by J. M. Briggs
Thor could have growled in irritation. More of the same it seemed. He balled his hands into fists and desperately wished he was back in his forge where he could hammer something. Merlin met his eyes with a disapproving look but said nothing more as he nodded towards the village and started walking. Morgana fell into step behind him, and Thor huffed as he turned on his heel to follow them.
25
Facing the Dream
Alex struggled to keep calm as her mind raced. She was vaguely aware that Jenny was watching her, and she could also feel the weight of Morgana’s worried stare on her back. Shifting in the armchair, Alex licked her lips and tried to figure out just how to start the conservation she was dreading. She thought that she could still taste salt on her lips no matter how much she knew that it really didn’t work that way. Bran caught her eyes and frowned. In his hand, the Iron Chalice gleamed in the light of the fire and Alex forced herself to sit up a little straighter.
“I think that my dreams are connected to this somehow,” Alex said, giving voice to the disquieting thought that had been lingering in her mind for days. The strength and calmness in her own voice surprised her.
“Your dreams?” Morgana repeated as the room fell silent.
“Yeah, I’ve been having a reoccurring dream lately. On the surface, it doesn’t have anything to do with magic, but I’ve just got this feeling that it is important.”
“What happens in this dream?” Bran gave her a sympathetic look. “Anything in particular?”
“I’m on a ship,” Alex explained vaguely. She struggled for a moment to find the right words. Her eyes landed on Lance and she quickly looked away from him. “It’s a slave ship. History isn’t my thing, but based on the clothing and the style of the ship it’s probably like 16th or 17th century. It’s hard to describe really, but I’m having it all the time. In fact, I was dreaming about it when...” Alex gestured towards Timothy but didn’t want to upset the Brownie.
“What happens in these dreams?” Bran questioned kindly. “I- I can’t imagine that they’re pleasant.”
“No they aren’t and before you ask, no. I’m not one of the slaves in the dream.” Alex lowered her eyes and looked into the fire, watching the flames twist around each other. Shame filled her chest and she braced herself. “I’m the captain.”
There was a heavy silence in the room. No one rushed to reassure her and Alex dared not look up at Morgana or Merlin. They’d admitted in the past that they didn’t track every Iron Soul. If magic was low and there was no threat then they left them alone. Tightening her fingers around the arms of the chair, Alex swallowed and fought to regain some sense of balance. Hot tears were beginning to gather in her eyes. The horror of the dream was fresh in her mind and she could only imagine what Lance might be thinking.
Someone moved and a moment later a heavy, warm hand rested on her head. Something about the gesture was familiar and sent a rush of warmth through Alex. It untangled the knot in her chest and a soft sob escaped her. Desperately she tried to keep it under control, but a tear slipped out of her eye followed by another and another. Someone said something and there was a rush of noise as people moved.
Then there was an arm around her back as she slumped forward in the armchair. Alex caught a glimpse of Morgana’s hand as the woman laid her free hand over Alex’s left one. Blinking away the tears, Alex looked up to find Merlin standing in front of her with a soft and sad expression on his face. The weight of his hand remained in place and he calmly met her gaze without a word.
Her whole body tightened. Alex couldn’t find any words and the churning storm of emotions in her chest was making it a struggle to even think. Risking a glance around the room, Alex noted with relief that the others had gone, leaving her alone with the two older mages. Morgana rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb gently and said nothing. Closing her eyes, Alex licked her lips, once more tasting a phantom of salt, or perhaps this time it was from the tears.
They let her sit there in silence: the only noises were the occasional small sounds that escaped her until the crying eased. She thought that she heard something coming from Merlin’s kitchen, but she couldn’t quite focus on it. The smell of coffee was just hinted at the air, and she sort of wanted a cup as her emotions finally regained some equilibrium.
The embarrassment was beginning to set in and Alex could feel a deep blush heating up her cheeks. Her fingers somehow tightened even further into the upholstery of the armchair. Alex doubted that this had ever happened to Arto or Thor or Lokpal. Bad enough that Arthur had tricked her and used her and she’d handed him Cathanáil, but now she was probably being haunted by another life. The question of “Why” was one that she was terrified to have answered.
“Easy Alex,” Morgana said. Her voice was almost too soft and gentle. “It’s alright.”
“Arthur knows about it.” Alex rubbed at her eyes, unable to look at Merlin and Morgana just yet. “He outright told me that there were things I didn’t know. He hinted that the Iron Soul had evil lives.”
“Alex-” Morgana started to say soothingly.
“No: being active in the slave trade is evil,” Alex insisted. She shook her head as a fresh wave of tears tried to build. “Trust me… this person was horrible. God, what Lance must think of me!”
“Lance knows you. He only left so you wouldn’t worry about his reaction. He was visibly worried about you,” Merlin assured her. “Besides, it might not have been another life of yours,” Merlin offered softly.
“Yeah right,” Alex snorted. “Then how or why would I see it?”
