I breathed. Smiled. Felt tears prick my eyes.
I strutted.
Felt wobbles.
Exposed. I was so exposed.
Heard claps. Cheers.
Reached the end of the stage. Stared down the judges. Posed, posed, posed.
Twirled.
Heard whistles. Someone screaming my name.
Alive. I was so alive.
And then it was over.
My heart was racing. I was shaking.
I’d done it. I wanted to faint. I wanted to scream. I wanted to laugh and cry and shout.
And then I had to do it all over again. The swimwear section followed the same format as the evening wear – we all had to do the loop again in a line together at the end.
This time, like last time, I glanced over in the direction of my family and friends, where the loudest cheering was coming from. They were all standing up. Leila was standing on her chair. Her hands were cupped around her mouth. ‘Go, Maisie! Wooooo!’
I grinned. I knew she’d understand.
When I walked backstage, I went to the bathroom, and I laughed and cried and shouted. Just a little bit.
*
After all that, the third and final section – the talent show – should have been a piece of cake. A walk in the park. A – oh, you get the picture.
But as I stood waiting to appear on stage again my stomach was back in knots.
‘Our next contestant is Maisie Martin, she’s sixteen years old, and she loves movies,’ Janice was saying into the microphone in the middle of the stage. ‘Today she’ll be doing –’ she looked down at her clipboard ‘– her famous impersonations. Delightful.’
As she walked off stage and I walked on she nodded to me, an insincere smile on her face.
I stepped up to the mic. ‘Uh, actually, there’s been a last-minute change of plans. I’m going to be doing something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time. And I need a little help to do it.’
I looked across the crowd and my gaze rested for a second on Beamer. I hoped he would understand what I was about to do.
‘I’d like to invite to the stage – my sister, Eva,’ I said.
I moved the microphone out of the way and took my spot on one side of the stage as Eva, smiling, stepped out from the wings and stood on the other.
We were both wearing black tights and pink tops. As close to matching as we could pull together from our wardrobes in one night. And as Dirty Dancing as we could get.
‘(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life’ started to play and we both began dancing. Those long-forgotten moves – no, not forgotten. Just dormant.
I was a little rusty – Eva was far better than me – but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that we were doing it together.
When I was younger, I’d always danced to lose myself. But now I felt like I was finally finding myself again. Because if watching Dirty Dancing had felt like coming home, then doing this dance, on stage with my sister – it was something else. Something more. It wasn’t coming home – it was coming back to me.
As the music soared, so did I. The audience was clapping, whooping – okay, that was mainly from our own personal cheer section. But it was the best. And as the song ended, I met Eva’s eyes. We were both laughing. Having the time of our lives.
See what I did there, DJ? Yeah, I’m sorry for getting cheesy. But some moments in life deserve a little cheese. And if dancing to ‘(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life’ at a small-town beauty pageant with your big sister isn’t one of them, then I don’t know what the hell is.
*
You’re probably wondering what happened next, right?
If this were a movie, it’d be the scene where I’m back on stage, evening gown on once again, hair and make-up as perfect as they were when the day started, waiting with the other girls to hear who would be declared Miss Teen Summer Queen.
And it would be me. Overjoyed, I’d step up to accept my crown, sash and flowers, smiling and waving at the adoring crowd. Then, depending on the genre, the credits would roll, or I’d get splattered in pig’s blood.
Sometimes, real life resembles the movies.
Most of the time, it does not.
Come on, DJ, you should know this by now.
This isn’t a movie. This is real life.
And in real life, I stood there, back on stage, evening gown on once again, hair and make-up almost as good as they were when the day started thanks to touch-ups, but still looking slightly worse for wear. I was waiting with the other girls to hear who would be declared Miss Teen Summer Queen.
And it wasn’t me. It was Ashley, the redhead who’d been in front of me all day. She was overjoyed. She stepped up to accept her crown, sash and flowers, beaming and crying. Regina George, who placed second, stood beside her, her smile more like a grimace.
Roll credits.
