by Bea Paige
I nod, giving him permission to document us this way.
His gaze falls to Ivan who is naked and standing beside me. I rest my palm on Ivan’s arm. “You can choose what you’d like me to use. Grab whatever you need from the drawer then get on your hands and knees. Place the item on the floor beside you, ” I tell him.
“Yes, Domina,” he murmurs and the soft pad of his bare feet moving across the floor is strangely comforting.
Across the room, hidden half in shadow is Erik. He’s leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest as he regards me. “You left,” he says, making a statement.
“You needed time alone. I gave that to you,” I explain, realising how feeble that sounds. In all honesty I’d felt on the edge of their grief this time, not a part of it. In that moment, I didn’t feel able to stay. It was a private moment between three men who’ve known each other their whole lives.
“Bullshit. The truth, Rose.”
I glance at Anton who is watching me intently. “Anton,” I plead, not wanting to get into a conversation about this right now.
He places his pencil on the pad. “Answer the question, Rose.”
“I didn’t run. I just felt…”
“What, Rose?” Erik persists, striding towards me.
“You’re family… you needed time alone with each other. I gave you that.”
He stops before me, cupping the back of my head in his large hands. “For fucks sake, Rose. Don’t you get it? Have you learnt nothing? You’re our family, you’re the beat to each of our hearts. You’re the reason we didn’t lose our shit downstairs. Christ, woman, what the fuck do we have to do to make you see that? We. Need. You,” Erik grinds out.
“I get it. I’m sorry,” I say, and I do. I really, really do. Because they are my family too. I know that now more than ever. There is nothing that will make me give these men up, nothing.
“Come here,” Erik says, pulling me into his arms. He holds me against him for long moments, then lowers his mouth to my ear. “I told you the last time that if you were to doubt my love, our love, again there would be consequences…”
He lets that statement hang between us as he presses his hips against mine. I can feel the swell of his cock between us and warmth heats between my legs and beneath my skin.
“You’re going to understand that I’m a man of my word.”
Erik pulls back slightly, searching my upturned face. He brushes a few strands of hair off my face with a sweep of his fingers.
“Be Domina for Ivan, soothe Anton’s pain and then, then you’re going to submit to me.” He brushes a chaste kiss against my lips, his fingers curling into my hair before he pulls away sharply and strides back to his spot in the corner of the room.
For a few seconds it’s all I can do but stand there and absorb the growing tension in the room. I let the anticipation fill me. Let their gazes scorch my skin.
Drawing in a calming breath, I turn on my feet and walk towards Anton. He watches me, waiting patiently. Bending over, I run my hand through his hair as I press my lips against his ear. “I know you don’t take orders, Anton. But I want you to undress. I need you to be ready when it’s time to fall into the darkness. I need you to fall with me, please.”
Anton reaches up, his dark gaze meeting mine. “Every damn time, Rose,” he responds, grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me roughly to him. Our teeth and lips clash as we kiss, a sweet kind of bruising pleasure. There’s a sense of urgency from him, a need to be fulfilled, loved.
And the truth is, I’m so ready to love him, love them all.
When he pulls away panting, raw with emotion, a different kind of passion flares in my chest; one of solidarity, friendship, family. Not one of them has mentioned the conversation that took place in the parlour or Emmie’s revelation. What is there to say? We all know the truth. This here, right now, is our way of healing each other. Of coping.
“For you, I’d do anything.” Anton stands, undressing. I watch greedily, my gaze roving over every inch of his skin. He’s beautiful and when he gives me one of his dazzling smiles, it’s all I can do to remember to breathe.
“Don’t keep Ivan waiting any longer, the man’s about to self-combust,” Anton says with a smirk. The sheer fact he can be so generous, so selfless after the events of this evening blows me away, frankly.
