Toradora! Vol. 7

by Yuyuko Takemiya

  At first, Ryuuji wanted to work hard so that he and Minori could spend Christmas Eve together. Even now, that was still the first priority in his eyes. Ryuuji wanted to see Minori’s smile, so he kept on moving. But then, nearly as important, he wanted to make sure everyone would be brightly smiling come Christmas Eve to happily welcome Taiga.

  He wanted to be smiling. He wanted Ami and the student council members, the prep committee guys, Noto, Haruta, and everyone—everyone—everyone who was here and everyone who wasn’t, to be smiling.

  Unless everyone was happy, unless everyone was rewarded, it wouldn’t be complete. Ryuuji thought of it as like a circular relay. Someone would wish for another person’s happiness, and someone would receive happiness from another, and smile. Then someone seeing that would smile. Once started, the relay would persist as long as they could continue to pass along the baton of happiness. If even one person stopped, the ring would be broken. So Ryuuji also needed to keep passing along the baton as best he could.

  “Taiga! I think this probably goes over there, too!”

  “Hey, hey…Ryuuji! What are you doing?! That’s dangerous!”

  While Taiga was being held up by another girl in order to put together parts that were high up, Ryuuji tossed a matching part at them that he had found. She tried to catch it, but lost her balance, and rising voices of rebuke came from the girls.

  “I can’t believe you, Takasu-kun!”

  “Seriously, why couldn’t you just hand it to her like a normal person?!”

  Ehee hee. He had the face of a demi-god demon that had crawled out of hell—of course, he had only been making a slight attempt at humor. His recklessness was nothing to be scared about. From the opposite side, an “Eek!” came from a boy who didn’t know what was going on, but Ryuuji was so happy he didn’t realize that he recklessly knocked the wind out of the boy.

  Eventually, though a little too late, the student council came in carrying stepladders, and the efficiency of their work went way up. The parts they haphazardly started putting together according to what they could figure out finally started to slowly come together.

  “Uwah, it’s huge!”

  “It’s seriously giant!”

  Eventually, they started to reach a point no one could get to without a stepladder. The tree was probably at least three meters tall. The patron saint of broken hearts and student council president Kitamura took on the fearful job of stooping on a stepladder that was set up to its max height. From below, his childhood friend, who knew what the tree looked like when complete, was giving him instructions.

  “That’s not right.”

  “Huh…”

  “That’s also wrong.”

  “Oh.”

  Slowly, the complex protrusions came together.

  The lustrous, pearly white tree not only had height, but also width that protruded out in a circle around its skirt. When put together, puzzle-like parts of the tree formed cube-shaped deformations as big as fists that seemed like places where things were supposed to be attached. Everyone surrounded the tree, stuck the ornaments into it, and went around and around to wrap the tree with the handmade ornaments, the light bulb runners, the ribbons, and the line of bells. Though they were handmade, the silver and blue decorations had been made to fit the theme and were sure to go well with the pearl white tree. Once the large round ornaments that had come with the tree (silver balls and gold balls!) were hung, the tree would look even better. None of the girls made any stupid or crude jokes. (But they’re gold balls!)

  Then Taiga yelled up from below at Kitamura, who had put together the last part.

  “Kitamura-kuuun! I brought this from home! It’s from my tree at home! Put this on the top!”

  “Oh, hey now! Don’t throw it! Don’t! I’ll come down to get it!”

  Kitamura slipped his way down the ladder and peeked into the cardboard box Taiga was holding in her hands.

  “Are you sure?! You’re okay with us using something as pretty as this? How do I put this… It looks expensive.”

  At his wide eyes and raised voice, Taiga happily nodded.

  “It’s fine. I brought it from my parents’ house, but it was a little too big, and I can’t put it on the tree in my condo right now.”

  What Kitamura pulled out with reverent hands was a star ornament even larger than Taiga’s head. It was intricately three-dimensional and transparent, allowing the hard light to go through its form. Waah! The girls raised their voices at how pretty it was. Waah! Ryuuji also casually joined in with them. While lined up next to the girls, his evil eyes glinted.

