by J. H. Croix
I had returned home after breakfast at the lodge, never giving Max an opportunity to finish that conversation with me, and not even finding time to say goodbye to Ivy and Owen. I’d been rather busy telling myself in the two days that followed that leaving had absolutely been the smart move.
It had taken me two years not to stumble into another bad choice, and I was holding firm against the biggest temptation I’d ever faced. No matter what Max had meant to say, I seriously doubted he was going to tell me he was madly in love with me.
I’d worked too damn hard to establish a healthy sense of self and to learn to stop searching high and low for the love my father never gave me. Despite the temptation that was Max, and despite the fact I had shored myself up inside, I still worried I was too vulnerable. With Max, I felt as if I were standing on the precipice of something, a test of sorts.
Because, you see, I didn’t quite know how to do this part of it. Not that I thought Max was a good candidate for it, but I didn’t know how to let myself be vulnerable. I’d done it wrong forever and now I didn’t know how to do it in a healthy way.
I could practically sense Ivy’s worry vibrating through the cell phone line. “I think I’m missing something. Did something happen with you and Max?”
On the heels of a fortifying breath, I told her the truth. “Yes. You know how you said you were kind of trying to throw us together at your place?”
“Uh huh, but you told me that Max didn’t stay, that he left for business.”
“I wasn’t lying about that. I might have neglected to mention that he stayed for one night before he left. I might’ve also neglected to mention that we had crazy hot sex.”
Even saying it out loud made my cheeks hot.
“What?! How could you not tell me this?”
“Because it was an epically bad idea. You know I’ve been trying not to be stupid about men anymore. Max is not exactly available for a relationship. You know it, and I know it.”
Ivy was quiet and I could practically feel the wheels spinning in her mind. After a moment, she sighed. “I think he could be.”
“Right, and I specialize in wanting things that could maybe work out and never do. Ivy, you know I can’t deal with another train wreck of my own making. I’d rather be celibate for the rest of my life than end up in yet another relationship that isn’t really a relationship. Plus, he’s your friend and Owen’s friend. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then have it fizzle, and then have it be all awkward if we ever run into each other.”
“Ugh, did he hurt your feelings already? I’ll kick his ass,” Ivy declared, the good friend that she was.
“No, God no. It wasn’t like that. It was just… Well, let’s just say there’s some chemistry there. It was just one night. I didn’t make any promises, and neither did he. I need to keep it like that. So to keep from doing something stupid, I left.”
“I wish you would stop completely shutting out men,” Ivy muttered.
“It’s better than getting my heart stomped on again and again.”
“Max is not going to stomp on anyone’s heart,” she insisted.
I sighed, knowing Ivy meant well. “Look, it’s cute that you want to set us up, but you know as well as I do that it’s not smart for me to try anything casual. You’ve told me yourself Max doesn’t get serious.”
Her sigh filtered through the phone. “I know, but there was a reason I tried to throw you two together. Obviously, I was totally right about the chemistry.”
“So you were, but I need to take care of myself.”
“I hate that you’re sequestering yourself like this. This isn’t just about Max. You don’t give anybody a chance.”
“I give plenty of people chances. I just don’t have good luck when it comes to men. Trust me, there’s no shortage of chemistry with Max. But I can already feel myself doing what I usually do. I would fall for him and that’s just dumb. He’s got plenty of gorgeous women more than willing to be an arm ornament for him. Plus, I live here and he lives in San Francisco.”
“You know, I don’t think you’re being fair to Max. It’s not like he’s a player. Honestly, I’m not sure what happened but he treats dating like business. He’s a really nice guy, and I think you two could have a shot together. Don’t throw geography in my face either. He’s even talked to Owen about getting out of the city.”
I so wanted to believe what she was selling, but my heart was too fragile, and falling for Max was a recipe for disaster.
“Ivy—”
She cut me right off. “No, I’m serious. I’m not being a ridiculous romantic. Owen thinks Max likes you. I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t know you had sex with him,” she said, emphasizing her words. I knew she wouldn’t like it that I’d kept it from her, but this very conversation was what I had been trying to avoid. “Seriously, it’s not healthy for you to avoid men forever. I know you went to therapy, and that you’re working on not constantly searching for someone to sweep you off your feet, but you have to give someone a chance at some point, if you want a shot at a relationship.”
My throat felt tight. I tucked my feet in the gap between the couch cushions, tugging the blanket over my knees a little tighter. “I know. I’m just trying to figure out when.”
“Well, I’m going to do some digging on Max to find out why he’s never serious. I know he wouldn’t treat you like shit. He’s not an asshole.”
“I know he’s not an asshole.”
I could practically feel her eye roll through the phone. “Anyway, on a lighter note, how was the night?” Ivy asked, her sly tone clear as a bell through the phone line.
My cheeks got hot all over again. Ivy wasn’t even here to see me, but thinking about that night with Max was, um, hot and bothersome. “It was memorable,” I said.
Ivy laughed. “I bet it was.”
