by A J Lange
“I wanted to go to the Cody rodeo.”
They were halfway across Wyoming now. Zane looked over at Gray in the passenger seat. “I don’t know if the cowboys of Cody would have been as accepting of our epic gay love as the Japanese, Gray,” he said, voice tinged with humor.
“I don’t think you give Wyoming enough credit, Zane. ”
Zane smiled. “Maybe.” He glanced down when Gray’s phone lit up with a call. Collin.
Gray’s eyes flicked to the face of the phone and then back to the window, ignoring it.
“Just answer him already,” Zane said, exasperated.
“Why?”
“Because we don’t have anything to hide. And as much as it pains me to say it, he deserves to hear it from you, once and for all.”
Gray watched Zane for a moment as the Jeep continued to swallow up the black asphalt under her tires. He slid his thumb across the phone and answered.
Zane listened to the one-sided conversation. Gray was polite but firm, friendly in a ‘hey, we’re colleagues’ way, but leaving no room for doubt; his affections were occupied elsewhere and he was never coming back. Gray signed off by giving Zane’s address for Collin to mail his things to.
Zane straightened, surprised. He waited until Gray had ended the call. “You remembered the house address.”
Gray ducked his head in embarrassment. “Uh, no. I googled it before I left for New Mexico.”
Zane remembered the journal entry where Gray had sat in the neighbor’s drive, too afraid to come to the door, too afraid of what he would find waiting for him, what he would find in Zane.
“I came to the apartment in Kansas City once.” Zane admitted softly. He stared out at the road stretching for miles and miles in front of him. There was a time when he had wanted nothing more than to be in this car, on a road much like this one, leading nowhere. Or everywhere. He might be okay with that even now, if Gray were in the passenger seat.
“I stood in the hall outside your door for almost an hour, sweating bullets. Too afraid to knock...” he trailed off, remembering, the raw fear, astonishingly fresh, even after all this time and all that had transpired since. Zane had found his happy ending.
Gray reached for his hand and wound their fingers tight, lacing them together. “I want to see you there, in my apartment. Something was always missing.”
Zane smiled at the words.
“Our apartment, Gray said suddenly, eyes widening. His grip tightened on Zane’s hand. “Ours.”
“You remember that?” Zane cocked his head. “That was a good night.”
Gray shook his head. “I,” he paused, brow crinkling as he sifted through the fragmented pieces firing across his mind’s eye. “You kissed me against the door of Luca's office. And said that you loved me.” His voice was soft, and Zane returned the hard press of his fingers.
“I do.”
Zane could feel Gray’s eyes on his face, studying him. He pulled Zane’s hand to his lips, kissed the knuckles. “I love you too.”
Zane exhaled a long breath. He briefly considered puling the car over, parking on the side of this long stretch of empty road, claiming this moment in a more physical way; but Tanner and Lily and their new baby beckoned, so he didn’t. But when they stopped for the night... Well. Gray had better be prepared for some heavy duty claiming the moment action. Zane was floating, helium-filled and buzzing.
Lightening could strike twice, it would seem.
He cleared his throat after a few miles. ‘I like that big bed too,” he said, breaking the relaxed silence.
“It always felt too big and empty to me.”
Zane waited, squirming on the seat until Gray looked at him, curious. “What?
“Didn’t, um,” Zane chickened out. “Nevermind.”
“Didn’t Collin ever stay over?”
Zane winced. “Ow, Gray. Just rip that Band-Aid right off, hair and all.”
Gray chuckled. “No.”
“No, he didn’t stay? Ever? Holy shit. Is he blind?” Zane’s face was filled with confusion. “Or impotent?” he asked hopefully.
Gray looked at Zane fondly and shook his head again. “No, it was me. I...just couldn’t. Not when I saw your face, heard your voice, every time I closed my eyes,” he paused, searching for the right words. “I should have called, Zane, or—”
“Gray,” Zane murmured, not wanting to rehash painful things that he personally considered over, firmly ensconced in the past. No permanent damage. If it was the last thing he did, Zane was determined that there be no permanent damage to either of them. They had survived the worst and had still found each other again. That was what mattered most. Zane thought they might be hardwired at a biological level to always find each other.
