by Ivy Carter
When I open my eyes, I standing in front of a field of ash. I notice right away that it’s cooler out than normal. Especially when Tristan releases me from his firm embrace. The loss of his body heat leaves me feeling barren. I quickly will a white t-shirt on to cover my naked torso. Then I look up and face what I have wrought.
A gorgeous pine forest once stood here. Shading animals from the sun, giving those animals homes in which to live. I destroyed this because I couldn’t control my temper. I reeked this destruction in a peak of rage. What have I done? I ask nature to nourish me then I go and destroy her beauty. I shake my head, deeply ashamed of myself.
I bend down and pick up a hand full of ash then release it. Watching it flutter from my hand onto the breeze.
“I thought we were coming here so that you can nourish yourself?” Tristan asks with confusion.
I turn to look at him and his face turns to a mask of surprise when he witnesses the tears streaming from my eyes.
“How can I ask for something when I have killed the very thing that I am asking to sustain me?” I shake my head and turn back to the very picture of desolation that I have caused. “I have to make this right.” I whisper more to myself than Tristan.
But how can I make this right. Do I have to power to turn back time and stop myself from demolishing this forest? No, I don’t. The faint whispers once again start to talk to me…
“Offer something of yourself. Make a trade. A sacrifice to set things right.”
I look down at my wrist and understand what the scribe is asking me to do. Make a trade. A sacrifice to atone for my part in this devastation.
“Tristan, do you have a dagger.” I whisper. Still looking down at the blue veins running through my wrist.
I heart Tristan removing something from his person. Probably the dagger I am asking him for. Tristan walks around to stand in front of me. Staring at me with so many questions in his eyes. My behavior is completely foreign to him. Most of the time my behavior is foreign for myself. He hands me the dagger then steps back waiting to see what I am about to do.
I walk around Tristan without speaking a word of what I am about to do. If I did, he would try to stop me. He might even succeed in my weakened state. My bare feet soon leave the dew strewn grass behind as I step onto the ash lain field. I kneel once I reach the middle of the disaster zone. As my knees hit the ash it causes grey plumes of smoke to explode into the air.
I hold up the wickedly sharp black handled dagger and inspect it. It has a thin razor sharp blade that carves at the end. A warrior’s blade. Made for battle.
Without thinking I take the sharp instrument and rip it across one wrist then the other. I hear a faint intake of breath from somewhere behind me. I feel Tristan’s presence as he runs for me. So I erect a shield around me.
When Tristan reaches my shield he bounces off of it as if he has hit a solid block wall. Once he gets his bearings and understands what I have done he starts to pound on the barrier with his bare fists. Screaming for me to stop. When his words reach my deaf ears he starts cursing in languages that I don’t even try to understand.
I watch my life blood trickle from my wrists and onto the ground. But a slow trickle isn’t going to fix what I have broken here.
I once again pick up the dagger that I had let drop to the ash covered ground. Once I steady my right hand, I use it to cut across the bend of my left elbow. Then I switch hands and cut in the exact same spot on my right arm. The blood is flowing more quickly now. Soaking the very ground that I am kneeling upon.
I can’t hear anything that is going on around me anymore. It seems like shrieks of air have filled my ears. My head is feeling light and floaty. I know this is caused by blood loss. But I must set this to rights. My mother is right. My actions define me. This is not what I want to be. A killer of something so innocently beautiful.
“Mother that sustains us, please forgive me. Take this offering of my life’s blood as payment for the pain and desolation I have caused here. Help to heal what I have destroyed. Help me to give back the life I have stolen.”
I am starting wobble now. Not quite able to stay erected on my knees. So I lay myself down onto the ash beneath me. My head is still feeling wonky, dizziness has taken hold. The world is spinning around me. I try to find an anchor to attach my psyche to while I am stuck on this tilt-a-whirl.