Wait, no. That last bit isn’t right.
There are no credits here. Because this isn’t a movie. It’s my story. And it ain’t over yet.
Sure, I didn’t win the Miss Teen Summer Queen title. I didn’t win anything. But it doesn’t matter. Not really.
Because, somehow, I still feel like I kind of won everything.
*
‘You were spectacular, babe,’ Leila squealed, drawing me into a hug as soon as I emerged into the hotel lobby, dressed in my civvies again, with Mum and all my bags in tow.
Mum was trying not to cry. Or, rather, trying to stop crying. Which she hadn’t been able to do for the last five minutes. She’d appeared in the dressing room to help me pack up, tears in her eyes, and the minute she saw me they spilled over.
‘Sorry I didn’t win, Mum,’ I said.
She sobbed. ‘Missy-May, who cares about winning? You stole the show! Those judges wouldn’t know beauty or talent if it hit them with a pile of bricks.’
‘Amen,’ said Tia from behind me. She hadn’t won anything either.
I laughed and hugged Mum. ‘Have I told you how proud I am of you?’ she asked. ‘Because I am – so proud.’
‘You might have mentioned it a couple of times,’ I said.
Now Mum hung back, letting me talk to my friends. But mainly trying not to cry in front of everyone, I think.
Jo and Hannah were hovering behind Leila.
‘You’re a star,’ Jo said. ‘The best thing about the whole damn place.’
‘The boys said sorry they couldn’t make it,’ Hannah said. ‘Cricket called.’ She rolled her eyes.
‘Oh, no, of course. I can’t believe you guys came! And stayed for the whole thing.’
‘Are you kidding?’ Leila said. ‘It was great!’
‘I’m sorry your dress didn’t win,’ I said.
She snorted. ‘Those judges have zero taste! Who wants their endorsement, anyway? I got to see you rocking my design on that stage, and it was freaking amazing.’
Suddenly Dad appeared next to me, shouting, ‘Eminemmmm,’ and enveloping me in a massive hug – the kind only dads can give.
‘I’m proud of you, Em,’ he was saying. ‘So proud.’
‘That was incredible,’ Bess said from behind him. She was standing with Eva, their arms around each other. ‘Definitely a good day.’
Leila tapped my hand and said, ‘Hey, we’ll meet you back at yours, yeah? You’re still doing the barbecue tonight?’
‘Yeah, see you later,’ I said, blowing her a kiss and waving at the others.
Jimmy appeared, clapping Dad on the back and saying, ‘You did good, Maise,’ to me.
The two of them grabbed some of my bags and headed towards the car park, Mum following.
That’s when I saw him. Seb.
He was standing off to the side, holding a bunch of roses.
‘Mum had to take Kane and Lincoln home, they were getting kinda rowdy.’ He smiled. ‘These are for you. From all of us. To say congratulations.’ He handed me the roses. ‘You were brilliant, Maise. Way better than Chewbacca.’
I laughed and thanked him. I
wondered where Beamer was, but was afraid to ask.
‘Beamer went back with Mum too,’ Seb said, as if he had read my mind.
Oh. Maybe he hadn’t understood what I’d done. Maybe he was still upset about New Year’s Eve. About everything.
As if reading my mind again, Seb said, ‘Hey, listen, about New Year’s . . .’
I groaned. ‘I’m so sorry about that. I don’t know what got into me.’
He laughed nervously. ‘Nah, it’s cool. I mean, I’m sorry too. I mean – this summer. It’s been weird. Good. But weird.’
‘Yeah,’ was all I could say. I realised then that Eva and Bess had disappeared without a word. It was just Seb and I standing there in the hotel lobby.
‘Hey – are you okay?’ I said after a moment.
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Me? Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘It’s just with Anna –’
‘Oh! Nah, I’m good. I mean – well, it was kind of a shock to find you both gone on New Year’s. I’ve never seen your mum so angry. I swear, I thought her head was going to explode. Like, legitimately combust.’
I cringed. ‘Yeah. I’m kind of in the most trouble I’ve ever been in in my life.’
