THE PIE AND THE PATTY-PAN
Pussy-cat sits by the fire--how should she be fair? In walks the little dog--says "Pussy are you there? How do you do mistress Pussy? Mistress Pussy, how do you do?" "I thank you kindly, little dog, I fare as well as you!" Old Rhyme.
ONCE upon a time there was a Pussy-cat called Ribby, who invited alittle dog called Duchess to tea.
"Come in good time, my dear Duchess," said Ribby's letter, "and we willhave something so very nice. I am baking it in a pie-dish--a pie-dishwith a pink rim. You never tasted anything so good! And YOU shall eat itall! _I_ will eat muffins, my dear Duchess!" wrote Ribby.
Duchess read the letter and wrote an answer:--"I will come with muchpleasure at a quarter past four. But it is very strange. _I_ was justgoing to invite you to come here, to supper, my dear Ribby, to eatsomething MOST DELICIOUS."
"I will come very punctually, my dear Ribby," wrote Duchess; and then atthe end she added--"I hope it isn't mouse?"
And then she thought that did not look quite polite; so she scratchedout "isn't mouse" and changed it to "I hope it will be fine," and shegave her letter to the postman.
But she thought a great deal about Ribby's pie, and she read Ribby'sletter over and over again.
"I am dreadfully afraid it WILL be mouse!" said Duchess to herself--"Ireally couldn't, COULDN'T eat mouse pie. And I shall have to eat it,because it is a party. And MY pie was going to be veal and ham. A pinkand white pie-dish! and so is mine; just like Ribby's dishes; they wereboth bought at Tabitha Twitchit's."
Duchess went into her larder and took the pie off a shelf and looked atit.
"It is all ready to put into the oven. Such lovely pie-crust; and I putin a little tin patty-pan to hold up the crust; and I made a hole in themiddle with a fork to let out the steam--Oh I do wish I could eat my ownpie, instead of a pie made of mouse!"
Duchess considered and considered and read Ribby' s letter again--
"A pink and white pie-dish-and YOU shall eat it all. 'You' meansme--then Ribby is not going to even taste the pie herself? A pink andwhite pie-dish! Ribby is sure to go out to buy the muffins..... Oh whata good idea! Why shouldn't I rush along and put my pie into Ribby's ovenwhen Ribby isn't there?"
Duchess was quite delighted with her own cleverness!
Ribby in the meantime had received Duchess's answer, and as soon as shewas sure that the little dog would come--she popped HER pie into theoven. There were two ovens, one above the other; some other knobs andhandles were only ornamental and not intended to open. Ribby put the pieinto the lower oven; the door was very stiff.
"The top oven bakes too quickly," said Ribby to herself. "It is a pie ofthe most delicate and tender mouse minced up with bacon. And I havetaken out all the bones; because Duchess did nearly choke herself with afish-bone last time I gave a party. She eats a little fast--rather bigmouthfuls. But a most genteel and elegant little dog infinitely superiorcompany to Cousin Tabitha Twitchit."
Ribby put on some coal and swept up the hearth. Then she went out with acan to the well, for water to fill up the kettle.
Then she began to set the room in order, for it was the sitting-room aswell as the kitchen. She shook the mats out at the front-door and putthem straight; the hearth-rug was a rabbit-skin. She dusted the clockand the ornaments on the mantelpiece, and she polished and rubbed thetables and chairs.
Then she spread a very clean white table-cloth, and set out her bestchina tea-set, which she took out of a wall-cupboard near the fireplace.The tea-cups were white with a pattern of pink roses; and thedinner-plates were white and blue.
When Ribby had laid the table she took a jug and a blue and white dish,and went out down the field to the farm, to fetch milk and butter.
When she came back, she peeped into the bottom oven; the pie looked verycomfortable.
Ribby put on her shawl and bonnet and went out again with a basket, tothe village shop to buy a packet of tea, a pound of lump sugar, and apot of marmalade.
And just at the same time, Duchess came out of HER house, at the otherend of the village.
Ribby met Duchess half-way own the street, also carrying a basket,covered with a cloth. They only bowed to one another; they did notspeak, because they were going to have a party.
As soon as Duchess had got round the corner out of sight--she simplyran! Straight away to Ribby's house!
Ribby went into the shop and bought what she required, and came out,after a pleasant gossip with Cousin Tabitha Twitchit.
Cousin Tabitha was disdainful afterwards in conversation--
"A little DOG indeed! Just as if there were no CATS in Sawrey! And a PIEfor afternoon tea! The very idea!" said Cousin Tabitha Twitchit.
Ribby went on to Timothy Baker's and bought the muffins. Then she wenthome.
There seemed to be a sort of scuffling noise in the back passage, as shewas coming in at the front door.
"I trust that is not that Pie: the spoons are locked up, however," saidRibby.
But there was nobody there. Ribby opened the bottom oven door with somedifficulty, and turned the pie. There began to be a pleasing smell ofbaked mouse!