He's right though, Ivan is tightly wound up. On his hands and knees beside me, there is a paddle waiting to be used. His head hangs low, his dark hair falling forward but his whole body is strung tight. Every muscle is rigid. Between his legs his cock is erect, the tip engorged from his desire and excitement. I have the sudden urge to slide beneath him and suck him off until he comes. But that isn’t the kind of release he needs right now. Not yet, anyway.
Stepping into the centre of the room, I slip off my loose trousers, easing out of them, and let them drop to the floor. I remove my t-shirt next, leaving on my black lace underwear. My nipples pebble at the guttural sound that comes from the corner of the room and I allow myself a quick glance in Erik’s direction, drawing in a breath at the force of his gaze.
Damn, I’m in so much trouble. But I do not look away.
If I’m completely honest with myself, there’s a large part of me that likes to disobey Erik’s orders, to push the boundaries between us. Deep down I had known that walking away from them earlier would have repercussions, but I did it anyway. I didn’t do it to be cruel or heartless. I did it, for the most part, to give them that moment together. Yes, I had my own insecurities, that wasn’t a lie, but I also knew that Erik would take it upon himself to make sure I understood that those insecurities would cost me.
When he looks at me now like he’s about ready to devour me, I know he’s going to fulfil his promise… and my core aches for it.
I ache for him and his firm touch and gentle caresses.
“Can you do this, Erik? I’m going to give Ivan what he craves…”
He nods tightly. “I trust you. But know this, the second they’ve got what they need, you’re mine.”
“Yes,” I whisper, lowering my eyes, giving him my submission and a promise of what’s to come.
But first Ivan and Anton. They need me too, and God knows I want them.
Tonight, I’m going to show them just how much.
Chapter 16
Ivan
Rose bends down beside me and picks up the paddle. Her long slim fingers stroking over the smooth leather and wood. I’m trembling, almost violently now, with the anticipation and need. I need this woman. I need Domina. It’s been weeks since I’ve felt the reassurance of her firm hand, her confidence and surety.
It’s been so tough watching her battle to get better and feeling so goddamn helpless. But yet again she wows us all with her strength and her resilience. Even now, still healing, she’s stronger than we could ever hope to be.
She’s so fucking strong.
“Ivan, I need you to lean on the bed. Get up, my love,” she whispers, that word tumbling from her lips before she’s able to stop it. I hear the sudden sharp intake of breath as she realises what she’s just said.
My love…
The room stills.
No one moves, not even me, despite her command.
I hear the rush of wood moving through the air before the sound of the paddle cracking against my skin fills the space.
“Fuuucckk!” I cry out, jerking forward. My muscles tighten then relax as endorphins rush through my bloodstream. My fucking cock leaps.
“I said get up,” she repeats, this time dropping the affectionate address. But it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t say it again. I heard it. We all did.
Pushing up off my palms I do as she asks and lean against the bed. My fingers find the cool cotton and I curl them into the material, readying myself for the next blow.
I don’t have to wait long.
She smacks the paddle against my arse five more times, and with each blow I find myself letting go of all the stress I’ve fe
lt over the last few weeks. She is firm and sure with each strike. She marks me, making me hers. It turns me on, more than I’ll ever be able to express with words. I almost come with the final blow against my skin.
“That’s enough,” she says, dropping the paddle to the floor with a loud thud. Out of the corner of my eye I see her stumble slightly as she removes her underwear, she’s still not back to full health and it shows.
Panting, I close my eyes against the bliss that always follows such intense pain. My skin burns, and I’m sweating but as her fingers caress the soreness, another kind of bliss unfolds, and I lose myself for a time in the quiet headspace that follows. This, this is what I seek. A peaceful kind of nirvana where no one but Rose and I exist. Her fingers smooth over the sore areas, working into the muscle of my arse and lower back. It’s both painful and intensely erotic. Pain and pleasure combining, a high like no other.
“Ivan, get on the bed,” she murmurs after a while, her gentle voice penetrating the quiet.
