Xone of Contention

by Piers Anthony

  "He's got a point." Breanna said.

  "You're not supposed to look." Edsel said, smiling.

  "I meant—" She paused. "Oh, you're doing it again. You rogue."

  Para moved to the lake, and into it without pause. Now there were three of them swimming: dolphin, boy, and boat.

  "Our turn!" Ted said. He was now in trunks, and Monica had a shower cap.

  "No, wait," Breanna said sharply. To Edsel's surprise, they obeyed.

  "There's a shark!" Pia cried. She was especially nervous about them, since one had snapped at her hand.

  Then the sleek dolphin circled, intercepting the shark before it could reach the boy. The shark veered away, it knew better than to tangle with such a foe.

  "Isn't she great?" Gabriel called. "What a creature!"

  "I think this is going to work out," Breanna said “you can swim," Breanna told the children. Even as she spoke they were leaping off the side, making small cannonball splashes. "But not close to the boat."

  Para paddled joyfully around, then moved back toward land. A centaur stood there.

  "Hello," Justin called as they walked out on land "Are you the centaur Magician?"

  "I am," the centaur replied. "My name is Rempel, My talent is to know the talents of others."

  "I thought all centaurs had names with CH sounds." Edsel said.

  "That is the custom, not the rule," Rempel said. "We who are outside the norm do not necessarily follow it."

  "Outside the norm?"

  "Conventional centaurs do not have magic talents." he said. "Let alone strong ones."

  "They consider personal magic obscene," Breanna murmured. Something moved through the grass. "What's a shark doing on land?" Pia cried, alarmed.

  Rempel looked. "Those are a variety of shark called skates," he said. "They are harmless to ordinary folk, unless stepped on."

  Now Edsel saw that the creatures were forming hoops and rolling along the ground. "Skates?" he asked.

  "Roller skates." He should have guessed.

  The boat halted by some sweet smelling rose bushes The roses were all colors. Breanna had hauled the children in; now she got out and went to smell a brown one—and suddenly floated into the air above it. There was a shrill of laughter from Ted and Monica.

  "Beware," Rempel said "Those roses have the talent of levitating things their own color."

  Edsel went and caught Breanna's flailing arm. He drew her away from the rose, and she fell back to the ground. "I'm getting in trouble, lust like a Mundane." she muttered. "Maybe it's contagious." Edsel said.

  Breanna looked around. "What's that? It doesn't look quite like a centaur."

  Edsel recognized the creature immediately, but decided not to speak.

  Rempel smiled "Indeed, it is not. That's Ally, short for B B Allusion, a chestnut copper marc, just visiting." When Breanna still looked blank, he said "A horse. A member of one of my ancestral species."

  "Oh." Breanna said, embarrassed. "Like a night mare. only less magical."

  "For sure." Edsel agreed

  Rempel suddenly galloped to the edge of the lake. "Away! Away!" he cried, splashing the water with his forehoofs.

  Edsel and Breanna walked across to see what was going on. There was only a rather blobby sea creature feeding on what looked like weeds at the edge.

  “This is Hugh." Rempel said. "He is a manatee. Sometimes the sharks come after him. Then I have to drive them off."

  "Awww," Ted said. His sympathy was for the sharks.

  "To save Hugh Manatee," Edsel said.

  "Precisely." Then the centaur paused thoughtfully, glancing at Edsel.

  "He does that." Breanna said. "At least it bypassed the children."

  Alexandra and Gabriel emerged from the lake. She changed to clothed human form in one motion; clothes seemed to be part of her magic. Thus she wasn't violating the Adult Conspiracy by showing him any panties. Gabriel had to clothe himself the ordinary way, but since Alexandra was of age, it didn't matter what she saw.

  They walked toward Edsel, Breanna, and Rempel. "I'm going to have sore muscles," Gabriel said. "I haven’t swum like that in a long time."

  Rempel trotted a short distance to pick something from what looked like a pea plant. He brought it back and gave it to Gabriel. "Try this."

  "What is it?" the boy asked doubtfully. "A thera pea. It is good for sore muscles." The children tittered.

