by Holly Jaymes
It had to be because he didn’t have feelings for me. Sure, he liked me and thought I was a valuable employee, but he didn’t care for me at a level that he felt pain at our parting. This had all been a business deal.
So, I went through the motions at work, forcing myself to smile when I felt like crying, and clasping my hands together when I wanted to reach out to touch him. It was so difficult that I nearly took Friday off. But since it was almost the weekend, I soldiered on and got through the day.
Now I had two days away from him, thank heavens. I could focus on my new home and showing it off to my parents. On Saturday morning, I loaded them into my car and drove them the few miles to my home.
“Well, look at that,” my father said as I pulled in the driveway. Gabe’s truck was there, which I hadn’t been expecting.
“What?” my mother said from the back seat.
“The house looks new. Did they raze it and build a new one?”
“No. Just the side is new, and there is new siding of course,” I parked and then got my mother’s walker from the trunk while my father helped her from the car.
Gabe exited the house and walked toward me, “Welcome home, Hallie.”
“Hey, you’re from that home show,” my father said to Gabe.
“Yes, sir, Gabe Sloane,” Gabe reached out his hand to shake my father’s hand.
“Is this on TV?” my mother asked as she got her hands settled on her walker handles.
“No, Mom. But Gabe is my boss, Nate Sloane’s, brother and they were kind enough to help me out.”
“Well, that’s just wonderful. You must be a super worker that your boss would do that.”
I shot Gabe a look hoping he’d interpret it as saying my parents didn’t know about my deal with Nate.
“Nate is very taken with Hallie,” there was something in Gabe’s eyes that suggested he was unhappy with me. I had that feeling the last time I saw him too. “Would you like me to tour with you and show you the smart features of the home?”
“A smart home,” my father chuckled, “now isn’t that something?”
“I’d like that,” my mother said. I would have preferred to let Gabe leave, but he was a celebrity of sorts even though his show was no longer being made. Today, it was only shown as reruns.
“This way then,” Gabe motioned to the ramp for my mother.
“I can’t believe you did all this Hallie. Now I feel like I have to move,” my mother said as she carefully navigated the ramp.
“Good. That’s the plan.”
Gabe showed us the main floor of the home, how to activate the voice command system, and other features geared toward helping my mom maintain her quality of life even as her disease stole her mobility.
“How’s the upstairs, Hal?” my father asked.
“Perfect. Better than before. Gabe and his team did a fantastic job.”
“Nate was crucial in this as well,” Gabe responded.
I nodded but worried he was going to out my questionable deal with Nate.
“How is that pretty wife of yours?” my mother asked Gabe. “I loved that Christmas show you did last year, so romantic.”
Last year, Gabe and Samantha had shown off their holiday decorations of the home they’d renovated as part of his show. People liked watching their relationship unfold on TV, and so they’d done a holiday special, where Gabe proposed to Samantha. I had to agree with my mom; it was really romantic.
Gabe grinned, “She’s perfect as always. We’re expecting our first baby.”
“Oh, how exciting,” my mother clapped her hands over her heart in excitement.
“Congratulations,” my father said, extending his hand to shake Gabe’s. “There’s nothing like having kids. Hallie has been our pride and joy.”
“Thank you.”
“Is your brother as romantic as you?” my mother asked. “You know, Hallie, you’re not getting any younger.”
I nearly choked.
“He could be for the right woman,” Gabe gave me that weird look again. I wanted to pull him aside and tell him Nate was the one that ended our fake marriage. Not me.
“Mom. Mr. Sloane is my boss.”
“Your dad was my boss.”
“What?” I gaped at her. How had I not heard this story?
“I’m a cliché,” my father said grinning. “Best damn rule I ever broke.”
“Yes, well, Nat—Mr. Sloane isn’t interested in breaking rules.”
Gabe frowned.
“Is there a yard? If and when we end up over here, I like to putz in the yard,” my father said. I was grateful that he’d changed the subject.
“Yes,” Gabe led us through the kitchen and out to a large deck.
I hadn’t checked the backyard when I was there before. I was so taken with the house that it was dark before I even thought to look. Of course, all I’d wanted was grass and a few plants. Eventually, I wanted a beautiful colorful yard like Nate’s, but there was time for that. Plus it was something my father would enjoy working with me on.
Gabe opened the French doors off the kitchen, and we all gathered on the deck. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. The yard was filled with beautiful plants and trees, just like an English garden. The smell of jasmine filled the air. All of it surrounded a pool. It reminded me of Nate’s yard.
“The landscaping was my brother’s idea,” Gabe said.
Nate did this?
“The pool is set up with a lift and an aqua-chair for you, Mrs. Thorne,” Gabe pointed to where a lift was installed next to the pool. “The chair is in the pool shed.”
“Oh, my word,” my mother gasped. “I can go in it too?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Tears filled my eyes at Gabe’s ability and Nate’s generosity. I didn’t feel worthy of all this. Yes, his IPO went well, but my fake marriage to him was only a tiny part of that if it made any difference at all. But this...this was beyond what I’d done for Nate.
