He pulled me close and I leaned against his solid chest, wanting nothing more than to forget about war and traitorous family members and red-coated soldiers who seemed to gain the upper hand in our fight for freedom. His heart—strong and certain—beat through his coat to my ear. I leaned into it, remembering the first time we’d met at a picnic in honor of our mutual friend, Benjamin Tallmadge, the son of our pastor. He was one of the few young men who’d made their way out of our hometown of Setauket. He’d met Nathan while studying at Yale, and the town had been proud to celebrate his graduation.
I could still remember the way Nathan had sought my gaze from across the green. How he’d approached me and introduced himself with all the courtly manners of a gentleman, his sun-reddened skin betraying how acclimated he was to the insides of a classroom. We’d taken a short walk, found ourselves at the boulder not far from the common where we spoke long hours of politics and Paine, poetry and Pope, captivity and Cato. He spoke of his mother’s death when he was twelve, regaled me with stories of his years at Yale—how as freshmen, he and Benjamin had been charged a shilling and five pence for breaking windows following a visit to a local tavern. How the duo had argued successfully at a debating society on a woman’s right to education. And when he left at the end of the evening, he’d kissed my hand, asked if he could write me. If only we were back in that time. In safety.
“I am learning that war is not so cut-and-dry as I once imagined.”
I lifted my head. This was not the Nathan I knew—the one who stood certain for the Cause, who vowed to put loyalty to the Cause before his very life. “Nathan?”
“I am only saying that we don’t know how they pressed your uncle. How they used his family . . .” He shook his head. “But you are right. There is no excuse for betrayal. Still, you need not blame yourself.”
I ran my finger over the lapel of his coat, inhaled his scent. I suppose it was easy to think my uncle should have stood up to the officers in His Majesty’s service. He would have been shot, no doubt, my aunt and cousins left unprovided for. But I could not stomach his betrayal—an act which led to a British victory at Brooklyn, an act which left hundreds dead and many more captured. I wondered, if I were a man, would I have enough gumption to stand for what I believed with every last ounce of my being—to risk even death—for the Cause?
“Pray, Nathan, tell me why you are here at all. Surely you put yourself in danger.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed and he placed his hands on my waist. They tightened, and I felt something unfamiliar in their grip. A fierce type of longing, yes, but something more. Something that smelled of fear.
“What is it?” My voice shook.
“I cannot say, but I only know my heart could not rest if I did not see you whilst I was here.”
“You frighten me, Nathan.” Who was this man? This man who could not trust me with the burdens of his heart? Was this what war did to men—made them hard and untrusting, forcing them to draw within their own hearts and shut others out? I could understand Nathan’s distance of late in his letters, but here, where naught could hear but the distant seabirds asleep at the naked masts of ships, why should he hold himself back from me?
“I have always enjoyed your mind, Mercy. And now I have a question for you I would very much appreciate an honest answer to.”
I put a small amount of space between us. “Very well.”
“Do you believe that whatever is necessary to the public good becomes honorable by being necessary?”
I blinked.
“Pray, my love, tell me your thoughts. Would you agree?”
“Yes, I suppose so, but whatever does this have to do with why you are here? Nathan, you can trust me—I hope you know that. Please, tell me your heart.”
He drew me to him, then. His hands ran along my waist until foreign desire ignited my insides. I pressed into him and he kissed me with gentle, prodding lips that loosened my own. He tasted faintly of mint and smoke, and I sank into the kiss, allowing it to deepen and hold.
As I became further acquainted with this affection, I sensed his desperation. A physical urge, certainly, but also the deep-seated fear I’d intuited before. I broke the kiss, gazed into his eyes. Perhaps I could have confided in my family regarding my engagement. I could hardly wait to tell my mother and sister the news of my young swain. But Nathan had been so hesitant to make plans with this foul war disrupting the colonies.
Perhaps Nathan had foreseen this time—a time when redcoats would occupy our towns and our homes. A time when it would be dangerous for it to be known that he had taken up the insignia of a captain in the rebel army.
“You will not tell me, then?”