  "I thought it made you p — "

  "Demon Ted!" Breanna snapped, silencing the boy. It occurred to Edsel that some day she would make a good mother; she had the maternal reflexes.

  Gabriel popped it into his mouth. In a moment he smiled. "The soreness is gone!"

  Rempel shrugged. "It is convenient to know the talents of things. I can show you a lie-lack bush if you wish; a person near it can't tell a lie. Or a ruler; that writing device takes control of the person who uses it."

  "Why is it that you are out here in the wilderness?" Edsel asked. "Surely many folk would like to have you and your talent near."

  "I prefer nature."

  Edsel nodded. "I can appreciate that." He looked at Breanna. "I suppose we had better be getting on, if we want to reach the mountains today.”

  "If you plan to spend the night in the mountains, you will need much warmer clothing," Rempel said. "Unless your love keeps you very warm."

  Edsel realized that there was a natural confusion. "Breanna and I are not a couple. Our significant others are the other two." He gestured toward the boat, where Justin and Pia were talking and looking around.

  "I apologize." Rempel said "The compatibilities seemed otherwise "

  "Opposites attract," Breanna said. "So I'm attracted to Justin Tree. I'm young and he's old." She glanced around. "And we are involuntary baby-sitters for these two half demon children."

  "For sure." Monica said, mimicking her.

  "Do you have any advice on the best route to the mountains?" Edsel asked.

  "The path forks." Rempel said. "You will want to take the right path, to avoid mischief and find warmer clothing."

  "For sure." Breanna agreed, as the children tittered. "Thank you."

  "If you get on the wrong path, you will need both your talents, for there will be darkness and magic to be deflected."

  "Thanks," Edsel said. They walked back to rejoin the others.

  "This is a beautiful place." Pia said. "Justin has been pointing out its novelties. For example, there's a chemis-tree."

  They looked. The tree's fruit seemed to be in the form of colored fluids in little beakers.

  "And a water chestnut tree." Pia said, indicating another. The nuts were in the shape of damp little chests.

  "You are becoming a naturalist." Edsel remarked.

  "I really am." she agreed. "I never cared, before I met Justin. He's teaching me so much."

  "We have to get moving, if we want to catch the mountains today." Breanna said. Her voice seemed just a trifle tight.

  Justin called to Gabriel and Alexandra. "Do you wish to ride farther with us?"

  "No thanks," Gabriel called back. "We like it here."

  "Maybe we'll get married," Alexandra agreed. Then the two of them dived back into the lake.

  "It's definitely working out." Pia said. "In the Xanthly way."

  They got into the boat. The duck feet carried them along the path up the river "We need to take the — " Edsel began.

  "Oh look!" Pia cried. "There's an adder " She reached for a nearby snake.

  "Oooo, great!" Monica exclaimed.

  "But that's poisonous!" Edsel protested.

  Too late Pia caught the snake and lifted it into the boat. Edsel kicked desperately around for a stick, but there wasn't even a paddle.

  "What's two plus two?" Pia asked the snake as the children crowded close.

  The adder struck at the side of the boat. There was the sharp bong of a hell. Now there was a mark on the wood: the number four. Edsel relaxed. It was after all harmless.

  Pia lifted the
adder and set it outside the boat. It slithered away. She glanced back at Edsel. "What were you saying?"

  "Just that we should lake the right path."

  "Did we take the wrong one?" Justin asked. "There was a pitchfork back near where we saw the adder.”

  "A pitchfork?" Edsel asked, concerned.

  "From a pine needle tree, technically. The smallest needles make tuning forks, the middle ones make pitchforks for farmers to use. and the largest make forks in the road. They are all sizes of pitchforks, really."

  So a pine needle tree could make a fork in the road. Now he got the punnish logic of it. And they had passed right through that fork while distracted by the adder. Should he ask Para to go back and check that fork?

  An awful shape loomed behind them. "Haaa!" it roared. It looked like a centaur, except that it had black horns, bat wings, red skin, and green stripes.

  "What is that?" Edsel asked, more than concerned.

  "It's a demon centaur," Breanna said "This is mischief." She faced forward. "Get moving. Para; we're in trouble."

