by Fiona Faris
“Is that what ye meant by my family stole yer home? Ye believe Blair Castle tae be rightfully yers?” Malcolm demanded to know, pushing away from the door and standing with his fists clenched at his sides.
“Aye,” Alana answered. In her heart she knew that Malcolm would never hurt her, but the anger she saw upon his face gave her pause.
“Son,” Andrew chastened and Malcolm turned away to look out of the window.
“What ye say o’ the clan Murray under the leadership o’ its former laird is true. Yer faither and I were both guilty o’ things we would rather nae have been a part o’. I killed Donald in battle tae free the clan o’ his cruel ways. I did nae murder anyone. It was ne’er my intention tae become laird, but I did and yer faither could ne’er reconcile himself tae that. He was my brother and he betrayed me. He would have killed me were it nae for my bonnie wife here pushing me tae safety. I did nae ken where yer faither was or that he was still alive. I ne’er would have imagined that he would have raised his daughter tae be in fear o’ his own people.” Andrew’s face showed true sadness at the thought. “I am sorry, lass, but ye have been lied tae.”
Alana looked away from the pity she saw in his eyes and found Malcolm still standing at the window. His jaw was taut with anger, his back stiff and straight. “Who am I tae believe?” she asked to the room at large. “My faither whom I have kenned my entire life or a man I have only kenned for a brief time?” She sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She had seen with her own eyes the cruelty her father was capable of and the kindness that Andrew and his family had shown her. She had never been so loved or cared for in all her days than she had been living among her enemy.
“Why did ye really come here, lass?” Andrew asked, leaning forward to place his hand upon hers. “Ye are safe and among friends. I promise nae one will hurt ye nae matter what the truth may be.”
Alana’s heart was filled with anguish. To explain her actions was to betray her father and brother. To lie was to further betray the man she loved and the family she had come to care for as her own. The face of Mary’s bairn came to her mind. Thoughts of what her father would do to Malcolm’s mother and sisters caused her to shudder with dread and disgust. In truth it was her father that was the brute, not Andrew. Tears streamed down Alana’s cheeks “I came tae spy for my faither and report back anythin’ o’ value back tae him.”
“Why would he have ye do such a thing?” Andrew asked.
“He plans tae attack Blair Castle, kill ye and yer family, and make Freya his own. He believed that it is all his and that ye are nae worthy o’ the title of laird.” Saying the words aloud made her realize the true depravity of what her father planned to do and just how terrible her betrayal of Malcolm truly was. Faither plans tae kill them all and I would have stood by and watched. I will burn in hell for all eternity for this. Alana slid from her chair landing, in a crumple upon the floor, sobbing uncontrollably in shame. She looked to Malcolm’s rigged back and pleaded, “I am sorry! I am so very sorry! I would do anythin’ tae take it all back.”
“Blair Castle is nae an easy prize. How does he plan tae take it?” Andrew asked.
Alana attempted to get her emotions under control. “He has assembled a small army at his fortress in the Cairngorms.”
“How could he have done such a thing without our kenning it?” Andrew puzzled. “I find all o’ this verra difficult tae believe, lass.”
“He has been plannin’ this attack for my entire life. He has trained his men tae be ruthless warriors, killin’ anyone that did nae meet his demands. His men fear and respect him. They will do anythin’ he asks o’ them. Ye are all in danger,” Alana insisted.
“Ye must tell me everythin’, lass. Leave nothin’ out,” Andrew commanded.
Alana spent the next several hours telling them of her childhood, her father’s hatred, and what she knew of his attack plans. “Ye have spies in yer midst other than I. They will ken well what has happened and will report it back tae my faither.”
“Who?” Andrew demanded to know.
“I dinnae ken their names, but I could point them out to ye if I saw them again. I dinnae ken whether there are more than the ones I have met,” Alana informed them.
Malcolm’s stony silence spoke volumes. Alana knew he would never forgive her and she would find a way to live with that, but she could not live with the idea that she would be responsible for the death of his family. She would do anything if there was even the smallest chance that she could prevent it. She had told them everything she knew, but she could tell they did not completely believe her.
“Lass, I need some time alone with my wife and son. I will speak with ye again, but for now would ye be so kind as tae go tae yer room and remain there until we have had a chance tae decide what tae do,” Andrew requested.
Alana stood up and walked to the door. “I am truly sorry.”
“I ken ye are, lass,” Andrew acknowledged, then Alana left the room.
* * *
How could she have done this tae me…to my family? Malcolm’s heart felt as if it had been ripped out of his chest. It was all a lie.
“What are we goin’ tae do with the lass?” Freya asked.
“I dinnae ken,” Andrew answered, shaking his head. “From what she has told us, if she returns tae her faither she will be forced tae wed Laird Sutherland. That is a fate I would nae wish on any lass.”
“The poor lass has been raised on lies,” Freya murmured. Malcolm saw her move to join his father upon the bed and took his hand in hers. “Andrew, we cannae send her back. Nae matter what she has done, she is still the same sweet lass who saved our Mary and her wee bairn.”
“Aye, she cared for more than one o’ our clansmen including myself,” Andrew agreed. “She is a kind lass at heart. In spite o’ everythin’, there is nae doubt as tae the truth o’ that.”
