FIXATION

by J. K. Marquez

  "From what I have understood she doesn't want to see you".

  " Have you seen her?"

  "Barely son, she stays away when Oli and I are together to give us our privacy. She's driving me crazy though Oli is, she wants me to leave your mom and marry her"

  "You can't dad. You know mom won't take it well. She might get another heart attack this time it might be worse"

  "Well, I know that Ross but I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose Olivianna"

  "And I don't want to lose my mom!" I was angry I sorta shouted.

  "I thought you approved of my relationship with Olivianna, what's going on Ross?"

  "I'm not so sure about her anymore. I blame her for losing Eden"

  "Don't blame Oli for something you did Ross. She wasn't there cheering you on. She asked you to be honest with her best friend. Eden and Oli have become really close. Eden is like the sister she never had"

  "That's because she doesn't know that I also slept with..."

  "With who?" Shit!!! I almost told my dad that Olivianna and I had slept together too. That would definitely make Eden not want to talk to her again. Or my dad to me.

  'Watch what you say Ross!' I told myself.

  "Dad I know it wasn't Oli's fault but you can't leave mom. It will destroy her"

  "Your mom only cares about appearances. She doesn't want her friends to see her get divorced. She can care less about me and my feelings. There is nothing between us anymore Ross. You and your sister know that".

  "I know dad but..."

  "I'm not young like you Ross. I don't have all the time in the world to be happy. Or find happiness. Olivianna makes me happy. She makes me feel special and like I matter. Your mom doesn't. I don't want to spend what I have left of my life miserable and unhappy in an unhealthy marriage if we can even call it that"

  "I get what you're saying but..."

  "But nothing Ross but nothing. If Olivianna makes me choose I'm sorry but I choose her. And I will serve your mom the divorce papers immediately. So that I can start my life properly with Olivianna".

  Maybe they can move somewhere else. I can finally be rid of Olivianna's negative influence on Eden. And be rid of her.

  " I get what you are saying dad I just don't want anything bad to happen to mom"

  "Your mother is a strong woman. A fighter. She doesn't care about me at all. I doubt she will care much if I live or die. She will be crushed because of appearances but then she will get over it and go shopping or get her hair done. She won't care much plus she's getting half of everything I'm sure. She will be happy to continue to support her expensive lifestyle she won't care at all about me or this loveless marriage. I want out Ross I hope you can understand that".

  "I do that. Just tell her easy"

  "I will son. I gotta go to a meeting. Take care and keep those numbers coming. Love you son"

  "Love you too dad."

  My dad got in his car sped off and left. I was left there thinking if I should wait for Eden here or go to the restaurant. I didn't want to cause a scene there.

  "Boss you better get back ASAP!"

  A text from Rock. Rock knew better than to interrupt me when I was busy with Eden stuff so this better be important.

  I drove back home from Olivianna's house.

  I got out of my car. Rock ran to me.

  "She's here," he said.

  Oh my God Eden came back! My Eden! I knew she would. She couldn't live without me like I couldn't live without her. I ran up those stairs as if I had wings. But when I got in and saw her I stood in place and my happy expression turned to a cold meaningless one. It wasn't Eden standing there waiting for me.

  "Hi Ross"

  It was Courtney.

  Chapter 31

  Eden's POV

  "Eden you can't let him win. You can't let him get the best of you"

  Olivianna was right but I had no energy to go out with her tonight.

  "We are going to drink, and party and have a good girl's night out. I need it just as much as you do. I'm at a breaking point with Ross's dad".

  " don't you ever feel bad for Ross's mom I mean you are with her husband"

  "A husband she never appreciated nor wants. He tells me himself all the time how she doesn't love him. She only wants him to keep up with appearances. Trust me, Eden, I'm doing her a favor."

  I didn't mean to upset her. She looked upset.

  "I'm sorry"

  "Is fine. I'm used to being judged it doesn't bother me.

  " Oh my gosh no! I'm not judging you Oli I'm so sorry if I made you feel that way"

  I got up to give her a hug. Surprisingly Olivianna and I had become really good friends. She was helping me through this most difficult time.

  "Let's go out tonight. I have a few friends who have some guy friends..."

  "No. No, no" I stopped her there.

  "I am not looking to dating or even talking to another guy anytime soon if ever. I love Ross and I cannot see myself with anyone else"

  "Not even that cute Spanish guy?"

  "I love Julio but only as a friend."

  "Shame. He is gorgeous" I smiled. Indeed he is. But I really don't know Julio anymore.

  "Oil, I'm heartbroken. I can't be like you. So carefree and free. I'm suffering deeply."

  "Then why not just forgive the cheater and go back to him?"

  "I can't. If he did it once he will continue to do so and I cannot put my heart through that. It's too painful."

  "Eden, you are a beautiful young woman inside and out. You don't need to be going through this right now. Come out with me tonight get distracted maybe a bit lucky if you know what I mean. It will be fun. You are no longer engaged you can do whatever you want."

  "Please don't pressure me," I said with tears running down my eyes.

  "Fine. I won't. If you want to stay inside crying and down over some jerk who cheated on you then be my guess. But time runs fast Eden. You can't stay crying over Ross forever while he is out partying and enjoying his life going back to his old ways".