  "Great." Ted said

  "No it isn't." Monica said. "They chomp children "

  The boat accelerated. but the centaur was in full gallop and still gaining. "Haaa!" it repeated, just in case they hadn't heard the first time. "I am Dyrak. scourge of mortals, and you are on my path."

  "I think we took the wrong fork," Edsel said.

  "For sure! Duck feet can't outrun that thing. But maybe if we can reach water—" She looked desperately from side to side "Para! Take that detour ahead. It leads toward the river."

  The boat slowed around the sharp turn and plunged into an offshoot path. The tree branches closed overhead, forming a canopy, making it seem like a hall. The demon centaur's hoofs screeched to a halt; he did not follow them. "You'll be sorry!" he called.

  "Oh, pooh!" Monica called back.

  "Yeah, poop!" Ted agreed

  Now Edsel saw creatures standing between the trees that lined the hall. They had the lower portions of men and the upper portions of bulls. They looked ferocious, but they weren't moving. "What are those?" he asked.

  "I think they're hall minotaurs," Breanna replied. "They keep order in halls, but I hear that folk seldom like the order they keep."

  "They don't seem to be doing anything," Edsel said.

  "That's because we're going the way they want," she said darkly. "They'll step in if we try to escape."

  Edsel glanced at the children. They looked nervous. That made him nervous. "We can't get out of this?"

  "Rempel said we'd have to use our talents."

  Edsel concentrated. What was his talent? Ah, yes—to modify or deflect other talents. He hadn't tried to use it, but this must be the time.

  Breanna peered into the deepening gloom surrounding them as the foliage of the trees became thicker. Edsel remembered that she could see in blackness. "Worse coming." she said tersely. "Ugly folk I wish I had a pair of binoculars."

  Edsel knew better than to guess. "What are they?"

  "They help you to see in the dark, twice as far."

  The boat slowed. The way ahead was being blocked. "Don't stop." Breanna cried. "Plow on through!"

  Para tried, but hands were grabbing onto his sides. They were gnarly, warty hands. They belonged to people clinging to the boat, trying to climb in.

  Edsel reached out a hand, about to rip it off the boat. "Don't touch them,1' Breanna said. "They look poisonous."

  "Who arc you?" Ted asked a horrendous male face as it drew up over the rim.

  "E Coli," the face answered.

  Edsel didn't like the sound of that.

  "Who are you?" Monica asked a disreputable female face.

  "Salmon Ella."

  The sound of that was no better. But could his talent help? Edsel leaned over E Coli. How did his talent work? Did he have to touch, or speak?

  Then Coli heaved himself up and sprawled half in the boat. Edsel put both hands out to push him back, recoiling at the touch.

  And the man turned green and lumpy, and fell away. What had happened?

  "Great," Ted said. "You turned him into Broc Coli!" Now Salmon Ella hauled herself into the boat. Edsel pushed her hack. She turned into a sleek fish and fell away. "Ella's a salmon," Monica said.

  So that was how his talent worked, in true Xanthian fashion. The dark path lay right under an innocent looking tree, beyond which was open water and light. "Don't go there!" Justin called, and the boat veered to the side, crashing through brush. "Why not?" Edsel asked. "It's a captivi tree." Oh. Of course Justin knew his trees.

  Now the boat shot out of the gloom and splashed onto the water of the river. They had won through.

  "That was fun," Ted said. "Let's do it again."

  "Isn't it about time for your nap?" Breanna inquired.

  "We don't take naps." Monica said.

  "You do now," Breanna said. She unfolded one of the stored blankets and draped it over them. It was decorated with pictures of tires.

  "Look out!" Ted cried. "She's making a bed."

  "It's part of the Adult Conspiracy to subjugate children," Monica said, appalled.

  Then, to Edsel's surprise, the two children settled immediately into nap mode. "What kind of blanket is that?" he asked.

  "It's a tire."

  "It's attire?"

  "A tire. It makes children tired." She shook her head. "I must confess, at times the Adult Conspiracy is convenient."

  "You mean, naps really is part of it?"

  "As far as they know." Breanna smiled mysteriously. He realized that she being underage, was not yet officially part of the Conspiracy. She had been bluffing.

