by Emily Rose
“I saw Rachel at Kevin’s headstone when I drove by there. I figured she didn’t want any company, so I didn’t stop. Is she okay?” Jaxson’s voice came through the line.
“No, she’s not okay at all. I don’t think any of us are,” I said.
He was silent, which was something he did a lot nowadays. I couldn’t say I had forgiven him completely for what he did, but I wasn’t holding it against him either. At least he told us the truth without us having to ask him about it. He knew it was wrong and he tried to do the right thing. That was all I could ask of him now. Jax was still the only man I ever truly loved, I still loved, but I wasn’t ready to jump back into anything with him just yet, especially after finding out that he might possibly be a father. Right now, we were just trying to figure out how to be friends again.
At the thought of Ray and the baby, I dropped the piece of glass I was holding and looked up at the mirror as I prepared myself to tell him that she was back in town, “Jax?”
“I’m still here,” he said.
“I need to tell you something,” I told him as I stared at my own cracked reflection in the mirror.
“What?”
My chest lifted in a deep breath as I spoke the words that I knew he needed to hear, “Ray showed up at the house today,” I said.
He went silent. I couldn’t even hear him breathing and after a few minutes of that, I finally spoke once more, “Are you still there?” I asked.
“What did she want?” he asked with almost an angry tone to his voice.
I sighed heavily, “She really needs to talk to you and Miles. I mean it is important and you just need to hear her out, even if you don’t want to.”
Another round of silence and then, “Did you say me and Miles?” he asked.
“Yes, both of you. You’ll understand why when you see her,” I said.
“I don’t understand. What do you mean?” he asked.
“Just trust me,” I answered.
“Danny, what are you not telling me?” he went on.
I closed my eyes as I tried to figure out the best way to tell him without lying to him. There had been enough of that shit flying around.
“Ray just has something really important to… show you and Miles,” I said.
“Why does it have to be both of us? You know we don’t talk, so it’s not like I can just call him and ask him to meet me somewhere like we’re brothers again,” he said.
“Well, you guys will have to put your differences aside for this. I told her a general idea of where she could find him, but if I were you, I would give him a heads up,” I said.
He was silent again.
“Just think of it as a favor for me,” I went on.
“I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises,” he answered.
“Just let him know that she’s in town and she wants to speak with y’all,” I said.
“I don’t get why it has to be both of us, but whatever. I’ll do what I can.”
“Thank you,” I told him.
“Yeah.”
“I have to go. I have a mess to clean up,” I said.
“Ok, I guess I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye,” I responded before I hung up the phone and started on cleaning up the glass once more. I had no idea how the hell that situation with Jax, Miles and Ray would turn out, but I knew it couldn’t be good. I hated it for Miles and Jax. They deserved so much better, because at the end of this, only one of them would walk away without any sort of connection to Ray.
While the other was left with the news that they were going to be a father.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Ray
I don’t know how long I drove around town before I finally started heading in the direction of the body shop I knew Jaxson worked at. Once again, my nerves were all over the place and I had no idea what I was going to say to him, but I didn’t have a choice. I tried to block everything out as I got closer to the shop but when it came into view, my nerves hadn’t settled at all.
It didn’t take me long to spot his car parked next to the building. The shop doors were open and there were a few cars inside with a few more parked outside. It looked like any typical body shop. As I eased into the empty parking spot beside Jax’s car, my hands shook as I shifted into park and turned the engine off. I sat there a minute, looking around the place, but I hadn’t seen Jax yet. There was a guy around his age working under the hood of one of the cars inside, but he didn’t seem too interested in who was pulling up.
I took a deep breath and then got out of the car. When I made my way around Jax’s car and up to the guy working, he looked in my direction. Unlike Danny and Rachel, his eyes didn’t glance down to my baby bump right off the bat. He simply turned his gaze away and started working on the car again. I stopped just short of him and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Hi, excuse me, I’m looking for Jaxson Steele,” I said.
The guy working nodded toward the small office inside the shop, “He’s in there. Just go through that door,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said and then headed inside the shop. It was a lot warmer inside the building than outside, and I could hear the noise of the large fans they had going. It smelled like grease and tires, so I wrinkled my nose at the smell and stopped at the door that led into the office. I was about to lift my fist to knock on the door when it suddenly swung open and revealed Jaxson.
My breath stalled. He didn’t look any different than I remembered him, except for the simple fact that he had grease all over his hands and a few spots on his neck. His golden eyes were still the same bold color, which only caused anyone who had ever seen him to stare at them in captivation. His hair was a bit messy, hanging over his forehead in sweaty locks. Jaxson wore a simple white t-shirt that had stains on it and dark jeans with boots.
He froze in the doorway and our gazes locked. It felt like time froze in place as he stared at me like I was some foreign object. I wasn’t sure if a second had passed or if it had been longer before I saw his gaze drop to my stomach. I wasn’t showing a whole lot, but with the tank top I wore, you can clearly see that I was either pregnant or I had gained a lot of weight the past few months. But Jaxson was smart. He knew, I could see it in his features almost instantly.
