by JD Monroe
Sohaila nodded. “Is there anything you can teach me?”
“You’re young, so I’m guessing you haven’t learned the Kiss of Mara yet,” Irazia said. “Perhaps I can teach you this—”
“I’ve learned it,” Sohaila said. The other woman’s eyes widened. “How would the Kiss be helpful?”
“When I learned, it was taught as a way to leave one patient continuing to heal while you moved on,” Irazia said. “But I learned you can give it preemptively as well. I used to send the Arik’tazhan off to fight with a kiss. Most for healing, but a few for fun. Ask Frostbane.” A mischievous gleam flickered in her eyes. “If done properly and imbued with your intent, it can mend a torn vein, or hold a broken bone long enough that they can return to you for more intense care.”
“Really,” she mused.
“Indeed,” Irazia said. “You’ll just have to be careful. It takes less energy than healing, but it still will tire you quickly. You could exhaust yourself before the battle begins, so you’ll have to learn balance.”
“Of course,” Sohaila said. “What else should I know?”
By the time the bell rang for midday prayers, Sohaila had advice on preparing her workspace and what injuries could be ignored to get a dragon in the air again. Irazia scurried to her quarters and returned with a journal full of her own recipes and notes. She let Sohaila copy recipes for several healing brews, including one that would rejuvenate her energy, though she warned her not to drink it too often. Most surprising, Irazia taught her the Aegis Hymn, a ritual song of power. She felt like she’d learned more in a day with Irazia than in a decade back at the temple.
When the last bell rang, Sohaila hurried to the sanctuary to pray with her sisters. She was distracted, already thinking of how she could practice the hymn without being heard. Then she realized she was in one of the holiest places in the world, not even thinking of the Skymother. With a pang of guilt, she clutched her hands to her chest and focused. Mas-ferah was the hour of asking for wisdom. There was no music or incense to distract the senses. The silence of mas-ferah was to clear everything else away, making it easier to hear her voice.
Forgive my distraction, blessed Skymother. Thank you for Irazia’s wisdom. Thank you for your gifts of intelligence and for the opportunity to be in this beautiful place. I ask for your guidance. Please give me the knowledge I need to protect them.
Her heart thumped as a certain dragon wedged his way into her thoughts.
And help me to know if this is right. I have always loved him. And I don’t know if this is coincidence, your design, or a test. But I cannot believe it is an accident that he was the one to rescue me. Perhaps you have put him in my path so I can protect him, in a way I never could have before. Just show me the way.
Around her, feet shuffled as some of the sisters and the other occupants of the citadel rose to return to their day. After murmuring a rote prayer of gratitude, Sohaila brushed off her knees and returned to her workshop. She took a winding path through the gardens, breathing in the sweet perfume of flowers and basking in the warmth.
The healers’ quarters were underground, directly beneath the healing pavilion. Flickering lanterns lit the dim hallway. As she descended the narrow stairs, she saw Marlena waiting at her door, staring up at the low ceiling. Sohaila tapped the younger woman on the shoulder. Bright light ignited beneath her skin, tattoos flaring bright as Marlena yelped in surprise.
“Sorry,” Sohaila said, jumping back. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“I was in another world,” Marlena said. She frowned and clenched her fists. Slowly, the glowing marks diminished. “You probably have a lot to do, but I’ve had a pounding headache for days. Can you mix up something for me, please?”
“Of course,” Sohaila said. She pushed past Marlena, beckoning for her to follow into the workshop. “Were you injured? Or just a headache?”
“Just a headache,” she said. “Maybe from questioning all those people yesterday. It wears me out.”
“Hmm,” Sohaila said. She took down a small wooden bowl and measured half a dozen herbs into it. Once the dried leaves were crushed to a powder, she spread her fingers wide over the mixture and let a tiny flare of power into it. After filling a wooden cup from a small cask on the shelf, she mixed in a scoop of the powder and handed it to Marlena.
