by Bea Paige
“Fuck that. Take me down. I have something I wish to say to your father,” she retorts, angry on my behalf.
“Rose…”
“No. Either you take me down, or I sit on my arse and slide down the stairs,” she responds stubbornly.
“You don’t need to deal with him.”
“Yes, I fucking do.” She gives me a determined look, and I couldn’t love her any more for it. This woman is the strongest person I know. She’s carried us all through the darkness. She stood up to each of us and survived it. I’m proud to have her by our side.
Making an easy decision, I sweep her up into my arms and carry her down the stairs. The whole time my father watches, his face blank and without any emotion. The man’s a fucking cold-hearted bastard. There isn’t any warmth in him. Not one shard.
Both Ivan and Erik seem to haul themselves upright as we descend, finding strength in Rose’s presence. I understand the way they feel because I feel the exact same way too. With Rose by our side, we’re fucking invincible. Placing Rose on her feet between us, we face my father together.
“Still here I see,” my father snarls, and the split second before I punch him for the second time, I wonder why he hates her so much. This time I draw blood, as the bone in my father’s nose cracks, breaking it. I feel nothing but a sick sense of emptiness.
“Last warning!” I snarl, my voice hard, cold.
He laughs. He actually fucking laughs and there’s an edge of madness to the sound. For the first time in years, I realise that we’re finally getting a glimpse beneath his impenetrable exterior. Always so smooth, so put together but I’ve managed to crack his armour, or maybe that’s just Rose, she’s an expert at that. I’m just about to drag him out the door when Rose rests her hand on my arm, squeezing gently.
“Wait, there’s something I wish to say, Anton.”
My father just laughs again. I nod tightly, my fingers curling into my palms. Rose slides her hand into mine, calming me instantly.
“I don’t know what you think you’re going to achieve by coming here, Viktor. The last time you graced us with your presence,” she sneers, making it perfectly clear that it wasn’t a pleasant experience, “You belittled your son and sent him to a very dark place.”
“He’s weak, always has been, always will be…” he says through his hand, trying to stem the flow of blood.
Rose steps forward and pokes her finger in his chest. We all move with her, Erik holding her upright with his arm wrapped around her waist, whilst I hold onto her hand still. That alone shocks my father. He knows about Erik’s past, and for just a second, I see real fear in my father’s eyes. It’s harder to control a person when there are no weaknesses to exploit.
Rose’s eyes narrow as she spits out the next words. “But you didn’t break him then, and you’re not going to break him now, and neither will she. You’ve underestimated Anton, us. We are stronger than the shit you want to drown us in. This whore, as you so kindly referred to me the last time you were here” she says, pulling her shoulders back and jutting her chin upwards, “is more than just a woman who can handle three powerful men. I’m more than a woman who can satiate them in the bedroom. I’m the one. I’m theirs and these men are mine. They don’t belong to Ms Hadley, and they sure as fuck don’t belong to you.”
“Now, listen,” he starts, blustering over the words as her sheer presence and anger makes him shrink just a little. It might be unnoticeable to someone who doesn’t know him, but to me it’s obvious. Momentous even.
“No! You listen,” she growls, stabbing her finger into his chest with each word. “There’s nothing and no one that will come between us. So, say what you came here to say, then leave.”
This time it’s my father’s turn to flinch. Very few people have stood up to him, especially not a woman. Even Ms Hadley wouldn’t dare talk to him like this, and my mother, she barely spoke a word to him the years they were married, let alone ever give him a piece of her mind. Perhaps if she had, perhaps if I had, things would be different now. Pride swells inside my chest, and I glance at Ivan and Erik. They too are glowing with it.
This woman, she’s everything we need and so much more.
My father folds his arms across his chest as he calculates his next move. He lowers his hand, blood dripping from his nose and coating his lips and teeth, making him look even more unhinged than he already does.
“I suppose you’re the one who saved Anton?” My father laughs again, blood and spittle flying out of his mouth.
