“Wanna come to the movies tonight, Ryan?” Norah asked brazenly and I was so glad I wasn’t facing him.
My mouth dropped open before I frowned at her. It was more a silent snarl actually. It promised I was intending to kill her at the first opportunity. She smiled that smile that told me she loved me, too. Damn her.
“Um…” Ryan sounded like he’d inhaled spit or something. “Uh… I mean…” He coughed.
“If I knew it’d kill you, I wouldn’t have asked,” Norah laughed. “Never mind. Girls’ Night, it is.”
I finally realised how hard my heart was pounding by the fact that it was starting to slow again. I shot Ryan an awkward smile and huffed a weird laugh. He returned both and then some.
Ryan and I were quiet as we got our breakfasts and headed for a table, but our friends more than made up for us. They talked at and around us, bursting into laughter now and then. I barely heard what they said. All I could do was keep sneaking looks at Ryan.
It was like Tuesday morning all over again.
I’d look at him to find him looking at me and we’d both look away. Or he’d look at me to find me looking at him and we’d both look away. It was awkward and, as much as I wanted that easy chatter we’d had all week, I couldn’t for the life of me think of something coherent to say to him.
So, we didn’t say anything and it felt like something was slipping away from me.
Breakfast was packed up and our final lesson was started.
“We should all be well and truly over this experiment now,” Mr Lawrence said. “And you should all have some excellent content for your essays. I know a few of you who’ve no doubt already started writing them.”
“Over achievers,” I heard Ryan mutter.
I smiled at him and felt a singular zing of pleasure when he returned it.
“We’ve got the last act to look at today,” Miss Johnson picked up from him. “This is where Romeo believes Juliet is dead, picks up some poison, goes back to Verona, kills Paris and finds Juliet in her tomb.” She looked at Mr Lawrence.
He took up the speech as they went through the rest of the play for us. They interchanged their teaching like they’d worked together a thousand times. As they had all week, they read some of the play aloud, they explained things, and they opened up discussion to the room about various points. Random hands went up as they went through it and they let the questions or comments be made before moving onto the next bit.
“Now,” Mr Lawrence finished. “In Shakespeare’s version, of course, Romeo kills himself before Juliet wakes up. But adaptations love having her wake before the poison takes effect so both lovers realise the mistake before Romeo dies. Who has thoughts about that?”
Hands shot up around the room and the teachers started getting people to talk about their thoughts about the adaptations. Kids often talked in pairs and it was clear that a lot of people had done a lot more study than Ryan and I had. There were comparisons for the week that showed some of us had actually taken the experiment totally seriously and discussed the ins and outs of it in its entirety with their partner. Thinking back on the week, I had to wonder when the hell people had had time.
Even Tibby and Norah and their Romeos seemed to have some pretty deep and thoughtful answers for the week. I didn’t think I’d seen them stop and talk to each other seriously. I thought I only remembered seeing them dick about all week.
“Jess and…Ryan?” Mr Lawrence called as he looked for us.
I sat up straighter. “Yes?”
“What did this week tell you about our star-crossed lovers?”
Ryan and I shared a look. We both seemed to take a deep breath and then it felt very much like we were heading into the breach together.
“It’s just all very contemporary for the time, isn’t it?” I said.
Ryan took up the answer. “There were different expectations, different social norms–”
“Shorter life expectancies.”
Ryan pointed at me like I had a solid point. “It made everything more…fleeting. They were well aware of their mortality.”
I nodded. “It’s hard to really understand that lack of permanence. They way they would have felt the need to cling to each other so as not to lose what they had.”
Miss Johnson nodded slowly. “And your impending separation doesn’t give you an appreciation for it?”
Ryan and I shared another look.
“Um…” we both said.
“Why would it?” I asked as he said, “It’s not really the same.”
We looked at each other again and I wasn’t sure if I was projecting the panic I saw in his eyes or if I was imagining it.
“Fair enough,” Mr Lawrence said. “Norah and Connor. Your thoughts?”
Ryan and I finally both huffed a humourless laugh and looked down.
Mr Lawrence and Miss Johnson went around the room some more and we had some more discussion until we’d surely exhausted every single talking point of the play.
“And thus concludes our journey into the story of Juliet and her Romeo,” Mr Lawrence said, smiling.
I felt a tinge of weirdness for some reason.
My eyes wandered to Ryan and I felt it again.
No… Surely not…?
That was stupid. I was stupid.
His kiss might have convinced me I’d never be kissed as good again, but that had to just be hormones. Hormones and proximity and this assignment had addled my very usually sensible brain. That was all it was.
“You have all been wonderfully behaved,” Miss Johnson said. “And we thank you for taking this seriously.”
“We’re very proud of all of you for your exemplary behaviour. We’ve had a really great time with this intensive and hope you’ve got as much out of it as we intended.”
“Okay. Let’s all grab a quick lunch, then you’ve got until two to pack your bags and then it’s onto the buses,” Miss Johnson called over the noise of chairs scraping as people got up.
I got up somewhat too quickly and the others at our table followed suit. Norah shot me a questioning look, but I essentially waved her concerns away.