“I went from thinking I was in love with Collin to fantasizing about you in the space of a week,” Gray’s mouth twisted in a sardonic smile. “I woke plenty of nights in a cold sweat, terrified, lost. I would wake up with my hands reaching across that huge bed, finding nothing, no one to cling to.” His thumb rubbed circles on the back of Zane’s hand. “I think I always knew I was reaching for you.”
Zane tightened his fingers. “You never have to worry about that again. Neither of us is going anywhere without the other.” He knew Gray thought he was the fragile one, but that was a lie; Zane was the one who wouldn’t survive another fall. He had learned many valuable lessons in the past year, but the one he needed Gray to understand was that he was never going to let go. Not again.
“I’m holding you to that,” Gray whispered, watching the fields rush by in streaks of gold outside his window.
“Ditto,” Zane replied.
◆◆◆
Lily was exhausted, pale and bleary eyed, her golden hair limp with sweat. Zane leaned over her bedside and kissed her brow. He felt her tense as another contraction built inside her.
“Hang on, Lils,” he whispered, holding her hand. Tanner had gone down to the cafeteria with Gray, for a much-needed walk to clear his head. Zane had taken over as Lamaze coach, although he had no earthly idea what he was doing. He panted in time to Lily’s breaths, and she laughed breathlessly when the contraction was over.
“Good job, Zane. ” Her head fell against the pillow and she closed her eyes.
“How much longer, Lily? Jesus.” Zane glanced at the clock. He and Gray had arrived two hours ago, making Lily’s total labor time well over thirty-six hours now.
She shrugged listlessly. “Not long.” She grimaced and gripped Zane’s hand tight again.
“Already?” Zane’s voice was panicky; that was less than a minute. He had a feeling Tanner needed to get back here quick. “Should I call the nurse?”
But Lily was panting, leaning forward, straining with the pain ripping across her midsection. Zane pressed the call button numerous times and fumbled with his free hand for his phone. He pressed and held “1”; speed dial for Gray.
“Zane?”
“Tanner better get up here before I catch his baby for him,” Zane said, voice shaking. Lily collapsed against the bed again, but almost immediately groaned.
Then it was a flurry of activity and Zane was shoved aside. Gray and Tanner returned and Tanner was given a gown and pushed toward the sink to scrub in. Zane and Gray inched their way to the door.
“Get back in here,” Lily rasped from her bed, face red with exertion.
Zane’s mouth dropped open. “I’m not staying!”
Even Gray was speechless, looking cautiously from Tanner to Zane and back to Lily.
“Yes. You are.” Lily’s voice was ferocious and eerily strong. Zane wondered bleakly if maybe she had been possessed. He looked at Gray and they both hesitated. Gray shrugged, a smile playing at his lips, but Zane shook his head furiously.
“Lily, I don’t want to see your hoo hah!” Zane blushed, and one of the nurses readying the room chuckled.
“Oh my God, Zane. Would you put the damn gown on already? You’re such a chicken shit.”
“Hold on, don’t push yet,”
the nurse murmured, trying to calm Lily.
Gray shoved Zane toward the sink with more enthusiasm than Zane thought was warranted.
“I don’t want to do this,” he grumbled, forcing down the panic that clawed at his throat. Gray bumped his elbows aside and began to scrub his own hands and knuckles vigorously.
“It’s a miracle, Zane. I’m honored Lily would ask us to witness it.”
Zane felt tears pushing against his eyelids and he was overcome with a multitude of emotions. “I love you, Gray.”
Gray kissed him, quick, then looked pointedly at the packaged foam scrubber.
“For the love of fuck, Zane. Stop necking and come on.” Lily’s voice was a mixture of pain, the ultimate girl power, and stark affection.