“Why do you think it is important?” Morgana questioned softly, tightening her hold on Alex and hugging her gently. “Any particular reason or is it just the timing?”
“I- I can’t control anything,” Alex said. She managed to take a deep breath only to cough around another wave of tears. “Uh, last night was the first time I really saw the slaves. The dreams seem to be getting longer and longer. There is just… this sense that the hold is important.”
“The hold?” Merlin repeated thoughtfully. “I’m not sure what you’ll learn there.”
“I have no clue.” Alex laughed bitterly and wiped away the tears. “But my magic or my subconscious wants me to play the dream through.” She coughed and shuddered. “And some of the Sídhe creatures have… thinking back on it, some of them seemed to be trying to tell me something. I didn’t think much of it the time, but there’s a lot of little things that just seem to be building up.”
“Okay,” Morgana agreed gently. “Okay, it is worth a try.” Morgana paused and looked towards the kitchen and then back at Merlin. “Would you like to eat something first?”
“No,” Alex answered in a low tone. “After… well, I’m feeling a bit sleepy now, so this is probably a good time to try.”
There was a moment of silence, and Alex knew without looking that Morgana and Merlin were having one of their silent conversations. She closed her eyes and busied herself with taking a series of deep breaths while they debated the matter. Her heartbeat was slowing and Alex was feeling more and more in control with every passing moment. The sense of embarrassment was still there, but she was now able to remind herself that all forms of the Iron Soul were helpless against the shame of an evil incarnation. After all, this man, whoever he had been, was the reincarnation of Arto just as much as she was or Thor or Lokpal. She just had the misfortune of coming after him.
“I’ll fetch Bran,” Morgana said, breaking the silence and slowly removing her arm from around Alex. “Just wait here.”
Alex really wanted to say something clever in response to Morgana’s order, but she just couldn’t summon the energy. As Morgana moved away, Alex collapsed back into the armchair which pulled her head away from Merlin’s hand. He made no move to return it to its prior position but shifted his position slightly so he was next to the chair. His arm came up to rest at the top of the armchair and Alex could feel him standing beside her.
“It is odd,” Merlin said.
“The others have never had memories surface,” Merlin reminded her carefully. Alex thought she detected a hint of doubt in his tone. “They have never been aware of their other selves except as historical people or myths.”
“Maybe that funeral we did at Stonehenge changed the rules,” Alex offered in an uncertain voice. Then she paused in true consideration of the idea. “I wasn’t able to use the Iron Chalice until we did that, but Arto wasn’t the creator of the Iron Chalice.”
“You’re suggesting that something lingered in Arto’s body?” The surprise in Merlin’s voice almost made Alex look up at him. “I… suppose that is possible. There is so much we don’t know.”
“Yeah, but something definitely happened at Stonehenge,” Alex said. Pausing, she thought back to the strange funeral. There had been so much magic and so many strange feelings that it was still hard to really pin it all down. “It’s fuzzy, but I sort of remember…”
“What, Alex?” Merlin leaned over so she could see his face. “What do you remember?”
“Faces,” Alex answered tentatively. “I didn’t mention it because it wasn’t really clear, and then we were attacked and came back with the Iron Chalice. I sort of forgot about it, but maybe-”
“You may be right then,” Merlin agreed with a soft sigh. “It pains me to think that Morgana and I may have damaged the cycle of the Iron Soul, but you may be right.”
“Not your fault,” Alex assured him quickly. There was an odd pain in her chest at the very idea that he might blame himself. “Just… when I die make sure that everything is cremated.”
“Have you told your parents that?”
“No.” Alex grimaced as she heard people walking back towards the living room. “I’m not going to try and have that conversation with them just yet.”
Alex was saved from having to continue down that dark train of thought by Morgana returning to the living room with Bran. The others peeked around the corner of the kitchen. To her surprise, there was only soft concern on their faces. She half wanted to talk to them, to accept hugs, and anything else they offered, but she just couldn’t. Alex sniffed and turned her attention towards Bran and Morgana. It was obvious that the pair were both nervous, but Morgana calmly folded her hands in front of her and nodded into the room, encouraging Bran to come closer.
“Bran.” Alex stood up from the armchair and tried to act like she hadn’t just been crying. “I need your help.”
“The dream?” Bran questioned. “Morgana says that you think it holds a clue.”
“Yeah. We combined our power in Wales; I’m hoping that by doing the same now I might be able to play the dream through to the end and find out what I’m supposed to be seeing.”
“Given the setting of the dream Alex… this isn’t going to be pretty,” Bran cautioned her. “And we had the Chalice to focus on when we tried this in Wales.” He toyed nervously with the Iron Chalice still in his hand.
“I know,” Alex said. “But the dreams have had me worried for awhile now, and with Timothy being freed by my magic… well, I’m a bit worried about what else I might have done in another life.”
