by Holly Rayner
I’m a coward, she thought with frustration. That was my chance to talk to him—and I backed down!
We have to talk eventually, she realized. We can’t go on like this—with so much left unsaid. We’re going to have to figure out how to move forward. But maybe now is not the time.
Maybe after his trip…
She calmed her nerves by diving into the details of her job.
For the next six hours, she stayed busy preparing for Ben’s fast-approaching departure. Though she’d already made the arrangement for him, it was also up to her to make sure that certain things would be taken care of while he was gone.
Five o’clock arrived before she was ready for it. When Ben emerged from his office, he wore his work bag over his shoulder and an earbud in one ear. He held the other earbud in his hand, as if he was ready to place it as soon as he could.
Maia stood. “All ready for your flight this evening?” she asked. Her throat still felt tight and her palms damp. She tried to look as calm and composed as she could.
Ben’s eyes lingered on hers for a beat longer than usual. “I am…” he said carefully. “Maybe it will be good for me to get away for a little bit.”
She searched his eyes, as if for the meaning hidden behind each word he spoke. She couldn’t figure out what he was alluding to.
He was quiet for several seconds. Then, when he spoke again, his tone was more personal—as if he was talking to her as a friend. “Maia—I know we have some… things to talk about. Maybe we could connect when I get back to town. Would that work for you?”
She nodded. “Yes,” she said with a nod. “Yes, Ben, that’d be good.”
He held her gaze. Then, with a swift tilt of his head, he looked down to his watch. “I’d better go if I’m going to catch the ride you arranged. Thanks for taking care of things here.”
Maia watched him walk away. An ache gripped her chest. She didn’t want him to leave the country. She didn’t want to have to go three weeks without seeing him.
I don’t even know where we stand, she thought. Will we have a relationship, or not? Will I continue to work here?
Everything in her life felt uncertain.
Hopefully, in three weeks’ time, I’ll get some answers, she thought.
Maia began gathering her things. She’d finish up her remaining tasks from home after Joy was in bed.
Ben’s statement gave her hope. “Maybe we could connect when I get back to town.”
Just what kind of connection is he hoping for? she wondered.
Chapter 15
Maia
“Have a great day, honey!” Maia called out to Joy.
Joy’s little blond pigtails, tied back with pink bows, bounced as the girl trotted off across the brightly colored daycare rug to join her friends.
Maia was sure her daughter would have a fun day.
I’d have a good day, too, if this nausea would just go away, she thought, as she stepped outside of the daycare and back onto the busy sidewalk.
Now that it was May, the New York City air carried a hint of the summertime warmth that the coming months promised. It was a few minutes until seven in the morning, and the bright sun cast warm golden rays over the city block in the places where it was able to peek through the high-rises. Maple, oak, and cherry trees lined the street, their trunks contained in thick cages for protection. Several bikes were locked to the cages, which was another sign that spring had gained traction in the city.
A wave of nausea swept through Maia before she reached the stairs that would take her down to the subway. She placed a hand on her abdomen, stopped, and leaned against a railing, feeling faint.
“Are you okay?” a passing woman asked. “You don’t look so good, hon.”
“Yes… I’m good, thanks,” Maia said with a nod.
Am I? she thought, once the woman had moved on.
She’d woken up plagued with intense nausea. It was so bad that she’d not been able to eat or drink anything. She’d been late to get out the door with Joy, thanks to a bout of vomiting into the toilet.
At least I don’t have to worry about getting to work by seven sharp, she thought, as she clutched the railing and waited for the nausea to pass.
It had been three weeks since Ben’s departure for Europe, and in that time she’d become more relaxed about her arrival time at work. As long as all of her tasks got completed, she reasoned, it didn’t really matter when she arrived at her desk.
But tomorrow, I’ll have to be careful to get there by seven exactly, she thought. Ben will be home today. I know how much he dislikes it when his employees are late.
The thought of seeing Ben again, after so long, made her mind swirl with possibilities. What will it be like to see him again? she wondered.
Once the intense nausea passed, she began walking down the block, once again heading for the stairs that would take her down to the subway station. She reached the top stair and stepped onto it.
Then down another.
And then she stopped.
A man behind her, walking fast, bumped into her. She was jostled forward slightly but managed to keep her feet planted. Around her, the sea of pedestrians parted, making their way around her as if she was an island.
She remained stock-still.
This nausea… she thought.
Could it be?
She counted back, calculating the days since her last period.
I’m late, she realized, with a jolt of shock.
Her thoughts started to race. Am I pregnant—with Ben’s child? Could it be? What will I do, if I am? I’ve never experienced nausea like this before without other symptoms, except for when I was pregnant with Joy.
The more she thought about it, the more certain she felt.
This is morning sickness.
With a turn and then two steps upward, she was back on the busy sidewalk. She had to maneuver through the throngs of pedestrians making their way for the subway station, but finally she was clear of the masses. Seeing as she’d walked the block many times when dropping Joy off for daycare, she was familiar with a corner store nearby that would sell pharmaceutical items—like pregnancy tests.
