by Ivy Carter
With the pain held at bay by the Reaper’s magic touch for the moment. It’s time that I had some answers. Time to hunt down a damned Leech Lord.
Chapter 5.
I find Sebastian and Jessa making out like horny teenagers inside the living room on the sofa. As if he can feel my turbulent emotions, Sebastian jumps up looking vacantly around the room for a threat knocking Jessa on her ass in the process. When he sees that it is only me with Tristan hot on my heels. Sebastian relaxes for a moment. Until he notices my eyes are red rimmed and glowing. He backs up a step, slyly situating himself between me and Jessa as if he needs to be some sort of buffer.
I ignore his nonsense and walk straight up to him grasp him by the arm and flood is psyche with everything I have just seen and felt. It takes a moment and Jessa is looking at me in complete confusion. I can hear her asking what is wrong. Pleading with me to tell her. But I just shake my head in the negative as I let go of Sebastian’s arm. He jerks back from me as if disgusted. I guess I would be too. He raised Jaxx as he would have his own son.
I say only one word. I ask only one thing.
“Selene?” My voice comes out scratchy and broken. Then the dam breaks loose again. Not the anger this time. This time its pure agony that pours from me. I start to sob. I never sob. I haven’t cried like this since I woke up after witnessing the death of my best friend. It is all too much. I will it to all go away. I hear a chanting whisper inside my head. Telling me that it can. That I can make it all go away. All I want to do is scream HOW?!?!
Looking at Sebastian’s face I can tell that he knows exactly who I am talking about. But he is just as confused by these turn of events as I am. Jessa is trying to maneuver her way around her mate, but he is having none of it. He is right though. I am too volatile to be around anyone. I could hurt someone if I lose my temper again. I want to leave, to get away from everyone but I couldn’t stand to be in the room that Jaxx and I shared.
“Okay someone needs to tell me what in THE HELL is going on?” Jessa demands from the couch.
I stumble over and sit down in one of the club chairs across from the couch. I rest my elbows on my knees and drop my head in my hands. Pulling at my hair trying to starve off my temper that I can feel rising. My powers always seem to go all wonky when my temper can’t be put on a leash.
I just start talking. Telling Jessa about how weird everything was before Jaxx left. How disconnected he seemed, even during our most intimate moments. Then just leaving in the middle of the night. Without saying a word to where he was going or why is was leaving me, again.
“I tried numerous times to connect with him through our link. The one that I placed in his psyche. But it was like it was either severed or blocked. I was getting nowhere.” I whisper out loud. Just barely loud enough for the people in the room to hear. Sometime during my speech Gavin had come in and started leaning back against the far wall. Where the books are shelved.
“Okay so let me get this straight. He was acting all kinds of shady and you didn’t tell anyone?” Jessa stands up from the couch and starts to pace.
“What was I supposed to tell you, Jess?” I explode out of my seat. Basically shouting the question at her. “Was I supposed to relay the news that he was lost in his head while he was curled up next to me, telling me how much he loves me?” I throw my hands up in the air ignoring the appalled looks of everyone around me. “Or how about this? When I finally am able to connect thanks to some help from Tristan. I am sucked into his head while he is FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE?!?!?!? Is that what you want to hear?”
Jessa has tears in her eyes. I can’t tell if it is from my temper tantrum, and my yelling at her. Or if the tears are for the seriously sad state that my relationship was becoming. I sit myself back into the chair and take deep breathes trying to calm myself. I can’t take my anger out on the people around me. Any more than I can hurt them because I can’t control that anger.
“I guess I was just trying to ignore the signs that something was wrong between us.” I shake my head in denial because I know I am lying. “No… That isn’t right. I was ignoring it, because after everything that happened with Devon...” Pulling my knees up into the chair and hugging them to my chest. Resting my head on top of them. “I just wanted to pretend for a little while that at least something that was so damn great before, was still good. That it was still everything that I wanted it to be.”
