by P. Jameson
Mason knew things. And when he was able, he let those things out, in the hopes of helping someone.
This felt like one of those instances.
“This, right now, is your time. You hear what I’m saying?”
Ryan clenched his jaw, not wanting to read more into what Mason told him.
“I know you keep your hurts to yourself,” Mason continued. “We all do. No one more than your mate. You don’t want to talk to me. Don’t want to talk to anyone. You want to fix the shit between you and your mate, but you don’t want any help. I’ve been there. It’s a dangerous place to be. Understand?”
Ryan got what he as saying. Ouachita only conquered their trials by working together.
Together. It was the Ouachita way.
But how could any of them help him and Layna with what they were going through? They were the only ones who couldn’t have children. They were the only ones who knew this kind of pain.
They were the only ones fighting for happiness.
Mason jerked his arm, bringing Ryan’s attention back. “You need to listen to me right now. This is your time. You know what to do. Fucking do it.”
Ryan fumed, his frustration boiling to the top with Mason’s cryptic words. “You want to help? Why don’t you tell me what the fuck that even means.”
Mason’s expression eased back into casual, the brackets around his golden eyes ironing out. He dropped Ryan’s arm. “Ask me.”
“What the hell? Isn’t that what I just did.”
“Not nicely.”
“Fuck you. What does it mean?”
“That’s better.” Mason smirked, propping himself up against the doorjamb. “Your timing isn’t as off as you think it is. In fact, it’s juuust perfect. Very, very soon, you’re going to be in the right place at the right time. And all your gooey fucking dreams are going to come true. But when they do, ya lucky bastard, when they do… you better be ready for a whole lotta mind-blowing shit. Because you’re going to turn Ouachita upside down. Change is coming our way again, and it starts with you, man.”
The prophetic words hit Ryan dead center in the chest, and he tried to keep his hope at bay.
Mason’s supposed revelation didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was getting through to Layna. Convincing her she wasn’t alone. And making her realize their bond was the most important thing they would ever share.
Because without that, they had nothing.
Chapter Five
Layna hurried down the corridor toward the lobby to relieve Clara, Eagan’s mate, from desk duty. The human had offered to cover the front desk for her during the appointment with Doc, and Layna knew she needed the distraction. Clara was going stir-crazy because she couldn’t do her normal job being seven months pregnant. Something about carrying two-by-fours and climbing ladders with a belly the size of a basketball made bossman Renner insist she take a break from the construction crew. So Clara waddled around the lodge, looking for things to do until the baby came. Spent most her time in the kitchen where her mate cooked up whatever pregnancy cravings she had.
She hung up the phone as soon as Layna entered the lobby, and quickly jotted down an appointment in the ledger.
“Think I’ve got the hang of this,” she said, grinning big. “Mrs. Markel booked a massage with Mason on the twenty-ninth, Mr. Reasor booked the honeymoon suite for Valentine’s Day, and I had one of the bears run extra towels to room 212.”
“Good, good.” Layna drew in a breath and noticed a strange scent in the air. Just a hint of… shifter? But one she didn’t recognize. Not one of her clan.
Clara grinned. “Anytime you need me to take over, just shout. Seriously, I could use more to do. It’s still two months before this baby pops outta me.”
Layna tried to smile at her friend as her eyes fell to Clara’s round stomach.
Was she scenting the new life that grew there?
Clara and Eagan’s baby would be a jaguar shifter, like his daddy. Maybe that was the faint smell. Layna had never scented the other babies. Not until they were born, but maybe it was her animal instinct sharpening out of desperation.
“How are you feeling?” she asked quietly.
“Good.” Clara nodded. “Much better than the first trimester. I can feel him kick now. And flip flop around like a tiny little acrobat. Eagan teases that he might be part monkey. He’s moving right now. You wanna feel?”
Layna started to shake her head, but truly, she did want to feel the baby. Some of the females didn’t like their belly touched when they were pregnant. And she couldn’t blame them. She’d probably be the same way.
But if Clara was offering…
Layna eyed the human. Her face sparkled with a wonder Layna had witnessed many, many times.
Want that. Her animal looked on with that aching need she knew so well.
Slowly, she pushed her hand forward until it rested on Clara’s baby bump.
“Over here.”
Clara moved Layna’s palm to the side, and she could feel the bump bump bump of tiny baby feet. Here was another little Ouachita miracle, pattering away like a little dancer. Another sweet dream waiting to be welcomed into their world.
Love for the little cub filled Layna’s chest until her eyes drew up with new tears. How many times was she going to cry today?
We’ll never have this, her animal mourned.
She closed her eyes, imagining what this would be like coming from inside her own belly. She’d lie awake all night just to feel this from her own child. Her own miracle.
More bumping. Pitter patters she counted until she reached twenty.
And then it was too much.
“Layna?”
Clara’s voice had Layna jerking her hand away. Opening her eyes, she met her friend’s concerned gaze and realized why Clara looked like she’d seen a ghost. Fresh tears made new streams down Layna’s cheeks. She quickly dashed them away.
