Toxic (Book Three of the Twisted Series 3)

by Emily Rose

  She shrugged, “It’s been fun. You came when I needed your help. The least I could do was the same for you.”

  “I just didn’t want to ask Rachel or Danny to do it. None of us are in our right minds right now,” I said truthfully.

  I had done my best to be there for the girls, but I knew it wasn’t easy on any of us. Kevin’s death and Jax’s confession had turned the tables on us completely. I wasn’t sure if any of us would ever actually be the same people we were before Ray and Danny walked into our lives. I never once thought I would be in this place when they did though, and I sure as hell never pictured Danny being the loyal one out of those two, but she was and even if I hadn’t told her this, she knew I had her back.

  “I get that. I know I don’t know them that well, but I think everyone would benefit from a night out,” Mia said.

  I shrugged.

  “Do you think they would be up for it?” she went on.

  “Honestly, Rachel will be the one we have to convince. The only place she goes now is Kevin’s grave. Not that I blame her. It seems to be the best place for her right now,” I said.

  Mia nodded, “I get that. I spent a lot of time at my brother’s grave after he died. It did help, but he wouldn’t want me to spend everyday mourning his loss. He would want me to live my life, so that is what I’m doing,” she said.

  “You are stronger than you realize,” I said.

  She smiled, “Thank you, but so are you. I don’t know anyone who would be still standing after everything you’ve been through.”

  I shrugged but decided not to answer. I didn’t see it that way, but then again, I had never seen myself the same way everyone else seemed to.

  Mia looked at the ground between us, “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Have you ever thought about maybe moving away from here?” she asked.

  I thought about that and I realized that I had. A lot more these past few months, but I had always had that thought in the back of my head.

  “Yeah, I’ve thought about it,” I answered.

  She met my gaze again, “Where would you go?”

  I didn’t have to think about that very long. I knew. “Vegas.”

  “Why there?”

  “My little sister and brother live there,” I said.

  “Oh,” Mia’s lips formed an “o” shape as she answered.

  “Have you?” I asked.

  She shrugged, “Yes and no. I love Arkansas and I have friends there, but it would nice to start over somewhere else.”

  I nodded.

  We stood there in silence. I watched her as she started playing with the edge of her shirt and kicked around at the nonexistent rocks on the floor. I couldn’t stop myself. Before I realized it, I was really seeing Mia for the first time since I had met her all those years ago. My eyes scanned the way her body curved, the way she bit at her lip when she was thinking, and the way she held one arm with her hand when she was nervous, which was what she was doing now.

  “Do I make you nervous?” I blurted.

  She froze and looked up to meet my gaze. I could clearly see the redness in her cheeks, even though she tried to hide it.

  “No, I mean, maybe. Not really,” she said.

  I laughed once, “Right.”

  “You’re my ex. You aren’t allowed to make me nervous anymore,” she said.

  “Just because I’m your ex doesn’t mean I can’t still make you feel things,” I answered.

  Mia laughed, “That’s a can of worms we don’t need to open right now.”

  “So, I do make you nervous then?”

  “No.”

  “Bullshit,” I said.

  Mia sighed heavily, “Whatever, can we just focus on repairing your family and I don’t know, your life?”

  I shrugged, “Or we could just forget about repairing my life and focus on making a new one for me.”

  “You wouldn’t leave Rachel and Danny behind,” she said.

  I nodded, “You’re right. I wouldn’t. They could come with us.”

  “Us?”

  “I wouldn’t leave you either,” I said.

  Mia shook her head and then walked over to sit down on the barstool. I watched as she started spinning it back and forth as she spoke, “What about your son or daughter?” she asked.

  “If it belongs to me, I’ll take it too.”

  She laughed, “Yeah, because his or her mom wouldn’t have any say in that.”

  I sighed, “Don’t remind me.”

  Mia bit her lip, but I could tell she was only doing it to keep from smiling. I shook my head as silence fell over us. I don’t know what it was about Mia, but there were times that the best part of my day was just being in the same room as her. We didn’t even have to be doing anything. It could be watching a movie or talking or watching her read. She was just the type of person that made you feel at peace, no matter how bad things were at that moment.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?”

  I blinked as a one-sided grin pulled at the corner of my lips, “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

  “About?” she asked.

  “It’s probably safer if I didn’t tell you,” I responded honestly.

  Mia blinked slowly as she stared at me. I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking, which surprised the hell out of me. I wasn’t used to someone being the same way I was about their thoughts. As I tried to figure her out, Mia walked forward and stopped just a few inches from me. She had to tilt her head back slightly and lifted her gaze to meet mine.

  I breathed evenly as she lifted her hand and gently placed her fingertips on the scars on my neck. I stiffened. It wasn’t because I could feel her touch. I couldn’t feel anything. The nerves were so damaged that I had no feeling down one side of my entire body, but I knew she was touching me and that was enough to make me stiffen.

  She blinked, but she kept her fingertips against me as she stared into my gaze. “Is this okay?”

  I nodded but didn’t respond as she started moving her fingers down, over my shoulder and collarbone, and then continued down my arm. I watched her eyes follow her hand as she took in every inch of the scarred skin.