Zane laughed. “Coming, Lils.”
◆◆◆
Tanner Mason Nolan was born at 8:05 p.m. on June 24, weighing nine pounds, eight ounces. He was twenty-one inches long.
His Uncle Gray filmed his birth, digitally capturing the love, affection and fortitude of Mason’s new family during the moments he joined them in this world.
His Uncle Zane fainted.
◆◆◆
Zane held the tiny bundle of blue, swaying gently from side to side. Gray peered over his shoulder, impatiently waiting his turn.
“Stop hovering,” Zane murmured. He touched a fingertip to the tiny rosebud mouth and smiled when it opened, Mason’s face turning into the touch.
“Stop hogging my nephew,” Gray returned, just as soft.
They swayed in tandem, the baby’s deep blue eyes staring intently up at them.
“He’s clearly much smarter than the other babies in the nursery. He already recognizes us.”
“Mmm hmmm,” Gray replied. “And he has your nose.”
“He does?” Zane’s voice was full of wonder.
Gray kissed his cheek. “He does.”
“Gray?”
“Hmm?”
“Three.” Zane stopped swaying and turned to carefully pass the baby into Gray’s waiting hands.
“What?” Gray asked distractedly, nestling the infant in the crook of his arm. Mason sighed a sweet, soft sound that made both men smile.
“Three babies might be okay.” Zane winked at Gray’s surprised glance.
Gray recovered, quick. “Four’s a nice even number.”
Zane leaned over to kiss his nephew’s downy head. “Don’t push it, Professor.”
Gray just smiled, and Zane accepted the reality of his life: He was utterly hopeless when it came to denying Gray whatever he wanted. Zane knew it, Gray knew it, hell, baby Mason probably knew it.
Zane was desperately in love with Gray, and Gray was wholly devoted to Zane.
Zane could compromise on all the rest.
Chapter 25
Zane had nearly forgotten about Alanna's wedding in the wake of his new nephew’s birth, until Gray arranged for him to meet him at Nordstrom’s for a tuxedo fitting. Zane might have been more affected than Gray when Alanna had asked Gray to walk her down the aisle. He had never told Gray about the day he and Alanna had sat in ICU together, one of them praying and the other praying for the prayers to be heard.
“Why do I have to wear a tux? You’re the one giving her away,” Zane complained.
“Because I want to take it off of you at the end of the night.”
Zane swallowed, face heating. “Damn, Gray, give me a little warning, huh?” He pushed Gray against the dressing room door and leaned in for a kiss.
Gray held him off. “Not until you’re measured,” he teased. Zane groaned in frustration.
He stepped back when the door opened and a familiar hot pink button down appeared.
“Holy fuck! Zane Nolan,” the fashion consultant cried. He threw his arms open for a hug and Zane grudgingly stepped into it, patting Christopher’s back lightly.
“Christopher,” Zane glanced warily between the small man holding the tape measure and Gray. “This is Grayson Sloan. Gray, this is Christopher. He helped me out the last time I needed to get fancy threads.”
Christopher’s eyes were glassy and he moved surreptitiously closer to Gray; Zane groaned inwardly. He knew that look. Goddamn, could no one in this godforsaken country keep their paws off his boyfriend?
“Mmmm. Very nice to meet you, Grayson” Christopher murmured, his inflection on Gray’s formal name lilting.
“Christopher,” Zane said sharply and the other man blinked.
“Yes, Zane?”
“Focus.”
Gray watched the exchange in amusement, not entirely understanding the undercurrent he could sense, but enjoying Zane’s possessiveness just the same. Christopher snapped deftly into his role and efficiently measured, recorded and dressed each of them from the skin out until they stood before him, twin visions of magnificent, formal splendor.
He clapped his hands, delighted. “Perfect,” he breathed. His eyes still lingered a shade too long on Gray’s face and Zane scowled.
Christopher snapped a photo of them with Gray’s phone, and Gray stepped outside to send it to Alanna for approval.