Enough of this. Something had to give.
“You think you could stay for a while?” she asked.
Clara nodded. “Are you okay?”
“There’s something I have to do.”
Turning, she started down the hall to look for her mate.
***
Ryan shoved his way into the main corridor of the lodge, feeling more frustrated than ever. His shower did nothing to calm him down. He needed to find Layna. Now.
He rubbed at the throbbing pain in his chest. It started hours ago but only recently intensified until he struggled to breathe. It was coming from her. From their bond. He knew the difference between her emotions and his own. Something was wrong, and the faster he found her, the faster he could ease her.
He clenched and unclenched his fists as he strode toward the lobby where she could usually be found. But before he reached it, she came barreling around the corner, her face looking all distraught.
“Layna?”
She screeched to a stop two feet away from him but he closed the distance, bringing her to his chest. With his hands on her cheeks, he forced her gaze up and his stomach took a tumble, everything sinking like an abandoned ship when he saw the wetness in her eyes.
His mate didn’t cry easily. Something was very wrong.
“What is it? What’s the matter?”
“Ryan…” She looked at him with so much despair everything inside him went on alert, the hairs on the back of his neck, raising with warning. “I can’t do this anymore,” she choked out. “I can’t give you a baby, and I can’t try anymore, and I can’t fucking breathe knowing you are missing out because of me. I just… goddamn it, I can’t. Can’t…” She shook her head, swallowing back a sob. “We have to end this. Us. Our mating. You have to find someone else. Make your family with someone else. We have to be done. Because I can’t… and you can’t… and… we can’t…” It all tumbled out of her like some sickness that needed purging.
He blinked to be sure he was awake and this wasn’t a nightmare. But he could feel her skin beneath his fingertips an
d her warm breath on his face and her frantic expression rattled him to the core.
“Layna…”
Was she fucking kidding. Was this some kind of joke?
Fury snarled in his chest as her mouth fished open and shut for more words. More ridiculous words.
Make a family with someone else?
He’d rather be dragged through a bed of coals. His life was with her. His family was her.
And if she thought he was letting her get away with this… this… denial, she was dead fucking wrong.
Human or not, he knew what a mate’s denial meant.
It meant she was giving up on him.
It meant she found him unworthy.
It meant he’d failed to secure her happiness.
It meant her animal needed fucking proof.
Well, fine.
Looking up, he spotted Gash, Lake Haven’s chief of security, frozen mid step. Like he’d walked into a trap. A pit of vipers. The grim expression on his face told Ryan the werecat had heard everything. Heard his mate’s insecurity.
Fuck.
Something fierce welled up in Ryan. An instinct that was grown into him by a mating bond, not bred. Fight, prove.
Ryan glared at the other male who knew a thing or two about proving himself. He’d spent most of his years with a mean-ass shadow clan from Memphis before escaping to the mountains. The Alley Cats had come for him and his mate years ago, but Ouachita’s Sorcera cast a spell on them to lock their animals inside their bodies so they couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.
Gash eyed Ryan, waiting to see how he’d react. Like a human, or like the werecats he called family. Like a man or like a male. Like a partner or like a mate.
Gash narrowed his gaze, giving Ryan a single hard nod.
You know what to do. Fucking do it.
Mason’s prophetic words from earlier raced through his mind.
“Give me your keys, Layna,” he demanded.
She frowned, opening her mouth, but he cut off whatever she was going to say.
“Don’t you dare argue. Give me your keys. Now.”
Eyes wide, she dug in her pocket before dropping them in his open palm. On the end of the ring was exactly what he was looking for. A red keycard.
Taking her hand, he pulled her down the hall to the one room in the lodge that she kept empty.
Because it used to be his. Nine years ago.
And that’s where he was going to remind her she was his.
Chapter Six
Layna stared at the door to a familiar room. It was where Ryan called home all those years he stayed at the lodge before they were mated. She used to walk past this door just to catch his scent somedays. Especially when he’d leave town with Renner to work a construction job. After mating, they moved into her cabin in the woods and made it home. But this room was her favorite in the entire lodge.
Roughly, he used her keycard to unlock the door and shoved inside so hard it banged against the wall. Pulling her in, he kicked the door shut behind them and twisted the lock with a snap of his wrist.
Layna swallowed hard as her mate turned his furious gaze on her. But the lioness inside purred loud. She didn’t like him hurt or angry, but damn, she loved when he lost control.
“No,” he said when she opened her mouth to speak.
Breathe. She needed to breathe. Make it through this.
She took a step backward, but he took one forward, not allowing any separation between them.
“Ryan, I know this is hard. But—”
“No.”
“It’s not what I want,” she cried, backing up another step. He took another forward. “It’s not. But—”
“No.”
“Shit. Will you just listen—”
“Take off your clothes. I can’t do it.”
“What?”
“Once I start, I’m not going to stop.”
“Ryan, we need to—”
“Do it, mate. Do it now, or I’ll tear them to shreds.”
