by Bea Paige
“You’re in shock,” Rose says. “We all are… Put the knife down, Ivan.” She reaches for me, but I shake my head.
“Don’t be afraid, Rose. This isn’t like the last time we were in this room together. I might be about to slice open my skin but not for the reason you think.”
“Then why?” she asks, observing me as I peer up at her.
“A real pact can’t be made without an exchange of blood. Today, we extend the pact to you, the woman we’ve chosen, the woman we love.” I allow that word to permeate the air that’s thick with tension. She needs to understand the depth of emotion that I feel for her, that we feel. “Do you trust me?” I ask, taking her hand in mine, the knife hovering over the fleshy skin of her palm.
She doesn’t hesitate. “Yes, without any doubt.”
“Good.” I press a kiss into the palm of her hand before quickly sliding the tip of the knife over her flesh. Blood pools immediately as she winces from the sudden slash of pain.
“Anton, Erik,” I say, reaching for each of them in turn. They hold their palms up and I cut them both. Erik cups Rose’s hand in his, Anton settles his palm over hers. Then I slash my own palm, placing my hand in a fist above them. Erik and Anton both look at me, then nod urging me to say the words we swore to each other all those years ago. Three boys who found a family with one another, now three men kneeling at the feet of their queen, the one.
“In the darkness when the lights go out,” I start.
“When pain haunts our dreams and distance keeps us apart,” Anton continues.
“We make an oath to always have each other’s backs, to remain friends, brothers, family… until our last breath, ” Erik finishes. He catches my eye, a glimpse of the boy I once knew dancing in his eyes.
“Finish it,” he demands.
Turning my attention to Rose, I drop the knife, and cup their hands between mine, our blood mingling as I extend the pact, making a vow to the woman we love.
“Rose, you found us at our most broken. You dived into the darkness and you fucking absorbed it. You fought for us like no one has ever done before. Anton knew from the moment you came into our lives that you were the one, the only one who could save us from ourselves, to bind us together. He may not be right about many things, but he was right about that,” I say, pulling laughter from Anton’s lips and a smile from everyone else.
“This pact may have been made by three childish teenagers, but what comes next are the words of three men who love you completely, utterly, and without restraint.”
She smiles tumultuously, her lips quivering, but there are no tears, just a deep sense of wonder in her eyes. “And now we extend this pact to the woman who completes us. The woman who danced into my life and helped me to see the truth of my heart,” I say, dropping my gaze and submitting to her dominance.
“Who stepped into the darkness and filled it with colour,” Anton adds.
“Whose strength and truth humbled me…” Erik murmurs.
“Rose, you’re the one, the only one and we vow to protect and love you above all else, forsaking all others until our last breath,” I finish, feeling inordinately stronger for it.
We are all silent as we watch our blood drip onto the floor below. It seeps into the cracks joining Svetlana’s and marking a new step in our relationship, our future. I couldn’t love Svetlana how she deserved. I couldn’t protect her heart, couldn’t protect her. But I won’t make the same mistake twice and god forbid anyone who tries to harm what we have and take what is ours. Not this time.
After a minute or two, Rose cracks a wobbly smile, easing her hand out from between ours. She curls her fingers into a fist and holds it against her chest, wincing a little at the sting.
“If I didn’t know any better, I would think we just got married,” she says, her voice mixed with mirth and a heavy dose of emotion.
We all laugh, but not one of us denies it. This is a vow after all.
Chapter 10
Rose
A week passes. In that time, I learn to use my crutches better and my knee and shoulder pain ease with every passing day from the strengthening exercises my new physio, Alicia, has taught me. The swelling is all but gone and the bruise is now turning an ugly shade of green with unsightly patches of yellow, turning my skin from black and blue to the same sludgy colour of the pond I stand before now.
Across my palm the cut is healing, the skin knitting together slowly. I’m hoping it will leave a scar so that I have a reminder every day of the vow we made together, the pact. To an outsider, it may seem a ridiculous thing to do, but it has strengthened us. It has secured the foundations of our relationship into something infinitely stronger, unbreakable. And God only knows we need that strength now.
“Thank you, Alicia,” I say, smiling at my physio as she helps to ease me onto the bench and hands me a cup of coffee.
I’m feeling particularly crappy this morning and we both decided a bit of fresh air was needed to revitalise me. I’m pretty certain what I actually need involves the three men inside locked with me behind a bedroom door, but circumstance and other factors- namely a vicious old woman and a wretched businessman- have made that impossible right now. Their heads are elsewhere, and I can’t blame them for it. I feel the same way.
“Not a problem, Rose. It might be colder than a penguin’s arse out here, but you need a bit of fresh air. Being cooped up inside is the last thing you need. I’ll stay with you for a bit, then I’ll let one of the lads know you’re out here, or I’ll walk you back in. Either way, I won’t let you turn into an icicle.”
“Don’t let them hear you call them lads, might hurt their egos a bit,” I say, grinning. They’re definitely men, I can’t even begin to imagine them ever being laddish at a younger age. Though given the pact they made to one another, I know that they were just as fiercely loyal and intense back then as they are now. It’s just as well, that’s the way I like them.