There were noises from the other room and Merlin gestured at the others to stay quiet. Alex was grateful, she felt like she was enough of a mess as it was. To her surprise, Bran nodded in understanding, though he sighed a moment later. He raised his free hand and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Okay; I’ll try to give you my power and see if you can connect to the dream again,” Bran agreed. “But one thing first Alex.”
“What?”
“Keep in mind that if you’re right and it was your soul, it still wasn’t you.” He met her eyes squarely. “Whoever that man was lived and died centuries ago. The things that shaped you in this life are different than those that shaped him.”
Swallowing thickly, Alex nodded. “I’ll try.”
“I suppose that’s the best I can hope for,” Bran said. Then he turned and held the Iron Chalice out towards Merlin. “Hopefully we won’t need this.”
“Let’s hope not,” Merlin replied. He gave them a painfully forced smile. “You don’t have to-”
“Alex had dreams of the Sídhe tunnels before she was taken,” Bran cut in quickly. “And I had dreams of the Chalice and my previous self’s skull with it. We don’t have dreams on repeat unless they’re important.”
Alex looked back at Merlin and tried to give him a reassuring smile. It was obvious from his expression that she failed, but he nodded to them and glanced towards Morgana. When she said nothing, Merlin stepped away from the armchair and motioned for them to follow him. Their path thankfully took them away from the kitchen, and the low voices of the others faded away as Merlin took them to the end of the hall.
The guest room was much smaller than the one at Morgana’s with pale wallpaper dotted with small blue flowers. It was a bit musty, confirming to Alex that Merlin really wasn’t the sort to have guests. Instead it probably just fulfilled the need to have one in case of emergencies. Alex nearly laughed at herself; apparently, she was doing anything she could to avoid thinking about what they were about to do.
Alex lay back slowly on the bed and tried not to feel awkward about Bran sitting down on the edge beside her. He gave her a small reassuring smile that revealed his own nervousness. Reaching over, he took her hand and laced their fingers together as he exhaled slowly. Alex felt a flutter of magic against her hand and looked down curiously. There was a warm yellow glow around Bran’s hand, and she closed her eyes and dropped her head back. Resisting the urge to move her feet and tap them against the footboard, Alex couldn’t help but wonder if she shouldn’t be touching the earth for this. Maybe a sleeping bag outside with one hand touching the ground would work better.
“Try to relax.” Bran chuckled softly, not hiding his own worry. “We’ve done this before, remember?”
“We found the Iron Chalice.” Alex rested her other hand on her stomach and tried to make herself comfortable. “Bit different than trying to help my dreams last longer.” She laughed and shook her head. “God, that sounds stupid.”
“It’s worth a try,” Bran assured her. “We’ve both had dreams trying to show us the future before. This makes sense Alex.”
“This isn’t the future,” Alex said thickly. “Can’t be.”
“Well, just breathe and try to follow the dream.” Bran gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed her hand. “I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m right here, and Morgana is right outside the door. Once you’re asleep I have no doubt that she’ll come in.”
“Yeah,” Alex agreed. She released a shaky breath. “Merlin explaining to the others?”
“Probably, but don’t worry about that,” Bran replied. “Try to relax.”
Huffing softly, Alex closed her eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of the soft bed beneath her. Unfortunately, she was also very aware of Bran lingering beside her and holding her hand. Her palm was already becoming sweaty and she regretted not using the bathroom first. Pushing the thought away, Alex licked her lips and started one of the meditation exercises that Morgana had taught her.
She just lay there in silence, breathing slowly and imagining a field of wheat blowing in the wind. It was soothing, but it didn’t seem to be working. She shifted on the bed, trying to adjust her body into a more comfortable position. In truth, she was a side sleeper, but the idea of being sprawled over a pillow in front of Bran was a touch embarrassing.
Opening her eyes again, Alex looked down at their hands and almost gasped at the strange sight of Bran’s yellow magic turning dark gray as it flowed into her fingertips. A shimmering line of magic was growing from her own chest and the end other end vanished into Bran’s chest. She watched it in fascination for a long moment in both surprise and confusion. Her eyes dropped back to their joined hands and she wondered just what was happening. Was this a representation of their magic connecting them?
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“Bran?” she started to ask but as she blinked she lost sight of the thin thread of magic.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Alex replied. She licked her lips and tapped her fingers against the comforter. “Let’s give this a try.”
“Try to focus on something from the dream,” Bran suggested softly.
Searching her thoughts, Alex tried to figure out what to focus on. She needed something to direct their magic towards. Closing her eyes again, Alex did her best to remember the feel of the ship. The waves that made it roll slowly beneath her feet and the taste of salt on the air had all but stained her lips.
Her body felt floaty like she’d just become lighter. She couldn’t feel the bed beneath her anymore. The sound of her own breathing had become louder and the rhythm of her heart echoed evenly in her ears. Yet the sounds of Bran and the others had faded away. Heavy eyelids separated her from the rest of the world and the warmth of her magic wrapped around her like a thick blanket. Alex would have smiled at the realization that she was falling to sleep, but consciousness eluded her.