The other woman wrinkled her nose as she sniffed it, then took a tentative sip. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Sohaila said. She waited for Marlena to swallow part of the drink, then smiled. “Can I touch your face?”
“Of course,” she said. “You don’t have to ask.”
“It’s just polite,” Sohaila said. She gently touched Marlena’s temples, searching the woman’s body with her power. A sickening lurch rolled through her as she collided with the curious energy of the Aesdar. It would have felt like sickness and death in a Kadirai body, but it was healthy in one of the Aesdar. A tangled knot of energy pulsed in the back of Marlena’s skull. With a little push, Sohaila directed the brew’s healing power toward the jagged spot. Marlena sighed quietly. Sohaila continued to rub her temples, eventually splaying her hands around Marlena’s head in a proper massage. Without stopping, she said, “Why are you actually here?”
She looked up, green eyes wide and fearful. “Just a headache.”
“You passed an entire ward of healers to get here,” she said. “Put your head down unless you want me to stop.”
“Please don’t,” Marlena said. She complied, tilting her head down. With each rhythmic stroke, Sohaila sent another tiny pulse of energy into the aching knot. Marlena’s shoulders slumped. “You have a good sense for bullshit, don’t you?”
“I suppose so,” Sohaila said. “How’s your head now?”
“Much better already,” Marlena said. She looked up again and smiled. “Thank you.” Sohaila released her and sat on the high stool next to her worktable. Marlena folded and unfolded her hands, not quite meeting Sohaila’s eyes. “Can we talk about something, just between us? I don’t know if you’re like a priest and have to keep secrets.”
“I do not have to keep secrets,” Sohaila said. “But if it’s something personal, I will.”
“You can’t even tell Velati,” she said.
A chill prickled down her spine. “What is it?”
“When we first met, you said something about working with the Aesdar and helping them transform. The woman I questioned said that you could do it and bring them back. What did she mean?” She held out her tattooed arms. Even in the soft glow of lantern light, the marks gleamed bright red like fire behind stained glass. “I’ve never transformed.”
“Which is good,” Sohaila said. “For you to be marked, you have to be kuth-kadi. Your mother was a dragon, correct?” Marlena nodded. “Your body has the ability to shift, but it should only shift into a very small dragon. All these tattoos are infused with dragon blood, and they create spells far beyond what I can comprehend, but you still can’t shift into the Aesdar on your own. There’s just not enough raw power in you to start the change.”
“Makes sense.”
“Sidran is a master of the Crimson Path, what my people call blood magic. They have healers, but they’re chemists at best. They don’t know how the body works. His so-called healers would just force elixir down the throats of the Aesdar until they were practically bursting with power. That kind of power was too much for their bodies to handle, and their minds couldn’t take it. So if they even survived the first change, most of them came back different.”
“Like…insane?”
“Not quite,” Sohaila said. “Empty is a better way to put it. It was like they lost their minds, quite literally.”
Marlena nodded solemnly. “I met one like that. Everyone seemed to think that was inevitable.”
“It was until he got me. And I think Sidran sort of liked it that way. They did exactly what he said, but they were simple,” she said. “For instance, you couldn’t say ‘walk to the kitchen and
heat up a pot of water for me’. They might manage ‘walk to the kitchen’. In their dragon form it was even worse. Their handlers could only tell them to go in a certain direction and attack. It’s all brute force and primal instinct.”
“But you changed that,” Marlena said.
“Yes, though I’m not sure whether to be proud or ashamed,” she said. “He didn’t give me much of a choice, either way. My formula still involves some elixir, but it’s weaker. Transforming takes longer but doesn’t cause so much strain on the mind.” Marlena’s skin was going ashen. “The tricky part is changing back. I was there to remind their body how it fits back together and to keep them anchored in reality.” Her stomach twisted in knots at the memory of poor Danerra, suffocating because her body couldn’t connect to her lungs.
“And they were fine afterward?”
