“You can.” I stood up. “You’re stronger than you think, Stevie. You stood up for yourself with the menu and the restaurant, you did the bold thing then. How is this any different?”
“It’s…my career is one thing, these are my personal relationships.”
“Well it doesn’t make sense for us to wait. The longer we wait the worse it’ll get.”
Stevie shook her head. “We have to find the right moment. And that hasn’t happened yet. I just got back, we need a little more time.”
I sighed. I didn’t agree with this, not at all, but I also couldn’t take the choice away from Stevie. It was our choice, the both of us, and if we disagreed…
The whole thing was a mess.
Stevie shifted her weight, looking a bit guilty. For the first time since she’d walked into my office at the restaurant, I felt awkward with her. “I guess… goodnight, then.”
She was right, of course, there was no way that we were going to sleep in the same bed if we weren’t decided on it being all right if we were caught, and I also needed some space. I nodded. “Goodnight.”
I kissed her softly on the cheek, because we might be on opposite sides of this and I might be frustrated, but I still wanted her. This wasn’t the end or anything. Just a hiccup. God knew I’d had plenty of hiccups with Virginia in the course of our relationship. It just happened sometimes, whether the relationship was a friendship or a romance or family. We’d get through it.
But right then, I was ready to punch a wall in frustration.
We went to bed separately, and I could only hope that it wouldn’t be long before I held her in my arms again.
30
Stevie
I had been back for three days, and I couldn’t take the pressure anymore.
Michael was getting more and more moody, and I couldn’t blame him. It was hard to keep a secret like this, from my best friend, and from his daughter. I couldn’t exactly know what that was like, seeing as I wasn’t a parent… yet… but I could imagine it didn’t feel that much better to him than it did to me.
Worse than that, his moodiness was noticeable by everyone, including Brooke. She seemed confused, poor thing, wondering why he would be like this after he was so excited to have me home and back in the restaurant where I belonged.
I was terrified that Michael would tell Brooke if I didn’t. Not that he didn’t have a right to tell her, but I wanted to be there. I wanted to at least get to explain my side of things. And I knew how he’d spin it, to try and salvage my relationship with Brooke. He’d say that he seduced me, that it was all his fault, blah fucking blah. When really if anything I’d been the one to seduce him. I’d done this. Me.
I knew I had to tell her. But how? How could I lose my best friend? We’d been friends for so long, she was like a sister to me. I had told her everything that was going on in my life, had trusted her with all of it, and she had trusted me in turn. It would gut me to lose her.
Possibly even worse than that would be if I ruined Brooke’s relationship with her father. Brooke was my friend and I loved her, and she deserved to be happy. Already the relationship with one of her parents was shot (although that wasn’t anyone’s fault but Virginia’s). How could I come along and ruin her relationship with her other parent too?
Of course… it would be worse if I didn’t tell her and she found out some other way. Michael was right about that. The longer this went, the more it turned into going behind Brooke’s back. She’d gone through that once already with Virginia. Virginia hadn’t seen what she’d done as cheating on Brooke, she’d only seen it as cheating on Michael. But in sleeping with another man, she had shown that she didn’t care about what the fallout would do to Brooke, how she was taking time away from being with Brooke, how she was keeping secrets, and how in destroying her marriage to Michael it was all affecting her daughter.
I couldn’t make Michael do that to Brooke. But telling her was going to be messy, I just knew it.
None of this was easy. It made me feel sick, and not just from my damn hormones.
Andy was glad to still have the apartment, and my parents didn’t seem concerned that I was staying with Michael and Brooke. If only they knew the full story. I hoped that they wouldn’t accuse Michael of doing anything when I was underage—he hadn’t even thought of me that way at the time. I was just a kid to him. When I’d walked into his office, I had seen it in his eyes: he’d been staring at me like I was an entirely new person.
I would never forget that look. I clung to it for strength as Brooke came home saying she had a ‘little present’ for me.
God, if only she would stop being such a fucking wonderful person. If only she had been less of a good friend, maybe I’d feel better about this. But of course, we wouldn’t be friends if she was anything less than her darling self.
Brooke set a brown paper bag on the kitchen counter and pulled out a small onesie. “Ta da!” she said, showing it to me. “I saw it and I immediately thought of you.”
The onesie said watch the language asshole, I’m a baby.
I snorted with laughter. Oh my fucking God. That really was perfect for me and my foul mouth. “I love it,” I said, hugging her in thanks.
This was it. I knew it in my gut. She was being so kind, and I couldn’t keep lying to her any longer, and I knew that Michael certainly couldn’t, and we were already sort of talking about the baby…
“Brooke?” I said, pulling back.
“Yes?”
“The baby isn’t Cameron’s. It’s your father’s.”
The whole story spilled out. I just… blurted everything, like word vomit. I told her about how I had gotten a crush on her father while we were still in high school, and how after her mother had betrayed him I’d seen an opportunity and I’d decided that after culinary school I would come back and wow him, win him over. I explained how I’d never been with another man, and how I’d been foolish and hadn’t gotten on birth control or anything, and my, well, seducing him, basically, and how that was the reason I’d fled when I’d found out I was pregnant.