  Now that they were on the water, it seemed to be clear sailing. Edsel relaxed. That last session had demonstrated that Xanth was not necessarily benign. "Say we should check in." he said, remembering. "Another day has passed."

  "For sure." Breanna produced the Ear and handed it over.

  "Edsel Mundane here." he said into it. "All is well for the moment."

  "That's fine," Chlorine's voice returned. "Same here."

  He returned the Ear "I feel a bit guilty for that, but there's no point in worrying them."

  "Oh, look—Siamese triplets," Breanna said, pointing to the shore.

  "Wha?" Then he saw them: three identical cats.

  But they had not escaped cleanly. One of the monsters had poked a hole in the boat. Water was leaking in, forming bilge. Edsel looked for a cup or container to dip it out. The leak wasn't large, but it could not be ignored.

  Then a water creature swam toward them. It dived under the boat. Suddenly the leak slopped. It had been closed up or patched over, and now the hull was tight. The swimming creature must have done it.

  "What was that thing?" Edsel asked.

  "A seal, of course," Breanna answered.

  A seal had sealed the boat. Of course.

  Now they made good progress upriver. "Was there some reason we didn't travel on the river before?" Edsel asked.

  "Maybe Justin knows." Breanna lifted her voice and called to the from end of the boat. "Why didn't we use the river before?"

  "The rapids," Justin called back. "And the slows."

  Edsel worked it out: the rapids would be too fast for comfort, and the slows would be too slow. Everything made sense, in its fashion.

  But soon they had to return to the land, because a storm was coming. The clouds loomed massively. "I don't like the look of this," Breanna said She lifted the blanket, and the children woke up, refreshed. "Stay close; we'll have to take shelter."

  "Storms can be uncomfortable," Edsel said. "But it's only water." She shook her head.

  "Every time you start seeming normal, you say something stupid."

  They pulled off the path, and Edsel and Justin lifted the boat and turned it over. The duck feet lay flat against the hull. Thry all got under that shelter.

  Just in time, for now the storm struck. Objects the size of footballs struck the ground with sickening thuds.
Then one splatted against the boat. Part of the blob dribbled down to plop before Edsel's nose. It was gray and wrinkled.

  "What kind of storm is this?" he demanded.

  "A brainstorm, silly." Breanna said. "I hate them." He could understand why. Only in Xanth!

  Soon the storm passed. They got out, righted the boat, and resumed their travel toward the mountains.

  The grade steepened, and the temperature dropped. They had to wrap blankets around them to stay warm, because they had forgotten to get better clothing. Justin and Pia shared a blanket in front, and Edsel and Breanna shared one in back. The two demon children did not seem affected by the cold.

  "I wonder whether we should change partners," Edsel murmured. "No, I don't think you two men would want to share a blanket." But Breanna's brown face was serious: she was concerned. Pia was a mighty fetching figure of a woman.

  "For what it's worth," he said. "I know Pia. She goes for what she wants, and there's not a romantic bone in her body unless she chooses to put it there. She wants information, not Justin."

  "And he's thrilled to a convert to the interest of trees." she agreed. "I guess I don't have reason to be jealous. It's just my nature." Then she turned to him. "Maybe they should be jealous of us."

  "Uh—"

  "Tell me more about this in-between stage you call petting. Better show me."

  Treacherous ground, partly because he did feel himself attracted to her. "I—think you already know enough."

  She laughed softly. "Just teasing. Ed."

  Was she? He had no doubt of her loyalty to Justin, but she could be as single minded as Pia about getting what she wanted. She wanted experience.

  "Awww." Ted's voice came. "Aren't you going to even goose her. like this?" He reached under Monica's skirt.

  "Eeeee!" Monica screamed, sailing high into the air.

  Then they both dissolved into laughter. They must have rehearsed that little charade. Obviously they did know something of the secrets of the Adult Conspiracy, and thought they were hilarious. Edsel was abruptly glad for another reason that he had not done anything with Breanna, aside from her age and commitment to her fiancé. He had not realized how closely they were being watched.

  The boat rounded a turn in the trail, and there, suddenly, was The Scene. "The illusion picture!" he exclaimed. "This is it "