“Well…this is wonderful,” my father choked, and I looked at him to see he had tears in his eyes as well. He rubbed my mother’s back, “We won’t be missing out on life, honey.”
“I’ll leave you all to enjoy the house,” Gabe handed me a key. “This is the last one. If you have any problems with anything or questions, give me a call. My information is on the counter in the kitchen.”
“Gabe, thank you so much,” I wished I could find better words to express my gratitude to him. I felt like I’d won the lottery.
“Thank Nate,” he turned, entering the house and leaving me with that same feeling that he thought I’d done something wrong to Nate. I wondered if I shouldn’t mention it to Nate but then decided I probably wouldn’t be seeing Gabe again. The house was done, and I wasn’t going to Sloane family dinners anymore.
“We should do something to thank him and your boss,” my mother said, “a thank you note doesn’t seem quite enough.”
I agreed, “Maybe you could make them one of your spectacular dinners in this fabulous kitchen.”
“We don’t live here yet,” my father said.
“Well, we can remedy that,” I came up behind them and put my arms around them. “Maybe it’s time to start cleaning your house and getting you packed to move here.”
“We’d have to sell our house,” my father said.
“No, you don’t. You could rent it out or turn it into an Airbnb. Even if you do sell it, you can live here while it’s on the market.”
“What about our furniture?” my mother asked.
“If there are pieces you really want, we’ll bring them here,” I could see how much the home gave them joy and infused new life into them. The sooner they were here, the better.
“I kind of like what’s in this new place,” my father said.
“We have lots to figure out,” I said, giving them a little hug. “How about I make coffee in the new kitchen, and we can start planning?”
Book 2: Chapter 21—A New Plan
Chapter Twenty-O
ne: A New Plan
Nate
I envied all my brothers. I was jealous that Gabe’s choice of mate loved him back, but I was also jealous of Will and Mitch, both of whom were in the dark about how fucked up love could make you feel when it didn’t work out. How was it possible that my chest could always hurt and yet feel completely empty? What was the mechanism that gave emotions a physical pain? How long would it last because it was fucking hard to live with.
It took every ounce of energy I had to act like Hallie, and I were back to before my dumbass idea that we should have a fake marriage. When I was home, her absence and feelings of emptiness felt like they would swallow me whole. Now, I had to go to Sunday dinner and act like my life wasn’t fucking miserable.
The last thing I wanted to do was to try and suck it up while at Sunday dinner with my family. I just didn’t have the energy, and yet, I had no choice. Luckily, Gabe took it easy on me, because my emotions were raw. It was amazingly difficult to smile, poke at my other brothers, and convince my mother that I was fine.
“Just tired from the IPO,” I said to her when she expressed concern that I didn’t seem like myself. God, I hoped she bought that.
At one point, Gabe had encouraged me to share my feelings with Hallie, but apparently, he’d since changed his mind. In fact, his attitude about her suggested he didn’t like her. He told me about the final walk-through with her parents. He said they all loved the house, but he didn’t feel Hallie was giving me enough credit for all I’d done. The only thing was, I did what I said I’d do using her book as a guide. The one thing I’d added was the yard and the pool. It was possible she’d hate it, but Gabe said they were in awe of the yard. Good. I was happy that it made them happy. I would have liked to have seen their joy but that wasn’t part of the deal.
Gabe expressed that he didn’t think she deserved that extra bit after she left me. While my heart had stopped beating in my chest, I didn’t blame her for it. The fake marriage was my idea. I set the terms and she stuck with them. I was the one that broke the rules and went off-script. The fact that I was broken-hearted was my own damn fault for falling for her.
Needing a respite from all the commotion that went on during family dinners, I sought refuge in the back yard with my mom’s dog, George.
“Hey guy,” I said, giving his head a scratch. Maybe I should get a dog. I heard they made good companions. George didn’t replace my father, but he had made my mother’s days less lonely.
George dropped his chew toy at my foot. I picked it up and tossed it, watching as he sprinted after it.
“Nate?” Samantha’s voice came from behind me.
“Yeah?” I turned my head, “Everything okay or have you finally decided to trade up from Gabe to me?”
She smiled, but I could see the concern in her eyes, “But I’m not Hallie.”
Fuck. I guess I should have known that Gabe would tell Samantha about my woes. I think it was in the marriage manual that husbands and wives shared everything.
I was glad when George returned with the toy so I could look away, and she couldn’t see my pain, “Hallie is my employee.”
She stood next to me as I tossed the toy again, and George ran off, “Gabe said you didn’t tell her how you felt.”
“Gabe has a big mouth,” I wondered if she knew about the fake marriage deal too.
“Gabe and I made that same mistake at first. But then he showed me that he loved me, and I felt brave enough to tell him.”
“I know. I saw it on TV.”
“You showed her too, didn’t you? By using her house book. The yard with the pool.”