“There, I hope you’re satisfied now. Look, I gotta go. It’s getting late, and I need to go into Anchorage tomorrow to take care of some errands.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll report back as soon as I get more info from Owen. Whether you want it or not, I think Max might be good for you.”
I groaned.
Ivy laughed. “Love you, girl.”
“Ditto, talk to you soon.”
Tossing the phone on the coffee table, I leaned my head back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.
The ceiling in this house was great for staring. It was white pine and offered a variety of pretty knots to count. I idly counted them as I considered my conversation with Ivy. Though I knew steering clear of Max was the smart choice, the problem was I so desperately wanted to give anything with Max a chance.
Sex with him was so amazing, maybe it would be worth the heartbreak.
With a muttered curse, I kicked the blanket off my legs and stood to go make some hot chocolate. I looked out the kitchen windows while I waited for the water to boil. Snow was falling lightly, the flakes glittering like fairy dust from the sky, with the lights on the back deck illuminating them.
In the time I’d been here, I’d grown to love the seasons. I’d also grown to love being in one place. I wasn’t sure if it was because my mother died when I was so young, or because of my father’s benign neglect of me growing up, but I’d spent most of my life carrying a ball of tension inside, always worrying about what might happen next and never really knowing. As an adult, I could understand that my father probably had his schedule lined out a full year in advance. But, as a little girl, all I’d known was I bounced from one place to the other.
I sipped my hot chocolate and considered my childhood. The most time I’d spent anywhere for a stretch was in North Carolina. Before my mother died out of the blue from a brain aneurysm, that was where we lived in between my father’s travel. I’d only been six years old when she died, so my memories weren’t too sharp, but the clearest childhood memories I had were of times with her. My mother’s family was also in North Carolina, so I occasionally spent summers with them as I grew
up. It was always scorching hot and humid, but I loved it. I wasn’t too close to her family, but they were the closest thing to family I had. They sent me Christmas cards and gave me gifts, and always hugged me when they saw me.
My mother’s death eroded what little stability I’d had in my life before that. Being here in Willow Brook, in this small town on the edge of the wilderness, where I’d been staying in the same cute cabin for almost a year, was a blessing. I loved it. I loved my job, and I loved the friends that I was slowly making.
It was a little lonely sometimes, but I would take lonely over the knot of tension I’d carried inside for so long.
As usual, my thoughts drifted to Max, and I fell asleep with him on my mind.
The following morning, as planned, I hopped in my little truck and drove to Anchorage. My father cut me off from any money through him, but I had funds saved up from a trust my mother had set side. I’d used a little bit of it to buy myself a nice truck and get situated out here. The rest would wait.
The wind was gusting, and the air was icy cold this late November day as I drove east toward Anchorage. I loved winter mornings here, with the sky stained purple and the snow bright on the mountains.
I hit up a few department stores once I got to town. Beyond getting some things for myself, I had a rather lengthy list of items to pick up for friends and acquaintances in Willow Brook. I’d learned early on here that if you were taking a trip to Anchorage, it was common to serve as a delivery person. Janet needed some supplies for the bakery, while Ward had asked me to pick up an engine block, of all things. He had assured me the guys at the mechanic shop would load it into the back of my truck for me, and he would help unload it on the other end with some of the guys at the station.
By the time late afternoon rolled around, the bed of my truck was packed and the weather was getting bad. Fast. The days were short this time of year, and we were only weeks away from the shortest day of the year.
Nothing I had was perishable, so I decided not to hedge my bets, and stay the night in a hotel. Because I’d stayed in a gazillion hotels over the years, I had quite a few points racked up, so I headed straight for one of the chains where I had plenty. It was conveniently a luxury place, which was comforting when the wind and snow were howling outside. After I checked in, I chatted with Ivy for a few minutes when she called.
“Well, since you’re in Anchorage, maybe you should actually, you know, try to meet someone,” Ivy said, her sly tone evident through the phone line.
“Seriously?” I countered, shaking my head, even though she wasn’t here to see me.
“The only way to meet someone is to meet them somehow,” she said with a laugh before we said our goodbyes.
Although it wasn’t for that reason, or so I told myself, I decided to stop by the bar and enjoy a nightcap.
Settled at the bar in the corner, I was enjoying a glass of warm, mulled wine when a man came and sat beside me. I silently swore. I’d wanted peace and quiet tonight, not to get picked up.
I forced myself to actually look at the man because Ivy was always giving me crap for not even trying, and pointing out I would never find someone if I refused to pay attention. But this man didn’t even ping in my system. He was handsome enough, objectively speaking. He had dark brown hair, with eyes to match, and looked to be a businessman based on the way he was dressed.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asked by way of greeting.
I lifted the more than halfway full glass I had in my hand. “No thanks, I’m all set.”
“So what brings you here?”
“Oh, just a few errands.”
I was trying to not be rude, but not be particularly welcoming either. He didn’t take the hint when I glanced away to the television above the bar.
“I guess it’s my lucky night.”