  "how do you know that?" I asked almost scared of an answer.

  "I am dating his father remember"

  I wanted to ask her what else she knew about Ross but I didn't want to know. I really have never been the type to listen to rumors. I wanted to hear the truth from the person themselves.

  "Okay have a good night have fun and stay safe Oli. I'll be in my room if you need anything."

  "Your loss I'm planning to enjoy myself to the fullest tonight".

  With that, she gave me a hug and left.

  I wanted to text and call Ross back so badly. He really hadn't text me or call me very much the last few days and I wondered if he had already moved on. Or maybe he went back to Monique. The temptation was overwhelming. I wanted to hear his voice. Or just to hear back from him. To know he still cared about me.

  I don't think he did. I don't think he ever did. If he did he wouldn't have betrayed me like this.

  Beep...Beep... A text...

  Hola, I have to go run some errands out of the country for a few days. Text me if you need anything. I'll be back soon..."

  -Julio.

  I thought it was Ross. No. I was hoping it was him.

  I don't know what Julio was involved in. But I still remembered him as my best friend. I really wanted to see him but I couldn't. I couldn't leave the house. I was exhausted mentally. I needed a break. Staying here was torture of the worst kind to me. Not knowing anything about Ross. Not hearing anything from him. What if he was with someone else. That would destroy me.

  I loved him so much and couldn't see myself with anyone else. Every day of every night I thought of him. I remember our incredible nights together. Our home. How he was always so protective and obsessed with me. At first, it was annoying but in some weird way, I felt like that showed he cared. He wasn't abusive in any way shape or form. Like some men that are obsessive are.

  Now it was just nothing. And it was worse than hearing that he didn't want
anything to do with me. The silence was bad. Not knowing.

  I decided to go to bed early but didn't manage to sleep much. I checked my phone and nothing. It was 2:30 am. Olivianna wasn't home yet either.

  I went to watch some tv but couldn't concentrate. I missed him. People say that it is easy to move on from someone but some have better luck than others especially when there is no love. But I had love and lots of it. I couldn't just forget about him like that. It was impossible.

  I didn't know what else to do. God teaches us to forgive but how could I forgive him for this? He hadn't even come to see me often. He hadn't called me to check up on me. Even though when he did I didn't answer him so maybe he just gave up.

  But he gave up too quickly. Maybe it was better this way. One thing was for certain. I was not going to move on not for a million years. Ross was indeed the love of my life. The history we have is unimaginable. The memories. The abundant love I feel for him. Is not something I can dismiss just like that.

  I wanted to stay here for him but at the same time, I needed to get away as well. I needed an escape.

  My head was throbbing so badly. The pain was unbearable. I needed sleep but I couldn't fall asleep.

  All I thought about was Ross. Was he back with that woman he cheated on me with?

  I couldn't stay here I just couldn't. I have to get out of here. I have to go...

  Ross pov

  "You let her what?!" Rock was as surprised as I was. Honestly.

  "She is staying at the guest house. She's not staying here with me Rock"

  "She's the reason Eden left Ross! I never say anything to you I keep my mouth shut all the time but Eden doesn't deserve this. She is a good person. And she really does love you and care about you."

  "And I love her more than anything. But Courtney looked really bad I couldn't just send her out like that."

  "Ross you know I never say anything. Not about the business and not about this but I don't agree with having her here even if is at the guest house"

  "Is only until she detoxify then ill send her back"

  "Okay not my business"

  "No, is not. Do you have the files on Stoner?"

  "Yes, he's been clean. Doing clean business all his recruits are because they want to do business with him not because they are forced. This Spanish guy is better than the previous Stoner the one we dealt with before".

  " yeah whatever Eden knows him. I don't like him and I won't do business with him. I'll crush him before I friend him"

  "Ross, think about it. Maybe combining forces won't be such a bad idea. No more fights or blood wars."

  "Getting weak on me Rock? I don't fear him or anyone. We have more strengths both in product and numbers. I don't want to work with him"

  "Is it because of Eden? Because she would rather you be friends with her dear childhood friend than to be his enemy and cause him harm"

  "Let me see his file"

  I snatched it from his hand.

  As I was getting ready to open the file and read it Courtney walks up. Her long reddish-brown hair flying in the wind at all directions. She was tall, taller than Eden she wore a very short red dress with red heels. All the memories came back at once and all I could think about was getting high and drunk with her. It was so fun.

  I lost all thought. But I took my eyes off her by force and looked at Rock's disappointed face.

  "That will be all Rock"

  "Ross, don't make another mistake or you will lose Eden for good"

  "I looked at him with my serious intact face and he knew not to question me any further".

  " I have already lost her. And I said that will be all!. Don't make me repeat myself".

  Chapter 32.

  Eden POV

  "Eden seriously this is getting really annoying. I don't know how you just stay here and not do anything about anything"

  "What do you want me to do Oli?"

  "Get up! Go to work! Get dressed other than your pajamas. Wear makeup fix your hair!"

  "You have always been all about looks I can care less right now how I look"

  "You have been like this for a month already Eden. Is getting really concerning."

