by J. A. Saare
He disregarded my response. "When did you start losing time?"
He shouldn't have known about that. As much as I wanted to keep it a secret from the world, so did Disco. But Bane wasn't one to be trifled with.
"I don't like repeating myself. When did you start losing time?" The scar traveling from his forehead to his chin contorted, and his ice-blue eyes narrowed. He was running out of patience. "I need to know this, and you need to tell me. When did your eye start changing? Answer the questions."
Truth was, I didn't know.
Technically, I had only suffered my third attack.
The first two took place within a week of each other. The first time had been short and brief. Since I'd been asleep at the time, I'd believed—despite how vivid the dream had been and how icky it made me feel—I'd only had a nightmare. I'd gotten used to those over the years. The second time, however, I'd been wide awake. Disco had felt my distress, but he was a few blocks away and hadn't understood what was happening.
I'd gone under in seconds.
When I'd come to, I'd been terrified.
I gave Disco absolute freedom to enter my head when I opened my eyes. I didn't have to explain anything because he saw it all firsthand. He'd told me I wasn't to leave his side, that we'd remain together from that moment forward so he could use his power to prevent the same thing in the future. When attacks crept up again, thanks to my mark, we both felt it. Before memories surfaced, he took control. He sent me to what I called our warm place, where we were alone and safe.
I didn't understand the attacks or why they happened. I only knew after they'd transpired, I felt exhausted and icky, like black magic had entered my bloodstream, corroded the vessels and arteries, and would never go away. It had been so long since Disco prevented the last one. I thought they were over.
"When did it start?" Bane yanked the blade back. "Answer me, damn it."
I couldn't find a solid reason to lie. "After I struck the second bargain with her." He knew who I was talking about. Since he expected absolute clarity when we'd met and made a deal to become allies, he deserved to know about my situation. I'd been honest about the fallen angel I'd made a bargain with. I told him exactly what I owed her. The only thing I hadn't explained he'd just figured out. "After I went to face Revenald and set Gabriel free."
The anger in his face dimmed. "Give me a time frame."
"The first attack happened a week after I killed Victoria Tavish."
In fairness, I'd done more than that. I'd faced the heads of vampire houses in the New York area, along with their half-demon rulers. Including Revenald Bhevencourt—the half-demon who'd turned Disco's maker, Marius. Not only had I gone head-to-head with the fucker, I should have killed him. He'd taken my sister and dearest friend from me. Unfortunately, the half-demon had used magic to escape my punishment, running to his realm for safety, vowing he'd kill me in due time.
"How many times have they happened?"
"Including today?” He nodded and I answered, "Three, but there would have been more. I can feel them coming on. Gabriel prevented the others."
"He takes over your mind to stop it?"
When he's able to. "He does."
Bane took in the knowledge, nodding. "Smart."
"Glad you think so."
"Define these attacks."
Hell. They were pure hell. "I see her memories."
"Disturbing ones?"
And then some. "Yes."
"Are you trapped?" I bobbed my head, indicating I was. He absorbed the information. "You're part of them."
"Exactly."
He started to say something else but backed away. "You reek of darkness."
Don't I know it.
The stench would linger for days.
I lifted my head and realized I wasn't at the skating rink any longer. Dirty stone walls surrounded me, and the ceiling was uneven and cracked. I didn't recognize the location, but it had to be one of the underground tunnels Gabriel had purchased decades ago. We used them to remain undetected while we moved around the city. I'd been placed on a beaten couch that remained upright thanks to a wall. It felt lumpy and rough, like it had been put through a blender and trashed in a dumpster. An equally uncomfortable pillow with prickly material had been placed beneath my head.
Through our mark, I knew Disco was alive and well. "Where's Gabriel?"
"He's taking advantage of newfound alliances."
I didn't buy it. "He wouldn't leave me like this."
Bane weighed the words for a moment. Then he lifted his blond head and looked at me. "You don't know what I am, but he does. All demons and vampires do. I'm bound to my word, and I swore I'd watch over you. Nothing can touch you when I'm around. He knows you're safe with me."
One thing he said was true: I had no idea what Bane was.
If Disco knew, why hadn't he told me?
We swore we would never lie to each other.
Anger bubbled up until I took a moment and thought about it. I'd never asked Disco what Bane was. After an agreement had been struck, we'd immediately discussed logistics with Bane. The deal had been made, arranged, and carried out in less than a week. I'd been too focused on other things to ask the question. Or maybe, I thought to myself, looking at Bane, I didn't want to know.
I'd been taking things one shock at a time.
"What are you?" I knew he was something dangerous. At one point I'd asked if he was a shifter. He'd told me he was something worse. In case he tried to dodge the question, I informed him, "If I ask Gabriel, he'll tell me."
As per the norm, he didn't give anything away as he gazed at me.
I wondered if he was going to call me a newbie again.
"I am light and dark, good and bad." He knew me well enough to realize the answer wasn't enough, so he settled in the chair he'd pulled next to the couch, stretched out his legs, and slid one ankle over the other. He folded his arms over his chest. "I am a combination of both, created for utter balance or absolute destruction."
