by Emily Rose
I stirred the straw in my drink. “That would be nice, but I just spent the money on the dresses and I’m pretty sure she would track me down if I didn’t show my face at least for a few minutes,” I said.
Danny laughed. “Ok, so let’s make an agreement. We will show up, but there will be a time limit.”
I arched an eyebrow at her, grinning. “But we are the bridesmaids. We have to stay at least for the whole vow part to get over with,” I said.
“I know, but after that, we could leave,” she said.
I nodded. “Yeah, I mean I doubt my mom will want to have quality mother daughter time, so after they get married, I’m all about ditching the rest.”
“Beach?” Danny asked.
I smiled. “For sure.”
Our conversation was cut short when the waitress returned with our food. It seemed that we were both hungrier than we thought, because nothing else was said until we were finished, the ticket paid, and we were on our way out the door.
It was late now. The sun was setting, and the evening sounds filled the air. We got in the car and I started the engine, rolling my window down before I pulled out of the parking lot.
On our way back to the house, Danny reached up and turned up the volume on the radio, which had connected to my phone when the car was started. “Hustler” by Zayde Wolf played through the cab, the beat vibrating the whole car as we flew down the main road.
I thought back to Jax’s text, which sat like a deadweight on my mind. I didn’t know what to think of the friendship I was beginning to build with him. It felt wrong, but it also wasn’t something I could control. I had been friends with him before, but ever since Miles asked him to keep an eye on me, I had spent more time with him and unknowingly forged an even stronger bond with him.
Hell, I was keeping his secret and lying for him. That was something I would do for Danny, but here I was lying to Danny instead. It was like the world had flipped everything upside down and I wasn’t sure which direction it was taking things, but I guess that was just life.
You never knew what it was going to throw at you or in my case, who it was going to throw at you.
When we got back to the house, I parked, and we headed back inside. I didn’t even bother grabbing our bags from the trunk since we didn’t need those right now anyway. Danny went to sit down on the couch when we got inside and flipped on the TV, but I was ready to get out of these clothes, so I headed to the bedroom.
Once there, I closed the door behind me, dropped my purse on the bed, and went over to the dresser to grab some sleeping shorts. Normally, I would have grabbed a tank top too, but I decided to take one of Miles’s T-shirts instead.
I changed out of my jeans and into the shorts before I threw his shirt on, which looked like a dress on me and covered the sleeping shorts completely, so that it looked like all I was wearing was his shirt. I grabbed the thin fabric and lifted it to my nose.
I could smell the laundry soap, but if I concentrated long enough, I could smell him. My body reacted to his smell, which was something I had always loved, and an ache settled deep inside my stomach. One I had only ever felt when Miles touched me. I closed my eyes and dropped the shirt as I imagined his hands all over my body, touching every inch in slow movements.
God, I missed him.
I needed him.
I opened my eyes and looked down at my purse. For the first time since he left, I felt a small amount of the anger that I held inside fade and turn into something much deeper. I sighed and walked over to the bed where I dug my phone out of my purse and then scooted back until I could lean against the headboard. I sat Indian style and turned my phone back on.
When it lit up, I saw the text from Jax still sitting there and a totally different kind of feeling settled over me. I unlocked it and opened my contacts. I scrolled slowly, taking in each name. I paused on Jax’s since his came first. I don’t know how long I stared at his damn name before I slowly started scrolling again and found Miles’ under the “M’s” in my list.
I clicked on his name and then hesitated only a second before I dialed his number.
My heart, for whatever damn reason, picked up speed as I put the phone to my ear. I didn’t know what to expect and it made me nervous.
He made me nervous.
It barely had time to get through the second ring before his voice came over the line and if I had thought smelling his scent on the damn shirt made my stomach twist, it was nothing compared to the way his voice sounded over the phone. I was pretty sure the girl between my legs wanted me to forgive him for everything he had ever done.
That betraying bitch.
“Ray…” He said with a surprised tone.
“Hey,” I spoke quietly, and it felt weird not knowing what to say to my husband.
Where do I even start?
“Damn, I have missed that voice,” Miles said.
If he only knew how much I had missed his, and despite what my body wanted, my mind still won out and I refused to be the first one to say anything that might make him think everything was okay now.
“You have been trying to talk to me,” I said.
I heard him take a deep breath, “Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to say right now,” he said, and I could hear the genuineness behind his words.
“How about you start by explaining? And I mean everything,” I said.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know everything, which confused me since I had spent this whole time being pissed off that he hadn’t told me before he left. But now that the moment was upon me, I wasn’t sure what he was going to say and that scared me.
“Where do you want me to start?” he asked.
“The beginning would be nice,” I said.
It was at that moment that I realized he must be in bed, because I heard what sounded like the speaker being rubbed over fabric, which made me wonder what bed he was sleeping in or rather who it belonged to. I knew I was just being paranoid, but I couldn’t help it. He was at Mia’s house after all and I knew her about as well as I knew how to understand any language besides English. Not at all.