“Yes,” she said. Her stomach turned. “Though I’m not sure about the ones that he took from the Silent Orchard. I taught Ayla and Veraxa how to make the catalysts, and how to talk the Aesdar back down, but they were never as confident. I hate to say it, but Ayla was the least comfortable with them.”
“You seem concerned about them.”
“I am,” she said. “My job is to take care of people. And I know they’ve caused so much pain and destruction, but they thought they were doing good. That they had the blessing of their god. Even though I suspected what he was doing, I hated seeing them suffer.” She sighed. “Unfortunately, my intervention made them more focused and dangerous. The Aesdar he took to Arvelor were some of my first charges. I hear they obliterated the city. I have prayed for forgiveness more often than you know.”
Marlena shook her head firmly. “That’s on him.”
“Are you going to ask me to help you change?” Sohaila asked. “That’s why you came here, right?”
Marlena spluttered, shaking her head rapidly. “What? No, I was just curious.” She sighed. “Yes. That’s why I came here.”
“If it becomes necessary, I’ll help you shift.” Her bright green eyes lit up. “With Velati’s approval.”
“I don’t need his approval,” Marlena said, frowning. “This whole city, hell, your whole world is at stake. He’ll get over it.”
“I’m sure he will under the right circumstances,” Sohaila said. “But for now, your abilities make you valuable exactly as you are. And I’m guessing you asked me in secret because you already know he’ll say no.”
“Are you a mind-reader in addition to being a healer?”
“Sometimes I wish I was.”
Marlena chuckled. “I know he means well.” She took a deep breath, lowering her head and staring at the floor. Her toe traced a small circle, scraping against the stone. “If it comes down to it, he’ll say yes. I know he will.”
“You’re sure?”
With a sad smile, she raised her head to meet Sohaila’s gaze again. “Do you want to know one of the things that makes me love him? I know I’m not the most important thing in his world.”
Sohaila frowned. “That doesn’t bother you?”
“Not at all. I shouldn’t be the most important thing in his life,” Marlena said. “He’s not for me, either. Don’t misunderstand me. I love him so much it scares me. And it happened so fast that I wonder if I’m an idiot or just lucky.” She held up her left hand, touching the dark metal ring on her index finger. “And I know he loves me. But I also know he’s going to choose his people and the greater good over me if it comes to that.”
“Which is why you’re here talking to me,” Sohaila said. “You think it’ll come to that.”
Marlena shrugged. “It might. I’d like to walk away from this at the end, maybe go back to my world and have a normal life. But if it turns out that the only way we can stop all of this bloodshed is for me to shift, then I’ll do it. Even if you can’t bring me back, or if it kills me.”
“And you’re okay with not coming back?”
“I don’t want to…you know,” Marlena said. Her expression was solemn. “But I could do it, if I knew it would make a difference. I’d rather he was sad than let the whole world burn so we could have a little more time in the ashes.” She sighed. “That got heavy, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know,” Sohaila said. “I think he’d stop you.”
Marlena shook her head. “I don’t think so,” she said. “When we first met, I was still part of the Chosen. I left them with his help, but they took me back to finish this.” She traced the tattoos over her breastbone, wincing a little. “The Kadirai were attacking Haven, and I thought I was lost. Sidran was trying to get us through the Gate. But then I saw Velati. He was all alone, but he had to finish the mission. He never quits. And I know he saw me, but he ran right past me without hesitation. I don’t think he knows that I noticed, but I did. He was trying to keep Sidran from going through the Gate and coming back here. He almost did it, too.”
“But he did save you,” Sohaila said. “Or you wouldn’t be here.”
She nodded. “In the end. But he put the mission first.”
“And that makes you trust him?”
“Yeah, it does,” she said. “If he’d ignored Sidran and flew away with me, I couldn’t respect him like I do. That may be true love, but it’s selfish love.” She shrugged. “I don’t want to be the most important thing in his life. I don’t think I’m worthy of that.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I got sidetracked. I know you must have a lot to do.”
“Actually, you’re welcome to stay,” Sohaila said with a smile. “I can use the company.”