Crawling onto the bed, I lie on my back and wait for her instruction. She lies down next to me, curling into my side. Her mouth lifts to my ear and she whispers three words that both break me and put me back together.
“I love you,” she says tentatively.
My fucking heart explodes. Rose has successfully detonated a bomb within me. I’ve known for quite some time that she’s in love with me, with Anton and Erik, but to hear her utter the words is a blessing.
Turning my head to the side, I allow myself to lightly brush my lips against her forehead. As much as I want to kiss her, fucking love her back, she is still my Domina, and I am still her sub. That hasn’t changed despite her words.
Tipping her head back, she presses a delicate kiss against my lips whilst her fingers burn a trail down my chest seeking out my cock. It twitches the moment her fingers wrap around the base.
“Before when you had made love to me, I wasn’t ready…” she breathes deeply, a sense of serenity relaxing her features, her green eyes sparkling with hope. “But I’m ready now. I want you to make love to me, Ivan,” she says, trailing her nails gently over my balls. My cock bounces against my stomach. I’m so hard for her, it’s almost painful.
“I’m ready,” she repeats. “There are no orders now, but that. Love me.”
We’ve come so far.
She doesn’t have to ask twice. I will love this woman until the world stops spinning.
“Turn away from me, Rose,” I say, gently brushing my lips against hers.
She frowns but does as I ask, facing away from me. I turn on my side, sliding one arm beneath her so that I can pull her tightly against me, drawing her back against my front. Cupping her breast in my hand, I trail my lips against the curve of her neck, seeking out the tender spot where I know she loves to be kissed. In my arms she melts against me, small moans of pleasure releasing from her lips as my fingers tease her nipple and my free hand slides down her side enjoying the dips and curves of her waist and hips. Her smell is divine, the most potent perfume that I’ll never be able to get enough of.
“You’ve set me free, Rose. You’ve given me what I need time and time again. I will submit to you, always. I will love you every damn time we come together if you need me to. I’m yours. Whatever you command, I shall give it to you.”
Sliding my hand lower, I seek out the warmth between her legs. My finger dips between her folds, caressing the wet warmth that greets me there. “Fuck, you’re so wet…” I grind out, finding her clit and swirling my finger over the tiny mound of flesh. She parts her legs, bringing her knee up so I can get better access. I stroke her, taking my time to build the pleasure for her. Always her. She whimpers under my touch.
“I’ve got you, Rose,” I whisper.
Rose arches her back against me, the crack of her arse sliding against my cock.
“Love me, Ivan,” she moans, her voice pitched equally between that of Domina and of Rose.
It’s the only command I need to hear. My own stresses satiated, I give Rose what she needs and angling my cock to her centre, I slide into her in one firm thrust. She so tight, so wet, so fucking mine. My eyes roll back in my head at the sensation and the feeling of deep, unequivocal love that I feel.
Holding her against me and anchoring her to my chest, I make love to the only woman who’s ever understood the true depths of my nature. I love her with gentle caresses and soft kisses, firm strokes and blissful licks.
Right now, she doesn’t want the frenzy of fast, lust-filled sex. She wants to know what it feels like to be loved, so that’s what I do. I fuck her with every ounce of love I have. I fold her against me, my heart beating in time with hers. When she angles her head to kiss me, I respond with deep sensual kisses, our tongues dancing with each other’s. There’s no fight in this kiss, just acceptance and a sense of freedom. The silky smoothness of her skin against my own is a soft caress as I hold onto her tightly revelling in her warmth. As we make love, Rose responds differently this time, she grips my arms against her, her fingers digging into my skin, neither one of us wanting to let go. Her moans of pleasure, the way she pushes back against me, folding her leg back over my thigh so that I can fill her completely, cracks open my heart. Inside I’m fucking dancing, my soul soaring with every touch.