“Holy Jesus, Zane,” Christopher moaned. “He’s gorgeous.” He fanned himself.
“He’s also mine.” Zane’s face brooked no argument and Christopher recovered quickly, holding up his right hand, scout’s honor.
“Duly noted,” the fashion consultant said solemnly. “Lucky bastard.”
Zane winked. “You have no idea.”
Gray returned to find the two chuckling, heads bent over a recent issue of Us Magazine. “Did I miss anything important?”
“Oh no,” Christopher sang merrily. “I was just going to ring you up.” He winked at Zane and glided from the dressing room.
Zane pulled Gray against him and kissed him soundly.
Gray was breathless when Zane lifted his head. “What was that for?”
“Because you’re hotter than six hells and everyone wants you.”
Gray laughed, the sound carefree and sweet in Zane’s ear. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating, Zane. ”
“No, I’m not. If you were a woman, I could put a ring on your finger and this wouldn’t happen,” Zane pouted, pulling him close again. Their tongues danced together, teasing and warm, until Gray pushed him gently aside and began to get undressed.
“You can still put a ring on my finger, Zane,” he said lightly.
There was a beat of silence, the only sound the rustle of a tuxedo jackets as they were replaced on hangers.
“Maybe I will,” Zane said, dropping a kiss to the back of Gray’s neck.
“And would you wear one for me?” Gray glanced at Zane in the mirror.
Zane’s face was somber, intent as it met his gaze. “Yes.”
The mirror got a little foggy in the quiet moments that followed.
◆◆◆
Alanna's wedding was no society affair. Oh sure, the tuxedos and formal dresses, and the sedate Catholic ceremony set it a notch above the casual weddings Zane had obligingly attended for friends and family over the years, but the celebration after was familiar in its joyous, raucous fun. Zane was shocked to find he was having a ball.
Harry had brought not one but two strippers to the wedding, much to the disgust of Alanna and the amusement of Luca and Michael. Both of the elder Sloan’s had shaken Zane’s hand warmly when he and Gray had arrived, rendering Zane speechless for a solid hour.
Luca still gave him the heebies though; there was something piercing about his stare as it cut into Zane. It was as though he could see right into Zane’s mind. And on the off chance he could, Zane made sure his mind was filled with thoughts of naked, enthusiastic sex with Gray throughout most of the evening. This was a counterproductive move, as it turned out; Zane was constantly horny.
At one point he had to drag Gray into the coat closet and hide behind the flimsy wraps and dinner jackets and kiss him senseless. Gray had willingly obliged, although he had insisted Zane keep his hands above the waist. So Zane went
as wicked as he dared with his tongue. This was also counterproductive, because Gray’s own tongue was lethal and Zane had no willpower.
Zane had to hide in the coat closet an extra five minutes alone until he was able to walk upright again.
Harry dragged Zane on stage with him when the clock was well past one a.m., when the karaoke machine had been unveiled. Zane had had too many tequila shots to refuse; his head was fuzzy, his limbs were tingling, and his eyes were bleary. But he could make out Gray’s sexy, dark head in the faces below, and it was distracting enough that Harry took the unforeseen advantage and picked the song himself.
When the intro twanging chords began to play, Zane groaned. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“This is for my dear brother Grayson, from his not so secret admirer, Zane,” Harry trilled into the microphone. He leaned heavily on Zane’s arm, and Zane wondered how long it would be until they both tumbled face first into the crowd.
Harry poked him in the ribs when Zane missed the cue for the first verse.
“I’m shameless,” Zane hurried to catch up, off key but boisterous. “When it comes to loving you. I’ll do anything you want me to—“
Harry broke in to finish the line. “I’ll go down upon my knees,” he sang lasciviously, wagging his eyebrows to the delight of the spectators, who roared their approval.
Zane slapped Harry's microphone aside. “Wrong line, douchebag.” He focused on Gray’s face in the audience. “I’m standing,” he sang, “here for all the world to see, oh baby that’s what’s left of me.”