“Calder! It is you!”
The captain blushed and his face turned a deeper shade of red than his beard.
“Aye, but everyone calls me Captain C now with me da gone.”
Now it was Deimos who turned red.
“Shit,” Deimos muttered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thank ya. He was a good man,” Captain C stated, overlooking the sea. He shook his head and turned back to Deimos. “But let’s not dwell on the past. Welcome aboard Redbeard’s Revenge! Come inside. I’d love ta hear the story of what brought the Devastating Duo out to the middle of the ocean!”
Deimos smirked at Siren, who merely rolled her eyes at the comment. Captain C then sent two pirates to grab refreshments before ushering Deimos, Siren, and Eve into the captain’s quarters.
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Deimos could swear he heard his jaw hit the floor as loudly as Captain C’s cannon leg. It was as if they had walked out of the past and into the future in a single step. From the outside, the ship looked like an old English warship, but the inside was a highly sophisticated command center with state-of-the-art naval equipment. The floor was a polished Macassar Ebony wood, of which rows of sleek, black tables stood upon, each bearing their own blinking computer monitors built into them. Deimos thought Captain C’s quarters looked like a more advanced version of his command station when he went to space in the early summer of 1989. He couldn’t think why they would need all of this equipment for navigating a ship, but who was he to judge? He knew more than anyone that villainy was as much about style as it was about form.
They sat around one of the tables and Deimos filled Captain C in on the events from the past two days. He told him how Hans Goenn, the CEO of the company whose ship they had recently sunk, was the mastermind behind the villain purge all those years ago. He continued to tell him how Hans had furthered his mad desire for power into the present day, and that Crymson Tech was simply a cover for him to create supervillains in an insane plot for world domination.
Deimos spared no detail, and by the end of his recounting of events, Captain C was seething. He slammed his fists onto the desk and stood up in a huff.
“You mean ta tell me,” Captain C fumed, “that the son of a bitch that killed me da is still alive?”
He paced heatedly around the desk, tugging on his beard and wringing his hands.
“I’ll gut him from dick to dome! I’ll keelhaul him ‘til he’s mincemeat! I’ll-I’ll…” Captain C stopped himself. He breathed in sharply and slowly exhaled through his nose. After several moments he let out a long sigh and fell back into his chair, exhausted. “I’m sorry. Me therapist has been working me through some anger management techniques. I’m sure mum and da are rolling over in their graves.”
There was silence for some time. Deimos wasn’t sure what to say or if it was right to break the silence, but his curiosity eventually got the better of him.
“If you don’t mind my asking,” Deimos probed, “how did it happen? With Redbeard, I mean. Last I heard he was sailing to some island paradise.”
Captain C looked down, reminiscent. He shuffled his cannon leg on the floor absentmindedly.
“Da-sorry, Redbeard was setting us up with a permanent home,” Captain C began. “Once he heard that villains were being hunted, he knew he had ta take mum, the crew, and me someplace safe. So he gathered his twenty-five thousand most loyal henchmen from all over the world-”
Deimos whistled, impressed.
“-and set for an unmapped island he had discovered,” Captain C continued. “He left mum and me in Brazil while he traveled on with the bulk of the crew. He thought it would be too dangerous for us to come with him considerin’ it was nineteen ninety-one and all we had ta transport everything was two hundred aging, wooden ships.”
Deimos and Siren nodded understandably, while Eve’s eyes widened with wonder.
“So the plan was ta get ta this secret island and then build a runway so mum and me could fly in with the rest of the crew,” Captain C said. A tear ran down his cheek, which was instantly absorbed into his beard. “But Redbeard had no idea what kind of technology those bastards had. Before he reached the island, his entire fleet was destroyed by a single ICBM. There was no honor in his death! They didn’t even give him a chance ta fight back!”
“Shit,” Deimos whispered. “I never read anything about it in the news.”
