by Marlie May
My gut was sinking fast.
Her glance flicked to me before returning to the road. “You were sleepy.”
“Yeah.” Not that sleepy.
“You were probably so out of it, you didn’t even realize you were kissing me.”
Hell, no, I’d been completely aware of who I was kissing. I could still taste Cara on my lips.
“You were sleepy, too?” I asked. Maybe it had been a random mistake, nothing based on the dreams building in my mind. Wish it had gone on longer, though.
“I was sleepy. Which means it was a mistake.”
“I kissed you back.”
Her pause went on forever, while she smoothed her hair and put it up in a high ponytail. “Did you?”
Great. She couldn’t even tell? Obviously, my technique needed work. “I could swear you kissed me back, too.” And now, of course, I doubted that she had. She sure wasn’t acting like it had been a mind-blowing experience for her like it had been for me.
Her shrug sent my confidence floundering.
“It shouldn’t have happened,” she whispered with pain leaking into her voice.
Ah. Now, I got it. “Jason.” Who’d been the stumbling block back in college. His ghost rose up from the grave to sit between us, glaring at me for just looking at her. For thinking I had any right to touch her.
“Yes, Jason.”
The longing in her voice slashed through my chest, severing something vital. I needed to let this go.
Reprieve lay just ahead, thankfully.
“You still like jelly donuts?”
“Only if I can nuke them for ten seconds then slather each bite with a squirt of whipped cream.”
That option was out. “Chocolate glazed, then?”
“They’ll do in a pinch.”
I turned on the car blinker and pulled into the donut shop parking lot.
Time to put kisses and hopes and dreams behind.
I dropped her off at her place an hour later. After a quick shower and change of clothing at home, I headed over to Spicy Concoctions. The time off had been a treat, but now I had to pay the price.
Three hours later, I’d done the staffing schedule for the next month to accommodate a holiday and posted it on the bulletin board in the lounge. I’d ordered supplies for the Brew House. Called and asked Mei to go in early tomorrow to cover a sick call left on the answering machine. And I’d researched pineapples. Their season peaked from March to July, and I wanted to try them in a new salsa.
Dag stopped by when I was pouring over a sales brochure. He dropped into the chair across from me and slouched, hooking his knee over the chair arm. “I’m beginning to think you’re fused to a pen and paper.”
I grumbled. “Actually, I’ve been studying a diagram for a new tank flushing system I’m thinking of ordering.”
“More efficient?”
“Definitely.”
“Then why spend your Sunday dwelling on the idea? Order it and be done.”
“It’s not that simple.” Nothing was ever simple. I had to look into this fully, make sure it was exactly what I wanted. Otherwise, I’d be stuck with it, unable to afford anything new to replace it for at least six months. “And I haven’t been here all day. Just a few hours. Got back this morning.”
“Back?” Dag dropped his leg on the floor. “Where’d you go?”
“Out to Perley Peak with Cara.”
“Ah, Cara.” His eyes narrowed in on mine, but his face softened. “How did that go?”
“We…spent the night together.”
“Wow. That was…easy?”
I tossed my pencil onto my desk. “Anything but.”
“Seems I remember someone telling me women were simple to figure out. You ask them out, they said yes, and you’re all set.”
“Knew you’d call me on that someday.” My half-smile faded faster than it had risen. “It’s different with Cara. We’re not…doing anything like that. She’s still mourning her husband.”
“While you continue to mourn her.”
My sigh went on forever. “Yeah.”
“What can I do? I want to help if I can.”
So said a man who was wildly happy with his soulmate. But while it was easy to feel envy for what Dag had with Lark, I was also thrilled he’d found someone to spend the rest of his life with. I just wished the woman I wanted to spend my life with felt the same. “Not much anyone can do with a situation like mine. I’m hoping…Okay, so it’s probably wrong for me to hope for anything. But, maybe, after she’s had some time, she might be open to something other than friendship.” I was damn stupid for letting myself contemplate this train of thought. Cara was never going to see me as more than a friend. I needed to accept that.
“You say the word. Lark and I could have you two out for dinner. Or we could meet at a restaurant for dinner. Not to push the double date thing, but…” He shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe show her what she’s missing with you?”
“I can’t force this. She could balk. Tell me to get lost.” Leaning back in my office chair, I propped my heels on my desk and rubbed my eyes.
If I was wise, I’d give Dag a case of beer in exchange for the work he’d done last week, walk with him to the front door, then return to do my books. But crap, I hated bookkeeping. Perhaps it was time to find someone in town I could trust to handle it for me. No reason I couldn’t cross-check their calculations weekly.
“Yeah. I get it,” Dag said. “Nothing good ever came from pushing someone into something they’re not ready for. But if you think of anything I can do, just say the word.”
I stood and walked around my desk. “I will. And thanks.”
Rising, Dag clapped my shoulder. “You’re a good friend. Just wish you could be as happy as I am.”
“Me, too.” I forced a grin. “What’s it going to be this time? Imperial stout or a Boston Lager? Happen to have a mixed case of peach and cherry IPA I’ve been saving back for a special occasion.”
“Totally not me, dude.”