Jessa walks over around the coffee table and kneels in front of me. Grasping my hands, she makes me look her in the eyes. I see my pain reflected there. I also see my best friend. My sister. Someone that has been there for me through everything. I should have shared this with her, shared my suspicions. Instead of keeping it all bottled up.
“I am sorry.” I mutter to her. My eyes swimming with tears I have yet to let fall. “I should have told you. I should have confided in you. Then maybe we all wouldn’t be sitting here right now confused as to how this could even possibly happen.” The tears finally start to drain and trickle down my face, so I press my cheek into my knees to keep some of my grief private.
“I am going to kick the shit out of him when I get my hands on him.” Gavin whispers from across the room. I just nod my head. I want to do so much worse than just give him the ass kicking he deserves. I want to splinter his entire world like he has done with mine. Shatter everything that he depends on then kick him in his junk repeatedly for obviously playing me this entire time.
“Oh GODDESS!” I groan… ”I almost gave that lying sack my virginity. He had almost stolen everything from me.” I whimper out the last sentence. I look around the room. “No one is going to want me now…I almost gave him everything. We are True Witches. We are supposed to stay chaste until we meet our Fated Mate. I am discarded goods.” I look over at Sebastian and he is wearing an enraged look upon his face. Jessa has moved over to stand beside her mate. Latching onto his arm as if to anchor him in place or to give comfort. Bloody tears streaming down her face. I see pity in the eyes of everyone around me. Everyone but Tristan. He has disappeared once more. He probably didn’t want to witness my melt down.
“I can’t deal with anymore right now. I am going to steal one of the guest rooms.” I look at Gavin for permission. Once he nods, I stand pushing myself up out of the chair. I drudge across the room dragging my feet. Feeling as if the energy has truly been sucked right out of me. Once I clear the doorway, I can hear the furious whispering start. Of course, they are going to plan a course of action. We are due to go to the Wandering within the week. All the clans will be present. He will be there.
I shake the thoughts from my head furiously. I am so fucking sick of playing the victim. Feeling as if everyone else must take care of me. This shit is going to stop. I will not wallow over a lie. You can’t miss something you never had.
I hear the whispers of the Blood Scribe start up in the back of my subconscious. I center myself and listen. I can mute it. I can mute out the pain. It won’t stop it completely. But masking the symptoms so I can perform for the masses at the upcoming summit… It is the only answer that I have.
I use the last of my energy and flash to my soon to be old room. Sitting down hard onto the wood flooring. I locate my book and flip to the incantation that I am searching for. I read the page a few times then set the old tome down on my bed and search out the ingredients I am going to need for this spell.
~Three Black Pillar Candles.
~A personal item that is a part of the person you are wanting to resurrect from your heart.
~A wish scrolled onto white paper.
I find the three black candles sitting on the window seal. Next I collect hair from Jaxx’s hair brush that he left behind before he went on his extended hiatus. I dig through the dresser looking for a piece of stark white paper. Then I locate a pen to write my one reverent wish onto it with.
“I wish to mute this pain. I wish away the heartbreak that has been forced upon me. I want Jaxx gone from my soul so that I may be my own person once more. No lo
nger tied to the false love that has been forged upon me.”
I sit the black pillar candles in a triangle formation then will the wick to light with my gift. I kneel in front of them preparing myself to recite the spell that will if not erase Jaxx from my life. It will dull the torment he has left behind.
I place the now folded slip of white paper and place it in the middle of the triangle formed of black candles. Then I recite the chant I found within the Blood Scribes Tome.
“Water wash away this pain that has encompassed my being.
Fire burn the dregs of despair away that now weighs down my heart.
Air blow away the echoes of sadness weighing down my soul.
Earth ground me as I wish to heal thy self.”