Duchess in the meantime, had slipped out at the back door.
"It is a very odd thing that Ribby's pie was NOT in the oven when I putmine in! And I can t find it anywhere; I have looked all over the house.I put MY pie into a nice hot oven at the top. I could not turn any ofthe other handles; I think that they are all shams," said Duchess, "butI wish I could have removed the pie made of mouse! I cannot think whatshe has done with it? I heard Ribby coming and I had to run out by theback door!"
Duchess went home and brushed her beautiful black coat; and then shepicked a bunch of flowers in her garden as a present for Ribby; andpassed the time until the clock struck four.
Ribby--having assured herself by careful search that there was really noone hiding in the cupboard or in the larder--went upstairs to change herdress.
She put on a lilac silk gown, for the party, and an embroidered muslinapron and tippet.
"It is very strange," said Ribby, "I did not THINK I left that drawerpulled out; has somebody been trying on my mittens?"
She came downstairs again, and made the tea, and put the teapot on thehob. She peeped again into the BOTTOM oven, the pie had become a lovelybrown, and it was steaming hot.
She sat down before the fire to wait for the little dog. "I am glad Iused the BOTTOM oven," said Ribby, "the top one would certainly havebeen very much too hot. I wonder why that cupboard door was open? Canthere really have been some one in the house?"
Very punctually at four o'clock, Duchess started to go to the party. Sheran so fast through the village that she was too early, and she had towait a little while in the lane that leads down to Ribby's house.
"I wonder if Ribby has taken MY pie out of the oven yet?" said Duchess,"and whatever can have become of the other pie made of mouse?"
At a quarter past four to the minute, there came a most genteel littletap-tappity. "Is Mrs. Ribston at home?" inquired Duchess in the porch.
"Come in! and how do you do, my dear Duchess?" cried Ribby. "I hope Isee you well?"
"Quite well, I thank you, and how do YOU do, my dear Ribby?" saidDuchess. "I've brought you some flowers; what a delicious smell of pie!"
"Oh, what lovely flowers! Yes, it is mouse and bacon!"
"Do not talk about food, my dear Ribby," said Duchess; "what a lovelywhite tea-cloth!.... Is it done to a turn? Is it still in the oven?"
"I think it wants another five minutes," said Ribby. "Just a shadelonger; I will pour out the tea, while we wait. Do you take sugar, mydear Duchess?"
"Oh yes, please! my dear Ribby; and may I have a lump upon my nose?"
"With pleasure, my dear Duchess; how beautifully you beg! Oh, howsweetly pretty!"
Duchess sat up with the sugar on her nose and sniffed--
"How good that pie smells! I do love veal and ham--I mean to say mouseand bacon---
-"
She dropped the sugar in confusion, and had to go hunting under thetea-table, so did not see which oven Ribby opened in order to get outthe pie.
Ribby set the pie upon the table; there was a very savoury smell.
Duchess came out from under the table-cloth munching sugar, and sat upon a chair.
"I will first cut the pie for you; I am going to have muffin andmarmalade," said Ribby.
"Do you really prefer muffin? Mind the patty-pan!"
"I beg your pardon?" said Ribby.
"May I pass you the marmalade?" said Duchess hurriedly.
The pie proved extremely toothsome, and the muffins light and hot. Theydisappeared rapidly, especially the pie!
"I think"--(thought the Duchess to herself)--"I THINK it would be wiserif I helped myself to pie; though Ribby did not seem to notice anythingwhen she was cutting it. What very small fine pieces it has cooked into!I did not remember that I had minced it up so fine; I suppose this is aquicker oven than my own."
"How fast Duchess is eating!" thought Ribby to herself, as she butteredher fifth muffin.
The pie-dish was emptying rapidly! Duchess had had four helps already,and was fumbling with the spoon.
"A little more bacon, my dear Duchess?" said Ribby.
"Thank you, my dear Ribby; I was only feeling for the patty-pan."
"The patty-pan? my dear Duchess?"
"The patty-pan that held up the pie-crust," said Duchess, blushing underher black coat.
"Oh, I didn't put one in, my dear Duchess," said Ribby; "I don't thinkthat it is necessary in pies made of mouse."
Duchess fumbled with the spoon--"I can't find it!" she said anxiously.
"There isn't a patty-pan," said Ribby, looking perplexed.
"Yes, indeed, my dear Ribby; where can it have gone to?" said Duchess.
"There most certainly is not one, my dear Duchess. I disapprove of tinarticles in puddings and pies. It is most undesirable--(especially whenpeople swallow in lumps!)" she added in a lower voice.
Duchess looked very much alarmed, and continued to scoop the inside ofthe pie-dish.
"My Great-aunt Squintina (grandmother of Cousin Tabitha Twitchit)--diedof a thimble in a Christmas plum-pudding. _I_ never put any article ofmetal in MY puddings or pies."
Duchess looked aghast, and tilted up the pie-dish.
"I have only four patty-pans, and they are all in the cupboard."