“You wouldn’t have. Officially, it was a test fer a new long-range nuclear missile. Nothing newsworthy about the military testing weapons in the middle of the ocean,” Captain C said, sniffling. He wiped away his tears and straightened his jacket. “But that was a long time ago. We eventually moved on and made a life fer ourselves in Brazil.” He motioned to his crew outside of the captain’s quarters. “Everyone really stepped up ta help out. Mum and me even had a pretty successful petroleum business down there fer about fifteen years.”
“What happened to her?” Eve asked.
Deimos shot her daggers. It was bad manners to have someone reveal their entire tragic backstory in one sitting, let alone the death of both of their parents.
Captain C clenched his fists before answering. A wave of fresh pain washed over his face.
“Bout ten years ago, some asshole from Crymson Tech came ta our facility trying ta buy us out. We declined, of course. We were a family business and we weren’t going ta let some prick in a nice suit buy us out.
“Well wouldn’t ya know it, the following week we start getting readings fer strange impurities in our petroleum. Mum took me down ta the refinery ta check out the problem. She was always like that. Even in her old age she wanted ta do the gritty work herself. Anyway, I was across the street in our offices when the explosion happened. I ran out ta see what happened and got hit by molten crude oil. Took most me leg right then. Mum wasn’t so lucky.”
Siren gasped, “I’m so sorry.”
“It didn’t take a genius to figure out Crymson Tech was behind it. So after I got out of the hospital, me and anyone who was left decided ta shut down our company and start protesting like in the good old days. It took time, but with everyone pitching in we were able ta build a replica of da’s warship. They all swore their allegiance to me, I grew out this beard, and we returned to the sea.
“It’s only been six months since we’ve been out here and we’ve already taken out four major Crymson Tech shipments. But now that I know there is a man behind this company, the same man who killed me da…me mum...” Captain C shook briefly with rage. “The crew is going ta want more than ta take out a few autonomous shipping vessels. They’ll want blood.”
Deimos looked mournfully to Captain C. Any villain left alive from the old days would have a similar story. None of them could have survived without first suffering deep loss, and they wouldn’t be safe from further hurt until they stopped Hans.
Deimos reached across the table and patted Captain C firmly on the shoulder.
“I know what it’s like to lose family to that madman,” Deimos said. “It is understandable that your crew would want retribution. I don’t mean to jump right to business, but it just so happens I am forming a bit of a villain alliance for that very reason.”
“What are ya sayin’?”
“We’re working on a way to take down Hans and his company for good. Remember The Buzzard? He never stopped fighting either and joined us yesterday. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this fine young lady here, Eve.”
Deimos motioned to Eve and she gave Captain C the peace sign.
“Sorry about your parents, dude,” Eve said softly.
“She’s a new recruit to the cause,” Deimos continued. “She hasn’t done any official villainy yet but we’ve seen her in action. She has great potential. We were actually planning on robbing that shipment from Crymson Tech as practice before we bumped into you guys.”
Captain C rubbed his beard she
epishly.
“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. And sorry fer firing at ya, we thought ya were one of Crymson Tech’s drones.”
“He really does love those things,” Deimos said.
Captain C ruminated for a minute. He looked at Eve, then to Siren and Deimos. A smile crept onto his face.
“Hey, I’ve got a wild idea. Before I tell the crew about Hans and this villain alliance you got going on, how about we all go on a quick trip together in Redbeard’s Revenge? To be honest, morale has been pretty low since we started pirating and I don’t think the crew would handle all this information in a healthy manner. As me therapist would put it, they really need a win. Besides, this way the crew can get ta know ya better while Eve learns the basics. It’ll be a good ol’ fashioned pirate adventure!”
Deimos turned to Siren excitedly.
“Oh my God, can we? Please?”
“It’s not up to me. Eve, what do you say, sweetheart? Are you cool with this?”
“Sure, why the hell not? Not like this day could get any weirder.”
“Then it’s settled!” Deimos exclaimed. “You got something in mind for this pirate adventure?”