“Malcolm?” his mother called his name.
Malcolm turned to face his parents, crossing his arms over his chest once more. “She cannae go back,” he answered. “Laird Sutherland is a murderer. Nae matter what she has done, we cannae leave her tae him. Her faither does nae sound much better.” He was angry, but he would never wish her to die. “We also cannae allow her to give her faither any more information than she already has. She may claim tae be sorry, but she has lied to us and betrayed us. I dinnae ken what tae believe, but it is nae worth the risk o’ sending her back. If she is here, we can watch her and if need be, use her as leverage with her faither.”
“Malcolm, she is nae tae blame. She was lied tae and manipulated by a faither who should have loved and protected her. Instead, he used her most woefully tae settle a long dead dispute. Her only crime is tae have loved and trusted her own faither. Ye cannae fault her for that,” Freya urged him towards compassion and understanding.
“It runs deeper than that and ye ken it well enough,” he said to his mother, referring to the night he and Alana had shared together.
“Aye, I ken it,” Freya answered. “She loves ye, Malcolm. I have seen it with my own eyes. Does her reaction the night ye shared her bed nae become so much clearer now? She felt guilt and shame for deceivin’ ye, so much so that she fainted.”
“I could ne’er trust her again,” Malcolm replied. “She came here kennin’ what her faither planned tae do, tae kill us all and take our home, and yet she obeyed him.”
“It is a child’s responsibility tae obey their parents,” Freya pointed out. “Ye would do the same for yer own faither should he ask it of ye. Would ye nae?”
“I would nae,” Malcolm argued.
“And that is what makes ye a good man and someday soon a good laird,” Andrew replied. “But yer maither is right. Ye ken what life is like for a lass in the highlands. She was raised in the Cairngorms with nothin’ but her faither’s hatred tae keep her warm at night. I have seen better men break under such strain. If what she says is true then Rory has assembled an army. That means he has exerted influence and won the respect and loyalty
o’ a great many men, and women if ye count the spies in our midst. A wee lass growin’ with such a faither as Rory Murray would nae stand a chance, son.”
“That may be true, but she should nae have taken me tae her bed. There are limits tae the lies a man can take,” Malcolm answered.
“Men and women have been lyin’ tae and beddin’ each other since the beginnin’ o’ time. If ye truly love one another, ye will find a way through this,” Freya replied.
Malcolm turned to leave the room. “I dinnae ken how.”
Chapter Twelve
Alana was devastated. She felt as if her entire existence had been a lie. She stood at her bedroom window and looked toward her mountain home. Why did ye do this tae me, Faither?
“Alana.” Freya’s voice beckoned her from the doorway.
“Aye, come in,” Alana gave permission, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
Freya opened the door and stepped inside. She walked over and joined Alana at the window. A door slammed below and they watched as Malcolm strode off into the forest. “Give him some time,” Freya advised.
“He will ne’er forgive me and that is his right,” Alana replied. “I have broken his trust in a most terrible way. I deserve nothin’ less than his disdain. What I have done is unforgivable.”
“I dinnae believe that is so. What have ye actually done? Sent a message or two? So yer faither kens that Andrew is ill or that our armory is fully stocked. How does that information damage us? Everyone kens well that my dear husband is bound tae his bed. Yer faither kens well that the armory is always well stocked at Blair Castle. Nothin’ ye have told him is new or damagin’ tae any one. Ye have done nothin’ but be a loyal and lovin’ daughter. Well, that is nae exactly true, ye saved the life o’ my daughter and grandchild in the process. That is a debt we can ne’er repay or forget. Ye were baptized in tae this family by Mary’s blood and a wee lie or two is nae goin’ tae change that.”
“Oh, Freya,” Alana sobbed and lay her head on the older woman’s shoulder.
“There now, dinnae fash. He will forgive ye in time,” Freya soothed.
“How could he possibly ever trust me again?” Alana asked.
“Trust is a strange thing that ebbs and flows with the tides o’ life. I did nae trust Andrew when I first met him. ‘Tis hard tae trust anyone that holds ye in a dungeon cell,” Freya noted.
“How did ye forgive him for it? How did ye forgive the clan?” Alana asked, unable to imagine the answer.
“Andrew saved me. He risked his life, his home, his people, everythin’ tae save me. We saved each other. Love has a way o’ allowin’ us tae forgive things we might nae otherwise forgive. He loves ye, lass. Ye just need tae give him time.” Freya stroked the silken strands of Alana’s hair in comfort. “Dinnae run away, Alana. Stay and fight for the life ye should have had all along. Ye belong here with us at Blair Castle. Had yer faither nae betrayed Andrew and ran away from his people, ye would have been born here. Ye are a member o’ this family now whether ye like it or nae.”
Alana smiled at Freya’s words. “I like it well,” she replied. “What can I do tae make amends? I will do anythin’.”