We walked out into the main part of my factory. “You know I appreciate all the work you do here.”
He chuckled. “Then the mixed case sounds perfect.”
After loading it into the trunk of Dag’s car, and with my Sunday completely gone, I turned off my computer. I shut off the main lights, locked the building up tight, and headed to my car, where I had to brush off newly-fallen snow.
Why had I thought it would only take an hour to get everything done today?
As I sat in the driver’s seat, I realized I was tired. Sure, I’d slept well last night, as well as I could with Cara lying beside me. But I was bone weary, completely fragged out. My tired was on the inside, not on the outside.
My sister was right. I used to love my job. Now, it felt like a burden. Maybe it was time I stopped being a ruler doling out commands from his mountaintop throne.
I could make some changes.
The next morning, I tracked down Mei inside the Brew House’s walk-in freezer. “If you’re interested, I’d like to make you full manager here.”
She dropped the packages of ground beef she’d just lifted onto the wire rack. Blinking, she shivered and ran her hands up and down her arms. “What if I don’t want to be your manager?”
Not the answer I expected. I scratched my head. “You don’t?”
Her laugh brightened her face, and she slapped my arm. “Ha. Caught you. I’d love—no, just about commit murder—to be the manager here.” Tilting her head, she narrowed her eyes on mine. “What made you change your mind? You’ve held the reins forever. I didn’t think you’d let anyone else handle things.”
I lifted the hamburger and tipped my head, indicating she should exit the freezer ahead of me. If we stayed inside much longer, we’d turn into icicles. “I think I need a vacation.”
She spun to face me, her lips curling down. “You do need one, but are you saying this is only a temporary deal, then, while you’re away?”
I winced. “No. I th
ink you’ll do an awesome job for an ongoing basis. That’s why I’m giving you the promotion.”
“Well, thank you.” Taking the hamburger from me, she set it on the gleaming stainless-steel counter and smirked. “This promotion comes with a raise, right?”
I sighed and kicked the freezer door shut with my heel. “Sure does.”
“At least a few dollars more. Not fifty cents, like some bosses give once a year. And the job’s not salaried, is it? I’m not working sixty hours a week and only getting paid for forty.” Her pause didn’t give me enough time to say a word. “And benefits. I know you offer them at the hot sauce plant. I want vacation time, sick time, extra holiday pay if I have to give up my family time, and at least some help with health insurance. And dental and vision.”
This was why Mei would make a great manager. She drove a hard bargain. I nodded, wondering if she expected me to sign my agreement in blood.
Another slap on my arm shifted me sideways, despite the fact that she was over a foot shorter than me. “You’re not going to regret this.”
I had to wonder if my bank balance was regretting my decision already. But after doing the books earlier in the week, I knew I could afford to give Mei what she asked. And go a bit easier on me, too. And order that new tank system. Even more, I could back off and trust others to do the jobs they were suited for. Even if each step forward felt like I was pulling out one of my back molars.
“Speaking of vacation.” Mei winked. “Where you going?”
“No clue.” I’d probably just hang out at my house or see if Cara needed help ripping up a floor.
“Well, get on it.” She tapped her pointy chin. “I think you should go somewhere warm. Escape the cold like those sunbirds do. Go to Florida or something.”
I started for the door but turned. “We’ll see. For now, plan for me to be off all of next week.”
“You’ll be amazed how wonderful things go around here,” she called out as I shut the front door behind me.
Restless, because giving trust was not easy for me, I returned to my car and drove to the bottling plant. Might as well get the next phase of my plan done immediately, before I caved and changed my mind. I parked out front and strolled through the main part of the building, my sinuses filling with the spicy essence of hot sauce. My mouth watered, reminding me I hadn’t eaten today. The clink of glass on glass rang out in the bottling room. I strolled inside and located Kevin. As expected, I found him overseeing the installation of his latest innovation: a shortcut in our cleaning system he’d said would give us the same result, while allowing us to process faster. It would save water, too, which was a bonus.
Crouched down, he spoke to someone lying underneath the machinery. “Yeah, that’s it. See the line there? I want to reroute it over to the left. And I’m planning on putting in a controller to fine-tune the flow. Is it possible?”
“Yep.”
Sounded like the plumber I used on occasion.
“You have a minute to talk, Kevin?” I asked.
He rose, his brows crunching. “Sure thing, boss.” Turning back, he said, “Be back in a few. You set for now? The system I have in mind makes sense?”
“Yep,” the plumber said.
Kevin followed me to the office and took the seat across from mine. He rubbed his palms on his thighs as I started to explain. By the time I’d finished, he was sitting forward, face wide with a grin. If anything, he was more excited than Mei had been about the opportunity I offered. “Charity is going to throw a party when she hears.”
“Am I invited?” I asked, half joking.
“Of course!” He paused. “How are you with kids?”
My mind immediately went to Arie, the only child in my life. Sort of in my life, that is. “Love them.”
“Because our five-month-old daughter loves to be held 24/7. You up for that?”
I laughed, wondering what I was committing myself to. “Anytime.”
We shook hands to seal the deal.