“Pretty sure their egos would only take a bashing if you were to call them a name they didn’t like. Ever done that, you know, in the bedroom?” she winks, already sussing out our unusual set up.
I can’t help but grin, but I don’t elaborate any more than that.
“You can’t blame a girl for trying,” she laughs, taking a sip of her tea.
We sit in comfortable silence for a while, watching the swans float across the lake. It may feel as cold as the arctic, but the lake hasn’t frozen over which is a good thing because I’d hate for the swans to leave. It seems such a long time ago now that I stood here with Ivan having a conversation about the ballet Swan Lake. That day things fell into place for us both, and it has been a rollercoaster ever since. One I’m never going to get off no matter how tumultuous the journey might be.
“This place is beautiful,” Alicia murmurs. “Pretty cool set up you’ve got here.”
“It is, isn’t it?” I agree.
Alicia is probably the nicest woman I’ve met. Well, girl really. I’m betting that she’s not much older than twenty. But despite her young age, she has wit, charm and a sharp personality that matches her wild hairdo and makeup. Alicia is all the colours of the rainbow, from her pink and blue streaked hair to her purple eyeshadow, nose ring and customised trainers that poke out from beneath her scrubs. Ivan thinks she looks like a rainbow gone wrong, and from afar Erik thinks she’s just plain odd, though he hasn’t got close enough to really make a decision either way. Anton humours her, laughing at her terrible jokes whilst keeping me company through most of her visits. Today, he’s locked himself away in his studio working on a piece he wishes to keep secret for now, and both Ivan and Erik are attending to business, so it’s just been the two of us.
I’m not going to lie; it has been nice having a bit of female company. Besides, I like her, and beneath all the colourfulness of her clothes and personality she really is a very pretty, sweet girl. It’s just as well then that my men are in love with me and she’s young enough to be their daughter.
I smile at
that, the knowledge of their love warming me far better than this thick woollen coat does. Alicia wraps her black hoody tightly around her, then turns to me, her brown eyes bubbling with mirth. She cocks an eyebrow.
“Spill it, ballerina,” she jests, nudging me with her elbow.
“Spill what? I’ll have you know this is the finest coffee money can buy and I’m not about to spill a drop of it,” I retort with a smirk.
She huffs, a blast of warm breath making little white clouds release from her mouth.
“Look, I get it. You’ve only known me a few days so you’re not willing to dish the dirt on your set-up here and honestly you don’t have to share a thing, I wouldn’t be offended. But, unbeknownst to you I’m not unfamiliar with this kind of relationship or from being loved by more than one man. It’s quite a feat to juggle them all, but women are the best damn multitaskers, so pulling it off ain’t all that hard.” She looks at me with a cocked eyebrow, her own eyes sparkling with mirth and secrets of their own.
“You mean…” This time I do manage to spill some coffee. Thank goodness for my thick woollen coat. “You’re too young…” My voice trails off as I realise how old that makes me sound.
“Don’t look so surprised, Rose. I might be young, but the shit that’s happened has meant I’ve had to grow up, and fast. A life in care will do that to a kid. I was just lucky enough to fall in love whilst doing it,” she shrugs, smiling over the rim of her cup.
“I know how that feels. Growing up fast, I mean.” My childhood and my innocence were lost the moment I got involved with Roman. But a life in care? I can’t imagine what it’d be like to grow up in those circumstances.
“Yep, life sure does stink sometimes…For a long time it did for me, until four years ago when I went to Oceanside. I’d thought that going to a reform school for a bunch of misfits would mess me up for good. It didn’t.” She lets that statement hang in the air before shrugging it off with a grin. Happiness seems to be a permanent state for Alicia, which is very refreshing given the small snippets of her past that she’s shared with me.
“And those boys, are they still in your life?” I ask, curious to know.
“Yep, still here. Still mine,” she grins, squeezing my arm. “Perhaps one day I’ll introduce you to the four of them.”
“Four?”
“Yep, with youth comes energy. Can’t help it if I’m overflowing with it.” She wiggles her eyebrows and we both burst out laughing. It’s a sound I’ve not heard for a while.
“So, how did you get into physiotherapy…?” I don’t say it out loud, but she understands the question that’s hidden beneath this one. How does a girl who attended a reform school end up in this kind of profession? Her eyes darken a little, intriguing me further. In that brief glimpse, I see a past riddled with hurt and difficulty. I sense a kindred spirit in Alicia.
“Let’s just say a couple of my misfits,” she says, with a wry smile, “Had a bad habit of getting themselves involved in crap they shouldn’t. That crap led to a lot of… injuries. I became the person to help get them through those times. Set me up for this job pretty nicely actually and it gave me something to focus on at Oceanside other than four boys who messed with my head before finally listening to their hearts.”
“Sounds complicated,” I respond. So, it hasn’t always been rainbows and smiles then.
“Yep, complicated pretty much sums us up and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but perhaps that’s a story for another time, yeah?” she responds, glancing at her watch.
“I’d like to hear it,” I say, honestly.