“No. He did that all on his own. I just helped him to see what you couldn’t. That his gift lies within the darkness he lives in every day.”
“How pretty. You do have a way with words, Rose. I must admit, I’m surprised. Ms Hadley had you passed off as some brainless bimbo. I see the attraction though, but it’s not enough. They’ll tire of you, and when they do, you’ll have wished you kept a little bit of yourself hidden away, protected. Tell me, Rose, how long did it take them to get beneath your skin? Have they made you fall in love with them yet because once they do, they’ll ruin you.”
To Rose’s credit, she doesn’t rise to the bait, she cocks an eyebrow instead, “Come on Viktor, you need to do better than that,” she goads.
My father looks from me to Erik, then Ivan. The madness leeches into his eyes and this time he doesn’t even try to hide it.
“You don’t want to make an enemy of me, Rose,” he spits, hatred so powerful I feel the force of it, we all do.
Rose tips her head back and laughs. Viktor’s face turns puce. I’ve never seen him this unhinged before. “Rose,” I murmur, squeezing her hand in warning. When my father sets his sights on someone to ruin, he will stop at nothing to do just that.
“I’m not scared of you, Viktor. I’ve met worse men in my life. Your power,” she sneers, “comes from buying your way out of every situation. Didn’t anyone tell you that money can’t buy you love? Isn’t that the real issue here? You’re so fucking angry because these men, these wonderful, powerful, loyal men can’t be bought. It stings to know that they love me, doesn’t it? I bet you and Ms Hadley have plotted and planned together about how you can finish me, ruin us. It wouldn’t surprise me if you were the mastermind behind all this. Using a bitter, twisted, old woman to do your dirty work.”
Rose is breathing hard, her nostrils flaring as her accusation hangs in the air. Could she be right? Please, don’t let her be right.
“She’d do anything for me,” he snarls eventually, laughing hysterically now. He doesn’t even try to deny it.
I drop Rose’s hand as a violent kind of calm settles over me. My father’s behind this.
My own fucking father.
For long moments time stands still as we all absorb his confession. He might not have said it outright, but we all know the truth. He may as well have fired that gun himself.
Darkness swallows me.
It isn’t the same pitch black that has become a haven. No, this kind of darkness is the type you fall into and never return from. It’s where all the rage lives, the pain and abandonment. It’s the black hole where survival is just a worthless notion and only destruction awaits.
I freefall into it, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Not one thing.
I’m powerless to stop myself as it filters into my bloodstream.
Years of self-doubt, hurt, and betrayal rushes through my veins destroying any rational thought.
Stepping forward, I grip the man who’s never loved me by the throat with such force that his feet lift off the ground. Anger blazes a trail up my arm as I squeeze tightly. I’m vaguely aware of Rose calling my name, but I can’t answer her. I can’t see straight through the rage that is peeling off my skin in layers, flaying me to the bone. My father’s fingers grip at my hand, as blood vessels begin to pop in his eyes.
I’m going to fucking kill him.
And yet he still manages to smile no matter how hard I squeeze.
This time I’m going to wi
pe that smile off his face for good. This is the man he’s made, and this is the man who’s going to kill him for it.
“ANTON, STOP!” Ivan shouts, gripping hold of my wrist. “Brother, you do this, everything ends. Let him go, please.”
Everything slows. The beat of my heart, the sound of my breathing, the whistle of rage running through my veins. I’ve never felt such dark hatred in my life. Nothing has felt worse than this moment right now. The void is so deep, so dark, so fucking bottomless that I’m powerless against it.
“He wants this. Let him go, Ant,” Erik says this time, his hand folding over Ivan’s. “Brother, don’t give in to him. Don’t do it.”
Beside me my best friends try to persuade me to let go, and even though I can hear them, I can’t seem to stop myself. Years of hatred pours into my soul, blackening it further. There’s no coming back for me at this point.
My hand tightens, death taking hold.
Then he does something I don’t expect; he drops his hands and doesn’t fight back.