I catch sight of Tristan’s stricken face. There is brilliant black fire burning within his eyes. I have noticed that this only happens when he is very emotional or very pissed off. I would say that he is both at this moment. But I stay focused on those exquisitely frightening eyes all the same.
I can feel myself slipping under now. The blackness always waiting in the wings to swallow you is beckoning me to come into its fold with open arms. But still I stare at the brilliant black fire that could become my entire world if I would but let it.
My vision is becoming hazy around the edges…Grey surrounding the kaleidoscope of color that the world around me represents. Before my vision leaves me completely I feel something wet and slick take hold of my arms and legs. At first I think that Tristan has broken through the barrier shell that I have erected around myself. But when I use the last of my strength to focus on the immediate space around me. I see that they are vines. Bright green thorn covered vines are wrapping themselves around my body from the bottom of each appendage up.
I can feel each thorn as it pierces my flesh as the vines work their way up my legs and arms. Entwining themselves tightly around me. It seems only fitting that nature would take her revenge and finish the job that I have started. The feeling of being wrapped in something so tight takes the breath from my lungs and the vines continue to wrap higher and higher. It reminds me of being wrapped with the tight coil of a python before it devours you.
As the last of the breath leaves my lungs, I start to slip into the black awaiting void. I wish I could have told Tristan that he wasn’t just a replacement for what I had lost. But something new. Something wonderful. I feel tears stream down the sides of my face as they leak from my tightly shut eye lids.
In the distance I can still hear Tristan trying everything within his power to break through the barrier surrounding me. As the last of my fight leaves me, I feel my barrier finally slip and hear the anguished roar of a very pissed off Reaper.
Waking up cocooned within green foliage can be quite off putting at first. No, I am wrong. It is freaking me the fuck out. I am basically mummified within a mass of vines. I can breathe fine, but I can’t move any of my limbs. I am wrapped up literally from head to toe. I can hear people on the outside of my nature induced prison cursing and discussing what to do. How do get me out.
“Do you think I haven’t tried to rip them off of her? The giant fucking thorns tear at my hands. The ones I do manage to remove are replaced by even more vines!” I can hear Tristan’s very pissed off rumbling voice yelling at someone.
“Look creation, I have already ruined my manicure. Why you let her drain herself on a damn barren field is beyond me. But I am going to rip out your throat if she is hurt.” I hear Jessa snarl.
How do I get the out of this living greenery that I am wearing like a body suit?
“Use your light.” The Scribe whispers in the back of my head.
I focus on the void deep inside of me where my gifts seem to form. I feel my palms start to glow.
“Are the vines actually glowing?” Wait Gavin is here also?
“She must be using her gifts in order to free herself.” Sebastian answers in what I like to call his superiority tone.
I can feel the light in my palms growing brighter and as I fuel more power into them. Then I feel the light start to travel up my arms at the same time it spreading throughout my body. It hasn’t ever done this before. But I continue to push more energy into the seemingly living flame.
“Holy shit!” I hear Jessa gasp. “That is seriously hurting my eyes.”
I can feel my gift start to entwine around my body. Th
e vines wrapped so tightly around me start to smoke and hiss. The vines loosen bit by bit as my flame grows brighter and brighter. Until they start to unwind from my body altogether.
Once I feel the last of the vines unwind from my ankles. I call my light back within myself. It gradually dims until I have totally consumed it back within myself. Once I am laying prone on the damp ground vine and light free I hear numerous pairs of feet start to run toward where I am still laying. I shake my head and open my eyes. I gasp at what I see. I am looking upward toward the sky but I can’t see the stars. All I can see are tall majestic pine trees blocking out the light of the full moon large within the night sky. It worked. I have atoned for what I destroyed. My sacrifice wasn’t in vain. I have restored what I unwittingly caused to die.
Thank you, Mother, Goddess.
Jessa is the first person to reach me. At times I forget how strong she is in her new form. She reaches down with one hand and yanks me to my feet as easily as she would lift a feather pillow. Once I am steady on my feet, she puts her hands on each of my shoulders and turns me to face her beautiful but worried face.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt? There is so much blood!” She shudders in either disgust or hunger. There is no telling with her being a new Vampire and all.