Captain C grinned boyishly.
“I do, but first things first. Get yer craft on deck and change out of those clothes. If we’re going ta do this, we’re going ta do it right.”
With a few pirates helping him park, Deimos was able to navigate Indiana Drones onto the deck between the ship’s two main masts. It was a tight fit, but once Deimos folded the fan blades back the craft stored rather nicely. He checked the damage from Captain C’s claw but it was mostly cosmetic—nothing fifteen minutes with some sheet metal and a welding torch couldn’t fix.
He met up with Siren and Eve who had used the captain’s quarters to change. On the floor in front of them was a large pile of assorted outfits and authentic pirate garb that Captain C had pulled out for them. Siren and Eve had already changed and were waiting at one of the tables.
Professor Paws was seated on Siren’s lap. It appeared Siren had found a child-sized frilly coat that he was wearing instead of his lab coat. He was still wearing his eye patch, which happened to vibe incredibly well with the pirate theme. Deimos was sorry his pup had gotten hurt but was impressed with how versatile his new look was. He wondered for a moment if he would look as cool in an eye patch, but ultimately decided one disability was enough.
Siren’s hair was tied back into a ponytail underneath a black bandanna. She wore a white blouse with a green vest and shorts. Around her waist was a wide belt with a gold buckle, all very ‘piratey.’ Eve had also gotten into the pirate spirit. She was wearing a loose fitted corset on top of a poofy red shirt that was pulled down past her shoulders. She had also utilized a bandanna, except she wore hers like a headband to make room for her pigtails. Her pants were torn, brown khakis rolled up past her knees to show off the shiny buckled boots she had on. Disregarding the fact Eve was texting, Deimos thought the girls looked like a couple of natural pirates.
“You both look great!” Deimos beamed. “This is so cool, I can’t believe we’re actually doing this. The guys are going to lose their minds when they find out we went on a pirate adventure without them.”
“At least they still got to go on a boat,” Siren said.
“Yeah, Terry likes boats,” Deimos replied.
“So what are you going to wear?” Siren asked.
Deimos looked around the room. He was drawn to an elegant black coat with a gold trim, but his chest cast was keeping him hot enough as it was. He instead grabbed a pointed brown leather hat and put it on.
It wasn’t much, and he wished he could really get into the spirit of the adventure, but given his current physical state Deimos felt he might be sidelining this one while Siren and Eve took the helm. The anti-inflammatory effect from his cast was already beginning to wear off, making it hard to think about anything other than the pain. Soon he wouldn’t be able to move around unassisted unless he snuck another hit of morphine out of Indiana Drones.
There was a knock behind them and Deimos opened the door. Captain C was waiting with an armful of scrolls and maps.
“You all look fantastic!” Captain C exalted, letting himself in.
His already impressive size, coupled with the mass of papers he was holding, forced him to pivot through the doorframe in order to fit. He shuffled around the outfits, careful not to step on any of them, and then threw his scrolls down onto the nearest desk.
“What’s all this?” Siren asked.
Captain C began moving the scrolls around the desk, displaying their contents in a seemingly predetermined order.
“These are all the treasure maps Redbeard left behind,” he said absentmindedly. “There wasn’t much he didn’t already have, but there was one item in particular that he could never seem ta locate.”
Deimos glanced over the parchment.
“What do you mean? He had the maps, why couldn’t he find it?”
Captain C rolled his eyes.
“Pirate maps aren’t really maps. They’re cryptic riddles, each potentially meaning a hundred different things that can be interpreted in dozens of ways each. It can take a lifetime to decipher one properly.”
Deimos cocked his eyebrow and mimed looking at a watch.
“I’m not sure we have that long to hang out. We’re kind of in the middle of this villain war thing...”
Captain C laughed.
“Don’t worry, the map I have in mind doesn’t need ta be solved because its treasure was already discovered. A fishing vessel stumbled onto it six years after da died and it is currently being stored in a private museum in Japan.”