  “You’re beautiful,” she whispered as her eyes lifted to mine.

  I knew her fingers were on my wrist now as I stared down at her. I should have said something, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I didn’t really think of myself as beautiful, but then again, I wasn’t sure any man would use that particular word to describe themselves. It amazed me at what others could see when the only thing I could see was a damaged, twisted, scarred man.

  And Mia deserved more than that. She didn’t have anything to do with everything that happened, even if it had started when I left with her. She hadn’t done anything wrong and I couldn’t let her mess up her life with my bullshit. As the thought hit me, I stepped back from her touch and looked away from her gaze.

  “I’ll ask the girls about going out,” I said and then started toward the bedroom.

  “Miles?” I heard her call behind me.

  I stopped and took a deep breath before I turned to face her again. She stood with one hand holding onto her other arm. For a moment, we just stood there and stared at each other, but then she finally broke the silence.

  “You can’t keep running,” she said.

  “You have it wrong. A person can’t run if they’re in chains,” I said and then turned away from her as I continued toward the bedroom.

  Out of everything I had said the past several weeks, that was probably the truest statement. I couldn’t run. I was locked in chains and Ray was the only person who had the key that would set me free. She was pregnant after all. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a son or daughter, but it was unfair to bring a child into this shit life. I’ve thought about being a father. I just didn’t want to become one this way.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Danny

  I had no idea how the hell this night was going to turn
out considering the mind state everyone seemed to be in, but here I stood, waiting in line to get inside one of the bars in the next town over. Rachel, by some miracle, had decided to go when Miles had invited us out with his friend, Mia.

  And now here we stood. Rachel beside me with Mia and Miles in front of me. No one was really talking like the rest of the people in line were doing, but that didn’t surprise me. I wasn’t sure anyone even knew what to say at this point and even though I didn’t know Mia that well, I felt bad for her. She had come a long way to help Miles, and she was trying to make a night out for us too.

  I could hear the bass from the music inside the bar. It felt like I was reliving the night me, and Ray had stood outside Twisted for the first time. That had been so long ago, but I could remember feeling out of control and excited about getting inside Twisted. Now as I stood here today, I wished I had never even walked into that damn bar.

  My eyes caught Mia’s as she glanced over her shoulder to look back at Rachel. I could see the pity in her eyes as she stared at her.

  Finally, the line moved forward, and we eased closer to the front entrance. I didn’t care that we still weren’t inside. I just wanted something to do at this point. My mind was sluggish, and I needed a shot or maybe a few shots. As I looked around at the crowd, I saw people smiling and excited. Everyone seemed so happy, and completely unaware of the pain our group was going through.

  After what seemed like forever, we were finally able to get inside and as I walked in, I realized this bar was nothing like Twisted had been. It was packed shoulder to shoulder, the air lingered with smoke, and there was a live band doing a cover of a song I knew. “In Chains” by Shaman’s Harvest. They seemed to know what they were doing, because the song sounded amazing.

  With the vibe of the bar and the music that blared around me, my muscles relaxed for the first time in days and I followed our group as we headed toward an empty booth next to the stage. I wasn’t sure how we had managed to snag it, but I didn’t care either. I moved to sit on the outside of the booth with Rachel and Mia on the other side of me.

  “What do you guys want to drink?” Miles asked as he stood next to the table.

  “Margarita for me,” Mia said.

  “I want a shot of Fireball,” Rachel answered.

  My eyes met his and I couldn’t stop myself from noticing the difference in the way he looked. It wasn’t like I was attracted to him, but I wasn’t blind either. Miles wore a black t-shirt, dark jeans, and black boots. His ink colored hair was messy, covering his forehead and the top of his ears in slightly curled locks, but it was the scars on his body that stood out the most. They looked like someone had used his skin for their artwork. I hadn’t really paid much attention the first time I had seen them, but then again, I was in shock at that point. Right now though, they were all I could see.

  “Danny?” Miles spoke my name loud enough for me to hear it over the blare of the music.

  I blinked, glad that it was darker in here, so he didn’t see my face turn red from embarrassment. “Oh, uh, I’ll just take a beer I guess,” I said.

  Miles didn’t seem fazed as he spoke, “What kind?”

  “Bud-Light,” I said.

  With that, he disappeared into the crowd and I looked over to see that Rachel hadn’t been paying attention to the whole conversation at all. She watched the lead singer do his thing on stage, but Mia had noticed. Her eyes were locked on me. It wasn’t the jealous type of expression though. It was like she was trying to tell me that she knew exactly how I felt without words.

  I gave her a weak smile and she returned it. I was glad that I wasn’t the only one to stare at Miles that way, but I also felt bad. It wasn’t his fault after all. He had almost died, and it made my heart hurt to think about the fact that he had a constant reminder of that night carved into his body, even if they were beautiful scars. I couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking each time he looked at himself in the mirror.