I smiled tightly and saw the bartender cast her eyes my way. There were plenty of other places for this man to sit. I didn’t know what she read in my expression, but she casually made her way over to our end of the bar.
“You ready for your check?” she asked, her gaze on me.
Part of me wanted to say yes, but I was kind of pissed. I had just wanted to relax and have a drink. Instead, I had some guy who wanted to hit on me, and I wanted no part of it.
Before I could reply, a voice sounded over my shoulder. “There you are!”
I knew that voice. Max. The mere sound instantly lifted the hairs on the back of my neck and sent a wash of heat through me.
I was also quite relieved he happened to be here. That was the thing about him. The risk to my heart was steep, but he was a good man, and I doubted he would approach a woman the way this man had. Not that the man had even done anything wrong, per se. But I’d sent off no signals implying I was interested in anything, and yet he’d parked himself right there, with every intention of staying, and dubbed himself “lucky” for it.
“I was just looking for you in the lobby,” Max continued as he reached me, actually stepping between me and the man beside me.
There wasn’t much room, and Max was a large man. It was a bit awkward. I didn’t mind, especially not when he slid his arm around my waist and leaned over, pressing his lips against my temple.
“She’s been waiting for me, but I’m running late,” he said by way of explanation to the bartender. “We’ll just grab a table, if you don’t mind. If you could bring a menu over, that would be even better.”
Chapter Fourteen
Harlow
Max completely ignored the man beside me, sliding his hand down my back where I sat on the barstool and exerting gentle pressure. I wasn’t going to argue the point. I was in no mood to have some random guy trying to flirt with me.
There was also the blunt truth that when it came to Max, I found myself, time and time again, unable to resist the magnetic pull toward him. Within moments, I was walking with him close at my side, his hand not leaving the dip in my lower back. The heat of his touch was like a brand, filtering through the silk of my blouse and the camisole I wore underneath, all the way down to my cowboy boots.
Max led me over to a small table in the corner. He held my chair out for me, and I slipped into it. My pulse had taken off at a gallop with my heartbeat echoing through my entire body. That thrumming need only Max elicited spun through my veins. Whenever I was with him, all my senses were heightened. I could feel his heat and strength, catching a hint of his clean, crisp scent, and felt the burn of his gaze when he sat down across from me.
“Hello, Harlow,” Max said, hooking an elbow across the back of his chair as he leaned back.
“Hi, Max.” That was about all I could think to say. I was too busy trying to quell my body’s response to him into submission.
He was quiet for a beat, his gaze far too knowing and perceptive for my comfort. “I hope you don’t mind my interruption. I happened to be staying here, and Ivy texted me that you were here,” he finally said.
Oh dear God. I should’ve known Ivy would send Max my way. She didn’t even mention he happened to be at the same hotel. But I wasn’t going to get into that with Max.
“No, it was convenient, actually. I don’t know who that guy was, but he seemed to think I was here for something other than just a drink.”
Max’s mouth stretched into a slow grin. Sweet hell. His grins sent my body skidding sideways inside. The moment he looked over at me, my panties were drenched. “Good to know my guess was on target.”
Scrambling inside, I felt almost willful against the tide of need crashing through me. “What would you have done if I’d wanted him to flirt with me?”
I was genuinely curious, but I was also taunting him. Perhaps it was crazy, but then, just about everything I did when it came to Max was crazy.
His icy blue gaze narrowed. “I wouldn’t have liked it. Not one bit,” he said flatly.
The air around us felt charged, snapping and crackling with the electricity between us. A waitress arrived. I presumed the bartender had sent someon
e over after Max’s request for the menu. She paused and smiled brightly between us. “Hi, I understand you’d like dinner.”
“We would.” The waitress set down menus for us, and Max glanced over at me. “Have you eaten?” he asked.
I shook my head. I’d just been planning to order at the bar.
The waitress glanced at Max. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked, filling our waters.
“A beer would be great, whatever you have on tap, thanks.” He flicked his gaze to my nearly-finished drink. “You?”
“I’m all set, thanks. Just water.”
If Max had an opinion about that, he kept it to himself. The waitress hurried back to the bar for his beer, and I flipped through the menu, quickly deciding on a burger and fries.
“You don’t have to buy me dinner,” I said, setting the menu on the edge of the table.
He closed his menu, lifting his eyes to mine. “I’m buying you dinner.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not necessary.”
“Precisely the point, so why argue?”
I didn’t care to debate the issue with him, so I simply shrugged. Our waitress arrived, and we both ordered burgers and fries. After she left, I decided to stick to mundane topics.
“So, how’s the acquisition going? Is this something you and Owen work on together?”
Max nodded, taking a sip of his beer. “It’s not like we do this often. This is the third time we’ve bought up a struggling company. We only do it when it looks like the company’s about to fold, and when they have patents we might want in renewable energies. He doesn’t love this part, and he focuses more on design than I do. I usually handle a lot of the logistics and numbers. I don’t mind. I suppose I do a better job of compartmentalizing than he does.”