“Well, I’ve already told you that I know her brother and that is the only damn reason I’m here,” he said.
“Okay, so how do you know them?” I asked.
Miles took a deep breath, “After I left Florida, I moved here. I had to get away, as far as possible, and I just ended up here. I got a job working at body shop here, which Mia’s brother owned at the time, and that is how I met them,” he said.
I bit my lip and then released it. “So, why are you helping her brother?”
“For a lot of reasons, but mainly because he saved my ass more times than I can count,” he said.
“But what does that mean?”
Miles didn’t answer for a minute and then, “There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about this part of my life, Ray. I didn’t want you to know honestly, because well, it’s not important. The only thing that’s important right now is the life I have with you. That’s what matters,” he said.
“What about Mia?” I blurted.
This was the part I cared the most about. I didn’t mind if he was helping someone if that gave him some piece of mind, but the situation with Mia, yeah, I cared about. And I did for more than one reason, but mainly, because he had lied about it in the first place.
Miles didn’t answer and that told me I had hit the topic of the hour.
“Miles,” I spoke his name firmly, letting him know that I wasn’t about to drop it now.
“Yeah, I’m still here,” he said and sighed, “I’m just trying to figure out the best way to word it.”
Great, that sounded wonderful.
The tiny bit of anger I had felt dissipate came roaring back with a vengeance. “Just say it like it is,” I said with more frustration than I intended to.
“Like I said, this is a part of my life that you know nothing about,” he said.
“And Mia does. I bet she knows more about you
than I do. I take that back. I know she knows more. I knew you had lied about your situation with her when you told me about her the first time, but I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to see how it would play out,” I said angrily.
“Babe, she doesn’t know me better than you,” he said.
“Then explain it, Miles!” I nearly shouted this time as my heart picked up speed due to the anger I felt thrumming through my veins.
“I was engaged to her,” he said evenly.
It was at that moment that I felt the real pain from his lie wash over me in waves. Like a glass mirror that had just fractured, I felt it sting straight through my heart. My world turned upside down and I realized I had no idea who I was talking to right then. I didn’t know Miles at all.
“Ray,” he spoke my name softly.
I stared at the wall as my heart shattered within my chest. I didn’t even know I had started crying until I felt the tear slide down my cheek slowly.
He had been engaged to her. He had loved her.
I wasn’t the only one.
I swallowed the knot that had formed in my throat as I blinked away the tears and spoke as normally as I could, “Is that it?” I asked.
“What more do you want to know?” he asked weakly.
I closed my eyes as another tear fell. “How long?”
He took a deep breath, “Ray…”
“How fucking long?” I asked so calmly that it even worried me.
“Until I left for Georgia,” he said.
I counted that in my head. Miles was a few years older than me. I had only been in ninth grade when he had graduated, a total of four years before me. I hadn’t moved to Hampton until just before my nineteenth birthday, which meant there was five years between the last time I saw Miles and when I saw him again at Twisted.
“How long before you moved?” I asked and feared the answer.
He exhaled, “I had been working at Twisted for a little over two years when you came into my life again.”
“Three years,” I whispered and then opened my eyes to look at the wall through blurry vision.
He didn’t say anything, which only told me I was right. Three fucking years he had been engaged to someone else and never told me anything about it. He never even gave me a hint that he had been in such a serious relationship. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew Miles would have dated and even maybe married someone during that time I wasn’t part of his life, but now that I was, and he was currently at his ex-fiancée’s house, it changed things. It changed a lot of things.
“I can’t. I can’t hear- “My voice cracked then. I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes as the tears fell freely now.
Miles didn’t say anything as I continued crying into the phone. There was nothing he could say. He had made his choice to leave and lie to me.
He had made the choice to hurt me.
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I said and then pulled the phone away, ending the call. I opened my eyes and looked down at my phone just as it read “call ended” on the screen.
I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming at the top of my lungs. I was so angry, so hurt. I scrolled through my contacts again until I found the number I was looking for and then I dialed it.
It started ringing as I released my lip and reached to wipe the tears away from my cheeks. On the third ring, he picked up.
“Hey, I’m surprise- “Jax begun but I cut him off.
“Can you come pick me up?” I asked.
“Uh, yeah. Is everything okay?” he asked, and I could hear the worry in his voice.
“No, nothing is alright. I just need to get out of here,” I said, and I could hear what sounded like keys and a door closing on the other end of the line.
“I’ll be there in a minute. I’m getting in my car now,” Jax said.
“Thank you,” I said weakly.
“Don’t thank me, Ray. I’ll see you a minute,” he said.
“Ok,” I responded and then hung up the phone.
I threw my phone on the bed and then ripped the T-shirt I was wearing off before I also threw that across the room. It hit the wall and slid down. I got up, went over to the dresser, grabbed a tank top, and pulled that over my head before I slipped my shoes back on. I wasn’t sure what Danny was doing, but I didn’t care at this point. I threw my hair into a messy bun and grabbed my house keys from my purse.