His tone had her obeying. He was the only one who was allowed to talk to her like that. The only one who deserved to. And besides, right now she would give him anything he wanted. Because when they left this room, their time would be over.
For good.
No! her animal roared. Never leave mate.
Layna stripped off her shirt, then her jeans, and stood in her bra and panties.
Ryan’s eyes raked over her body, hungry and flashing with determination. She felt desire pool warm and wet between her legs while her heart battered her ribcage.
God, she loved him.
She would show him how much. Push it through their bond like she never had before.
One last time.
“Not finished,” he growled, and she didn’t know if he was talking about undressing or them, but she unhooked her bra and slid it down her shoulders.
He tugged at his belt, undoing it and then his jeans before ripping the t-shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. His eyes never left her. She catalogued every piece of his body she could. Every ripple of thick muscle he’d honed to perfection. The claw scar on his shoulder. The way the vein ticked on his neck. The faint stubble of growth along his sharp jaw.
“All of it,” he demanded.
She took a deep breath and removed her panties, stepping out of them so she was completely bare. Somehow, it felt like the first time instead of the last time. His eyes dragged along her body, slow and thorough. It felt like he was touching her from all the way across the room.
“Turn around.”
She shivered at his commanding tone. A submissive shifter, she was not. But she couldn’t deny that he turned her into a shuddering mess when he went full alpha male on her.
She turned, giving him her back, and went still when she heard him take two steps toward her.
“Look at the bed.” His voice was a mere rasp. “Look at it.”
She stared at the bed with all the sweet memories it held. The times before her dreams were shattered by things she couldn’t fix. If time machines existed, she’d go back to those years when things didn’t hurt like they did now.
“You laid there, on that bed. In my arms. And you promised me forever. You didn’t promise me a baby. You promised me forever.” Ryan’s voice was closer now. “How dare you try to take it back. How dare you even think about breaking it. Doesn’t our bond mean anything to you?”
“It means everything,” she snapped, her animal rising up to speak the truth. The ache in their mating bond was piercing and sharp. A blade in her chest.
“Or is it all about what we can’t have?”
“It’s about you. You are everything. And if I can’t give you everything to go along with it, then how can I keep you?”
“Oh, mate. It’s easy.” Another step, and he was behind her, his erection brushing against her backside as his hand swept up her spine to grip the nape of her neck. His mouth lowered to her ear, the tip of his nose, brushing the skin beneath it. “You give me everything you can, everything you have. The rest, I don’t need. Don’t even want. I just want you. When will you believe that, Layna? When?”
His words brought more tears to her eyes. Why was he settling for broken when he could have everything he wanted with someone else?
“Ryan—”
“Don’t say my name like that,” he snarled. “Like it hurts you. Don’t.” She could feel the pain she caused him and it doubled back on her.
Don’t harm him, her cougar insisted, but how was she supposed to stop?
“Layna.” He breathed her name like a prayer. “Don’t cry, mate.”
She hated tears. She tried to not think of them as a weakness, but they made her feel weak nonetheless.
She turned to find his eyes. Ryan had the best eyes. Always full of understanding and acceptance. She’d forgotten how understanding he could be. But this time they were hard and unyielding.
“How can you live without a young?” she gasped. “When it hurts this bad, being this
incomplete? And when you have choices.”
He shook with emotion as he took her face between both of his hands. His brows dipped low over his eyes and she could see the fury he barely held back.
“You’re wrong, woman. I don’t have choices. There’s only you. And it wouldn’t matter if you took out of here and hid from me in the fucking North Pole, there would still only be you. For me, there will only ever be you, Layna Blackfoot.”
A sob ripped from her throat and she tried to rein it back in, but he forced her to keep eye contact, making it impossible to ignore the pain her chest.
“You think you’re being noble. You think you’re sparing me some grief, giving me freedom?” He shook his head. “You think I could ever make a life with someone else after I’ve had one with you? Won’t. Fucking. Happen. So stop fighting this and let’s get through it. Together. Let’s deal with shit the way we were meant to. As one. Let’s cry, mourn. Let go. Whatever it takes. But let’s do it hand-in-fucking-hand. It’s all I’m going to accept from you. From mine.”
“I don’t know how to move on,” she admitted.
“Well, you sure as hell don’t do it alone. Not when you have me.”
She sucked in a breath, pressing her forehead to his. “I don’t want to hurt you. Don’t want you to feel this pain that I can’t… can’t escape.”
He shook his head, his voice rattling with emotion. “We’re bonded. You know your pain is mine, and mine is yours. You can’t just say it’s over and make it so.” The last part was gritted between clenched teeth, and she regretted telling him they should separate.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She wasn’t thinking straight. She’d just wanted to make things easy for him. Instead, she’d made him angry. Made herself angry. Because she wasn’t a quitter… but quitting on their dream of having a child was purely for survival. She couldn’t live like this anymore.
“Shhh,” he said, pressing her head to his chest, where he held her while she cried.
There was no shame in the tears this time. Not when they were over something so fucking important. Family. They were supposed to be a family of three, maybe more by now, but it was just him and her.