And for the first time since I had met him, I saw his skin pale as he lifted his gaze to mine again. I had no idea if it was the look in his eyes or if I was just panicking, either way, I found myself speaking before I could stop it.
“This was a mistake. I’m sorry. I should go,” I said quickly and then went to turn around to race out of the shop.
But Jaxson stopped me by reaching out and grabbing my elbow. The sudden sensation of his hand against my skin startled me and I jerked my arm away from him as I met his gaze. He stared at me and dropped his hand back to his side as if to tell me he wouldn’t touch me again.
“I… I don’t even know what to say,” he said in that deep voice I had missed more than I cared to admit.
“You don’t have to say anything. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t even know what I was thinking,” I said quickly and then started walking again.
“Ray wait…” he said, and I knew that he was following me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the guy who had been working under the hood look up as we passed him. I managed to make it to my car door and open it before Jax caught up to me. He pushed the door shut with his hand and it slammed as his tall frame blocked me from getting inside. I took a step back and looked up at his gaze as his hand pressed on the window of my car door.
“There’s no way I’m letting you walk out of here without explaining,” he said.
“Explain what? That I’m pregnant. You already know that. I mean it’s pretty damn clear,” I said and waved my hands around my stomach like a crazy person.
“Yes, I can see that, but that’s not what I mean. Danny said you needed to talk to me and Miles, which only means that you have no fucking idea w
ho the father is, right?” he asked in a tone that indicated anger.
I bit my lip but said nothing.
Jaxson stared at me for a minute and then dropped his hand from the window only to run it through his hair, making it look even messier. He leaned against my car and pulled something out of his pocket. It took me a minute to realize what it was. Jaxson opened a pack of cigarettes. He was about to get one out when his eyes glanced down to my stomach again. He sighed heavily and then shoved the pack of cigarettes back into his pocket as if it just dawned on him that I was carrying a baby.
“When did you start smoking?” I asked.
He looked at me with his hands still in his pockets, “That’s really what you want to talk about? You just basically showed up after four months of nothing, told me you were pregnant, and then pretty much informed me that you have no idea if it belongs to me or Miles. I don’t think you have any right to judge me on whatever it is I do now,” he said.
“I wasn’t…” I began but he cut me off.
“I don’t give a fuck what you were trying to do or not do,” he said firmly.
I flinched at his sudden anger, but he had every right to feel that way. I had done exactly what he said and none of it was fair.
We stood in silence and then he spoke without looking at me.
“Have you talked to Miles yet?”
“No,” I said.
He laughed once with no humor, “Well, good luck with that.”
“Look Jaxson, I know I’ve done some messed up stuff and I should have told you both the truth about the pregnancy weeks ago, but I didn’t know how. I was freaking out,” I said.
His gaze met mine, “Yeah, you should have told us before you decided to run away, but you didn’t. You left at the worst time possible and then you show back up months later to finally let me know that I might possibly be a fucking father. I tried to do the right thing by telling everyone the truth and I have finally got to a point in my life where everything isn’t shit, so I’m sure you can understand why I’m not too fucking thrilled about it,” he said.
I stepped back from his anger as tears welled in my eyes.
“Don’t fucking do that,” he said.
My chest lifted in a breath and I reached up to wipe the single tear that fell down my face. “Jax…. I’m so sorry. I know I messed up. I know I ruined your friendship with Miles, and I ruined mine with Danny. I know everything I’ve done. I don’t need to be reminded of it and I’m trying to do the right thing now. That’s it.”
He shook his head. “You don’t fucking get it, Ray. Yes, my friendship with Miles is long gone and I doubt I’ll ever be able to convince Danny to give me a second chance, especially after this, and it was all for nothing. We both know that we never loved each other. It was never about that. I cared about you, yes, but I didn’t love you and you sure as hell don’t love me. You were hurting and I was just the guy that happened to be there during that time.”
I went to tell him that he was wrong, but then stopped as I let what he said settle over me.
Jax’s golden gaze burned into mine. “Exactly. You don’t have to beat around the bush. I know it’s Miles who you love. That’s no surprise to me, but the truth won’t change what we did and now we have this baby to worry about. If it turns out to be mine, I’ll do whatever I can to help you. If it belongs to Miles, then it will be his problem to figure out and I’ll step back for good.”
“But….” I started, but then stopped when I realized that what I was about to say was just another lie. He was right. I did love Miles. I cared about Jaxson, but over the past few months, I realized that those feelings weren’t love.
“Miles will never forgive me,” I said as I stared up at him.
Jax sighed heavily and then looked away from my gaze, “I don’t know what Miles will and won’t do, but that’s his choice to make. All I know is that I’m in a better place now and I don’t want to mess that up. I can’t go back down that road with you,” he said.