Chapter 8
Rose
I’m still clutched to Erik’s side as he begs Anton to stop, and as much as I hate his father right now, I need to save Anton from himself. I can’t let this man or Ms Hadley destroy us. If Anton kills him what we have will be over.
Twisting in Erik’s hold I reach for Anton, wrapping my arms around him from behind and clutching him against my chest. Pressing my mouth against his ear I say the words I hope will draw him out of the darkness and back to me, to us.
“Anton, don’t do this. I can’t lose you. I won’t. Let him go and look at me,” I beg.
He doesn’t respond, he’s in too deep.
Sliding around his body with difficulty, I place myself between him and his father. Ivan makes room but doesn’t let go of Anton’s arm. Now we all surround him. Erik on one side, Ivan the other and me in between, his father’s throat still gripped in his hand. None of us care about saving that man from what he deserves, just saving Anton from a life sentence.
Clutching his face in my hands, I force him to look at me.
“You do this, he wins. Let him go.”
I swallow hard and make a leap into the darkness with him. Taking his free hand, I lift it to my throat, walking into his grip. I feel his fingers tighten automatically, shifting over my skin. Recognition flickers in his gaze, but still he holds tight.
“I’m asking you not to kill Viktor. Not to save him, Anton, but to save us. Don’t let him, don’t let Ms Hadley ruin what we have. Come back to me, Anton. We need you here. We can’t do this without you,” I repeat, my heart burning with conviction.
And just like that he lets go.
Behind us Viktor coughs and splutters, drawing in lungsful of breath. But he is insignificant in this moment. Nothing is more important than these men. I belong right here, surrounded by them all. I feel Erik and Ivan slide behind me protecting me from the man who came to destroy us, but only served to bring us closer together.
Together we are strong, unbreakable. We’ve fought to get to this point. Every single one of us facing the darkest parts of our souls and surviving it.
Anton grips my face with shaking hands, his whole body trembling. His dark eyes finding mine. “I love you, Rose,” he grinds out, before crashing his mouth against my own.
Our kiss is earth shattering and loving in a way that reassures me that I was right to choose this man, these men.
Colours bleed into our kiss. The shimmering ghosts of our pasts and the dense white fog of uncertainty evaporating into the golden amber of a new dawn that’s bursting with passion and love, streaks of red running through it like the blood pumping in our veins. In our hearts. I let the colours envelop me, falling helplessly into his arms, weakened by my physical state but feeling inordinately stronger for his love.
Eventually, reluctantly, we part ready to face his father once more.
Anton draws me against his chest as my arms slide around his waist. Erik and Ivan step aside, revealing Viktor who stands at the open door. Outside the night sky is dark and oppressive. But I’m not afraid of the man who looks at me with deep hatred. I refuse to let him scare me.
“This isn’t over,” he snarls, his voice hoarse, raw.
“Yes, it is.” Erik crosses his arms, stepping forward. “Get the fuck out. Next time we won’t stop him. Next time we’ll help.”
Viktor nods, a strange kind of acceptance passing across his features before he grips hold of the door frame. I’m sure I’m not the only one to notice how he holds on so tightly. His knuckles white.
“Erik, I came here to tell you that your mother is dying. She’s dying,” he chokes out, and for a moment the tiniest flicker of pain flashes across his face before he shuts it down quickly.
Erik stiffens, but that’s the only outward reaction he allows himself.
“Then you’d better return to her, Viktor, because not one of us will be following you to do the same.”
With nothing left to say Viktor walks out, the front door slamming shut behind him.
We sit together in the parlour. A fire has been lit in the hearth, but I can’t seem to get warm. Curling into Anton’s side, I stare at the flames sparking and cracking, consuming the logs.
Erik is standing by the fire, his hands sunk deep into his pockets. Ivan is by his side, his hand resting on Erik’s shoulder. A comforting gesture that warms my heart even when the cold harsh reality of the last few weeks begins to set in. Ms Hadley had tried to kill me, and Anton’s father had been behind it. Their hate for me is overwhelming. I’ve no idea what I’ve done to deserve it.