I repeat the chant three times as I first place strands of Jaxx’s hair into the flame of each of the black candles. Then I light the piece of stark white paper with the flames from the candles. Watching it burn until the flame’s heat almost reaches my fingertips. I drop the burning paper into the flame of the candle closest to where I am kneeling on the hardwood floor.
As I watch the now fully burning piece of paper turn to white ash. I recite the chant for the third in final time.
I gasp as I feel an enormous weight being lifted from my soul. The pain is still there. But it is a dull ember compared to the roaring fiery inferno of pain that it was before. I feel as if I can breathe again. Live my life without wanting to hide in a corner and curl into a ball, hiding from the world.
Time to take back control of my life…
Chapter 6.
It’s been three days since I bared my soul to my family. Three days since I muted the pain with a spell from the Blood Scribe’s book. I still don’t feel completely myself. I still feel the echoes of the all-encompassing pain that Jaxx left me to wallow in. But I can function. I can see past my torment and into the future. I can concentrate on readying myself for the Wandering.
Before Sebastian and Jessa left to make their journey north to meet with his clan. He informed me that going to the Wandering was going to be an upset. That I will have to establish myself as The Celios. He told me that many will not be accepting. That I will have to show them what I am made of, so to speak. If I am to be the new leader of the Light’s Faction Army. I am going to have to blow the cobwebs out of their asses. Jessa’s words not his. So, I have been doing the breathing exercises that he has shown me how to do. They will help me to control my impulsive temper. To leash it. Or so I am told. I must be in complete control of myself. The muting spell as helped with that. The echoes I can handle. I can move forward.
This is also the third night in a row that I have woken up from a nightmare with a scream on my lips. Salty tears soaking my pillow, revolted to my soul.
I turn to climb out of my new bed to head to the shower to wash away that the filth the nightly terrors leave behind. But when I move to set up a pair of strong arms wraps themselves around my waist holding me in place. I am about to blast the hell out of the person that has enough balls to sneak into my bed in the dead of night until he starts to whisper so low that I have to strain my ears to hear.
“Why is it my lady, that night after night I hear you scream as if your soul is being ripped away from your body? Are they dreams or memories that haunt you so deeply, lass?” Tristan whispers as he pulls me closer to his naked torso. I can feel his skin pressed firmly against the bare skin of my back.
I settle back into his embrace causing him to suck in a shark breath. I am pretty sure he was expecting me to kick him out as soon as he made his presence known. But this is the first time in a while that I have felt safe after one of these gut retching dreams.
“You risk your balls coming into my bed in the dead of night uninvited.” I whisper back. Stroking the strong forearm that is holding me so tightly. “I know this isn’t the first or even the second time. You have visited me every night since Sebastian left. Guarding me during my sleep. Watching over me as I slumber then relive the hardest day of my life.”
“You were wrong when you said that you have nothing to offer since the bastard threw something so special away.” He responds and throws me for a loop. But before I can ask him what he means. He continues in the same gruffly whispered tone as before. “Do you know why Reapers are such solitary creatures?” I shake my head no in silent response. “We are cold creatures. We were made to live alone. Always burning the flesh of our perspective lovers.” He pauses as if collecting his thoughts. “Our touch is so cold it burns.” He sighs. Then it dawns on me… His touch doesn’t burn me.
“Then how can you hold me as you are right now?” I skink back into his chest even more proving my point. I feel him shutter as if he isn’t used to skin on skin contact. Then I have a thought. “Aren’t there any female Reapers for you guys to date or whatever it is that your kind does?” I feel him chuckle at my question so I turn around in his embrace until I am facing so I can read his face. I will the light on my nightstand to flip on with my power so I can see the expressions upon his face.
He is wearing a wicked smirk while looking down. I suddenly realize the why of that. I feel a full body blush coming on because a man I have barely come to know is in my bed while I am currently in nothing but my underwear and bra. I try to push him away, but he just holds on to me even more tightly.