I told her all of it. And I watched as my best friend’s face went from relaxed and smiling to horrified. Her mouth fell open and her eyes were practically bugging out.
“How…but…how…” Brooke repeated, babbling for a moment. She seemed to be in total shock. She crossed to the living room area, sitting down heavily on the couch. Her knuckles were white where they gripped her knees.
“I’ll get you some water—” I started for the cupboard to grab a glass.
“Don’t,” Brooke said, and her voice was surprisingly sharp.
I paused. Well, froze was more like it.
“How could you lie to me?” Brooke whispered. She looked up at me, her face the picture of devastation.
I felt like absolute shit. Nothing about how I’d felt the last few months could compare to this: watching my best friend look at me like I’d stabbed her puppy.
“How could you lie to me? How could you keep something like this from me, and let me think…I mean it’s one thing for something to just happen, you know, but then you had months to tell me the truth, Stevie, months! This isn’t something that happened last week!” Brooke’s voice cracked but she held eye contact, two spots of color appearing high on her cheeks. “And how could you even think about my father like that!? My father! What the fuck! That is just so—that’s so wrong, I can’t even—”
“I never wanted to hurt you,” I told her, hearing how raw my own voice was. “This wasn’t just a fling or a random hook up to me. I care about Michael, I always have, and I want to be with him. This was always serious for me. I wanted to give him the love that he deserved, after what your mother did to him. And I didn’t want…I thought that you know, you would be happy about it, since I’d be officially a part of your family and…and it was all my fault, really, don’t blame him, I did this, it was all my fault. Okay? Blame me, if you’re going to blame someone.”
“Oh my God, just stop
talking, please!” Brooke burst out, holding up a trembling hand. She took a few heaving breaths, then wiped at her eyes. “I don’t want to hear anymore. I need some time, okay?”
She got up on shaky legs, grabbing her purse again. “I’ll - I’ll just - ” She shook her head, then hurried out the door—slamming it behind her in anger.
I walked over to the couch on unsteady legs and sank down into it, my fingernails digging into the arm of it. I was shaking all over. I hadn’t felt this awful in… ever, really. I’d fucked it all up. This was—this was all on me. I had done this.
To my embarrassment, I started to cry. I grabbed the tissues from the coffee table and blew my nose, wiping at my eyes. I wanted to stop, to gather myself and figure out a way to make this better, to make it up to Brooke… but it was all just so overwhelming. I felt like total shit. How could I even possibly begin to fix this mess that I’d made?
I had no idea how long I cried. I didn’t even hear the front door opening. But the next thing I knew Michael was there, pulling me into his arms and hugging me, kissing my hair. I clung to him, crying even harder, whispering that I’d messed it up, I was so sorry, I messed it all up, and Michael… Michael just held me, and comforted me, until at last my sobs subsided.
31
Michael
After I took care of Stevie, I went straight to the restaurant. Brooke had a shift tonight and no matter how pissed she was at Stevie and me, she wasn’t going to screw over her coworkers or do anything to hurt the restaurant that had been her second home ever since she was a child.
Brooke was at the host stand when I walked in. I knew that she knew I was there, but she pointedly didn’t look up from the computer screen. “Can we talk?”
She shrugged. “What is there to talk about?”
Brooke turned away from me and started to walk through the restaurant. I went after her. “Hey, honey, I know you’re upset, but—”
“Maybe you and Stevie should do your own reality show,” Brooke said dismissively, disdain dripping from her voice. “All about your love affair, it can compete with Mom’s.”
I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the hallway, to my office.
“Let go of me!” Brooke snapped as I closed the door behind us.
“No, you’re going to listen to me. I get that you’re upset. You have a right to be. I didn’t tell you what was going on and this wasn’t just something that happened last night, it’s been months. But you need to understand all that happened. This isn’t like with your mother, all right?”
Brooke folded her arms. “Oh, it’s not? Explain to me how.”
I sighed, leaning back against the door. “Listen. This whole thing with Stevie was unexpected, all right? I had no intention…I certainly never looked at her that way before. When she came back to interview for the job it was like seeing a whole new person. I’m sure I don’t…you know how amazing Stevie is. I genuinely never thought I’d fall in love again, and then it was happening to me before I even knew what to do.
“But I kept her at arm’s length. I didn’t want to ruin your friendship with her and I was scared of getting my heart broken again. And all the shit with the restaurant, I told myself that I just wanted sex, not a proper romance. I denied to myself that I could want anything else. And if it was just sex… I was ashamed to tell you, honestly. I was ashamed to tell you that I was casually fucking someone who wasn’t only my employee, but your best friend.
“And then Stevie left and I realized how wrong I had been. About the restaurant and about how I felt for her. I’d been a coward and I was ready to be with her seriously. But I thought—I thought she was happier without me, on her own. And if it was all over, then why tell you? Why tell you once it was all said and done that I’d just had this casual relationship with your friend like that?”
Brooke looked like she was softening, just a little, but her eyes were still narrowed and her body was still stiff, her arms folded. I soldiered on.