“At least I don’t have to kill her myself, the cancer should do a good enough job of it for me,” Erik mutters, finally giving us an insight into his thoughts. I know he hates her right now, but I’m not fool enough to think that there’s no love left for her. She was his mother, she brought him up, and in her own twisted way loved him fiercely. I don’t condone her behaviour, and god knows I despise her, but love isn’t something you can switch off so easily, no matter how much you want too. I understand that all too well.
“Here’s hoping,” Ivan responds, his own voice dark and contemplative.
All three of them have been quiet, thoughtful, and I’ve not had the energy to start the conversation we must have in order to move on from this.
“Could this all be some elaborate ploy?” Erik asks for the third time since Viktor left.
“I wouldn’t have put it past them both. But there’s no denying it’s true, Erik,” Anton responds heavily.
After Viktor left, Erik made some calls. Ms Hadley has stage four metastatic breast cancer and all I can think is that I’m glad. I can’t summon up any sympathy for the woman who tried to destroy us. It doesn’t matter who the true mastermind behind it was, she lifted the gun, she took aim and fired. That witch is going to get her comeuppance in the worst possible way, and I don’t have an ounce of empathy for her. Not one tiny bit.
But I hurt for Erik, for them all. Betrayed by the people closest to them, they’re left reeling, cast adrift and now it’s up to me to give them purpose, to provide them with shelter and security. I can do that. I will do that.
“Erik, will you sit with me?” I ask gently, shifting on the sofa.
Anton eases his arm from my waist, then gets up. “I’m going to ask Fran to fix us some supper. None of us have eaten all day. I’ll be back in a second.”
“I’ll go,” Ivan says. “There’s something I need to grab from my room anyway.” He glances at me, smiling tightly, stress tightening his jaw.
“You okay?” I ask. A stupid question, of course. None of us are okay.
“I will be,” he responds cryptically, before heading out of the room.
I watch him leave, worry fizzing in my stomach. This afternoon has taken its toll and I know they’re all finding it hard to keep it together. Ivan needs Domina, he’s desperate for her and I feel helpless not being able to help him right now.
“He’
ll be alright, we all will,” Anton reassures me.
Despite almost losing Anton to something he wouldn’t have been able to come back from he's holding up well considering. I felt his rage, his anger. I understood it. We all did. But I’m grateful he had the strength to pull himself back from a future that would’ve left us all broken. Somehow, he’s holding it together better than all of us.
“Erik, sit down. Take comfort from the one woman who has the power to keep us together,” Anton urges him wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Come on, man.”
I watch as Anton manoeuvres him towards the sofa. Erik lets him.
“Rose, I’m going to check on Ivan.”
“Thank you,” I respond.
“Be right back.” He presses his lips on the top of my head, but I reach up to him and grasp his face pulling him in for a deep kiss. I’m so proud of him, of how he’s dealing with everything.
“What was that for?” He asks when I eventually let him go.
“Just because, Anton.”
He gives me one of his panty-melting smiles, then leaves us to talk.
The moment Anton leaves the room, Erik slumps forward, his head in his hands, a long painful moan falling from his mouth. He’s tried so hard to keep himself together, to show us he isn’t affected by the news, but of course he is. I know him better than he thinks, we all do.
“This is on me, Rose,” he blurts out.
“What are you talking about?” I reach for him, my fingers gently stroking his back. He flinches at the touch, snapping his head upwards, a dark look looming in his eyes. I pull away sharply, recognising what’s just beyond the thin resolve. The monster is there, waiting for the opportunity to bare its face. Still it haunts him, patient to the last.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, realising my mistake.
“No! Fuck, Rose. Don’t apologise for trying to comfort me,” he retorts, grabbing my wrists and drawing my cupped hands to his lips. He kisses each palm with reverence. “I’m just on edge right now. Too much to take in…”