by Emily Rose
“Well, you’d be right,” Kevin said from the barstool he sat on.
I looked at him. He wasn’t even paying attention to anything other than his phone. “Kevin, have you even read this?” I asked.
He shrugged. “No, I’m just good at figuring shit out without paperwork.”
Rachel laughed, “You’re also full of shit.”
“I second that,” I said and sat the paperwork down on the counter. I was getting a headache just trying to figure it all out.
“Hey, just because you two losers can’t figure shit out without someone basically stapling it to your forehead doesn’t mean we’re all that way,” he said.
I shook my head and then heard the front door open. When I looked up, I saw Jaxson come walking inside. His eyes met mine for a second before he looked away. He bypassed us and went straight to the back room without a single word in anyone’s direction.
“Hi to you too,” Kevin said.
“I don’t know what’s been going on with him lately, but he’s not been himself,” Rachel said.
I blocked out their conversation and looked at the door Jaxson had vanished through. My mind went right back to the conversation I had with Ray before leaving the house. I wasn’t an idiot. I saw the look in Ray’s eyes when I mentioned Jaxson’s name and I fucking hated it.
Something was up, and even though I couldn’t be exactly sure what it was yet, I knew that it was something that somehow involved me.
Ever since I left, shit had been all kinds of fucked up and I wouldn’t stop until I figured out the reason behind all of it. One way or another. I slid off the barstool and headed toward the back room. When I came through the door, I found Jaxson standing near the wall of extra glasses. His back was to me and he didn’t turn around when I entered.
“I think we should talk,” I said.
“About what?” he asked.
“How about we start with your addiction?”
That got a reaction out of him. Jax turned to face me and the anger was clear in his gaze. Not that I gave a shit if he was angry or not.
“Did Ray tell you?” he asked.
“She didn’t have to,” I said.
He shook his head and shoved his hands into the pocket of his jeans. “Of course not. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m handling it,” he said.
“From the looks of it, you don’t seem to be handling it that well,” I said.
The anger I saw in his eyes turned into a boiling rage, but I held my ground and stared back at him with the same expression.
“How would you know? You just got back. You have no idea what the hell has been going on here,” he said.
“I know more than people think I do,” I said evenly.
Jax didn’t respond. He simply stared at me like he was trying to figure out if I was bluffing or not. I didn’t give away anything though. My emotions, my thoughts, were firmly locked down.
“It was once. I bought some Xanax and took a few,” he said.
“Do you still have them?” I asked.
He sighed, “Yeah, a few.”
“Are they here?”
“They’re in my car. Anything else you’d like to know, Dad? I mean fuck,” he said.
I felt the anger inside me ignite, but I pushed it back as I stood facing him. “I’ll give you two options. You can either get rid of them or you can start thinking about finding a career somewhere else,” I said.
And I meant every fucking word. He probably thought I was just taking the owner title and shoving it in his face, but that wasn’t it at all. I couldn’t have that shit here and I wasn’t about to let him work if he was just going to be high the entire time. In a weird way, I was doing this to protect him.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said incredulously.
“I’m not. I can’t have it here and I can’t have you fucking high while at work. Do you even realize what it could do to this place or the people who work here if you end up hurting someone or worse while you’re under the influence? Our reputation would be ruined and the cops would constantly be watching this place, which would mean less customers and smaller paychecks for the people who do give a shit. It’s not just your life that you’re playing with,” I said.
Jaxson laughed once, but it held only anger. “So, let me get this straight. First, you leave without explaining shit to anyone and then you ask me to watch out for your wife, which I did. You come back and you want to fire me now?”
“I don’t want to fire you, but I will if you don’t want to clean your act up. I appreciate the fact that you watched out for Ray, but that doesn’t make what you’re doing okay,” I said.
He shook his head and then started for the door. “Fuck you, Miles.”
I stepped in front of the door, blocking his path, and put my hand on his chest. “I’m trying to help you, even after the shit I’ve been thinking, I’m still trying,” I said.
Jax reached up and shoved my hand off his chest. “What the hell does that mean?”
I laughed once, but it contained no humor. “I’m not a fucking dumbass. Do you honestly think that I don’t know that you and Ray got a little closer than anyone expected?”
He blinked but didn’t respond.
“Exactly, so don’t fucking pretend like this situation is anything like it used to be,” I said firmly.
“I’m not,” he said.
I sighed heavily and then stepped aside to unblock the door. “I’m giving you a choice. It’s yours to decide what you want to do with. Just know that if you walk out that door, don’t plan on coming back,” I said.
“What’s there to come back to? A dead friendship?” he scoffed and then shoved the door open, so that it slammed against the wall and walked out.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as my hands clenched into fists. I wasn’t going to give up on him, even if I knew the truth about shit.