I revel in the sting that remains on my skin and the tight warmth of her body clutching my cock so tightly. Together we move, the gentle rocking of a boat on an ocean where new beginnings are just beyond the horizon. She murmurs her love for me, her words a gentle caress and a reminder of what we have become. We were once two lost souls, cast adrift and alone, fighting self-hate and pain with no hope of ever feeling whole again, and now… now we are so much more than that. Together we are a perfect fit, together we are something extraordinary.
“Ivan,” she breathes. “Oh, Ivan… I love you...”
And I feel her love. I feel it in every single cell of my being. When she turns her head once more seeking out my lips, I swallow every breathless pant, every word that she utters, consuming her love, letting it fill me up and mend every broken part of me. Steadily, like the sun dawning, evaporating the dark clouds that have tried to ruin us both, we come together, the gentle lapping of our mutual orgasms binding us together with love, making us whole...
“Ivan, let her go.”
I hear Anton’s voice filter into my thoughts, my orgasm slowly fading away.
“Brother, may I?” he asks again, standing beside us both. Rose’s own eyes flutter open as she turns her head once more, bringing her hand up to cup my cheek. She kisses me deeply, her fingers tugging on my hair.
“Thank you,” she murmurs, smiling beneath my mouth.
I can’t help but smile back. This feeling of completion fills me up as I look at Rose. Despite all the shit that’s happened today, these past few weeks, I’m happy. So, fucking happy.
And now it’s my best friend’s turn to find that happiness too.
“Go with him. He needs you,” I say, caressing the tip of my nose down the bridge of hers and pulling away from her gently. But she’s not ready to leave my arms, not quite yet.
“Will you do something for me, Ivan?” she whispers, twisting her body so she’s facing me now.
“Yes, anything.”
“Will you lay some flowers at Svetlana’s grave and make peace with the hurt you caused her? Will you finally let the guilt go?”
My response is caught in my throat, so I simply nod my head.
“You may have hurt Svetlana, but you didn’t kill her, Ivan. That guilt doesn’t belong to you. I need you to be strong when we face Ms Hadley and Viktor, because we will have to face them. Let the guilt go and be the man I see. The strong, passionate, courageous man who I’m in love with. Can you do that?”
There really is only one response I’m able to give her. “With you by my side, I can do anything, Rose.”
Chapter 17
Anton
Sliding my arms beneath Rose, I lift her off the bed. There’s onl
y one place I want to make love to her, and it isn’t in this room. I lock eyes with Ivan who’s lying boneless and satiated on her bed. He gives me a lazy smile, one that’s filled with happiness and joy. She told him she loved him. I don’t think she realised I heard her, but I’m happy for him. Truly, happy.
“I’ll bring Rose back, okay?”
“You don’t need to ask my permission, Ant. I’m pretty sure the only one in control here is Rose.”
“You got that right,” Rose says, grinning as she presses the flat of her palm against my chest. Her fingers scrape against my skin as she grasps my pec. “Take me to the darkness, Anton,” she whispers so only I can hear.
Adjusting her in my arms, I stride towards the door.
“Where are you going?” Erik asks, grabbing hold of my arm. The gravelly tone of his voice is pitted with questions I’m not particularly interested in answering. He wants to take control. I see that in his stance, in the way he looks at Rose. But not this time, not like this. He’s my brother, my real life brother and that’s both a wonderful revelation and a painful one because now I know why my dad has always favoured him. Erik was his first born son. I’ve always lived in his shadow, but even though he might be older by a few months, I refuse to kowtow to his demands and orders.
I need a moment with Rose. I need it.
Rose reaches for the door handle, opening it. “Anton and I are going to fall into the darkness, Erik,” she responds for me, looking at him intently. I know she loves him too, but right now she understands that I need to be with her and only her. I’m so grateful for that, for understanding me.
“Then I’ll wait,” he says, turning his gaze to me. “Take care of her, brother.”
“That’s one demand I’m more than happy to fulfill,” I respond before striding from the room.