As we were all lining up again, Ryan took my hips in his hands and moved me in front of him. My chest tingled and fluttered and all I could do was smile at him goofily. Even when I turned to Tibby and Norah, I was still grinning like a goof. I saw Norah’s mouth open to say something but I kneed her.
I slowly lost some of my stiffness as we ate, then it was all coming to an end as we hovered around and avoided going to pack our bags.
Mr Lawrence was doing the rounds and stopped by us.
“So how did you actually find the assignment, Jess?” he asked.
I nodded. “It was great.”
Ryan didn’t miss a beat. “Yeah. We’ve planned a Spring wedding.”
I tried to fight my smirk. “Right in the middle of exams.”
Ryan’s hand went to my waist. “We wanted it sooner.”
I shrugged. “But we just don’t know the name of a good friar. You know?”
Ryan was somehow close enough I felt him nod. “Anything else seems to take ages to organise.”
“So, what are you gonna do?”
He leant his head over my shoulder and shrugged. “What are you gonna do?”
Mr Lawrence looked between us and smiled. He nodded. “Indeed. What are you going to do? Good to see you both got something out of this week. Don’t forget to pack your bags.”
He nodded once more, then walked off.
“Yes. Bags,” Norah said, looking between Ryan and me.
“We should pack them,” Tibby added.
I nodded and slowly slid away from Ryan. “That we should.”
Ryan swallowed and nodded as well. “Yep. Well, I guess…”
“We’ll probably see you before we go,” Tibby offered.
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“See ya, Juliet,” I said.
He inclined his head, his eyes shining with a meaning I didn’t want t
o decipher. “Catch ya later, Romeo.”
I forced myself to turn around, dragging Norah and Tibby away from him.
“Oh my God,” Tibby sighed happily.
“You two are made for each other,” Norah said.
I looked back at Ryan’s retreating back and shrugged. “We understand each other, that’s all. Just because you two lost your heads, doesn’t mean I did.”
“No. Because, if there was one day you wouldn’t admit you were in love, it would be Valentine’s Day.”
“Heaven forbid!” Tibby teased.
“No one loves anyone,” I huffed.
“I might love Danny, though,” Tibby said as we pushed into out dorm.
Tibby and Norah started laughing about actually falling in love in three days. I was too distracted wondering why I felt like something terrible was about to happen.
I know what I’d said to him. I know I’d told him I didn’t believe in love. But even I wasn’t stupid or emotionally stunted enough to miss that the rising panic I was feeling had something to do with the idea of never seeing him again.
Just the very idea hand me close to launching myself off the bed and running after him. My heart raced, my breath was difficult to catch, my hands were clammy, my mind was buzzing. Something in me knew for an absolute fact that I couldn’t never see him again.
It might not be love, but maybe I owed it to myself to see if it could be?
Maybe we could have our own version of love? One where we didn’t change for someone else. One where the other person just accepted who we were and still wanted to spend time with us. Maybe we could have a love borne out of our mutual hatred of love.
Or something.
Whatever we could or couldn’t be, I couldn’t let this be the last time I saw him or talked to him.
I just didn’t know what to do or say.
He was as anti-romance as I was, so how was I supposed to raise the suggestion that he could maybe eventually one day persuade me that love existed.
Eyeroll and gag.
Just thinking it sounded stupid. There was no way those words were getting anywhere near my lips.
10
Ryan
My heart raced. My fingers twitched. My leg jiggled.
I’d honestly never felt this antsy before in my life.
“Dude,” Mark laughed.
“Even I have to admit, you two are disgustingly perfect for each other,” Ben said, obviously as unimpressed as he was certain about it.
“No one’s perfect for anyone,” I retorted hotly.
“Even he thinks so,” Mark noted, kicking his head to me.
“I do not.”
“You do,” Ben said. “Or you wouldn’t be so opposed to the idea of it.”
I looked up at them and scowled. “You two are so full of shit.”
“Go on, then. Tell us you’re fine with never seeing her again.”
It felt like a pit opened up in my stomach. My breath caught. My heart hitched. I sniffed in the hopes to hide it.
“I’m totally fine never seeing her again,” I muttered quickly.
Like ripping off a Band-Aid, right? It hurt less the faster you did it.
“Go and ask her for her number or something, you twat,” Ben said.
“Give him a minute. He might do one of those last minute, ‘will he get there in time?’ declarations and we’ll be left swooning,” Mark said, flapping his undies at Ben.
“You’ll swoon. I’ll vomit,” Ben huffed, waving the undies out of his face.
“Neither of you will do anything because no one’s doing…anything,” I grumbled.
“You’re just going to let her go?”
I stood up so quickly I knocked my duffel off the bed and growled, “Give it a fucking rest! I’m barely over–” I came to an abrupt halt. No matter how angry I was, I wasn’t going to let her name cross my lips. “Even if Jess wanted me, I’ve got nothing to offer her.”
“That is not what your chemistry was telling the whole fucking camp this week,” Ben pressed.
I opened my mouth to tell him to shut up, but he told me first.