He chuckled, then his face got serious. ‘You know, I haven’t heard a thing from Anna. I tried calling her a couple of times, but she never picked up. Never wrote back to any of my messages, either.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
‘I guess I didn’t really know her, hey.’ Seb shrugged, and it was like he was shaking off the bad feelings. ‘I’m okay, Maise. Really. You don’t have to look so worried.’ He reached out and gave my shoulder an affectionate shove. ‘How are you? Other than, you know, being in the most trouble you’ve ever been in in your life?’
‘Oh, other than that, I’m okay.’ I grinned. ‘I’m pretty great, actually.’
He ran a hand through his hair. ‘You know . . . I used to have the biggest crush on you when we were younger.’
My eyes widened. ‘No way.’
‘Yeah. I was always too scared to say anything. Little chicken shit.’
I laughed. ‘Yeah? Me too.’
‘I’m glad we’re friends again, but,’ he said.
‘Yeah. Me too.’
We stood there awkwardly for a moment. Then I said, ‘Could you do something for me?’
‘Shoot.’
I pulled a pen and – well, you, DJ, from my bag and tore out a piece of paper. (Soz, DJ. Hope it didn’t hurt too much.) I wrote down instructions and handed them to him. He glanced at the folded-up note and looked back up at me with a nod and a smile.
It was a beautiful, perfect smile.
*
I heard someone approaching behind me on the beach, but I wasn’t ready to turn around. I stared out at the waves, thinking about how much I loved the ocean. About how long it’d been since I’d gone swimming in it. About how that was going to change.
But not right now. Right now was reserved for another kind of change.
‘Maisie Martin,’ I heard from behind me in that lazy drawl I knew so well.
I finally turned around.
‘Beamer – hey, you never did tell me your first name,’ I said.
He chuckled and I felt a glimmer of hope rise in my chest. Maybe he wasn’t upset with me anymore.
‘That’s because you never earned it.’
Orrrrr maybe he was.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘what if I won the movie challenge?’
‘The movie challenge?’ He walked towards me but veered off at the last minute to stand beside me, looking out at the water. I turned and followed his gaze. ‘That’s why you sent a note with Seb telling me to meet you here? To talk about the movie challenge?’
I sensed some bitterness in his voice. Come on, Maisie.
‘Well, yes,’ I said. ‘But also, no.’
He looked at me then. Pierced me with his eyes. I swallowed, trying to calm my nerves.
‘You left before I got a chance to talk to you today.’ It was a statement, but I meant it as a question.
‘Yeah, I thought I’d leave it to Sebby to give you the congrats.’ He was watching the ocean again, rubbing his thumb along the edge of his lips. I tried not to stare. ‘Thought you’d appreciate it more – you know, coming from him.’ He sniffed, looked down, kicked some sand around.
‘I appreciated that you were there,’ I said.
He nodded but didn’t say anything.
‘Beamer, about New Year’s –’
He shook his head, backing up a step. ‘It’s cool, we don’t have to talk about it.’
‘But I want to,’ I said.
He let out a shaky breath. ‘Yeah, well, I don’t.’
‘Can you just listen to me for a minute, please?’
He glanced at me, apparently surprised by the frustrated tone in my voice. Then he sighed, sat down in the sand, and gestured as if to say, ‘Well, go on.’
I sat down next to him, twisting my fingers together, not sure where to start.
He picked up a stick and started drawing patterns in the sand. I followed the patterns with my eyes. Neither of us could look at each other, it seemed.
‘What you did on New Year’s –’ I began.
‘Was really fucking embarrassing,’ he said, wincing.
‘What happened to letting me talk?’ I asked.
He pressed his lips together.
‘What you did – it was really sweet.’
He snorted. ‘Look, I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that, alright? I mean . . . I knew you had a thing for Seb. I knew you were just mucking around with me. It’s not your fault I fooled myself into forgetting that for a moment.’ He stabbed the sand a couple of times with his stick.