  "And Ross hasn't come seen me or even tried to see me has his dad said anything about him or how he is doing?"

  "No, I have already told you. Ross hasn't called his dad in a long time. Only to ask him about business-related things and very briefly if he even calls at all"

  "What about you? Has he tried contacting you?"

  "Eden, if he doesn't contact you what makes you think he will contact me?"

  "I don't know you guys seemed to have a good relationship before"

  "You have said it. Used to and before not anymore. He probably hates me for having you here and for advising you to be strong and not to forgive him. But I can see that it is destroying you."

  "I love him Oli"

  "I get it Eden but if he cheated he never loved you. I'm sorry but the facts are the facts. I'm going to work and you should join me. After all, it is your restaurant."

  "I can't... I just can't"

  "Fine suit yourself. Stay here and drown in your misery alone. I can't hold you up anymore. It is bringing me down and I don't function when I'm down. I have been there way too many times and I refuse to fall back in that depression sinkhole again. I'm going out after work so don't wait up".

  She left. I was alone. Julio was still gone on a business-related trip. My parents were holidaying in Spain. My siblings were doing their own thing and I barely had any friends. I didn't know what to do with my time.

  Ross had always been the main focus of my life and without him, I had no idea who I was. Or what to do with my life. I missed him like crazy. The not seeing him or worse yet that he hadn't reached out to me was really destroying me. Oly was right. But I didn't know how to get out of this.

  Maybe taking a trip somewhere by myself would help clear my mind. See things differently hopefully. Get out of here. I had stayed living with Olivianna and had not gotten my own place like the plan was. But I couldn't be alone. Not while feeling this hopeless and empty.

  I missed the restaurant and my co-workers. Olivianna was doing a great job at running things while I was away. But I couldn't go back. Not just yet.

  I knew deep down that something was going on with Ross. I just knew it. I had enough. I had to go see him even if it was from far away.

  I decided to take Olivianna's advice and went to take a shower. I got dressed. I put on a red t-shirt with tight jeans and my favorite wedges. I also wore one of the diamond necklaces and earrings Ross had gifted me. I wore my hair down in curls as he liked it and put on light make up.

  I looked in the mirror and I didn't look bad for not sleeping for about a month or so.

  It was time to go see the love of my life. I was ready to forgive him. Living without him was harder than I had imagined and I couldn't do it anymore. Call me weak and pathetic I guess love makes you those things.

  I needed to throw myself in his arms and show him how much I loved him and missed him like crazy. Forgiving something like this was not easy at all. But I had to. Nobody was perfect and everyone made mistakes.

  Olivianna was right. I couldn't continue living my life like this. It was driving me crazy and I was becoming someone I didn't like. I couldn't do it anymore.

  I got inside my rental car and drove to Ross's house. I couldn't wait. The drive from Olivianna's house to Ross's house was about 40 minutes so I had time to think of what I wanted to say and do to him once I had him close.

  I think the first thing was to throw myself in his arms and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him and how much I forgive him. I put on one of my favorite songs on my blue tooth and was in a very good happy mood. Singing and dancing along to the music.

  I was in such a happy mood.

  I finally made it to Ross's house. I drove my car into the large driveway and welcomed the sight of what would be my house if I marry Ross as planned
. I wanted to go grab my bags so fast and move back. I was disappointed at myself for not bringing them with me, to begin with.

  I parked my car and stayed there for like ten minutes debating if I should go in or text him and tell him that I was here. I didn't see his range rover or the beautiful expensive black Lamborghini he used at times. Or the car he let Rock use. Was he home? I would only find out if I went inside. I grabbed my courage and got out of my car and closed the door.

  I text Oli before going in to let her know I was here at Ross's house. She would be upset with me but happy I was finally getting out.

  I took a better look at the gorgeous white huge mansion and walked up the stairs. Should I knock or just walk in?

  I decided to knock. Technically I didn't live here anymore and it would be rude to just walk in. After a few minutes, Carol opened the door.

  "Eden!" She said. Surprised. Very surprised actually.

  "Does Ross know you are here?"

  This was weird. She didn't seem happy or excited to see me. She just seemed nervous.

  "Umm no, I sort of want to surprise him or just...I don't know is this a bad time?"

  I was afraid of the answer. Was something wrong?

  "Umm, I think you should come back when you let Ross know you are coming. The boss isn't home anyway...okay bye." She almost slammed the door in my face. If I hadn't pulled back she would've. This was so unlike Carol who had always been super nice to me and pleasant.

  There was something definitely wrong here. Had Ross moved on with someone else?

  As the shock of what had just happened started wearing off only slightly I heard footsteps. Coming up the stairs. But I was still shaken and didn't bother looking.

  When I finally looked up a very beautiful woman with long dark hair and eyes came up. She was tan and really tall. She looked really familiar. Like I had seen her before.

  "Can I help you"? She asked. She looked high on something. Her dark eyes were large and red from smoking too much clearly.

  " I'm looking for Ross," I said.

  "And you are?" She asked.

  "I'm Eden," I said.

  She looked at me and smiled. She was surprised to hear my name. It is like she knew who I was or something.