Duchess set up a howl.
"I shall die! I shall die! I have swallowed a patty-pan! Oh, my dearRibby, I do feel so ill!"
"It is impossible, my dear Duchess; there was not a patty-pan."
Duchess moaned and whined and rocked herself about.
"Oh I feel so dreadful. I have swallowed a patty-pan!"
"There was NOTHING in the pie," said Ribby severely.
"Yes there WAS, my dear Ribby, I am sure I have swallowed it!"
"Let me prop you up with a pillow, my dear Duchess; where do you thinkyou feel it?"
"Oh I do feel so ill ALL OVER me, my dear Ribby; I have swallowed alarge tin patty-pan with a sharp scalloped edge!"
"Shall I run for the doctor? I will just lock up the spoons!"
"Oh yes, yes! fetch Dr. Maggotty, my dear Ribby: he is a Pie himself, hewill certainly understand."
Ribby settled Duchess in an armchair before the fire, and went out andhurried to the village to look for the doctor.
She found him at the smithy.
He was occupied in putting rusty nails into a bottle of ink, which hehad obtained at the post office.
"Gammon? ha! HA!" said he, with his head on one side.
Ribby explained that her guest had swallowed a patty-pan.
"Spinach? ha! HA!" said he, and accompanied her with alacrity.
He hopped so fast that Ribby--had to run. It was most conspicuous. Allthe village could see that Ribby was fetching the doctor.
"I KNEW they would over-eat themselves!" said Cousin Tabitha Twitchit.
But while Ribby had been hunting for the doctor--a curious thing hadhappened to Duchess, who had been left by herself, sitting before thefire, sighing and groaning and feeling very unhappy.
"How COULD I have swallowed it! such a large thing as a patty-pan!"
She got up and went to the table, and felt inside the pie-dish againwith a spoon.
"No; there is no patty-pan, and I put one in; and nobody has eaten pieexcept me, so I must have swallowed it!"
She sat down again, and stared mournfully at the grate. The firecrackled and danced, and something sizz-z-zled!
Duchess started! She opened the door of the TOP oven;--out came a richsteamy flavour of veal and ham, and there stood a fine brown pie,--andthrough a hole in the top of the pie-crust there was a glimpse of alittle tin patty-pan!
Duchess drew a long breath--
"Then I must have been eating MOUSE!... NO wonder I feel ill.... Butperhaps I should feel worse if I had really swallowed a patty-pan!"Duchess reflected--"What a very awkward thing to have to explain toRibby! I think I will put my pie in the back-yard and say nothing aboutit. When I go home, I will run round and take it away." She put itoutside the back-door, and sat down again by the fire, and shut hereyes; when Ribby arrived with the doctor, she seemed fast asleep.
"Gammon, ha, HA?" said the doctor.
"I am feeling very much better," said Duchess, waking up with a jump.
"I am truly glad to hear it!" He has brought you a pill, my dearDuchess!"
"I think I should feel QUITE well if he only felt my pulse," saidDuchess, backing away from the magpie, who sidled up with something inhis beak.
"It is only a bread pill, you had much better take it; drink a littlemilk, my dear Duchess!"
"Gammon? Gammon?" said the doctor, while Duchess coughed and choked.
"Don't say that again!" said Ribby, losing her temper--"Here, take thisbread and jam, and get out into the yard!"
"Gammon and spinach! ha ha HA!" shouted Dr. Maggotty triumphantlyoutside the back door.
"I am feeling very much better, my dear Ribby," said Duchess. "Do younot think that I had better go home before it gets dark?"
"Perhaps it might be wise, my dear Duchess. I will lend you a nice warmshawl, and you shall take my arm."
"I would not trouble you for worlds; I feel wonderfully better. One pillof Dr. Maggotty----"
"Indeed it is most admirable, if it has cured you of a patty-pan! I willcall directly after breakfast to ask how you have slept."
Ribby and Duchess said good-bye affectionately, and Duchess startedhome. Half-way up the lane she stopped and looked back; Ribby had gonein and shut her door. Duchess slipped through the fence, and ran roundto the back of Ribby's house, and peeped into the yard.
Upon the roof of the pig-stye sat Dr. Maggotty and three jackdaws. Thejackdaws were eating pie-crust, and the magpie was drinking gravy out ofa patty-pan.
"Gammon, ha, HA!" he shouted when he saw Duchess's little black nosepeeping round the corner.
Duchess ran home feeling uncommonly silly!
When Ribby came out for a pailful of water to wash up the tea-things,she found a pink and white pie-dish lying smashed in the middle of theyard. The patty-pan was under the pump, where Dr Maggotty hadconsiderately left it.
Ribby stared with amazement--"Did you ever see the like! so there reallyWAS a patty-pan?.... But my patty-pans are all in the kitchen cupboard.Well I never did!.... Next time I want to give a party--I will inviteCousin Tabitha Twitchit!"
THE END
A Collection of Beatrix Potter Stories Page 10