Even just out of respect for what our brotherhood used to be, I had to at least try to help him.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to find out exactly how close him and Ray had got. One way or another, I would figure it out.
And then I would decide if I was going to murder him or not.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ray
When Danny had asked if I wanted to go job-hunting with her, I knew that meant I would be sitting in the car, while she filled out applications all over town. We had spent the last several hours going from place to place until I was pretty sure I had to stop for gas before heading home or I wouldn’t make it.
“I really hope someone calls me for an interview,” she said as I headed across town to one of the local gas stations.
“Me too,” I said and eased to a stop at a red light.
She didn’t respond at first and then she spoke, “Hey, can I ask you something?”
I wasn’t sure I liked where that question was heading, but I answered anyway. “Sure.”
Danny stared out the window as the music she had picked earlier played low in the background, “I feel like there’s something you aren’t telling me. Like I feel like you’ve been lying to me for a while now,” she said.
My heart hammered inside my chest and my hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as the light turned green and we took off. I had no idea what to even say to that, because her gut feeling was right. One part of me wanted to just open up to her, while the other part screamed at me not to. I missed my best friend. I wanted my relationship with her back the way it used to be.
“Ray?” she said.
We were at the gas station now and I pulled in, stopping next to one of the empty pumps. I got out without a response and started working on the gas pump. Danny didn’t stay in the car though. I heard the passenger door open as she stepped out. I didn’t have to look to see that she was watching me from over the top of my car.
“I’m right aren’t I?” she asked.
“Can we just not talk about this right now?” I asked as I pushed the button on
the gas pump to get the gas flowing, but it was asking too many questions and I was already losing my mind, “Damn thing,” I said.
Danny appeared at my side without me even hearing her walk up and pressed the correct buttons on the pump until the gas started flowing correctly. I refused to look at her even though I knew she was watching me. I couldn’t bear it. I wasn’t sure what she would see if I did.
“I miss Jaxson,” she said then.
That took me by surprise, and I looked over at her to see the tears that had filled her eyes as she stood there, watching the number tick by on the gas pump. My heart couldn’t take any more pain, but I couldn’t stop it from flooding in as I watched my best friend.
“I love him. I know I hurt him, and I know I’m fucked up. I know I ruined whatever it was we had over some stupid ass guy, but I miss it. I want it back,” she said as a single tear slid down her cheek.
God…the pain, the heartache, it was too much, and I felt my own eyes fill with tears. I didn’t try to stop them this time. I couldn’t.
“I’m so sorry, Danny. I’m so sorry for everything,” I said.
She looked up and saw the tears in my own eyes. “You aren’t supposed to be crying too,” she teased.
I couldn’t smile though. I couldn’t laugh. I was so broken, and my throat felt tight as I tried to come up with the best way to tell her the truth. It was eating me alive and she deserved to know.
“I need…to tell you something,” I said, stumbling over each word as my heart raced inside my chest at the thought of telling her.
She nodded, “Ok. You can tell me anything.”
My eyes clouded with tears at her words, because usually that statement was true. Not this time though. This time I didn’t want to tell her even if I knew I had to.
“Hey, what is it?”
I swallowed hard just as the pump shut off and tried to force the words to come out. All I had to do was say them. Just let them out and she would know. “I…” I started, but then I heard a phone start ringing inside the car and Danny blinked.
“Hold on a second,” she said and then went around to the passenger seat.
But that was enough. The words I had been about to say vanished into smoke and I was slammed back into the reality of the situation without a way out. Guilt crushed me, burying me until I wasn’t sure I would be able to breathe correctly. I looked up when I heard Danny speaking and saw that she was on the phone with someone.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll just have Ray drive me by there. Do you know what happened?” she asked and then there was a pause before she responded, “Ok. Thanks for letting me know,” she said and then hung up.
She stared at the phone like it somehow held all the answers to her questions before she finally spoke once more. “Miles fired Jaxson,” she said.
My world shifted on its axis as I stared at her. There wasn’t anything happening, but that was a lie. It was and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it. “What?” I said as my mind tried to process what she had just said.
She looked up. “Miles fired Jaxson. That was Rachel. She said they got into an argument and Miles fired him. She said she didn’t know what it was over, and Miles wasn’t willing to share the reasoning either. She asked me to go by Jax’s house and check on him,” she said.
Anger flared deep inside me. It was so strong that it pushed everything else I was feeling aside, making room for itself. Before I could stop myself, I yanked my car door open and grabbed my phone from the center console. Angrily, I unlocked it and started scrolling through my contacts until I found Miles’ number.
“What are you doing?” Danny asked, but I ignored her.
I was too angry to respond. My hand shook as I dialed his number and put the phone to my ear. It started ringing and on the third ring, he picked up.
“Let me guess, you’re calling because you found out I fired Jaxson,” he said calmly.
“What the hell, Miles? How could you just fire him?” I asked.