She catches my eye and nods. “And I’d like to share it. I figure us ladies should stick together. Honestly, I’m made of tough stuff. Pretty sure you are too, Rose. Growing up the way I have has made that an inevitability, and most days other people’s snarky comments are like water off a duck’s back, but living in such a small village makes it hard sometimes.”
“I hear that,” I agree. “I’ve probably got the nosiest neighbour in the whole of Cornwall. It’s just as well that I’m holed up here and don’t have to face her judgement.”
“I’d stay here if I were you… pretty sure those lads would love it.”
“I’ve no intention of returning home… I’ve just got to figure out what to do with my place.”
Alicia turns to look at Browlace, a dreamy look passing over her features. “Me and the guys are working on getting a bigger home and eventually stop renting. But these things take time. One day soon, I hope,” she says, her bright optimism back.
“I’m sure you’ll make it happen,” I say, already knowing that she’s the kind of woman who will strive to get what she wants. “How did you end up in Cornwall? Your accent is very London,” I say carefully, not wanting to offend her. I actually really like her accent. I’m also pretty sure she usually swears like a sailor but is on her best behaviour around me. This is her job, after all.
“I grew up in Hackney. We all did. This accent goes with the territory, init?” she jokes.
I laugh out loud. This girl is a breath of fresh air and exactly what I’ve needed to distract me from my current predicament and the heavy cloud that still hangs over us all. We all know that a confrontation is coming and we’re not ready yet to face it.
“We moved here when things got a little messy back home…”
“You’re not in trouble, are you?” I ask, suddenly worried that this sweet girl needs my help.
“Nothing we can’t handle. You can take the kid out of Hackney, but you can’t take Hackney out of the kid,” she says by way of explanation.
“That’s a little cryptic.”
“That’s all you’re getting for now,” she retorts with a wink. “Well, I’d better be off, Rose. I’ve got places to be. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I respond, a frown creasing my brow as I watch her walk back towards Browlace and Ivan, who’s already on his way over. She holds her hand up for him to high-five as he strolls past, and to my delight he slaps his palm against hers, giving her a begrudging smile. There’s something about Alicia that makes you see the world a little brighter than before. Her happiness is like a tonic, one we all so desperately need. I don’t like to think that she’s in trouble. I file that piece of information away, something to keep in mind over the coming weeks she’ll be working with me.
Ivan sits down next to me with a look of bemusement on his face.
“What?” I ask, grinning.
“She’s quite a character, that Alicia,” he says, shaking his head and rubbing his palms together as though he can’t quite believe he high-fived her like some teenager. He has a bandage wrapped around his hand, just like the rest of us. If Alicia noticed, she hasn’t mentioned it.
“She sure is. I like her.”
“Well, so long as she makes you happy, and gets you fit enough to walk without the damn crutches, then I’m all for her. Though, I swear if she refers to us as lads again I might just blow a gasket.” He laughs, so I know he doesn’t mean it.
Twining his fingers with mine, Ivan settles on the bench beside me. We both watch the swans glide across the pond. They stop in the centre bobbing together on the surface. The male cob leans over to rub his head against the female’s long neck before she glides off gracefully, the cob following.
“Looks like she’s the boss,” Ivan remarks, drawing a smile from both our lips.
“Yep,” I agree, with a light laugh.
Funny how a few short minutes with someone as upbeat as Alicia can change your outlook, but that lightness is short lived when Ivan breathes out heavily. I knew it was too good to be true. Our life is never straightforward, but then again why would it be?
“Erik’s just received an interesting phone call…” He dithers, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand rather than continuing.
“And?” I question, not liking the tone of his voice or his reluctance to tell me what the phone call was about. It must be bad.
/> “And someone from his past has just resurfaced.”
I twist my body to face Ivan, not enjoying the look in his eyes one little bit. “Well?” I prompt, feeling impatient.
“It’s Emmie. She’ll be arriving tomorrow.”
Chapter 11
Erik
I wake up with a pounding headache, sleep yet again hard to come by. The only reason I’ve managed to get a few hours in was because I’d finally relented and snuck into Rose’s bed. I’ve kept away, partly because I’m afraid I’ll lose control around her, but also because she needs to heal completely before I let down my guard enough to be the man that she needs me to be and the man I want to be. Every day as she heals, so do I. My flashbacks might still be occurring, but I can manage them better with every passing day.
It’s just my resolve, to not touch Rose until she’s ready, that’s waning.
God, I want her. It started as an ache and is now a sharp pain, the wound getting wider every moment I’m not holding her in my arms.
In her sleep she’d snuggled into my side, curling her body around my own. For a while I just lay there in shock at the normalness of it all. It’s what I’ve been wanting, needing for years and it came at a moment I’d least expected. Eventually her soft breaths, her florally smell and comforting warmth meant sleep finally came. Now, as Fran walks in with breakfast, Rose is a little distant and not nearly as happy to see me as I’d hoped.
“Thanks, Fran,” I mutter, watching her place the tray on the side table.
“No bother,” she responds, glancing between us.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Rose give Fran a grim look. They’ve become close and Fran already knows what such a look precedes.
“Want me to tell Ivan and Anton you’re up?”