We are enjoying our last drink before leaving when the one woman, other than my mother, that I never want to see stops by our table. Monique -Cruella- is wearing a fire engine red dress that fits like a second skin. Aidan walks up behind her, looking at his friend apologetically. “Luc, I didn’t know you would be here tonight,” he says by way of greeting.
Monique waves her manicured nails around the table, encompassing us all. “It looks like some sort of romper-room meeting. I recognize Lucy, but who are your other little friends, Luc?”
Beside me, Rose mutters, “Is this bitch for real?” I see by the slight twist of Lucian’s lips that he also caught her comment. He doesn’t bother getting to his feet to make the introductions, which I know is his way of dismissing Monique. Instead, he tightens his grip, pulling me closer before speaking.
“Monique, I believe you remember Lia, and these are our friends, Rose and Jake.” He then introduces Aidan who shakes hands with everyone, making polite conversation along the way. Aidan invites us to join them, and I’m relieved when Lucian says we were just finishing our last drink before leaving. His meaning is clear; however, Monique is as tacky and clueless as ever.
“Luc, darling, why don’t you come back and join us for the evening after you take the…her home? We were planning to stop by Oasis for a few hours after dinner.” Giving me a dismissive look, she adds, “They don’t admit anyone under age twenty-one.” Lucian finishes his drink, and we slip from the booth before he finally answers her snide comment.
“I am taking Lia home…our home. Enjoy the club, though. I don’t think you have to worry about being carded.” Aidan slaps Lucian on the back, laughing softly under his breath as we pass by. He clasps my hand lightly next as if apologizing for his date. When we reach the sidewalk, Rose flings her arms around Lucian, laughing hysterically.
“I freaking loved that. You. Are. The. Bomb! I always thought just calling someone an asshole was insult enough. But that whole civilized cut-down was epic.” Lucian gives her an innocent look as if he has no idea what she’s talking about, which makes it that much funnier. Rose and Jake seem to be in a hurry to get home, and from the way they are hanging all over each other, I am pretty sure why. Jake, ever the responsible one in their relationship, drank very little so he could drive home afterwards. When I hug Rose goodbye, she whispers against my ear, “Honey, I’m sorry about today. I’ll totally kick your mom’s ass; you just say the word, and it’s on.”
I try to keep it light, not wanting to think about what happened in the courtroom earlier. “Mom? You must have me mistaken for someone who actually has one of those.” Rose bumps my shoulder with hers, letting me know she understands where I’m coming from. Jake also surprises me with a hug and a look of sympathy. It appears my family shame is well known by my friends, but I don’t mind. Other than Debra, they are the closest I have to family, and today has made that blindingly clear. Suddenly, I have an overwhelming desire to see Debra. I want her to meet Lucian. I asked her earlier in the week not to come to the hearing; I was afraid she would end up attacking my mother and getting locked up in the process. I vow to call her tomorrow and see if she wants to meet for lunch in the next few days.
It’s a nice evening outside and even though he argues at first, Lucian finally agrees to walk back to the apartment instead of having Sam pick us up. “Did you have a good time tonight, baby?”
Cuddling closer to his big frame, I sigh. “Thank you, Luc; I really needed an evening just like this. Well…except for maybe the awkward moment with Cruella.” His hand rubs up and down my back as he laughs softly.
“Sorry about that. I have no idea what Aidan’s doing getting involved with her. There is no way that ends well.”
Since he has admitted to sleeping with Monique, I can’t resist taking a small jab at his statement. “Isn’t that a little pot and kettle, Mr. Quinn?”
“Very funny, Miss Adams. There was never anything between Monique and me other than a quick fuck. That might make me sound like a pig, but it’s true.” I take a moment to let his words sink in. Surprisingly, I’m not as bothered by them as I would have thought. I would rather Lucian have never slept with Monique, but somehow him just having sex is much more preferable than him having a relationship with her.
While he is sharing information, I decide to push for more. “Is Monique the last woman…you know…before me?” Is it my imagination or had his stride faltered just a tad at my question?