My heart cracked as I blinked up at him. His words hurt, but he was right. This was the way it had to be from here on out. I was crazy to ever have thought that me and him could actually have anything real. There were just some things that weren’t possible and being with Jaxson was one of them. It might hurt and it might feel like it was unfair, but that was just the way it was. Life wasn’t always fair.
This was just the closure I had come here for, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to happen, it was what had to happen. After I found out who the father of my baby was, I knew I would have to let either Jaxson or Miles go for good. I would have to walk away from one of them, close that chapter of my life, and work on living the next chapter, which meant raising my child to be the best person he or she could be. This thought made me sad, but I knew there was nothing I could do to change it.
My vision blurred with tears as I watched his gaze across the roof of his car. Without realizing it, I was moving, and my arms found their way around his waist as I laid my cheek against his shirt. Jaxson stiffened for a split second and then I felt his muscles relax. He lifted his arms and wrapped them around me, so that they blocked the sun from my eyes and rested around my shoulders. I felt his chin rest against the top of my head as he held me. So slowly, another tear fell from my eye as I closed them and just listened to the sound of his heart as it beat under my ear.
“I never wanted to walk away from anyone. I didn’t want to lose you or Miles, but I know that’s not fair to either one of you. My heart will never be the same. It belongs to both of you,” I whispered as more tears fell from my closed eyes.
Jax didn’t say anything and continued to breathe steadily. There wasn’t much he could say. We both knew that I couldn’t keep doing this and one of them would have to walk out of my life. I took a deep breath and then pulled away from him. Before I could do something stupid, I pulled on my car door handle and he didn’t ask any questions as he moved out of the way, so I could open it. “I’ll text you when I talk to my doctor next week,” I said quickly as my hands shook.
I jumped inside without another word, started the engine, and shifted into gear. I refused to let my eyes meet his, even as I backed out and drove off, but I couldn’t stop the flow of tears that streamed down my face the further away I got from him.
If this was what closure felt like, it sucked. It felt like losing Kevin all over again. Yeah, I would have to talk to Jaxson if he ended up being the father, but if he wasn’t, that might very well be the last time I would ever speak to him.
And that thought hurt more than words could describe.
Chapter Forty
Jax
“You alright man?” Kason asked from the other side of my car.
I stared at the ground as I processed the news. I might be a father. A. Fucking. Father. I could barely take care of myself, much less a baby. The thought of it scared the hell out of me, but if I was, I would do my best to do the right thing. I wouldn’t abandon my son or daughter the same way my father left my brother and me. I would be there for him or her the best way I knew how to.
As angry as I might have been at Ray for keeping it a secret for weeks, I also felt a sense of happiness amongst the fear and everything else as I thought about it. But I also knew that I couldn’t set that idea in stone yet. I hadn’t been the only one she had been with and that was no surprise to me.
Miles was her husband after all, even today.
I was just the ex-best friend now.
“Jaxson?” I heard Kason’s voice again and blinked as I looked up at him.
“What?”
He arched an eyebrow at me, “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I nodded, “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Who was that girl?” he asked.
I smirked, “That was my best friend’s wife,” I responded as I headed back toward the shop, “And she came here to tell me that she is pregnant and it might possibly be mine,” I walked past him and didn’t turn around to read the ex
pression on his face.
“Wait…what? Hold the fuck up,” I heard him say and knew that he was following me into the office.
I fell into the chair behind the counter and relaxed my head all the way back, so that I was staring up at the dirty ass ceiling.
“Let me get this straight. That’s your best friend’s wife and she is pregnant with your baby? How the fuck did that happen?” he asked.
I laughed once, “Well, I mean it happened because I put my dick inside her and didn’t use a condom, but in my defense, I thought she was on birth control and she never said anything different, so there’s that.”
“Real funny. I know how babies are made dipshit. I mean how did you even let that happen? And how the hell is she still married to your best friend?” he asked.
I closed my eyes as a headache started to set in. “I have no idea how they’re still married. I guess because they haven’t filed for divorce yet or at least, I don’t think they have. He knows what happened, so I wouldn’t call him my best friend anymore and as for how it happened, I don’t know. It was just one of those things I guess,” I said.
“Shit man, that’s fucked up and her being pregnant just makes it that much worse,” Kason said.
My eyes opened and I lifted my head off the back of the chair to look at him. “I know that.”
“So, what are you supposed to do now?”
I shrugged, “I guess wait on her to let me know something and then depending on what the news is, go from there. I don’t fucking know. I’ve never had this problem before. I don’t even know what to think about it yet. I’m freaking out, because I might possibly be a father and I’m also feeling kind of happy about possibly being one, but then there’s a tiny piece of me that hopes that I’m not the father,” I said in one long breath.
Kason blinked once. “Damn man, that sucks. I got just the thing for you though,” he said and then pulled a bottle of whisky out of the small refrigerator and two shot glasses off the shelf that hung on the wall over it.