“Then I found out she was pregnant—and I knew that I had to get her back. I wanted and still want to do right by her. I want her in my life, and I already did before I knew about the baby but now it’s that much more so. I’m going to fight for her. I wanted to tell you the moment that we got back together and I asked her to come move in with me, with us, but she was scared about how you’d react.
“I’m not proud of hiding this from you, but I understand why Stevie was unsure, and honey, I really hope that you can forgive her, forgive me, us, because I love her and I want her to be a part of our family. I don’t want you to lose your best friend. Your relationship with Stevie is just as important to me. I want us all to be a family together.”
Brooke stared at me for a moment more, but then I saw her lip wobbling.
“Oh, honey,” I said, walking over to her as Brooke burst into tears.
“I’m just so sick of everyone hiding things from me!” she said, letting me hug her. “Mom hid her whole affair from me and never seemed to understand why it was so wrong, and now you were dating my best friend and neither of you told me. I don’t like being shut out of things! Why couldn’t either of you - even just telling me ahead of time that you were attracted to Stevie, or if she’d told me that she was attracted to you, before either of you did anything - there was no reason - I wouldn’t have… okay it would’ve been a shock but I wouldn’t have hated you guys or anything!”
“Nobody wants to hurt you, Brooke, and I’m so sorry that’s what’s happened. It was unfair to you and we should have done better. We should have treated you better.” I rubbed her back. “Not even your mother, all right? Whether she did or not is another story but she never meant to. We all love you and we want what’s best for you. Especially Stevie. She cares about you so much, I promise you that.”
Brooke sniffled and I pulled back, holding her shoulders so that I could look her in the eyes. “But this isn’t just a fling for us. Okay? Stevie and I are in love. I love her, and I want to be with her. And I promise you right now, I’m not going to lie to you or hide shit like that from you ever again. I want you to be on our side, I want you to be a part of our family, especially because…” The corner of my mouth turned upward into a smile. I just couldn’t help it. The thought made me giddy. “Because you’re going to be a big sister for the first time.”
Brooke gave a half-laugh, half-sob, and hugged me. “I’ll talk to Stevie,” she promised me, pulling back. “But, um, for tonight I think I’m going to crash somewhere else. Give you two some space… and, well, get my own head on straight. Y’know?”
I nodded. “I know. And I understand.”
“But I think that we’ll… if you just give me a little time to adjust, I think we can be a family. We are a family. We can move forward.”
I grinned at her, feeling such relief that I thought I might collapse. “I knew I raised a good egg.”
Brooke rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Yeah, well, you still owe me for keeping secrets.”
“Of course.”
“Maybe you can finally give me that pony I wanted as a kid?”
“…don’t push your luck.”
32
Stevie
When I got a text from Brooke, I expected it to be something scathing or angry. I hadn’t ever seen Brooke be really vindictive, but she’d had some choice words to say to her mother when she’d first learned about the whole affair thing, and I had no doubt she’d have some choice words to say to me, too.
I opened the text with a heavy heart, my adrenaline already spiking in a fight-or-flight panic. But when I actually read the text, everything in my brain screeched to a halt.
Brooke was apologizing.
Hey hon. I overreacted a bit, I think. I’m not happy you guys kept it from me for months, but Dad explained things to me and I understand now. I’m happy for you two. We’re going to work past this. I want to talk when I get home tomorrow. I’m crashing at your brother’s place. Enjoy the night!
The night alone
, with Michael.
I was surprised at the change in tone, even after talking to Michael, but then again, this was an example of Brooke’s warm and loving nature. She really didn’t hold grudges. She just wanted to be treated right. And she deserved that.
When Michael showed up that night after the restaurant had closed, I pumped him for details. He sat me down and explained everything that he’d discussed with Brooke.
“She felt left out and betrayed,” he admitted. “And I can understand that. I think I should have told her back when I first was attracted to you. But I didn’t want to act on that attraction, and then I did but I was denying that I felt anything for you, that I loved you, and then you were gone and I figured it was all over, so…”
My heart skipped a beat at the I was denying that I loved you part, but I tried to play it cool, even as I felt my face heating up. “I understand. We should have said something sooner, you’re right. I was wrong about that. I feel like I was a coward.”
“Well hey, I was the coward who told you he didn’t want a relationship, and I was wrong about the restaurant. So it evens out.” Michael winked at me and I found myself smiling back helplessly. “She knows that you love her, and she doesn’t want your friendship to end. I was worried about that. I know your friendship is important and I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that. She also said…”
Michael took a moment, and I could see that this meant a lot to him. “Just like, she said, she wanted me to be happy. And I know only you can make me as happy as I am. I love you. I’ve known it, but I haven’t said it, and I thought…well maybe you already know. I haven’t exactly been subtle. But I need to say it. It’s important that I say it. I never thought I could love again, that I could even think about falling for someone again, and now here I am, more in love than I ever thought possible.”
I thought I might start crying again, and I nodded, a smile breaking out over my face. “I love you too,” I told him. “I’ve loved you for so long. It’s a part of me, it feels like it always has been, and…”
Best Friend's Daddy (Forever Daddies Book 3) Page 21