“No…I dated someone for a few months after her.” I stiffen, not expecting his answer. Had I thought I was the first person to spend my nights with him? As if interrupting my silence correctly, he continues. “It was nothing serious. I needed a date for different events and Laurie needed…financial assistance.”
“Oh. My. God,” I stammer, as I turn to stare at him. “Why does this sound so familiar?”
Lucian stops abruptly, pulling me from the traffic on the sidewalk. “This probably isn’t the best place to talk about this, but I don’t want you stewing all the way home. Trust me; there are no similarities between you and Laurie. She was a spoiled socialite I met at a party. At the time, I had just made the grave mistake of sleeping with Monique and couldn’t get her to leave me the hell alone. Laurie served that purpose. She had expensive taste that she couldn’t afford on the allowance her father had put her on. I helped her out with that, and she gave me the illusion of a relationship to hold Monique at bay.”
“What happened to Laurie?” I look around almost as if expecting to see her standing behind me. Dear Lord, surely she isn’t still in his life; that would be more than I could bear.
“Things are finished with her and were before you and I met. She…wanted more and I didn’t.” A sudden chill runs up my spine that has nothing to do with the nighttime air. Lucian, feeling my shiver, tucks me back under his arm. “You’re cold. Let’s go home; we can talk there.”
I let him lead me to the apartment, an uncomfortable silence falling between us. My place in his life seems fragile and uncertain. I feel silly that I have even imagined for one moment that Lucian could feel for me the way I feel for him. I am an inexperienced, unsophisticated college student, and he is a rich, successful businessman. What could he possibly see in me? Am I just another way to keep women like Monique from throwing themselves at him? I walk to the kitchen for a bottle of water as he fixes himself a drink. “Can I get you anything?” I ask from the doorway.
“No, baby.” He settles on the couch and pats the place next to him. I really want to make an excuse to go lick my wounds in another room, but I know it’s childish. If I want Lucian to see me as a mature adult, then I need to act like one. Do I want him to regret opening up to me no matter how much I hated his answer? I sit next to him, playing nervously with the cap on the water bottle. “I can practically hear your mind spinning from here, you know.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it. I wish I could just shut my mind down for the evening and take everything he has said in stride, but the questions loom. “When you said Laurie wanted more, what did you mean? Like marriage?”
Lucian doesn’t seem surprised that I have returned to our original conversation; he almost seems to be expecting it. “Eventually, I’m sure that was her goal. She wanted access to more of my life, such as my homes.”
“She wanted to live with you? That would make sense.”
“No, baby, she wanted to see my homes, spend the night here. Laurie was never in this apartment or my house. She was in my apartment at the office a few times while I was changing for an event, but that’s it.”
I am completely blown away by his statement. How could he have dated someone for months and never had her here? Of course, would I be here now if not for the fact that I had first walked through the door as his cleaning lady? I am certain the confusion I’m feeling must be apparent in my voice as I say, “That seems strange to me. Didn’t you spend the night together…at least some of the time?” I can tell Lucian is getting tired of my twenty questions, but he cont
inues to answer patiently.
“We dated…we had sex at her place, but I didn’t spend the night, nor did she spend the night with me…at any time. Lia, you know what happens sometimes when I sleep. I never wanted anyone to witness my…nightmares, so I avoided that risk.”
Swallowing around the lump that seems to be wedged in my throat, I ask the one question I need to know, regardless of how badly his answer could hurt me. “What about me? Would I be here if I hadn’t forced the cleaning issue?”
He takes his time, not jumping to put my jumble of insecurities to rest. Finally, as my nerves are screaming, he says, “Maybe not as quickly as your first trip, but yes, I feel certain we would have ended up exactly where we are now.” He stares at the strand of my hair he’s twirling around his finger as if captivated. “From the moment we met, I have been helpless to stay away, even though I should. There is just something about you that draws me in, makes me want to believe in things that scare the hell out of me.”
I reach up, cupping his face in my hands and looking into his tormented eyes. “What’s wrong with believing in something, Luc?”