Which answered nothing. "Do you have a title?"
"Formally?" When I nodded, he shook his head. "Nope."
"Then how did Gabriel know what you are?" Without a title, how would my lover know who or what he was facing? It would be impossible. "You said he did."
"Demons and their spawn always recognize each other."
That didn't make sense. "You said you were light and dark."
"I am."
"So what are you?”
"I suppose," Bane said, pondering the question, "you might consider me a Nephilim."
Whoa, whoa. "Your mother is an angel?"
"No, she is a demon," he corrected. "My father is one of the fallen."
Since most demons appeared androgynous, I'd mistakenly thought the majority of them were intersex. It hadn't dawned on me that they could be one or the other. Then another realization hit, and it hit hard. I'd indebted myself to a fallen angel. Although I had been aware of the fact, I hadn't considered the numerous men who could also choose to leave the glory of heaven. To complicate matters and confuse me further, creatures consisting of light and dark had come together and created the man seated across from me.
"You said you were looking for your cousin." I recalled the conversation clearly. When I'd asked why he wanted to help me, he'd told me I reminded him of her. If Disco knew what Bane was, he'd also recognize what Bane's cousin would be. No demon or vampire would be moronic enough to touch that kind of power. "You said she got involved with vampires and disappeared."
"You think I'm lying? I'm not." He didn't seem offended, quite the contrary. "I am looking for my cousin, who is, to the best of my knowledge, still very much human. I've been part of her family for generations."
"How is that possible?"
"I was given to mortals immediately after I was born." I frowned at the declaration, and he said, "It's the way of things with children created by light and dark. My mother wouldn't be able to contain her darkness, just as my father wouldn't be able to con
tain his light. And others like them would want to take me for their own purposes or kill me. My kind are best left with travelers who understand the old ways. Our presence makes it easy to shift the balance, especially when we're young. To keep things as they should be, we are given to those who understand the importance of our presence. We choose which direction we want to go."
I was afraid to ask but did anyway. "How old are you?"
"I'm not sure," he answered without a hint of annoyance or concern. "I can keep track of time if I want, but I usually don't. It's a useless effort endorsed by sentiment. To me, minutes, hours, years, and decades merge like running water. They're all part of the same thing." He titled his head to study me. "I'm asking about time in this instance because there's a reason. It's important."
"How so?"
"The attacks you're experiencing are more than that." He sat up and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. "You told me you gave your word to Marigold. You said you'd find her body and set her free within a year."
Despite it seeming smart at the time, I felt stupid. "I did."
"And you told her if you couldn't do so, she could have your body as payment?"
Yep, stupid was definitely on the menu. "Yes."
That's why Disco had finally agreed to meet with Bane. It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Bane wanted half-demons and vampires to get their shit together. He was on board with Disco taking control of those things. On the other hand, we needed access to people who could locate Marigold's remains.
"How much time do you have left?"
I tried not to think about that. Days were speeding by too quickly. Weeks had become valuable months. Winter had turned to spring a long time ago. Spring had become summer a while back.
"The deadline is November ninth."
I thought what could be considered pity swept over his face, but he masked his expression so quickly I couldn't be certain. "She deceived you, Rhiannon. She knew you were desperate and took advantage." Bane had never been one to mince words or beat around the bush. The scar along his face shifted and moved like a living, breathing creature. Although it should have been an ugly thing, I didn't see it that way anymore. It was simply a part of him. "It's despicable and means she'll probably lose favor with God." The way he said it—the certainty in his voice—sent a tendril of fear down my spine. "I suppose she doesn't care about that. If I was in her situation, I'd feel the same way."
"What do you mean?"
"She wants out."
I still didn't get it and had to know. "What's wrong with me?"
"You still have the time frame allotted, she can't change that, but she's already doing what she intended when you agreed to her terms." He retrieved his knife again and tried to hand it to me. When I didn't move, simply staring at it, he instructed, "Take it and look at your eyes." Making sure I understood him, he ordered, "Really look at them."
Despite the fatigue in my arms, I carefully accepted the weapon. I moved it so I could gaze at my reflection. My right eye was its normal brown hue. The left had taken on a bright lavender shade.
"I don't understand." I'd already seen the change. "What do you expect me to see?"
He opened his mouth to respond but stopped himself. "When you struck your bargain," he finally said, "she had to have told you something."
"She told me lots of things." The conversation was difficult to recall. I'd been so full of anger back then, driven to exact revenge. She'd been understanding and soothing, almost comforting.
"Take your time." Bane took the knife from me. "Think back."
I tried, but I didn't know what he wanted me to tell him. "What am I looking for?"
"Was there a warning?"
"How do you mean?"
"As one of the fallen, she'd be obligated to provide one. Even though they don't meddle in trickery and chaos, they can fashion words with hidden meanings just like a demon. The bargain doesn't mean shit if she didn't give you complete information. She had to tell you her intentions. If she didn't, the contract is null and void." His eyes locked on mine. "Considering what I'm looking at, she was crystal clear, even if you didn't realize it at the time. Go back to that meeting, remember every single word she said to you."
I closed my eyes and returned to that awful day.