“If I could, I most certainly would, Mercy. ’Tis for your own good, as well as that of the Cause. I am safe. I have met someone just today who is of the same regard as me and will help return me to General Washington.”
I could not argue with that.
He tightened his grip on my waist again, drew me a breath closer. “I will marry you, Mercy Howard. Soon. I will find a way to bring you to Connecticut with me, whether or not this war be over. Watch for me within the month. After . . . after I do what I must.”
My innards trembled like wool strained tight on a spinning wheel.
“For now . . . play the part you must whilst among the redcoats.”
I allowed his words to soak into my being, but I couldn’t recognize them as true to the man before me—a man who would rather die than utter allegiance to the Crown. Yet now he bade me put on a facade of loyalty to the king?
I trailed my finger along the stubble of his jaw, trying to read his thoughts. “You are a mystery to me, Nathan Hale.”
“I regret not marrying you sooner, Mercy. Perhaps then you wouldn’t be here, in harm’s way.”
“My stay will not be for long, I suspect. Abraham is a fine escort. He knows the roads well.”
Nathan closed his eyes in defeat. “I suppose we both must do what we are called to do, the Lord help us.”
I fell into his arms once more, allowed him to press me close.
Yet as close as we were, he was only half-present in the embrace. Another part of him was lost in some great secret—one that troubled him—one that he would not share with me. And though we were close in a physical sense, I felt a great foreign chasm between us.
It frightened me, and though I wanted to be happy for his promises of love and future and marriage, I could not summon the strength to do so.
Instead, his words tumbled around in my mind, causing me to doubt how well I even knew him any longer.
“Whatever is necessary to the public good becomes honorable by being necessary.”
Whatever could my Nathan undertake that he feared I might find so repulsive?
And why, if he was so bent on spending the rest of his life with me, did he feel the need to hide from me?
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DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Hayley longs to prove herself by achieving what no woman has ever achieved. What is the most ambitious thing you’ve ever attempted? What motivated you to tackle it?
As Emma is torn between her choices, she wonders, “Was not loyalty more honorable than liberty?” Which of these qualities do you find more appealing?
How has Ethan’s personal tragedy shaped him? What do you think binds him and Hayley together?
Whether from shame or fear, many Boston Tea Party participants never disclosed their involvement. But today we laud their actions. How can a person determine when a law is unjust enough to warrant breaking? Have you ever had to stand against an established rule or law? Would you make the same decision now?
Did Emma make the right choice in the face of Samuel’s blackmail? How would you have responded?
At the end of chapter 17, Emma realizes that what she thought was for evil, God intended for good. Have you or someone close to you experienced hardship that God reshaped into blessing?
Hayley strives to move beyond her
past, but she keeps falling into it—her relationship with her mother, her history with Ethan, and other memories. What are some ways God uses her return home to transform her and help her grow?
Compare the challenges Emma faced in Boston before her marriage to the difficulties she encountered after leaving Boston with Noah. Was she ever tempted to regret her decision? How did she respond to the hardships she dealt with once she left home?
Hayley and Ethan are reunited by their quest to discover the history behind the tea chest. What about the mystery is so enticing to them? How does it help them rebuild their relationship? Have you ever found common ground with someone through a shared experience or interest?
In chapter 33, Emma asks herself, “How did God expect me to keep such an impossible vow to this man who had become a stranger to me? I’d joined him with liberty in mind. Was this—suffering the behavior of a husband—freedom?” How did Noah’s change affect Emma? In a situation like this, what is a spouse’s responsibility? How can a person know when to fight for their marriage and when it is utterly lost?
Hayley learns that she has distantly related family members she never knew about. How does this revelation impact her? Do you have any ancestors who were involved in historically significant events—and if so, what do you know about them?
Was Hayley’s decision to drop out of training a victory or a failure? How did she define it? Do you agree with her assessment?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
HEIDI CHIAVAROLI writes women’s fiction, exploring places that whisper of historical secrets. Her debut novel, Freedom’s Ring, was a Romantic Times Top Pick and a Booklist Top Ten Romance Debut. She makes her home in Massachusetts with her husband and two sons. Visit her online at www.heidichiavaroli.com.
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The Tea Chest Page 32