He is looking at me but appears to be a million miles away. I rub my finger soothingly on his cheek, bringing his focus back to me. Clearing his throat, he finally answers. “I’ve done it before. There was a time when I thought all I had to do was believe and things would work out. In the end, that belief forever damaged everyone involved. I just…don’t know if I can risk that again. I barely survived it the first time.”
I am unable to stop the tear that breaks free and slides down my cheek. I should end the questions now, but I don’t…I need one more answer. “Where does that leave us then?”
He kisses me gently, tracing my quivering lips with the tip of his tongue. “I don’t know,” he groans against my mouth. “I’m trying, baby; don’t give up on me yet.”
Wrapping myself around him, I give in to all the feelings he invokes in me. “I’m here,” I assure him, knowing that no matter how terrified I am of losing him in the end, I can’t walk away. He is right; we have been helpless to stay away from each other from the beginning.
Lucian is the type of man any woman would want, but he is so much more than what most see on the outside. The thing that draws me in the most is the troubled man I see glimpses of behind the polished exterior. His words tonight hint at the past tragedy that continues to haunt him even now. I want to push him to tell me everything, but I don’t; we both need the peace of communicating without words for a while. I stand, holding my hand out to him. He looks heartbreakingly grateful that I’m still here with him in the moment.
He takes my hand, and we walk to the bedroom. That night, for the first time, we make love. We have had sex many times, but tonight is vastly different from the other times. I feel cherished as he worships every inch of my body with his hands and mouth. No words of love are spoken, but the room is electric with emotion as we come together time and again. Dawn is chasing away the night when we finally collapse into each other’s arms, exhausted and content.
Chapter Sixteen
Lucian
I jerk awake, grabbing my throat as I choke. Next to me, Lia stirs but doesn’t wake. My heart is hammering and fear still clutches my insides. Fuck, one night of not self-medicating and I’m right back in Hell. I ease from the bed, careful to make as little noise as possible. Safely inside the bathroom, I go straight to the shaving kit tucked against the back of the cabinet, under the sink, and pull it out. My hands automatically lay out the small mirror and white vial. In less time than it would have taken to find a bottle of Tylenol, I’ve made two perfectly straight lines of white powder and rolled up a dollar bill into a tight, straw-like shape. A couple of snorts later, I repack the bag, tucking it once again securely out of sight.
The coveted feeling of calm races through my veins, and I’m once again unshakable. The nightmare is fading away, and my world is returning to the upright position. When a knock sounds at the door behind me, I jump guiltily. “Yeah, baby?” I call through the wood as I quickly wash my hands and scan the sink counter to make sure no evidence is left behind.
“Just making sure you are okay. I thought I heard you yell.” I cringe at her words, remembering my shout of relief as the cocaine had made its way into my system. If she knew my whole story, she of all people would probably understand my need for relief, but fuck, I don’t want her to know I’m using. I love that she looks to me for protection, and I’ll be damned if I want to seem like less in her eyes. I am just another messed-up person who needs a crutch to deal with his problems, but she doesn’t know that, and I want to keep it that way for as long as I can.
“Sorry, baby. Just…kicked the cabinet with my toe. Hurt like hell.” I wait another moment for the guilt of the lie to leave my face before opening the door to find her standing there. She has slipped on my shirt and as sexy as she is naked, she looks even better wearing my things.
We had spent a peaceful weekend together. After her ordeal in court on Friday, we decided to lay low for a few days. We spent Saturday exploring Biltmore Village, and Sunday we had returned to my house for lunch with Aunt Fae and a more PG-rated swim in the pool. It’s early Monday morning now, and we have a few hours remaining before either of us has to start the day.
Max let me know on Friday that Lia’s stepfather would remain in jail for the weekend but would possibly be released at some point today. I have given her strict instructions that she is to go nowhere without Sam. I will drive myself to the office this week so she can have my car at her disposal. Sam will take her to school and pick her up afterwards. I wanted her to take a week off, but she is in the middle of finals and refused.
