE, how's the quest going?" Father Tim asks me as I pour him some coffee.
"The man quest?" I ask.
"Are you on any other kind?" he quips, raising his eyebrows with mock sincerity.
"Oh, how cutting! And you a priest. Tsk, tsk." I glance around the diner--pretty full, since it's raining hard outside, and people love to go out for breakfast when it's raining. "The quest is on hold at the moment, Father Tim," I answer. "When the time is right, yadda yadda. What can I get you this morning?"
"I guess I'll have the special, Maggie. Sounds lovely."
The special is French toast made with homemade sweet almond bread and soaked in a peach glaze. It is lovely, and an original recipe, and if I could get a restaurant critic out here, I'm sure he or she would love it. "You got it," I tell him. "Bacon with that?"
"You know me well." He smiles.
"Mmm, yes, and I know you'd better get your cholesterol checked."
"You're a wonderful friend," he says, and unexpectedly, he takes my hand and pats it, looking up at me. And though I have a coffeepot in my other hand and he's wearing his priest clothes, there's something very...marriage proposal about our little tableau. For one second, that sense of longing and rightness I always get around Father Tim hits home, and I feel my face g
row hot.
"Well," I say. "Right back at you." To hide my discomfort, I glance out the window and freeze. Malone is standing in front of the diner, and with him is a woman. A beautiful woman. A young, gorgeous, wow kind of woman. She's laughing, and he's smiling. He's smiling! A baseball cap shields his face against the rain so his expression isn't completely clear, but yes, that is a smile, ladies and gentlemen.
Father Tim releases my hand, and I smile automatically at him. When I glance up, Malone's smile is gone, and he's looking at me. The lines that slash down his face are emphasized from the lights in the diner. Is he angry? He says something to Miss Universe, and without so much as a wave, they continue on their way, away from Joe's.
"What the hell is his problem?" I mutter. My face is burning. Suddenly I feel quite grimy in my worn jeans and the sweater with the coffee stain on the left wrist. Who cares? I ask myself, but my heart feels tight.
"Ah, Louise, love," Father Tim calls, "come and keep a lonely priest company." Louise, a middle-aged widow, wrestles her umbrella inside the door.
"Back in a flash, Father Tim," I say as the kitchen bell dings. I get to work, bringing Father Tim and Louise breakfast, chatting up Georgie, exchanging diner slang with Stuart, bussing tables and wiping up spills. But my thoughts stay with Malone. Who was that woman? I've never seen her before...and truthfully, I never want to again.
I can't say I've ever seen Malone with a woman, though surely he hasn't been without female company since his wife left him all those years ago. But still. Smiling with that young, beautiful creature... It stings. It's been three days since I last saw him. During that time, he hasn't called me or stopped by once. Not once. So I'm forced to think that yes, indeed, any connection we have is purely physical.
I'll admit, I've been feeling a bit conflicted. It seems wrong, somehow, to have these intense physical reactions to Malone when I don't even know his first name. My mother's voice keeps floating through my head--When are you going to find someone decent to marry? Why can't you settle down with someone like Will?
My protestations to my mother that I'm trying fall on deaf ears. I'm not succeeding, and as she so ruthlessly points out, the years are passing. Of course I'd love to settle down with someone like Will. Someone who found me delightful and couldn't wait to come home to me, someone who loved children and wanted a couple.
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