by Emily Rose
Chapter Forty-Seven
4 months later
Danny
Her screams echoed from the other side of the door as I leaned against the wall, staring at the floor.
Over and over.
It sounded like someone was torturing her and maybe that was how it felt too. I had no idea. All I knew was that I was here, somehow, someway, I was standing outside this damn door.
“Danny?!”
I heard his voice and looked up from the floor to see him come to a complete stop in the hallway at the sound of her screams.
His eyes met mine and fear spiked in them. “Is she okay? Why is she screaming like that?” His voice carried the concern I used to hear when he was talking about me.
But this wasn’t about me.
Jax took a step forward, toward the door when Ray cried out again. I knew better than to think they would let him through that door, so I did the only thing I could. I pushed off the wall and reached out to him, placing my hand on his chest where I could feel his heart pounding quicker than normal. He stopped and met my gaze once more.
“They’re doing everything they can. You can’t go in there right now,” I said.
The worry that was laced over his features made me feel both angry and sad. This was the last place I should be right now, but when Ray had called me and told me that something wasn’t right with the baby, I knew I had to help, because it didn’t matter what they had done behind my back, I couldn’t say no. I wouldn’t say no.
Not to something like this.
“I should have never fell asleep. I should have kept my damn phone on,” he said.
My hand dropped from his chest as he began pacing in front of me. “Jax, you can’t start that. You can’t blame yourself. I got her here and everything will be okay,” I said.
Ray cried out again, which caused him to stop pacing. He looked up and met my gaze. Those golden brown eyes burned with guilt, worry, and even a bit of anger.
“That doesn’t sound like everything will be okay, it sounds like they’re torturing her and there’s nothing I can do about it,” he said.
I sighed heavily. “These things take time and she’s in good hands.”
He started pacing again, lifting his hands to the back of his neck as he did. I had no idea what else I could say to help ease his worry, so I decided to stay silent and let him sort through his own thoughts. We still had no clue who the baby belonged to, but at this point, it didn’t matter. Not much mattered anymore. So much had changed these past four months and it was clear that none of us would ever be the same.
Ray had finally filed for divorce after weeks of silence. Jax was still struggling with addiction and slowly beginning to hit rock bottom. Rachel had decided to go stay with her older brother, Aidan, until further notice.
And me? Well, I was here. I was working. I was taking care of Rachel’s house. I was trying to sort through my own demons, but I was failing. Each day seemed to get harder instead of easier and I was still hurting. I still felt the anger from what Ray and Jax had done. I still felt the emptiness in my heart where Kevin used to be.
I still felt the guilt for the damn phone call I had made that night.
Miles…
I couldn’t even think his name without tears coming to my eyes. I had betrayed him, after everyone else had done the same. He had given me a chance and I had thrown it back in his face. And I had done it all for a man that I still loved but couldn’t forgive. A man that had betrayed Miles in the first place. A man that I was currently still trying to help. It was clear that a line had been drawn. I just wasn’t sure which side I really stood on anymore or if there was even still a place for me on either side.
I heard cries. Only this time, it wasn’t Ray’s cries of pain. The sound echoed in my ears, bringing me back to reality and settling over my dark heart with a tiny bit of light. A spark of relief, happiness, and joy. It only lasted a moment, but it was enough. I met Jax’s gaze and saw the same emotions I felt reflected back at me as the baby’s cries filled the hallways.
The hospital door came open and I looked up to see the doctor come out. She smiled at me and then Jax before she spoke.
“You can go inside now. I’ll come back by later to check on everything, but right now, they’re both fine, their vitals are strong, and I was able to control the bleeding,” she said.
I released a long breath. “Thank you.”
She nodded before darting off down the hallway. After she was out of earshot, I half expected Jaxson to rush through the door, but he hadn’t moved. I met his gaze and saw the fear. But this fear wasn’t for Ray or her safety. This fear was for something I never thought would apply to Jaxson.
Fatherhood.
“What if he’s not mine?” Jax asked, as he stood rooted to the spot with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.
“You’re all he has now. It doesn’t matter if he belongs to you or not. Miles isn’t here and you’re the one who will have to step up,“ I said, even as the guilt, anger, and betrayal I felt weighed heavier on my heart.
Jax took a deep breath, as if he were trying to process my words before he finally took a step toward the door. I stood behind him and watched as his hand grabbed the handle, but he paused before looking over his shoulder to meet my gaze.
“I don’t deserve your help,” he said.
I didn’t answer, because I wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t wait for a response either and pushed through the door, vanishing inside. My heart skipped a beat as the door gently closed behind him and tears built up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Instead, I reached up with frustration and wiped them away with my hand before I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.
But that was pointless. Nothing, not every deep breath in the world, could ease everything I felt at this point in my life. I was so far gone, but I held my head high anyway and walked through the hospital door. The first thing I noticed when I walked inside was the nurse. The next thing I noticed was Jax as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest, looking down at the tiny little human in Ray’s arms.
Her gaze found mine and she smiled, even though she looked like death warmed over. Her skin was paler than normal and dark circles had formed under her eyes.
“Do you want to meet him?” she asked.
I stood frozen to the spot as Jax looked up at me. His expression was unreadable and for whatever reason, this made my feet move. I wanted to know what put that look on his face. I needed to know.
The closer I got to the hospital bed, the quicker my heart raced inside my chest. Jax never took his gaze off me, even as I looked away from him and stopped next to Ray’s bed. She held the baby in her arms, but I still hadn’t looked down at him. Our eyes stayed on each other for a moment longer and then mine dropped to her arms.
He was a gorgeous, perfect human with no scars, no wounds, no damages. I blinked as I took him in even more. He was a long baby, which only told me that he would be tall when he got older, but it wasn’t his size that made my heart skip another beat.
It was his eyes.
I sucked in a breath at the sight of them and looked up at Jaxson. I knew exactly what put the unreadable expression in his eyes. I felt it. Deep down in my soul. It rocked through me, hitting every goddamn nerve I had. Like an earthquake, it created large open wounds in my already damaged heart. My gaze dropped to the baby again and the air in the room seemed to thicken, making it hard to breathe.
His eyes…
They were the kind of eyes that could only belong to one person.
Everything around me vanished. Ray. Jax. All of it. The only thing I could see was the baby as he stared up at me with beautiful crystal blue eyes.
“Miles…” I whispered.
TO BE CONTINUED
on Archive.