Before I can answer her, I am pulled away from her firm grip and collide with a very rigidly firm chest.
“Angel.” Tristan utters into my ear as he pulls me into him. Wrapping me up tightly. As if he would never let me go. He pushes me back so he can look me over. His face screws up into a worried frown when he gets a full look at me. Do I really look that bad? I look down and gasp. Yes, I really do look that bad. I look like someone poured a bucket of blood all over me and I let it dry. I am covered in a dried brown substance. Parts are already flaking off. Disgusting.
“Ummm. I think I might need a shower.” I screw my face up in disgust.
“Are you okay?” Gavin and Jessa chime in at the same time.
“What in the world would possess you to do something so idiotic?” Tristan just has to step into it.
Tristan tries to pull me back into his embrace but I push away and turn to face my family. Jaxx and his new bonded mate are missing from our motley crew. Thank the Goddess for small favors.
I hold up my hands to stop everyone from bombarding me with questions. Everyone surprisingly falls silent.
I feel Tristan move up behind me and wrap his arms around my blood crusted waist.
“You can shush them all you want, angel. But I am not taking my hands off you for a very long time.” I smile when I hear his low sexy voice grumble into my ear.
I snuggle back into his firm chest. He was the last thing I saw before thought I was going to die. I had wished that I had given more thought to the idea of him, of us. Of him and I being something more than we are now more than just a passing thought. Now I am going to do that. Give us a real chance.
Jaxx is gone now. He isn’t the man that I thought I loved. He has shown is true colors tonight. He doesn’t know me. And if I am honest with myself, I don’t know who he truly is either. He is lost to me now. I must accept that and move on. No matter how hard it is to let go of something that could have been exquisite. It was a farce, a fake. Nothing about the relationship I thought I had was real with him. He was using me to free his true mate. And that person wasn’t me. It was never me. I was his means to an end.
I feel a tear slip down my cheek and hurry to wipe it away. When Jessa sees that I am upset she tries to rush forward toward me but with a small shake of my head she stays put. I don’t want Tristan thinking I am crying because I am hurt. I don’t feel any pain from being wrapped in the vines. If I wasn’t so crusted over in blood I could probably tell if there is any real damage left over from the ordeal. But right now, all I want is a shower. The quicker I give everyone the explanations that they want the quicker I can spend the rest of the night washing my blood from me.
“To answer your question Sebastian. I had to do this to atone for what I destroyed when I say your nephew with someone else intimately. To say I didn’t take seeing that very well would be an understatement. I let lose a wave of power that swept through the surrounding pine forest turning everything my light touched to ash. Leaving nothing behind but death and destruction.” I shake my head.
“Okay that’s enough. Ells has been through enough for one night. Seeing Jaxx with his skank then getting wrapped up like a foliage covered mummy is enough.” Jessa snarks in. “I still wish you would have let me bite the bitch. It’s nothing that isn’t deserved.” Jessa turns and pouts up toward Sebastian. Blinking her incredibly long and fake lashes at him. I stifle a giggle at her antics.
I turn my head searching out Gavin. When our eyes connect, he just glares at me then starts to stomp back toward his house. I guess I would be pissed at him too if he pulled the stunt that I just pulled. Just finding each other then almost losing one another time after time is starting to take its toll.
Jessa takes hold of Sebastian’s hand and starts to pull him back toward the house. They are hot on Gavin’s heels. I can hear her bitching at him for being as ass jockey as she trails not far behind him. Sebastian is trying to calm her down but she just blows a raspberry at him and continues to berate my brother. I sigh suddenly feeling very tired. Mentally exhausted. Physically drained. Definitely in need of a good night’s sleep.