She folded her hands in her lap, picking at her nails before looking up at Sohaila again. “Can I give you a piece of unsolicited advice?”
“I don’t promise to follow it,” Sohaila replied.
She laughed. “Fair enough. I know you have your reasons, but you don’t have to hide.”
“My face, you mean?”
“Yes and no,” Marlena said. “I think you’re pretty, and you should show your face. People don’t care about it as much as you think they do. But I mean yourself. Whoever Sohaila is, where she’s been. You hide that, too. I saw how you got in Velati’s face about healing Romek the other night.”
“And got thoroughly scolded for it.”
She laughed. “Not surprising,” she said. “If I had to guess, you’re trying to heal something in yourself by healing everyone else. Not being able to fix Romek made you feel helpless.”
“Now who’s reading minds?”
“I don’t mean to pry into your business,” Marlena said. “But I know your experience with Sidran left a mark on you beyond the scars on your face. Then you jumped right into this mess with us, and now we’re going to war. You don’t have to talk to me, but if you ever want to, I’m always up to listen.”
Her heart thumped. “Thank you,” she said. She fiddled with her hands, heart pounding. It was tempting to send Marlena on her way, but she could feel it bubbling on her tongue, desperate to be free. With a deep breath, she pulled one of the hair pins free and let the veil fall to one side. Marlena’s eyes drifted, then returned to meet Sohaila’s gaze. “Do you know what I see every time I look in the mirror?”
Marlena shook her head solemnly.
“I see Sidran,” she said, running her fingers along the ridged scars. Her throat clenched. “After he healed me, he offered me a mirror and made me look at this. He said he wanted me to remember that I was alive only because he willed it. Now I just see all the shame and all the ways I used my power to help him. I see crumbled cities and broken bodies and dead children. His mark will always be on me.” She hung her head. Tears stung her eyes. “And I hate it. I feel like everyone sees it.”
Covered in the ornate lace-like tattoos, Marlena’s fingers curled gently around her wrists. Warmth surged up her arms. “If there’s anyone in this place that knows what that’s like, it’s me. His mark is on nearly every inch of my body. And I chose it. You didn’t.”
“You didn’t know what he was doing.”
&
nbsp; “And you were trying to protect people and preserve life,” Marlena said. “I can’t tell you how to feel, but I don’t think you have any reason for shame.”
“How about helping him change the Aesdar?”
“Which he was doing before you got there, correct?” She nodded. Marlena squeezed her hands firmly. “Sohaila, I was with him and the Chosen for almost ten years, and I was certainly not the first of the Aesdar he marked. That means he was doing this long before he took you. You didn’t create the Aesdar. You may have made them stronger, but you were trying to preserve their lives so he didn’t destroy everything they were. That’s not evil. It’s compassionate.” She raised her hand, letting it hover near Sohaila’s face without touching it. “As for this…I don’t see his mark. I see strength. And I’m not the only one.” She tilted her head and smiled. “You can only claim responsibility for the choices you make. And you choose to do good.”
“You say that like you’ve rehearsed it,” she said.
“I may have heard it a few thousand times from someone in my life,” Marlena said with a laugh. She flexed her hands, then turned her arms over to show the intricate ink. “But it’s given me some peace of mind. Maybe Sidran put these on my skin, but it’s my choice what to do with them now. And you get to decide what yours mean, too. I know it’s not the same, but…”
“Thank you,” she said. “You’re right.”
“I know it’s easy to say and hard to do,” Marlena said. “Believe me.” She smiled brightly. “But I’ll remind you any time you need it.”
She squeezed Marlena’s hand gently. “Thank you. I mean it.” Her eyebrows lifted. “Why are you talking to me instead of going to the council meeting?”
Marlena chuckled. “When he meets with the Arik’tazhan, it’s better for me to be elsewhere. They tolerate me when necessary, but I make them all uncomfortable. It’s been months since I was anywhere near blood magic, but Farikul says I smell like rotting meat and blasphemy, which is not great for a girl’s self-esteem.”