  “It’s made from crystal. It’s my favorite ornament, and it’s a waste not to use it, so it’s okay. Could you put it up?”

  “Okay! We’ll keep it safe as we hang it up! We’ll put your favorite ornament on the top of the tree!”

  Kitamura went up the stepladder and firmly placed the star on the treetop. Checking that it was stable, he gently let go of it with both hands and poked it with his fingertip. Then, as though he accepted its stability, he nodded, shouted “Okay!” and pushed up his glasses. Ryuuji saw a smile unfurl on Taiga’s face. Their eyes met by chance, and Taiga’s face shyly crumpled. She was even wiggling with joy. That was okay, too—she could be as shy and wiggly as she wanted.

  Then they continued on.

  “Extension cable, check!”

  “Wall socket, check!”

  “Okay, turn off the building lights!”

  Following Kitamura’s voice, starting from the ones closest to the entrance, the lights went off one at a time. The gym that was already dark because of the blackout curtains, and so cold their fingers were going numb, slowly descended into total darkness.

  Everyone stood without a word and looked up at the tree. Their fatigue and their prayers that everything would go well stole the voices from all of them.

  “Power on.”

  They heard the sound of several power switches. Click click. Eventually, there was light in the darkness—

  It was like a vibrating current had run through Ryuuji’s neck.

  Taiga’s raised eyes were radiant with delight.

  A small voice came from Ami’s lips.

  “…We really did it.”

  Satisfied smiles bloomed all at once on the many faces bathed in the light. For a while they were in silence, and then someone started clapping. As though echoing in response, the applause grew.

  “We…did it!”

  “It’s! A! Success!”

  “Amazing! Amazing! Isn’t it super pretty?!”

  Here and there excited voices rose up. Delight and excitement, applause and cheers, and smiles filled the room. Ryuuji whistled and brought his hands enthusiastically together. Kitamura, who had come to be beside him, also put up his right hand for a high five. We did it! Then they simultaneously fist pumped. He smiled so much, his dry lips cracked. Even Kitamura smiled so hard his glasses started to slip down.

  The tree that glittered in the darkness was truly beautiful.

  It was lit from below by a pure white light and sparkled a gorgeous pearly color. The many bulbs blinked yellow and the hanging ornaments reflected flashes of light. Taiga’s ornament winked brilliantly like a real star at the top. It was as if it were lighting up the whole world with the joy of Christmas as it filled with the light and radiance of everything around it. But then…

  CRASH! They heard the sound of tremendous destruction. The curtains fluttered and light from the outside invaded suddenly.

  One of the girls shouted. They could hear what sounded like several people falling over in surprise. With a terrific force, like a white shadow leaping through the darkness, something barreled directly into the top of the tree. It made a horrible sound. There was a shriek. All the lights disappeared, and the gym blacked out.

  The gigantic tree hadn’t been fixed in place. They had just been about to move it, after all. Helped along by its own great, unsettled weight, the tree tilted and then with a terrific force, sound
ed as though it had fallen right on its side. They could hear the ornaments scatter and the parts that had been stuck together being blown away.

  Ryuuji didn’t understand what had happened. He didn’t even want to see how it had ended up. One of the fragments flew by his face, and he reflexively closed his eyes.

  Not a single one of them said anything.

  “Th-the lights! Please, turn on the lights! Quick, quick, hurry!”

  Only Kitamura’s voice, which was hurried from his fluster, echoed discordantly throughout the space. The lights turned on in the opposite order they had turned off. Then the terrible spectacle became crystal clear. The expressions disappeared from all of their faces.

  The tree they just put up had collapsed.

  All the ornaments had scattered onto the floor, and the cable for the lights, which pulled free of the socket, was splayed out like a dead snake. Fragments of Styrofoam lay scattered around. Several parts that were necessary for holding the tree together were completely broken.