Ten minutes later, she’d purchased a test and was standing in the store’s small public restroom. She watched the small window on the white, plastic pregnancy test that she’d propped up on the sink. Slowly, the results appeared—a small, dark-gray plus sign materialized in the window. She gripped the edge of the sink as this news hit her.
I’m carrying a child, she realized.
Ben and I are going to have a baby.
What will he think about this?
Suddenly, the situation was much more complex than she’d ever dreamed.
How will I tell him? What will he say?
Her thoughts raced ahead of her, swirling with fear and doubt.
What if he’s upset? What if he doesn’t want to raise a baby? Am I going to have to go through taking care of an infant all on my own—again?
It had been so difficult, at times, managing during those early months with Joy. The long nights, the crying, the exhaustion… Maia wasn’t sure she was capable of going through all of that again, this time with a three-year-old to take care of as well, along with a full-time job.
Impossible, she thought. A sense of being overwhelmed threatened to engulf her, right then and there.
Before it could, she exited the bathroom and strode through the store. It helped to move. As she walked, she tried to think clearly.
I don’t even know how Ben will react to this, she realized. I’m getting ahead of myself. I have to talk to him, and then I’ll have a better idea of what the situation really entails.
She pulled out her phone and checked Ben’s travel itinerary to see if any of his flight information had been updated. With a few taps on her screen, she was able to find out that his flight from Paris to LA had left on time, and he was due to arrive in the city at several minutes past ten.
I have time, she thought. If
I move fast, I can be the one to pick him up at the airport, rather than the car service that I ordered.
Moments later, she’d canceled the car service. Then she placed a call to Caroline.
When Caroline picked up, Maia quickly filled her in on her news and then asked to borrow her car. It felt imperative, suddenly, that she see Ben as soon as possible—and that meant as soon as his plane landed.
“Are you sure you want to spring this on him right after he gets off of a plane?” Caroline asked. “He’s going to be tired, hungry, and—”
“I’m sure,” Maia said briskly. “I have to talk to him. The truth is, we should have talked about what happened between us weeks ago. We’ve let it go too long—and I can’t wait any longer.”
She regretted, in that instant, her cowardice regarding Ben. I should have talked to him about my feelings before he left for Europe, she thought, as she walked down the sidewalk toward her apartment where Caroline would meet her.
“I’m just saying, he could be cranky. You know how men are when they have to go without their comforts. Maybe stop for food, first, and then tell him.”
“Ugh,” Maia groaned. “Food…” The thought of eating repulsed her. “I have no appetite, Caroline.”
“You have morning sickness already, hm?”
“Bad,” Maia agreed with a nod. She could see her apartment building up ahead. “I haven’t been able to eat or drink anything since last night. I feel terrible.”
“Okay, so you’re both going to be in rough shape when you have this discussion,” Caroline said. “Are you absolutely positive that this is how you want it to go down? I mean, the guy might freak out.”
“It’s a risk I have to take,” Maia said. “I have to hope that even if this shocks him, he’ll be able to wrap his head around it. Maybe he’ll even be happy about the news.”
She felt a flicker of hope. Behind all of her fears and insecurities, there was a deep feeling of joy stirring at her very core. I’m going to have another child, she realized. What a gift! Joy will have a little brother or sister.
“I think the sooner I tell him, the better,” Maia said into the phone. “And no matter how he reacts, I have to remember that this is a life we’re talking about. No matter what, that’s a precious gift.”
Moments later, she met Caroline out in front of the building. Caroline handed over a set of keys and pointed to the place just down the street where her beat-up Toyota Camry was parked. After giving Maia a long, supportive hug, Caroline wished her luck.
The drive to the airport took longer than Maia expected, thanks to the heavy traffic that clogged the major roadways.
It was 9:50 by the time she pulled up to the curb on the west side of the airport, where Ben expected to meet a hired driver. The curbside pickup lane was crowded, and twice Maia had to circle around the airport so that the parking officers didn’t reprimand her.
She was peering through the car’s streaky window when she spotted him as he emerged from the airport’s revolving glass doors. He had a phone to his ear. As he spoke into it, he scanned the line of parked cars, looking for the hired car service that Maia always lined up for him.
Maia waited to see if his gaze might land on her car, even though it was not the vehicle he expected. She watched, holding her breath, as he seemed to look right past her for the second time. Biting her lip, she waited.
Finally, he spotted her.
A look of confusion crossed his face, and he hung up his phone as he moved toward her.
Maia’s pulse raced as she slipped the car’s shifter into the parked position. She pushed the door open and stood. Warm air, heavy with exhaust, greeted her.
A parking attendant shot her a glare and shouted, “Ma’am, you can’t get out here. Keep moving.”
She ignored this and used her key fob to open the coupe’s rusted trunk.
Ben approached, looking as handsome as ever, his designer suit only slightly creased after his long night of traveling. His hair was cropped shorter than when he’d left, and he was freshly shaven. The sight of his handsome features and gorgeous, fit frame made her heartbeat quicken.
His eyes burned bright as he lowered his suitcase into the trunk with one fluid motion. “Maia, what are you doing here?” he asked.