He sighed heavily, “I gave him a choice Ray. He chose to walk out. That’s not my fault.”
“That is your best friend,” I said.
Miles laughed once, but there was no trace of humor in it. “You’re one to talk about best friend loyalty. When were you planning on telling Danny how close you got to Jaxson?”
My heart froze and I was unable to respond.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought, so don’t give me that shit. We both know why I did it. Jaxson has a problem, and he needs to get help before he gets in too deep,” he said.
“And you think that firing him is going to help?” I asked.
Miles didn’t respond for a minute and then he spoke, “I think that he needs to realize the damage this is causing, and if that starts with his job, so be it.”
“Ray, what is he saying?” Danny whispered, but I ignored her.
I was too angry. I could feel my body trembling as I stood there gripping my phone tightly in my hand. I couldn’t believe what was happening to my life, to everyone’s lives.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“About you and Jax getting close?”
“Yeah, how did you know?” I repeated.
“Because I know you and when I said his name earlier, your eyes changed. You told me everything I needed to know,” he said.
I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. I didn’t even know why I tried to hide it. Miles had always been able to see straight through me. I just wasn’t sure if he had seen all the way through yet.
“Ray, what’s going on?” Danny asked.
I didn’t open my eyes as I spoke the next words, because for once, they were the truth. “I love you,” I said quietly, so that only Miles heard me.
He didn’t respond, and then he took a deep breath. “I love you too.”
It wasn’t until he said the words that I felt the pain. Like someone had squeezed my heart in their hands, crushing it to pieces. It wasn’t because he was lying.
It was because he was telling the truth.
But I was lying to him, Danny, and myself about how close I was to Jaxson. I cared about him, so much that it hurt to think about losing him. And I had felt that type of pain before. It was the same feeling I had when I started hanging out with Miles more and getting to know him again. Jaxson wasn’t just a best friend. He had taken a piece of my heart that used to belong to Miles without my even knowing it.
And that told me only two things.
I was in love with one darkly handsome man.
But I was also falling in love with his insanely sexy best friend.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Danny
Ray was silent as we drove across town to Jax’s house, and I had a feeling she had been about to tell me something I probably didn’t want to hear. I wasn’t stupid. I could tell things have been different with her for a while now, but I told myself that it was just the crap that was going on with Miles. It wasn’t until I had told her how I still felt about Jaxson and bluntly asked her if she had been lying to me at the gas station that I realized it might be even more than that.
And what I said about Jaxson was the truth. I still loved him, and I missed him so much, but I knew it was over between us. Jaxson had been screwed over terribly by Cassy, so he didn’t hand out second chances. It didn’t matter who it was asking for one. That was just who he was, and I honestly couldn’t blame him.
That was the way I had been for so long. It had kept me safe from making the same mistake twice, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want that second chance. I had let myself fall back into my old ways and it had hurt him. There was no undoing it, and while I have accepted what I did, I still wanted him.
I was so messed up, because while I had been in a relationship with him, I let my fear control me and ruined it for my own safety. I guess the saying, “You don’t realize how much you cared about someone until they were gone,” was true. Everything with him had scared me so much that I ran. Just like I always did, but that didn�
��t mean I hadn’t fallen in love with him.
Jaxson had been the first man to ever steal my heart after Brody, and that wasn’t what scared me. It was the idea of sharing my entire life with him. It was like I could love him from a distance, because that was where I felt safe, but if someone tried to tie me down, I was a pit bull in a fight ring. I destroyed anything that came near me.
Just like I had destroyed him.
My mind raced with these thoughts and before I realized it, we were pulling down Jax’s road. That was when I felt the jolt of my heart as it skipped a beat at the thought of speaking to him again. He still had that pull over me, but I should have known that feeling wouldn’t go away after just a few weeks. Something like that could last a lifetime if you let it.
Ray eased to a stop in front of his house and I spotted his car sitting in the driveway, which meant he had to be home. My hand grabbed the door handle, but I didn’t get out right away. I looked over my shoulder at Ray, but she was looking straight ahead.
“Can we pick up our conversation later?” I asked.
She nodded, “Just make sure he’s okay.”
I blinked and let my hand fall from the door handle as her response ignited a thought. “You care about him, don’t you?” I said.
She looked over to meet my eyes, but I couldn’t read her expression. “Of course, I care about him. He’s been around as long as Miles and everyone else has,” she said.
I shook my head. “That’s not what I mean.”
Ray stared at me, but she didn’t respond.
“I mean that you care about him. You two have gotten close, right?” I asked.
I wanted her to confirm what I already knew.
“Danny….” She started.
“No, stop. Please don’t lie to me. I saw the way you reacted when I told you how I felt about him, and I saw the anger you had when you found out Miles fired him,” I said.
She took a deep breath and then spoke, “I don’t know what to think anymore.”