‘But that’s just it. I’d get to it if you’d let me finish. Yes, I had a thing for Seb. Had.’
His brows furrowed and he paused with the stick in his hand. I forged on.
‘It all got so messed up. I was confused. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And I think a part of me will always care about Seb. I mean, the Lees are family. And he was my first real crush.’
Beamer’s mouth twitched and that stick was stabbing the sand again.
‘But that doesn’t mean he’ll be my last one. Not by a long shot.’
The stick was still.
‘Beamer, I’m really sorry for how things went down on New Year’s. But you know, if I could go back, I don’t think I’d change a thing.’
Back to the stabbing.
‘Well, maybe the bit where I stole my mum’s car and got grounded until I’m thirty . . . But other than that, I don’t regret any of it. Because it made me realise a lot of things. Like the fact that I didn’t feel the same way about Seb anymore. I’d been holding on to this fantasy for so long, and I never really stopped to question how I felt in reality.’
The stick was drawing patterns again.
‘But you – you made me question,’ I continued. ‘You made me question everything.’
‘So,’ Beamer said, finally looking me in the eyes, ‘you got any answers?’
I smiled. ‘A few. Here’s one . . .’ I paused. I felt like I could barely breathe as I said, ‘I really like you. Like, really, really like like you.’
He dropped the stick and his hand was on my face, a smile on his lips as he brought them to mine.
And it was a good long while before he pulled back and said, ‘Maisie Martin, I really, really like like you too.’
I laughed and kissed him again. And again. And again. I forgot about my promise to Mum that I wouldn’t be late for the barbecue. Or maybe at that moment, I just didn’t care. I was already grounded until I was thirty anyway.
Eventually, I pulled away and said, ‘Thank you for my poem.’
Beamer’s lips twisted. ‘Oh yeah. The poem you thought Seb wrote.’
‘I can’t believe how wrong I was,’ I said.
‘What about me? I thought you’d have it all figured out.’ He ran his
hand up and down my arm and I got goosebumps that had nothing to do with the temperature.
‘But you know, I’ve been thinking, too,’ Beamer went on. ‘It was the poetry that made you fall for Seb, right? Like, really fall. But I was the one who wrote it. Which means you’ve been a little bit in love with me all along and you didn’t even know it.’
I gasped, pretending to be offended, and tickled his sides. He fell back, laughing, pulling me down with him.
After another little while I sat up and said, ‘This sucks.’
He propped himself up on his elbows. ‘Thanks for the glowing review.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘I mean, we’re going home tomorrow. We live in different states! We see each other once a year.’
He pulled me in to him again. ‘Yeah, that sucks. But, y’know, that’s why Snapchat was invented.’ I poked him and he laughed. ‘And Facebook and FaceTime . . . and cars and planes.’
He stopped talking because I was kissing him again.
‘You know, we never did figure out who won the movie challenge,’ I said.
‘Mmmmm. It’s pretty obvious though.’
‘I won,’ we both said at the same time.
‘I’ve got my scores back in my bedroom . . .’ I said.
‘Don’t worry about it. I never kept score. I knew I’d win. The Rock outranks Schwarzenegger any day.’
‘Um, I think you’ll find he does not!’
He laughed. ‘What would be your prize, if you won?’
‘You mean now that I’ve won? Your first name, duh. What about you?’
He looked at me with his dark brown eyes (have I mentioned how gorgeous they are, DJ? Because I should have, a thousand times over by now), a soft smile playing on his lips, and said, ‘I’d ask you to dance with me.’
I stood up, dusting the sand off my butt and pulling out my phone. I opened Spotify and found what I needed, turning the volume right up. I dropped the phone in the sand and reached my hand out to Beamer.
‘Well, go on then,’ I said.
And as ‘(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life’ played for the second time that day, Beamer grinned, took my hand and stood up.
‘Maisie Martin,’ he said, pulling me in close. ‘Dance with me.’
So I did. Right there on the beach.
And it was wonderful.
I mean, he was terrible. But it was wonderful.
What I Like About Me Page 17