  A few minutes later, Miles returned with our drinks. He handed Mia her drink and then Rachel before he finally sat mine down in front of me. I reached for the top of the bottle, but his hand didn’t move from where he held onto the bottom half, so when I grabbed it, my hand grazed against his. My eyes shot up to meet those rare colored eyes that only seemed to belong to him. Our hands didn’t move from the bottle as our gazes locked.

  “You don’t have to be afraid of me anymore,” he said, so that only I was able to hear him. With that, he released the bottle and sat down.

  The moment was so quick that no one seemed to notice it. Not even Mia as she stared at the band playing on stage. I swallowed the thick knot that had formed in my throat and looked across the table to where Miles now sat. He was watching me and a small, barely there grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. I couldn’t stop the small smile I gave him in return. It wasn’t like I was flirting with him and I knew he wasn’t flirting with me, but this was different. It was a moment I never thought I would share with him. It was like two enemies that had just called a cease-fire between each other.

  It was a moment that told me he had accepted me, and I was no longer the outsider. I might not be his best friend, but I wasn’t his enemy either.

  And he wasn’t mine.

  This thought made me relax even more and I lifted my beer up to my lips to take a drink. It tasted amazing and I knew too many of those would get me in big trouble. It felt wrong to relax, especially when I thought about Kevin. He wasn’t here and it wasn’t fair. I had never been that close with him, at least, not as close as Rachel had been, but I felt the need to do my next move anyway.

  I held my beer in the air, catching everyone’s attention. My throat knotted as I thought about the last time I had seen Kevin or spoke to him. Tears burned at the corner of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall as I held my beer at the center of the table.

  “To Kevin and the crazy ass jokes he always told,” I said.

  Rachel instantly teared up as she stared at me and then smiled as she held her shot in the air next to my beer. “To Kevin and the long ass naps he always tried to take at work,” she said.

  I laughed as I held back the tears that wanted to fall.

  Mia didn’t even know Kevin, but she too held her drink up next to ours. “To Kevin, I wish I could have met him,” she said.

  I smiled and then looked at Miles.

  He wasn’t looking at anyone. He stared at his beer as if he were deep in thought.

  “Miles….” I said.

  He looked up at me and then at our drinks in the air. I watched as he took a deep breath and then held his beer up next to ours.

  “To Kevin, for being a loyal brother. I’m sorry for everything,” he said in a voice so lifeless that it hurt to even hear it.

  My heart dropped at the look in his eyes when he said this. It told me only one thing. There was more to the night Kevin died than what Miles had told the authorities or us.

  I wasn’t sure if anyone else had picked up on this, but I did and from the way Miles locked his gaze with mine during the toast, he knew too. I slowly took a sip of my beer as I watched him take one of his. No one else seemed to notice the moment between us, but I wasn’t about to ask him about it. Now was not the time to ask the details of that night. I would save that for when I could get him alone.

  “Rachel, do you like dancing?” Mia asked, snapping my attention to her and away from Miles.

  “Yeah, but I’m not that good at it,” Rachel said.

  Mia laughed, “I’m not either, but do you want to go see if we can dance without falling on our asses?”

  Rachel smiled. It was weak, but it was there. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

  “Great,” Mia said and then pushed on Miles’s shoulder, “Let us out,” she said.

  He did as she asked and stood up to let them out of the booth. I watched as they took off toward the area of the bar that seemed to be the dance floor. I held my smile as I watched them disappear into the crowd and then slowly sta
rted scanning the people around the bar. There were so many different people that it was hard to sort out who was with who.

  As my eyes took in the various groups, they passed over a guy standing next to one of the tall tables on the other side of the bar. At first, I barely registered him and then my eyes shot back to the guy. The moment our eyes connected I felt the hairs on my arms stand. My heart seemed to stop dead in its tracks.

  I didn’t have to be up close and personal to the pair of eyes that were locked on mine to know who they belonged to.

  “Danny…are you okay?” I heard Miles ask, but I couldn’t look away.

  I was deadlocked.

  From here, I could tell his hoodie was either dark gray or dark blue. He wore jeans and boots. His hair was shorter, but it was still the same color. He wasn’t smiling at all. His eyes burned into mine. Something, maybe my heart, clicked and I suddenly put everything together. The truth crashed into me with so much power that it nearly took my breath away.

  “Danny?”

  I blinked and met Miles’ gaze again. My heart was racing, and I felt dizzy.

  “Are you okay? You look like you just seen a ghost,” he said.

  I looked away from him without answering and back to where I had seen those eyes, but they were gone. I scanned the crowd, but I couldn’t find either one of them.

  I stood up without explaining myself and darted toward the crowd.

  I knew Miles was probably thinking I had lost my mind, but I couldn’t stop my feet from moving as they carried me around the bar. I pushed people out of the way as I searched for them. When I realized they weren’t inside the bar anymore, I shoved my way toward the front entrance and past the bouncer that stood there checking I.D’s for people.

  The blast of fresh air hit my face as I stepped out and onto the cool pavement. My eyes scanned the parking lot for the familiar hoodie and that was when I spotted him. He was walking toward an SUV parked in one of the rows of cars. My heart did a flip and I knew better than to go after him, but I couldn’t stop myself. I had to know.