“Just be truthful with us from now on. Nae more lies or omissions o’ truth and nae more spyin’ for yer faither. We will protect ye from him and anyone else who tries tae come after ye. When I think o’ all the opportunities ye had tae harm us and ye did nae, that tells me that ye ne’er had any real desire tae see any o’ us hurt. Ye could have killed us all in our beds and we would have been helpless tae stop ye, but ye did nae. For that I am grateful. I do worry that yer faither’s other spies will nae be so generous.” Freya’s brow furrowed in concern.
“They will nae,” Alana assured her. “Faither gave orders that none o’ ye were tae be touched until he gave the order. He wants tae be the one tae kill Andrew with his own hands. How could I nae have seen that it was my faither who was in the wrong all along?”
“Love can blind us tae a person’s true character, especially when it is family. We want tae believe that our parents are infallible beings that love us unconditionally, but that is nae always the case. I am sorry that ye have had tae endure such a life of hatred, Alana. It is nae a good way tae live. I had a choice tae hate the Murray clan for what they had done tae my people or I could forgive, and we could work together tae build a better future for both clans. Ye have a similar choice now. Ye can go and return tae the life of cruel hatred ye kenned afore and be wed tae yer terrible northern laird, or ye can stay and help preserve a family that loves and needs ye.”
Alana pulled away from Freya and considered her options. She had known more love within her short time at Blair Castle than she had known in her entire life. Nothing but pain and misery awaited her back home with her faither. She was loath tae leave her brother behind, but she knew he would not understand. Even if he knew the truth about their father, Ross would still choose to fight by his side. “I wish tae stay,” she whispered her decision while staring through the glass window pane. “I choose ye and yer family,” she said more firmly, turning her head to meet Freya’s eyes. “Faither will kill me when he finds out I have betrayed him.”
“We will protect ye,” Freya reassured her. “Ye have my word.”
“And I will protect all o’ ye.” Alana squared her shoulders. “I must go and face Mary.”
“Would ye like for me tae go with ye?” Freya offered. “I have already been tae speak with her on the matter briefly.”
“I dinnae ken what the right thing tae do is,” Alana admitted. “Perhaps it is best if I go alone, but I am nae certain o’ anythin’. She is going tae hate me just as her brother does.”
“She may be angry, but she will nae hate ye. She will see as I and Andrew have seen that ye did nae but place family loyalty above all else. It is a quality we Murrays and Erskines can understand and appreciate.” Freya answered. Alana nodded her head, dried her eyes, and went to speak with Mary.
Alana found Mary awake and feeding her new born babe. “Alana!” she proclaimed. “I have been so verra worried about ye. I have nae seen ye since wee Andrew was born and I was concerned. When Maither told me that ye nearly drowned in the river, I wept for ye.”
“Mary, I am sorry I made ye worry, but there is somethin’ I need tae tell ye and ye are nae goin’ tae like it. In fact, ye may ne’er forgive me.” Alana sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to touch the baby’s tiny hand with her finger. He grabbed on to it and held on fiercely, refusing to let go. The sensation brought Alana some comfort and gave her the bravery to continue.
“Finlay has already spoken tae Bruce and I, as has Maither. I am aware o’ what has occurred and I agree with Maither. Ye did nae ken the truth and felt ye had nae choice. I would have done the same were I ye. Had it been my faither who had lost the fight and fled tae the mountains seeking revenge, I would have come and spied on ye and yer family.” Mary reached out and placed her hand over Alana and the baby’s. “Ye are my sister. Ye saved my life and the life o’ wee Andrew. There is nothin’ I would nae forgive ye for short o’ murder, and even then it would depend on who ye killed.”
Alana let out a chocked half sob, half hysterical giggle of relief. “I was sure ye would hate me.”
“I could nae sooner hate ye than I could hate myself,” Mary replied, smiling in reassurance.
“Oh, Mary, ye are a saint tae be sure. The Blessed Maither could nae have been any better of a lass than ye,” Alana praised.
“Careful. That is sacrilege. The good Lord might nae be as forgivin’ as I am,” Mary warned and they both smiled at one another, chuckling softly.
“So are ye goin’ tae tell me about ye and my brother?” Mary asked, giving her a sideways look. “I could nae help but overhear what happened the night o’ the storm, yer and my brother’s rooms bein’ overhead and all.”
“Och, Mary.” Alana shook her head at her friend. “Ye dinnae want tae hear about that. I promise ye, ye dinnae. Are ye certain ye dinnae
wish me tae explain anythin’ about my faither’s plan tae ye so ye can protect yerself?”
“I have heard enough and I trust Faither and Malcolm tae do what is best for us all tae protect us,” Mary replied emphatically. “I dinnae need tae ken more than I do now.”
“But surely ye dinnae wish tae hear about yer brother and I?” Alana argued.
“Oh, but I do,” Mary insisted. “I heard ye fainted dead away. Was my brother tae much for ye?”
“Mary!” Alana stared at her friend gape mouthed in disbelief. Mary grinned.
“I am nae goin’ tae tell ye about that. I am allowed some secrets, am I nae?” Alana refused.
Mary’s smile faded replaced by a stern expression, as if everything hinged on what she was about to say. “Promise me ye will ne’er lie tae me or keep secrets from me again. Ye must swear it. Bein’ sisters has a price and that price is nae more secrets between us. Promise me.”