“I want her to be happy, but all that wasn’t a grand gesture of love. I called Gabe about the book before Hallie and I…well before I fell for her.”
“What if she feels like you do right now?” This time Samantha took the toy from George and tossed it across the yard.
“She doesn’t.”
“How do you know?” she asked, her voice steady, confident, and really fucking annoying. There was an idea that talking about painful things helped ease the pain, but right now, Samantha was just making it worse.
I let out an exasperated breath to keep from snapping at her, “Because I work with her and I can tell. Everything is back to normal.”
“Do you act like it’s back to normal?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“So maybe she’s acting too.”
I shook my head, “I might have thought that but she left.” Since I wasn’t sure what she knew about my dumbass deal, I left it at that.
“Maybe she thought she was just another notch on your bedpost.”
I groaned, “I broke my own rule about women. She knows my reputation, but she also knew my rule and that I broke it. You’d think that would have let her know she was different.”
“Not necessarily. Women can’t read minds any better than men can. Perhaps your reputation and the fact that you’re acting like you did before things heated up between you two has been interpreted as she’s just another one in a long line of many.”
Wanting to end the conversation, I said, “I appreciate what you’re doing, Sam. You want me to be happy. You probably want others to have what you and Gabe have. But what you have is special.”
“You can have it too.”
I took the toy from George, “Not everyone is cut out for that.”
“You’re full of bullshit, Nate. And a coward.”
I turned to look at her, surprised by her outburst.
“Maybe Hallie isn’t the one for you, but don’t you think for a moment that you can’t love or aren’t worthy of love. If you say that again, I’m going to tell your mother.”
I laughed, “Tattling?”
“I tattled on you boys when we were little, and I’ll do it again.”
“Just...let it go, Sam, let’s just leave it at Hallie and I aren’t meant to be.”
She pursed her lips, “You can’t know that without trying, but I won’t tell on you for that.”
“I’m so relieved.”
The tension and pain ramped up again on Monday when I caught sight of Hallie heading to her office as I left mine to get coffee in the break room. If I knew for sure she was interested in me, I’d have no problem marching into her office and telling her what I wanted. But as far as I could tell, she thought of me the same way she had before we started our fake marriage. Samantha meant well, but she was wrong. Okay, she was right that I was a coward, but wrong that maybe Hallie had feelings for me.
So the days of the next week went as all the other days had gone last week. I avoided Hallie as much as possible, using Clair as our go-between. When I did see her, I acted like I was cool and fine with everything even though I felt like my heart had stopped beating in my chest.
On Friday, I headed to the break room craving a candy bar and soda. It was the afternoon, so I’d expected the room to be empty, but Hallie was there, her head bent over paperwork while munching on pretzels.
Her head lifted as I entered, “Oh Nat—Mr. Sloane.”
God. Every time she called me Mr. Sloane was like an anvil on my heart. What I would do to hear her say my name or even yes, sir. I swallowed hard, forced myself to greet her, “Ms. Thorne.”
I got my food and was going to leave, but then thought it might be rude. Pre-fake marriage, I’d have sat with her to see what she was working on. Taking a deep breath, I sat across from her.
“Your boss overworking you?”
She smiled, “There are diseases to cure and treat.”
She might not love me, but she’d internalized my vision. She had a passion for ending suffering too.
“The house is okay?” I hoped I didn’t sound like I was fishing for compliments.
Her eyes softened, “I love it. My parents love it. I thought it would be hard to get them to move in with me, but once Gabe showed them everything in the house, they went home and started planning to move.”
I smiled away my pain. She’d gotten w
hat she wanted - her parents a home they could live in with her taking care of them. Even if she loved me, it wouldn’t change her needing to care for her folks.
“I’m glad to hear it,” I said, forcing a smile.
“The pool…that was …too much. I don’t know how to thank you.”
You could love me. “No, thank you is needed. It was my pleasure.”
She stared at me like she wanted to say something, but finally, she looked down.
“So, your parents are getting ready to move in with you?” I said, not ready to end this conversation.
“Yes. We’re weeding through all their stuff trying to figure out what to keep what to toss. They’ve been in the house over thirty years. It’s a lot of stuff.”
“If you need help with heavy things, I’ve got three strong brothers.”
“That’s sweet, but I don’t think we need that,” she said.
How was it my heart could tear more simply at hearing she didn’t need my help?
She bit her lip, “But maybe we could use your help.”
I was like George with his dog toy; wanting to chase after the little bit of hope she tossed me.
“I know my parents would love to thank you for helping us,” she added.
And then hope fell. She didn’t want to see me. She wanted her parents to thank me. “They know about the deal?” Had she told her parents?
“No. But they know you were involved in getting Gabe and other aspects.”
“They don’t need to thank me,” I swallowed down the lump in my throat as I said, “It was a part of our deal.”
Her eyes went sad as she nodded.
I stood to leave, when her head bobbed up, “Still, if your offer to help stands. We do have some furniture and heavy boxes we want to move.”
“Tell me when and where.” Jesus. I was desperate for any crumb of hope.