“No!” he snapped at me. “You fucking shut up and listen! You know how I feel about this love bullshit. You know how much I’ve hated watching you retreat and wallow post-raging-bitch. You changed for that worthless piece of trash and you changed when she–”
“We all know what she did…” Mark offered quietly.
Ben nodded once. “That. Jess made you smile, you stubborn arsehole. Jess made you laugh. You fucking laughed. A thousand times this week.”
I let out a choked laughed at the phrasing. Jess and I had made so many jokes about it all week. It was like it had become our thing…
“Fuck,” I murmured.
“Lightbulb,” Mark said as he dropped onto his bed.
“You see it now?” Ben asked me.
I looked at them and the understanding bounced between us wordlessly.
I’d seen it all damn week. I’d argued against it. I’d explained it away. I’d refused to acknowledge it consciously. But I’d seen it all week. Jess felt like a part of me once lost and now found.
I grimaced at how wanky that sounded. That sentence wasn’t even appropriate for the privacy of my own head.
There was no way I could tell her…anything. She didn’t want to know about love and romance and…all of that. But I also couldn’t never see her again. How the fuck was I supposed to stop her walking out of my life without getting so corny she plain ran out of it?
“I don’t love her, mind,” I told them.
Mark nodded as Ben held his hands up defensively.
“Sure,” Ben said and I knew he was only not arguing because he knew I was working it out.
“We don’t… She doesn’t believe in love.”
“Uh huh,” Mark sounded unsure.
I picked up my bag and the boys followed suit as we headed to the bus, already barely going to make it on time.
“So that means you don’t have a right to tell her how you feel?” Ben asked.
“And exactly how do I feel?”
“Like you want to spend more time with her.”
“And I just say that, do I?”
“Well, aside from proposing to her on the spot. Yes.”
“And how would you say that without sounding like a creeper twat?” I asked him.
“You just tell her you wanna see her again.”
“Find her socials,” Mark offered.
I rolled my eyes. “That is the definite way to be a creeper twat.”
“I don’t know, man,” Ben sighed. “But you better fucking work it out because both buses are basically ready to leave.”
I looked at the Our Lady’s bus. The door was still open, but I could see Mr Lawrence doing the international dance for ‘final head count’. The Prince Edward’s bus had a few more stragglers and the bag compartment was waiting for us.
“Shit!” I huffed.
“Gimme your bag and get your girl.”
I shoved my bag at him and jogged over to the Our Lady’s bus.
All I could do was wave my hands and hope one of them saw me. It wasn’t Jess or Tibby or Norah who saw me first. I watched in something akin to horrifying humiliation as the girls from the back of the bus slowly sent the message forward. After what felt like forever, Tibby turned and I watched the humoured surprise on her face. She opened the window.
“Hey. Aren’t you at the wrong bus?” she asked.
“I’m going for a balcony scene,” I told her purposefully.
Her humour became a warm smile as she turned and then Jess was being pushed towards the window.
“What’s up?” She turned and saw me. “Oh, hey.”
I launched, scrabbling for a hold on the windowsill as I hauled myself onto the wheel.
“Fuck,” I muttered as my foot slipped and she smiled.
Now I was here, I had no idea what I wanted to say. I had no idea what I should say. I had no idea what you
were supposed to say. I was hanging off the side of her damned bus with her whole class staring at me.
“Something about pilgrims?” I offered weakly.
The only thing that made any of my potential embarrassment semi worth it was Jess’ smile. That smile had been seared into my brain since she’d first given it to me.
“There’s always something about pilgrims,” she replied, everything about her expectant.
I nodded. “A thousand times.”
Jess looked around and I vaguely heard someone shouting about a guy hanging onto the bus.
“Hang on, sir,” I heard Norah call.
“Was there a reason you’re clinging to our bus?” Jess asked quietly.
I nodded again. “Uh, yes.”
“Okay…?”
I took a big breath and told myself I could bloody well do this. “I have no idea what to say.”
She suppressed her laugh. “Okay. Um… Do you need a hand with that?”
“Have you… Have you got something you wanted to say?”
Her nose wrinkled adorably. “I don’t know. I have a feeling.”
“Me too.”
“But it’s not like I–”
“No, me either.”
“But I still–”
“I know.”
She smiled. “So, we’re on the same page.”
“Always have been.”
“Okay, then.” She ducked away then was back again. “What’s your number?”
“You want my number?”
She bit her lip so her smirk was one-sided. “I’ve gotta tell you what time the friar gives me.”
I nodded. “You do at that.”
Her eyes darted to her phone, then back to me. “Okay. Ready.”
I gave her my number and she read it back to me.
“Cool,” she said.
“Is that a yes on Ryan coming to the movies tonight?” Tibby asked, leaning over Jess.
Jess laughed and looked at me in question.
“On Valentine’s Day?” I hedged.
“We can promise it means nothing?” Jess suggested.
“How about we promise it means…what it means?” Thankfully she understood the idiotic ramblings the butterflies in my stomach were giving me.
Be Mine: Valentine Novellas to Warm The Heart Page 35