But before that can happen, I know Tristan and I need to talk about last night and what we really expect from each other. If I am going to give another man a chance to get close to me. Maybe even worm their way into my heart. Then we need complete honesty between us. No secrets. No games. No lies. I couldn’t survive another fucked up situation like the one Jaxx left me in.
Chapter 14.
There are times that I wish I had never met Jaxx to begin with. But then I wouldn’t have my brother. I wouldn’t have met Sebastian and he wouldn’t have found Jessa in time to save her from the accident that Sabrina caused. There are pros and cons to this new life of mine. The pros outweigh the cons every time.
Then there is Tristan. Strong and defiant. So secretive and stand offish to those that don’t know him. Yet so vulnerable if he lets you see that side of him. He has shown me nothing but caring and understanding no matter what the situation. He has shown me patience and protectiveness that people would argue that is against the very nature of a Reaper, a death keeper. But they don’t know him like I do.
Tristan might look the part of a dangerous warrior. Which he is, there is no doubt about that. But like everyone he has layers. And I have yet to see one that I have not enjoyed.
“Tristan…? Can you please take us back to my room? I am in serious need of a shower.” I let my weight fall back against his solid hold. I feel safe within his arms. Like nothing in this world or the next could ever hurt me. I bring his hand that is positioned at my waist up and place a kiss to his palm.
“Thank you for trying to protect me today.” I tell him in a whisper.
“I will always protect you, angel.”
He wraps his strong arms more tightly around me as he summons his shadows to transport us to my bedroom.
Jessa must have turned around to see what was taking us so long to follow. Because I can hear her inhale sharply as she sees Tristan’s shadows enshroud us. I close my eyes readying myself for the chill that always accompanies the shadows entwining around our close knit bodies.
When we land in my bathroom Tristan still has his arms wrapped tightly around me. He pulls me tighter against him from behind and starts to nibble on my ear. I giggle and pull away.
“Tristan I really need the shower. Then we seriously need to talk.” I tell him and push him out of the bathroom so I can start to strip out of my crusty clothing. Once I am naked, I step into the shower stall
I turn the water on and adjust the temperature to as hot as it will go the step underneath it. The caked blood attached to my skin begins to melt off into a rust colored puddle. I look down and watch
it wash and swirl down the drain of the shower. I wash and rinse my hair three times before I start to feel clean again. Then I start to lather my body up with my tropical peach body wash. Wash, lather, rinse and repeat. I do this twice before I am ready to get out of the shower. The gunk of the day is finally gone.
I quickly pull on my jade silk robe as soon as I am dry. Still running a brush through my hair, I walk out into the main bedroom and find Tristan sitting on my bed staring at nothing at all. I have an idea that I want to try. I gather my courage and drop the brush.
Striding silently over to Tristan I take a deep breath to gather my courage at what I am about to do. Once I am standing in front of this gorgeous man, I gather up my robe until the tops of my thighs are visible and climb onto his lap, straddling his thick upper legs.
I bare my neck… Turning it to the side to give him permission to feed from me. I want to be close to him in every way. I have made the decision. I want to give this thing going on between us a real chance. Accepting him for who he is. Every part of him. This is a part of him. Him feeding from is the first step that I have chosen.
Tristan’s eyes widen in more than surprise.
“Are you certain?” He utters in disbelief. Without moving from my prone subservient position, I simply nod in confidence. He strikes faster than a cobra. I feel his fangs sink deeply into my artery. I feel him start to pull the blood from my body. Nourishing himself. With each pull it feels like there is a direct line to a part of me that makes me gasp. I moan loudly and thrash in his embrace as something completely foreign crashes over me.
When he pulls his fangs from my neck licking the wound closed as he does. I cling to Tristan as we catch our breath. I rest my head into the hallow of his neck as he still supports my weight. I see a droplet of sweat stream down from his hair line. So, I lick it. Discovering that I love the taste of him. So dark yet sweet at the same time.
He pulls back with a puzzled look in his eyes. As if he is asking what I am doing.