  And then Taiga’s star, which had been on the very top…

  “Oh…no…it can’t be! No way…”

  Taiga ran over, kneeling down so she could reach out to it, but Ami caught her elbow. “You idiot, it’s dangerous!”

  After falling three meters and hitting the gym’s hard floor, the star ornament made of crystal had shattered. The sharp fragments glittered cruelly, and if Taiga had touched them, they would have easily cut through her skin.

  Just what had happened?

  As though in answer, they could see the darkening sky beyond the blackout curtains that they had put on the windows. The outside light was coming through the glass because the window had been broken. There were glass shards scattered a slight distance from the tree. Glad no one was under that, Ryuuji thought, but he couldn’t get the words out of his mouth.

  At that point, the gym door was thrown open with a loud noise. Immediately after it, the commotion of several people’s footsteps followed.

  “We’re so sorry! Did anyone get hurt?!”

  It was the clear and reaching voice of a girl.

  They turned around. Ryuuji saw her. The owner of the voice was Minori in her dirty uniform. Behind Minori, there were two girls wearing the same uniform.

  “…”

  At the very front, Minori’s mouth closed as though she had frozen over. On the floor, all by itself, was a softball. That might have—no—that definitely had broken the window, tipped over the tree, destroyed it, and shattered Taiga’s star.

  Eventually Minori’s lips trembled, mouthing I’m sorry. As she said it again and again, her lips moved over and over, but her rasping voice didn’t reach anyone’s ears in a way they could hear. Time couldn’t be reversed. They couldn’t pretend that the stupid foul launched by the girls’ softball club hadn’t happened.

  ***

  “Minorin, it’s okay now. It was just an accident, after all. You couldn’t help it.”

  “No… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m really truly sorry…”

  All of the girls’ softball club members had gathered in the gym in order to restore the tree Minori had destroyed.

  “Misconduct by a leader is all of our misconduct! We’re incredibly sorry!”

  The athletic girls formed a line and bowed passionately, then moved under one command and secured a position in a corner, where they were now sitting cramped together in a huddle with their feet folded under themselves. They worked in silence, some taking on the challenge of putting together the broken parts of the tree with adhesive as though it were a three-dimensional puzzle. Others were pulling apart the tangled ornaments, and still others were mending the ball ornaments. Then, in the center of the gym, the prep committee and student council were putting the tree together again. Relying on the softball club to do that work when they hadn’t seen the completed tree would have just taken more time, so when Minori and the other girls lowered their heads and asked to fix everything, Kitamura specifically refused that.

  Away from the girls of the softball club, away from where they were putting together the tree anew, Minori was sitting under the stage. She looked up at Taiga and Ryuuji when they walked over and called out to her, and then around at the faces of the softball club members.

  “Please let me do what I can… Please. Don’t worry about me, Taiga. It’s my fault… Ahh, ugh…I’m the worst…ugh…”

  What am I doing, really? She bit her lip until it turned white.

  In her hands, as she said those shameful words to herself, she gripped the broken fragments of Taiga’s star and quick-dry glue. Minori was trying to restore the star, which had already been so intricate to begin with. Taiga crouched beside Minori and looked desperately into her face, which was hard and stiff.

  “Minorin…you’re not to blame. At all. This was just an unfortunate accident.”

  “No, this is my responsibility. I think it must have happened because my head was in the clouds. I can’t believe I hit that kind of ball… It wasn’t an accident, I made a poor hit. I made a mistake. I couldn’t focus and missed. I’m really sorry about this star… I can’t believe that out of all things, I broke something so precious to you… I can’t get it back to how it was before, but…I’m sorry. I’m sorry…for everyone…I’m so sorry.”

  Minori wiped her face roughly with her uniform sleeve and hung her head. Her back slowly rose and fell with her deep breaths, but she was also faintly trembling.

  Taiga looked worriedly up at Ryuuji’s face where he stood beside her, but he didn’t know what to do either when things came to this.