I remembered making my aching and bloody body climb up the stairs to the bedroom I shared with Disco. I'd changed my clothes and prepared physically and mentally for what was to come. I'd been so angry, upset, and furious I wanted to claw at my own skin. I'd pulled my hair back, armed myself, and went to the mirror to summon Marigold. She was the only one who could possibly help me, especially as she'd done so before. When her face appeared before mine, mirroring my reflection, I'd already made up my mind.
Those who had wronged me and mine were as good as dead. I would do anything to make it happen. They'd taken things I cherished beyond reason, spit on them, abused them, and treated them like shit on mud. Then they'd cast them aside like unwanted and broken toys. For that alone, I wanted to see them on their knees before me, begging for forgiveness as I took them down and sang a joyous tune at their demise. I would bathe in their blood, dance around their corpses, and wouldn't feel an ounce of remorse for doing so.
At that time—in that moment—all I understood was vengeance and pain.
Pulling back those dark emotions, I focused on the grief I'd experienced. I was used to suffering. Oddly, it gave me clarity. As I found my place in it, I tried to recall my precise conversation with Marigold. She'd been angry by my summon, as I'd yet to fulfill our previous bargain. As we spoke and she recognized my rage, she knew I'd avenge those I lost without her help. I'd already made up my mind. But it was a battle I'd never win. Even the strongest necromancer stood no chance against half-demons and numerous vampire families.
I'd never repay my debt to her. I'd be dead.
I'd banked on that when I summoned her.
Without a body, she'd remain in Hell forever.
She'd listened to what I offered, going over my terms, and she'd agreed to them. I bowed my head as my stomach knotted. I hadn't bargained with Marigold. Not entirely. I'd made demands of her. In retrospect, I'd backed her into a corner. We'd struck a deal because I'd given her no choice in the matter.
She'd told me when she took over my body and dealt with my enemies that we'd share memories. She'd warned that merging souls was a dangerous business. I'd felt something was off when she made the confession, cautious and edgy by what she meant, aware she wasn't being completely honest. So I'd questioned her, telling her I knew she was holding something back, asking what it was. Recalling her answer sent a tendril of awareness down my spine.
"Because I am. If I tell you everything, despite your determination to face the monsters who have taken so much from you, you might say no." Then she'd reminded me why she'd been summoned in the first place. I could still hear her voice in my head."Find me, Rhiannon Murphy. Return me to my true form. Demons cower when an angel spreads its wings."
Oh no. Oh shit.
"What?" Bane questioned. "Tell me."
I got hold of myself and met Bane's level gaze. "She warned me." I didn't dare look away. He'd already glimpsed portions of what he wanted to know. "I was so angry at the time, I didn't care. I was only worried about killing those who'd wronged me and the people I wanted to save. I only thought about getting what I wanted."
His gaze drifted from mine, and I understood what he wanted me to figure out on my own. Since he was light and dark, he must have sensed I'd mucked something up along the way. Not the fallen angel I'd made a deal with. He'd been kind enough to let me sort through the mess myself and come to an important realization. That's why he'd handed me the knife and told me to take a real look at myself. He'd expected me to find what I should have after the first attack. To be fair, except for my eyes, the changes weren't all that significant. They could be written off as something else.
That's why I'd mistaken them.
The falle
n angel crafted the bargain for self-preservation. She hadn't meant for me to return her to her true form. She didn't expect me to find her remains. Why would she? I'd proven myself unworthy. I'd disregarded our initial bargain, gave her an ultimatum, and had given her no reason to trust me. As such, she didn't owe me shit until I fulfilled the terms of our agreement.
She'd set a trap, and I'd walked right into it. In all honesty, it was a lure of my own making. That's why my eyes had taken on an irrevocable shift. It was also why my skin had turned youthful, and the lines in my face were vanishing. The consumption of Disco's blood wasn't the issue. This was something else entirely.
The fallen angel didn't need my assistance. Not anymore. She could revive herself on her own. She just needed to get out of Hell first.
She'd found access to a body that allowed it.
One she'd done everything to preserve and protect.
Mine.
Chapter Three
After my conversation with Bane, I remained where I was. My body felt wrong and smelled like scorched earth, sulfur, sex, and shit. I wanted to shower and sleep for days, but that would have to wait. I had too much on my mind. Bane hadn't said anything more after our talk. He'd sunk into his chair, closed his eyes, and let me marinate in the truth.
While I'd never let on, I appreciated that about him. Since he was a total asshole and I was a full-on bitch, I supposed we understood each other in a strange but comforting way.
Even though I should have been worried about myself, my focus drifted somewhere else entirely. I had no idea how to tell Disco what was happening.
In many ways, I was afraid of how he'd react.
He'd lost everything that mattered to him.
Although he could read my mind if he wanted to, or even observe my conversation with Bane as it had taken place, he'd sworn he wouldn't invade my head without express permission or unless doing so was absolutely necessary. He knew how much my privacy and freedom meant to me. He'd invaded my head without permission once, and it ended badly. Though he'd had his reasons, and they were somewhat understandable upon reflection, his actions had turned me away from him. It had taken the threat of impending death and my love for him to get me back.