“Don’t be shy. You are truly exquisite.” He reaches a hand up to move remove the hair that is still stuck to the side of my face. I don’t know what he is seeing right now. But I have seen myself in the mirror after one of these night terrors. I know I look like a hot mess. I decide to change the subject and try to put it out of my mind that I am ALMOST NAKED IN BED WITH A MAN.
“Why did you chuckle at the last question that I asked you?” I continue to whisper.
“You are so powerful; you truly awe me with the gifts that you have. Sometimes I forget just how new to this that you truly are.” He pauses for a slight moment again as if collecting his thoughts. Then he raises those damn enticing eyes to mine and starts to explain.
“Reapers are an all-male species. We were made that way because it was thought that a woman wouldn’t be able to handle the strain of the constant pain and death that comes with our duties.” I am slightly appalled by that. But I keep mute. “You are the first being that I have been able to touch freely without worrying if I am going to cause them unbearable pain.” He strokes his large rough-skinned hand down from my shoulder to my elbow in emphasis. Leaving goose bumps in his wake. I shiver from that touch alone. This man, this reaper has more pull on me than he knows.
“You are not unaffected by touch?” He asks the question as more of a statement of fact. I silently shake my head no. I like the feeling of intimacy I am feeling with him right now. This sweet embrace. Knowing that he has been silently watching over me as I slumber to guard me. I look up and meet his gaze for the second time and see vulnerability there. This strong, silently deadly man is baring his soul to me. Telling me his secrets. Asking nothing of me in return.
I can feel that he isn’t as unaffected by my presence either. His fast breathing brushing my neck is testament to that.
I have a decision to make. I can take a leap of faith. Knowing that after all that Tristan has shared that he is genuine, that he will always be honest with me. No matter what the subject or how hurtful it might be. I take the leap.
Chapter 7.
I raise my free hand and stroke his face. Slightly running my nails down his skin onto his neck. He shudders once more under my touch. I raise myself up on of the bed. The sheet that was covering me slides down and off our bodies pooling at my waist. I look into is obsidian eyes and see beauty there. I feel the walls around the shredded mess of my heart crack a little more. Leaning down brushing my lips across Tristan’s with barely a whisper of a touch. I pull back to judge if he is accepting of my advances. He lifts both of his hands and pulls my face close to his. I have to brace myself on each side of him so I don’t fall.
“I will not
be a replacement for the one that you have lost.” He tells me gruffly. I just staring into those black orbs that I find so enticing for a long moment.
“I see you Tristan.” I raise my hand once more and stroke his face. “I see only you.” I promise him with my eyes.
Then I lay back on my side and snuggle back into his embrace. I feel the strange feeling of different arms tighten around me, comforting me so that I may once again sleep.
But before I can fall asleep completely I feel the sharp ends of his fangs gently mark my neck.
“You feed?” I turn around to face him so that I can see his face. He seems so embarrassed to be caught doing what must be totally normal for his kind.
“It is one of the many secrets of my kind. “He tells me in a solemn voice.
I turn around again, so that he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes at him sharing something so private with me. It makes me feel close to someone again.
“I would never tell your secrets.” I promise in a broken whisper before a wave of obsidian pulls me under once more.
Click… Giggle…Shuffle…Click.
“What the…?” I mumble. Burying my deeper into the chest I was sleep contentedly on until a moment before. The sheet is suddenly stripped from my body and I shiver from the sudden exposure of the chilly air in my room.
“Oh, holy shit balls!” Jessa basically shouts out. I feel her presence as she walks closer to the bed. “Is he tattooed everywhere?” I crack open my eyes and find her ogling Tristan’s mostly naked body while he still sleeps. How he can sleep through cyclone Jessa I have no idea.
“Pop your eyes back into your sockets, you damned voyeur. Stop ogling him or I am going to spy on Sebastian the next time he showers.” I smile innocently at her when her fangs drop. Yup. She doesn’t like the idea of anyone seeing Sebastian in the buff.