  The time to go home drew near and the situation, to be honest, was terrible. Everyone knew that it was just an unfortunate accident and didn’t blame Minori, but that didn’t change anything. The teachers had given them strict orders to go home when the school shut down. If they weren’t finished with preparations, then the party was in jeopardy. He knew how hurt Minori must have been. She must have been flustered, and though no one blamed her, she must have really been hurting that the situation was so bad she had to involve the softball club in picking up the pieces.

  It actually might have been better for Minori if someone had gotten angry, yelled at her, cried, and hit her. It must have been hard for her to be the one who had to place the blame on herself. Until she forgave herself, the circle of negativity, disgust, and blame would never end. The guilt would never disappear.

  Sitting on the freezing gym floor in her uniform with her legs folded under her, Minori’s eyes turned red at the rims. She still had her face turned down as she sniffed, and it wasn’t just because of the cold that her fingertips shook.

  Taiga reached out a hand to Minori, but she hesitated for a moment in the air. As though she wasn’t sure of herself, Taiga opened and closed her hand several times and suddenly got up. She looked up at Ryuuji’s face and said, “Then, Ryuuji, could you help her? Please?”

  Then she pushed at Ryuuji’s back.

  “NO!”

  When faced with Minori’s high voice, Ryuuji stood stick straight. Taiga also froze. Minori’s voice had echoed like a shriek.

  “You can’t! Please stop! Stop doing that!”

  Then she continued.

  With no one else coming near her, she once again turned her head down to absorb herself in the endless puzzle of fixing the star.

  There was no way she would smile. There would be no happy Christmas or excitement. The heavy silence simply accumulated like snowflakes in the frozen air.

  It was unclear whether they would finish preparing in time. All they knew was one thing—Minori had just one more reason not to go to the party. Ryuuji looked down at Minori and closed his slightly tired eyes. It was easy to endure the pain of his help being rejected, but just looking at Minori, who was on edge to the point she had snapped at them, was difficult.

  With her mouth pinched closed, Taiga looked between Minori and Ryuuji. She nibbled a little on her knuckles and then looked at Ryuuji’s face once more. Their ey
es met, and Taiga jerked out her chin a little. It was almost as though she were trying to say, “I leave this to you.” With that, her hair fluttering, Taiga turned around and left them to head to the ring where they were reconstructing the tree.

  Ryuuji watched her small back as she retreated. Then, unable to do anything, he stood next to Minori and stayed there like that.

  “Takasu-kun, you should go, too. Okay. I’m going to work on this by myself right now.”

  Minori sniffled and knit her eyebrows together as she forced a smile on her face. However, Ryuuji did not leave.

  He was useless, but he had decided he wouldn’t be going anywhere.

  “It’s okay, so just let me see. I’m good at these kinds of things.”

  “Takasu-kun…”

  “You don’t know what it looked like at the start. If you don’t like it, just ignore me.”

  Ryuuji practically forced his way in as he sat down beside Minori. He preemptively glanced at the fragments and found two large pieces. “Right, this is it.” He immediately started putting them together with the glue. He did it properly and carefully.

  “Takasu-kun, stop. Let me take responsibility for this. If you…if you help me like this then—”

  “We don’t have the time. You do what you can as best you can. I’ll do what I can. I’m not helping you, I’m doing this for myself.”

  For a moment, Minori’s face scrunched up like she was about to start crying, but she held out and bit her lip. As though she wasn’t able to say anything more, she dropped her gaze to the fragments in front of her eyes.

  The two of them fell into silence as they absorbed themselves in putting together the fragments of crystal. There wasn’t any way they would be having a conversation. Even though he was next to the girl who took his breath away, it was cold and his heart didn’t even thump. Regardless of that, Ryuuji stayed by Minori’s side. Even if she didn’t want him there, he remained sitting next to her.

  They never had any real conversations while Taiga was suspended, either. Don’t you think Minori is avoiding you? Taiga had said at the family restaurant while they were studying for the test. Ryuuji and Minori had only seen each other in passing for quite a while. And then right now, in these unfortunate circumstances, they were clearly separated, as if there were a fissure between them. Even though he was right next to her, his eyes and his voice didn’t reach her.