I grabbed my phone as I walked out the door, leaving it wide open behind me and went straight through the living room. I could hear the TV on and glanced over just long enough to see that Danny was asleep on the couch. I left her there and eased out the front door, locking it behind me.
It was a bit chilly outside, but I didn’t bother going back inside to grab a hoodie and started down the sidewalk to the curb that was beginning to be mine and Jaxson’s spot. I knew he would be waiting there or if he wasn’t, he would be there soon. He wasn’t stupid. He knew Danny was still staying with me.
I made it to the curb before he did, but I didn’t care. I sat down on the cool pavement and waited. It was dark outside now, the sounds of night filling my ears along with a few dogs barking from different houses and cars going by on the main road.
I closed my eyes, just listening to the sounds around me and breathing in the fresh air the night had brought with it. My life might be all kinds of messed up right now, but I had stopped thinking about life and everything it brought with it.
Chapter Sixteen
Miles
I held the top of my phone to my forehead and closed my eyes. I had failed Ray. I had made a promise to love her, and I did, I fucking loved her with every piece of my heart, but I had hurt her. It killed me when I heard how hard she tried to keep me from hearing the tears that fell from her eyes.
She just didn’t know that I didn’t have to be there to know. I could feel them in my own heart. I could feel the pain I had caused her in her voice. I was a husband, but I was still learning how to be the right kind of husband. I still made mistakes. I just hoped that this mistake hadn’t just cost me everything I loved.
Without Ray, I felt like I was incomplete. I never thought I would feel that way about her, but shit had changed, and I did. I was a man, but that girl had the ability to make me drop to my knees and ask her to forgive me for being fucked up.
“Miles, is everything okay?” I heard Mia’s voice.
I threw my phone on the coffee table and raised my gaze to her. She stood just a few feet on the other side of the table, leaning one shoulder against the wall.
“No, it’s not alright,” I said weakly.
I felt so many mixed emotions. On one hand, I wanted to say fuck this shit and tell Mia or hell, even ask Jax to drive his ass here to come get me, but on the other hand, I felt like I still needed to speak for Derek. Like it was the least I could do considering what he had done for me.
I really was here for him.
“What’s wrong?” Mia asked and then pushed off the wall. She came to sit down on the floor directly across from me.
“Everything,” I said.
She gave me a sad smile, “Did you talk to Ray?”
I leaned back until I could relax into the couch and then let my head fall back, so I was staring up at the ceiling instead of Mia. “Yeah.”
“And?”
I took a deep breath. “I told her about our engagement.”
“What did she say?” Mia asked.
“She wasn’t very happy about it. I mean I don’t blame her. I fucked up,” I said.
Mia sighed heavily, “I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to fix it.”
I stared at a spot on the ceiling where the paint was faded, “Yeah, me too. I don’t know what I’m still doing here honestly. I should be back at home, working my ass off to save my marriage, but at the same time, I want to help Derek.”
“I understand why she would be upset, but she should also understand that you had a life before she ever came into it,” Mia said.
I lifted my he
ad off the back of the couch and caught her gaze. “She understands that. She’s not mad, because I was engaged before. She’s mad, because I lied to her about the situation with you and she had no idea how serious we were until just now. It’s not her fault that I decided to leave without telling her the truth first.”
“Why did you lie about it?” she asked.
“Honestly, I have no idea,” I said.
Mia bit her bottom lip as if in thought and then released it. “Did you think that she wouldn’t wait on you if she knew the truth about us? Like if you would have told her the truth and then still left, she would have left you?” she asked.
I thought about that and the only answer I could come up with was maybe.
“I don’t know,” I said instead.
“Would you have still helped Derek if you had told her the truth and she didn’t want you to leave with me?” Mia asked.
I stared at her. I had no idea where this conversation was going, and I almost didn’t want to know, but I found myself answering her anyway. “Yeah. I owe it to Derek.”
“So, no matter if she knew the truth then or now, you still would have helped?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Then why are you beating yourself up over it?”
I blinked. “Because Ray is my fucking wife and I fucked up.”
“But you still would have done the same thing either way,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like shit for doing it. What are you getting at?” I asked.
She shrugged. “You say that you aren’t the Miles I knew anymore, but I think you’re full of shit. That was my point. He would have done what he needed to do despite who it hurt or what that person wanted. He might feel guilty, like you do now, but he still would have done it.”
I stared at her. This conversation was starting to make more sense now and I didn’t like the direction it had taken. That Miles she was talking about wasn’t the one Ray loved.
“I’m not him anymore,” I said firmly.
I refused to let that asshole return.
Mia smiled, “Oh, I think you are. I think you want to be different, but that doesn’t make you different. We all want things, but we don’t always get those things,” she said.