I have no desire to go back to bed, but I know if I don’t, neither will Lia, and she has exams later on this morning. I pull back the bed covers and follow her under them. She turns on her side, and I wrap myself around her as naturally as if I have been doing the same thing for years. The routine we have developed over the last few weeks is both scary and comforting. Our talk earlier has shown me we are both wary and uncertain about what is happening between us. I have let her into a part of me no one has occupied before. I am clueless as to how this has happened so fast.
In truth, my first evening with Lia was for much the same reason as my first date with Laurie-to keep Monique off my ass. Lia was never supposed to be anything other than that. When I met her, though, something stirred to life and that feeling captivated me. My answer to the uncertainty those feelings provoked was to fuck her and get her out of my system.
Yeah, that worked really well; having sex with her only strengthened my fascination. I’m not completely clueless; I know part of the original attraction was the similarities between her and Cassie. Not physically, but their circumstances in life are alarmingly close. Lia, though, is strong and has refused to let life break her. Cassie was broken a long time ago and eventually shattered. Lia is the best version of a girl like Cassie. A girl I loved once, but it was never enough to save her from herself. I have existed in my fucked-up world for so long since that I’m like someone waking from a coma to face the first sunlight they’ve seen in years. The glare is bright, the world is confusing, and I’m floundering at every turn. However, when I behold the vibrant blue of the day and the fiery glow as the sunsets, I feel nothing but wonder in the moment. That is what I feel when I’m with Lia: awe as each new day dawns with her in my life and fear that one day, the sun will go away again and I’ll be back in the darkness, searching desperately for the light…for my Lia.
Lia’s steady breathing tells me she’s slipped back into sleep; I know I won’t be so lucky. The cocaine has brought all my nerve endings to life, and sleep is the furthest thing from my mind. Instead, I pull her closer and breathe in the floral scent of her hair against my nose. My mind gradually relaxes, and I drift in a light doze as sunlight slowly creeps into the bedroom through the tall glass windows. I register the clock moving closer to six and know Lia will need to be up soon; Sam
is picking her up at seven-thirty for her early class. I lay there with my morning wood pushing against the delicious crack of her ass, wondering if I’m bastard enough to wake her early. When she wiggles back against me, the decision is made.
Dropping my hand down her body, I slip it under my shirt she is still wearing and cup her sex. She moans low in her throat as I dip a finger into her moist heat; it appears I’m not the only one who woke in a state of need this morning. I leisurely stroke her slit from top to bottom, stopping to apply more pressure to her clit before continuing. The slow pace has her restless. Her hips chase my hand, trying to apply more pressure where she needs it. Just as she is moaning in frustration, I slip my finger in her pussy, sinking it in to my palm. Her breath quickens and I know it won’t take much to push her over. I’m selfish, though, and I want my cock inside her when she comes.
Pushing my boxers down, I line my hips up with hers, curving closer to her ass. Before she can register my intention, the head of my cock is pushing against her entrance, and I’m slamming into her from behind. She is tight from this position, and I remain still inside her snug channel until I feel her loosen around me. The urge to start fucking her hard is almost impossible to resist, but I don’t want to hurt her, so I let her set the pace. Sweat is beading my brow when she finally starts moving her hips insistently, impaling herself back, begging for it harder…faster. I give her everything she wants, holding nothing back as I power into her pussy over and over. The sound of our flesh slapping together fills the room along with moans of pleasure.
My balls tighten as my release climbs. I grit my teeth, trying to wait for her. “Touch yourself, baby; I need you to come now.” As caught up in the moment as I am, she doesn’t hesitate. I feel her hand drop and graze my cock as it plunges in and out of her wet sex. She starts to tremble as she works her nub, telling me she is there. I go deep, twisting my hips to hit her sweet spot, and that’s it. We both shout as our release races through us. I shoot what feels like an endless spray of cum into her pussy as an orgasm so strong it makes me feel lightheaded blazes through my body. Afterwards, we stay connected, enjoying the moment of closeness before the ticking clock forces us apart.
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