I stood. “I’m leaving for the day.” Did I dare do it? A cold sweat broke out on my forehead, reminding me of what had happened when I allowed someone to handle something I should be handling myself. I made myself speak again through my thick cloud of doubt. “You want to start your new job right away?”
“Like, now? Sure. Thanks.” Kevin shook my hand and then hurried out to the bottling room to share the news about his new role. Or maybe to stop in the lounge and call Charity.
At a loss for what I should do with my afternoon, I drove over to Mom’s, assuming I’d find Sam there. When I shut my car door, a deep rumbling out back told me I’d been right. She was working in the gambrel barn behind Mom’s house.
The roar of the chainsaw greeted me when I swung open the door. Sam stood in the middle of the barn she’d converted to her studio, a bright red saw in hand. She wore safety goggles, her dark hair was pulled into a low, wavy ponytail, and, while I’d scolded her about working without leather coverings, she wore an orange tank top and scuffed jeans. Her usual, low-heeled cowboy boots on her feet. She’d thrust her hands into thick gloves, and she wore the hard hat and hearing protection I’d bought her.
Beyond her rested her antique Harley, which she and her former fiancée had restored together before he died in a car crash while on a business trip in Europe. She only rode the bike when the weather was warm. The cloth cover draped over it kept the dust off the gleaming blue paint.
In front of her stood a bark-free pine log approximately two feet around and over six feet tall. She’d attached the base of the log to plywood to hold it steady.
Standing back to me, she stared toward the partly carved log and revved the chainsaw’s engine. It was a steel, zero-three-six saw she used for bigger cuts. Other chainsaws used for smaller cuts sat on the long bench underneath the dusty window. The smaller bars on those saws allowed her to sculpt finer details on her carvings.
While I watched, she slowly shaped the top of the log, revealing ears. Was she making a bear? Sam craved to create unique, magical sculptures, but bears, eagles, and toadstools sold well in tourist shops along the coast. Fine art might sooth the soul, but everyone had to eat.
Since I didn’t want to jump her, I leaned against the door and waited until she’d shut down the saw and lowered it to the floor. She pulled off the hearing protection and helmet, set them on the bench, and then pulled a bandana from her back pocket to wipe her face.
“Looks great,” I said.
She spun, a grin lifting on her sawdust-covered face. “How long have you been there?”
“Long enough for you to form those ears.”
“Not long, then.”
She could carve a chest-high bear in under an hour. This one would be taller, so maybe two.
“I was just about to quit for the morning.” She tossed the bandana on top of her helmet. “I’m meeting Mom for lunch. Why don’t you join us? Unless—” Her face twisted and I could almost hear her inner sigh. “You have to get back to the grind.”
“Nope. No more work for today.”
Strolling past me, she brushed off her clothes. She grabbed a flannel jacket off the peg by the door and tugged it on. “What brought about this miracle?” Her hand flashed up to touch my forehead. “You sick?”
Grumbling, I leaned away from her. “Took the afternoon off.”
“Hell.” She opened the door and strode outside, her boots crunching on the snow. “You’ve gotta be sick.”
“I take time off.”
She secured a padlock on the door and started for the house. “Not in my lifetime.”
I joined her on the walkway, wincing. “Has it really been that long?”
Paused, she squinted up at me, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. “When did you last take a true day off? I don’t mean, like, for the dentist.”
“I wouldn’t take off more than an hour for the dentist.” When she ground her teeth, I smirked. “How about today?”
She started walking again. �
��A half day, then. What will you have to do to make up for it? Work without a day off for the next three months?”
Christ, was I really that much of a workaholic? “Are you suggesting I have a control issue?”
“Only for the past year or so.”
Since I’d found out about Lainie. “We’ve been through this already.”
Her fingertip tapped my temple. “But we have to keep rehashing it because it hasn’t sunk in here yet.”
“Has to.”
Her hands smacked onto her hips. “Prove it.”
“I promoted Mei and Kevin.”
Sam leaped into my arms, making me oomph and take a step backward. Sliding back onto her feet, she grinned and knuckle-nudged my shoulder. “About time, little brother.”
I scowled. “We going for lunch?”
“Sure.” She brushed the remaining wood chips off her thighs. “Maybe I better change, huh?”
“Unless you want a lecture from Mom.”
I followed her inside, where she could shower and put on clean clothes.
Cara
Wednesday morning, I was ripping up the downstairs lady’s room floor, when Roan’s mom called.
“Hey, Camila,” I said with the phone tucked between my shoulder and chin. Frowning, I picked splinters out of my fingers. “How are you?”
She skipped the pleasantries and dug right in. “Can you come to the office? We have to talk.”
The tension in her voice sliced through the line, cutting me to the core. Legs unsteady, I leaned against the wall. Something was wrong.
“Of course,” I said, my voice shaky. “I can be there any time. What’s this about?” As in, what was Bethany up to now? Did I really want to know?
“I’d rather not say over the phone. Can you be here within the hour?”
A quick glance at my watch showed it was eleven-fifteen. Arie wouldn’t be home from school for hours. “I’ll be right over.”
After a quick shower and change of clothing, I drove to her office, trying to keep my mind from getting carried away with all kinds of scary notions. Why was it so urgent that Camila needed to speak with me immediately?