Deimos squinted questioningly at Captain C.
“Then what was the point of bringing out all of these maps?”
“I just wanted ta show them off. They’re pretty neat, right?”
Nobody responded. Eve smiled politely before returning to her phone.
“What’s the treasure?” Siren asked finally.
“A golden shelled sea turtle. The only one known of its kind.”
“Wait, like, actually gold?” Eve asked, her interest piqued. “Not just a yellow turtle?”
“It’s real gold. I know, it seemed impossible ta me too, but I’ve seen the pictures online.”
Deimos turned to Siren and Eve and asked, “You two cool with this?”
Eve’s eyes were glittering with amazement.
“You bet your ass I am! Let’s go steal a turtle!”
Captain C clapped his hands together excitedly.
“This is going to be so much fun! I’ll alert the crew.”
Captain C headed to the intercom, but Deimos pulled him aside and whispered, “I’m not trying to put a damper on this adventure or anything, but I think sailing to Japan is going to take a bit longer than we are prepared for. Maybe we could pool our money with some of the crew and hop on a flight or something?”
“I think you’re underestimating how much work we put into this ship. The petroleum business was very good ta us.”
Captain C walked to the door and spoke into an intercom beside it, “We’re taking Redbeard’s Revenge out fer a spin. This is not a drill! Technicians to the control room. Our destination is the Kagoshima Prefecture in Japan. All remaining hands report under deck!”
Deimos leaned toward Captain C.
“Don’t you mean all hands on deck?” he asked.
“Not fer this ship,” Captain C replied. “Keep yer eyes on the monitors up front.”
Deimos turned to the row of monitors and saw a live feed displaying all angles of the ship. Crewmates were scattering from the deck and heading down into the lower levels. They made their way to the bottom two floors and strapped themselves into cushioned race car seats. A half-dozen gawky pirates filed into the captain’s quarters, which Deimos now knew
was indeed a control room, and took their seats at the desks. They hooked up their keyboards and began furiously inputting commands into the computers. As they did, Deimos saw on the monitors that the cannons were autonomously pulling themselves back into the ship and the portholes were sealing tightly shut behind them.
Once the deck was cleared of people, it too began to change. The front half of the deck lowered six feet into the level below it. At the same time, each of the ship’s sails were sucked upwards and seemingly disappeared into the interior of their masts. As soon as the sails were gone, the masts themselves began to fold and bend down into the empty space left above the deck. Deimos saw Indiana Drones nearly lose a fan blade as the foremast folded around its storage area.
Captain C tapped Deimos on the shoulder and pointed to the top right monitor. The entire flat back of the ship, or ‘stern’ if you want to impress your friends, was lowering like a drawbridge into the ocean. It smacked down on the water and was pulled back into the ship’s underbelly. Deimos continued watching in amazement as a colossal rocket engine slowly protruded from the open stern of the ship.
The engine sported six massive thrusters, each at least ten feet in diameter, arranged in a circle. They gleamed immaculately in the sunlight either from never being used or from impressive elbow grease by Captain C’s crew.
Captain C bent down to Professor Paws, who was cowering behind Siren from all of the excitement. He secured a pair of children’s earmuffs on the dog’s head, taking time to carefully tuck his pointy ears into the rubber fitted protectors. Before Deimos had time to say anything, a warning siren blared, drowning out all other sounds. Eve turned to Deimos and shouted something incomprehensible, but Deimos was pretty sure he saw her mouth something along the lines of, “What the fuck?”
Captain C ushered them into the back of the room where a row of cushioned seats were bolted into the floor. He helped them strap in before securing himself in the seat next to Deimos. He pulled out a case of earplugs from under his seat and passed them down. After they had all put them in, he gave a thumbs up to one of the technicians. The technician hit a keystroke on his computer and the whining stopped. A serene woman’s voice issued from speakers within the ship and started a countdown from twenty.
Villain (Book 1): Villain 1 Page 17