I can’t chicken out this time, Maia thought, as she closed the trunk.
“Ben, we have to talk,” she said. She looked directly into his eyes.
He looked right back at her. “I know,” he said, sounding only slightly flustered. “I’ve been thinking about that night, and—”
“Hey!” A voice cut him off. “You two!” The parking attendant strode toward them, waving his hands. “This ain’t a place for chitchat! Get a move on. Can’t you see there are cars waiting to pull in?”
He gestured behind them. Maia glanced over her shoulders and saw that sure enough, a line of five cars had stopped in the lane that was supposed to be moving, causing a delay in the flow of traffic. The car’s blinkers ticked impatiently. A car horn blared.
“Okay, okay,” Maia said to the attendant. She rounded the car to the driver’s side, and Ben made his way to the passenger side.
A wave of nausea struck Maia as she inserted the keys into the ignition. With a clunking sound, the car roared to life. “It’s a few years old,” Maia said humbly to Ben.
Ben looked wary. “Are you sure this thing is highway worthy?”
“It is,” Maia said with a nod, as she put her left blinker on and peered over her shoulder. “Caroline drives this thing everywhere and just had it inspected last month, if my memory serves. This car’s reliable, just a bit rough-sounding.”
The distraction of getting out into traffic and starting the car had derailed their conversation, and Maia wondered briefly how to get it back on track. However, as her stomach twisted and turned with morning sickness, she had trouble concentrating.
Am I going to vomit, right here in the car? she wondered frantically. Her face heated up, and she felt suddenly damp with perspiration. By rolling her window down, she was able to catch a slight breeze.
It was a relief to pull out of the concrete structure that housed the short-term parking lanes and pick up some speed. The fresh air flowing through her window helped her feel slightly better, but not all the way. She still felt lightheaded.
Ben spoke over the sound of the traffic around them and the loud roar of the car’s old engine. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you from France,” he said. “I know that we have to talk about what happened between us. Believe me—it’s been on my mind.”
“It has?” she asked. This, at least, was encouraging. For the past weeks she’d struggled with the fear that Ben was using his trip to Europe as a means of forgetting all about her. Late at night she’d conjure up images of him, out to dinner with beautiful Parisian models, sipping wine and looking out at the Eiffel Tower.
“Yes,” Ben said. “Absolutely. I can’t stop thinking about that night.”
“Me too,” Maia said. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, and then her vision blurred unexpectedly. What is happening? she thought in a panic.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked, concern evident in his tone. “You look pale.”
“I think I’m going to pass out,” she said in a rush, eyeing the signs that flashed passed on the side of the interstate. She spotted an exit just ahead.
Just in time, she merged into the right lane and then caught the exit ramp. Her head felt fuzzy, and a woozy feeling made it difficult to drive. It took all of her strength to steer the car safely into the parking lot of an abandoned factory.
The lot was empty, which was a good thing, seeing as she was quickly losing strength. Her arms felt heavy as she braked and the car stopped. Her vision blurred again.
The last thing she was aware of was the look on Ben’s face as he examined her from the passenger seat. “Maia? Maia! Hold on. I’m going to call an ambulance.”
Then, her world faded to black.
Chapter 16
&
nbsp; Ben
Ben clicked out of his seat belt and leaned forward to get a better look at Maia, who had turned as pale as a sheet just moments before. Her eyelashes fluttered as she leaned her head back against the worn old headrest.
“Maia? Maia!” Ben said.
She didn’t answer.
He pulled his cell from his suit pocket. “Hold on! I’m going to call an ambulance.”
Maia’s eyes closed and she fell limply against the side of the door.
After dialing 911, he reached for her wrist with his free hand, pressing his fingertips into the divot at the base of her palm as the dispatcher answered. Within minutes, he’d explained the situation. “Yes, she’s breathing; yes, I feel a pulse. No—I don’t know if she’s allergic to anything. I don’t think so. No, she doesn’t use drugs. She’s not diabetic… no… no… wait!” He held the phone away as Maia’s eyelids moved, and she moaned.
“Where…” she said faintly. “What happened?”
Ben spoke quickly into the phone. “Hold on—she’s coming around. I need to get her to a hospital.” Once the dispatcher explained the location of the nearest facility, he made up his mind. “No need to send the ambulance,” he said. “It’s going to be faster if I drive.”
He hung up and then exited the car and ran around to the driver’s side.
Maia was out of sorts as he helped her out of her seat and around to the passenger seat. She leaned into him, her light frame wilting with fatigue and sickness.
What’s happening to her? he worried. Is she going to be okay?
A myriad of possible illnesses flashed through his mind: stroke, seizures, heart attacks… He knew that he had to get her to a medical facility—fast.
It had been a long time since he’d driven a standard, so at first he struggled to maneuver the car’s clutch and gas in the right way. The car stalled out twice, but eventually, on the third try, he managed to coax the old car into first gear, then second.
The hospital was only three blocks away. Ben gunned the gas and soared through traffic, weaving between slower cars in an effort to make it to the emergency room in as little time as possible.