by Shawn James
“Thank you Rosa.” Dean Mother Carver says.
Rosa turns and heads back into the house. I jump out of my seat. “I’ll be right back. I want to take a look at one of the portraits in the vestibule.”
Dean Mother Carver smiles at me as I ease up out of my seat. I dart through the kitchen and the hall and pause in the vestibule in front of the portrait of my mother. When I look at the painting, I’m drawn to her face. It tells the story of an elegant graceful lady with a powerful presence. Her kind compassionate eyes are full of love. She’s kind, intelligent, and friendly. The way she sits radiates confidence.
I then turn to the mirror across from the portraits and take a look at myself. The friendly brown eyes of the girl in front of me have a lot of promise. I could be a lady like my mother…
Or I could be a tigress.
I go through a series of expressions in the mirror. A playful smile, a dour grimace, a tough scowl where grit my teeth. “Don’t mess with me. Back away before I hurt you–”
I catch Grand Mother Flowers reflection in the mirror behind me. “Rehearsing for a part in a play dear?”
The old woman lights up at the reflection of my smile in the mirror. “No, just thinking about the face I want to present to the world.”
“It’s good that you’re taking time to think of your face. Half these girls out here are too busy showing their behinds to the world to think about what people are really looking at.”
“Well, I wanted to see what the story was behind mom’s face before I started writing my own.”
“Story?”
“All paintings tell a story. And the face is where most of the story is told in a picture.”
Grand Mother Flowers catches on to what I’m talking about. “Applying some of the approaches of art history class to your life?”
“Yeah. I thought I’d get some inspiration for my face.”
“It’s pretty the way it is.”
“Thanks. But I’m working on who I want to be when I leave here. With the exorcism of Feminist Colleen, I’m Tabula Rasa.”
“A blank slate?”
“Not exactly blank. There are some rough outlines sketched out. But I’m thinking of committing to putting some details down. And a face is where the story is told.”
Grand Mother Flowers smiles at me. “I think your face is starting to tell the story of who you are already.”
“An awkward screwup who embarrasses herself all the time–”
“No, you’re a courageous, determined young woman who learns from her mistakes. You’ve got a lot of grit, and a lot of heart. I’d say you were one of the bravest women I’ve ever seen next to your mother.”
“But I’m nowhere near the lady she was.”
“Of course you’re nowhere near the lady Millie was. You’re nineteen.”
“I just wish I could be a bit more polished like you guys are.”
“That’ll come as you get older.”
It’s time I showed my manners. “I left Dean Mother Carver on the patio. I’m gonna let her know I’m talking to you.”
“I was headed out there myself. I’ll join you and Linda.”
Grand Mother Flowers and I head through the hall out to the patio. Dean Mother Carver eases out of her seat to greet us. “Did you find what you were looking for?” She asks.
“Yeah, I think I have a bit more understanding about the face I want to present to the world” I answer.”
“Colleen thinks she has to create a persona like a character in a movie or a play.” Grand Mother Flowers says.
Dean Mother Carver gives me a look. “I think you misunderstood what I was saying–”
“I think I did too. Talking to Grand Mother Flowers I’m starting to think that the face I want to present to the world is based on another type of character–who I am on the inside.”
Dean Mother Carver nods her head. “That’s what I meant. “Before you leave here you have to find out what kind of person you want to be.”
“And the details of that face are being sketched out by your actions.” Grand Mother Flowers replies.
“The picture depicting the face of that woman is probably bruised from all the falls she’s taken. Not very ladylike.”
Grand Mother Flowers smiles at me. “Colleen, being a lady is not how you fall, it’s how you get up.”
“Get up?”
“You may fall down but in the face of all the obstacles thrown at you, but as you rise to overcome those obstacles you’ve shown tremendous integrity, honor, and tenacity.”Dean Mother Carver continues. “All of those are the traits of a lady.”
“Sure a lady may have more manners than other women, but that’s not the core of who she is.” Grand Mother Flowers replies. What earns her the respect of others is the character she shows every day.”
“Is that why men treat ladies differently than other women?”
“That’s what earns her the respect of others.” Dean Mother Carver says. “Being a lady is about showing your internal character to others. The face she presents to the world is one that’s open and honest. She’s true to her word and transparent in her actions.”
“If you adopted a false persona you would have lost face like your Aunt.” Dean Mother Carver says.
“How does Aunt Margaret lose face?”
“By not showing everyone the truth about herself.” Grand Mother Flowers replies.
“What’s the truth about my Aunt?”
“She presents herself as a proper lady, but in truth she’s a liar and a whore.” Grand Mother Flowers says.
“That’s kind of a harsh assessment of my Aunt–”
“It’s who she really is. If your mother or your grandmother were alive they’d tell you the same thing.”
“Mom didn’t get along with Aunt Margaret?”
“Millie used to have big fights with Margaret when she was younger.”Grand Mother Flowers continues. “She hated having to cover for her late–night romps with boys, her drinking, and her use of marijuana.”
Now I know what that funny smell was coming off the balcony when she’d stay over to take care of me when Daddy was away on business trips when I was little. And why she never wanted me to touch her purse.
“Didn’t mom do her share of dating?”
“While your mother had her share of gentlemen callers when she courted, it aggravated her to watch her sister play the prim proper innocent virginal good girl to your grandparents for years. Aggravated her even more that she was always told by her father to be more like her.”
“So mom was up front about her dates?”
“From what she told us at the Examination, most boys didn’t get as far as second base.”
I knew mom wasn’t a saint, but I’m glad to know she wasn’t a slut either. I’m pretty proud to know Daddy got a virgin on his wedding night. “I bet she was happy when you guys busted her.”
“You should have seen her face light up when I told her.” Grand Mother Flowers reminisces. “But after July 4, 1960, your aunt lost face in front of us.”
“So she did more than violate Theta House rules?”
“She was the one who presented herself as a morally right good upstanding Christian woman in her interview at Examination. She even said she was a virgin who never drank or smoked. It was the first and last time someone ever lied to us and got away with it.”
“That had to be embarrassing.”
“Losing face is the worst thing that could happen to a woman. It means she’s been shown as having no character and no integrity.” Dean Mother Carver says.
“And a woman with no face is someone who can’t be trusted.” Grand Mother Flowers adds.
“But you keep Aunt Margaret around in spite of her lost face.”
“She’s a Theta.” Dean Mother Carver says. “We look out for our own.”
“Even when they lose face.”
“While we keep our distance in our dealings with Margaret, she still serves us well.”Grand Mother Flower
s says.
“Sounds like the relationship is real cold between you guys.”
“Usually it’s more her coming after us, than us going to her.” Dean Mother Carver says.
If that’s the case I need to find out who’s the primary sponsor of my time here, Anderson or Travis. “Who came after who when it came time for me to pledge?”
“Your father.”
And she acted it like she was the one behind everything. But I guess Daddy was being polite. Auntie always loves to appear like she’s bigger than she is, socially, and she loves to rub it in people’s faces. But it’s par for the course when it comes to her flawed character.
“But you don’t want to lose face like your aunt did.” Dean Mother Carver says. “In social circles like ours it means your reputation is tarnished.”
“Just like a gentleman, a lady’s word is her bond. And her character must be of the highest caliber.” Dean Mother Carver says.
“So the face I present to the world is based on me being open and honest with others?”
“Yes.” Grand Mother Flowers answers “While you understand the need to be discreet about some personal affairs by speaking about them with someone in private, there is always full disclosure when it comes to your behavior when you’re out in public.”
“Is that why there are no secrets between Theta Sisters?”
“Yes. And it’s also why what goes on the Theta House stays in the Theta House.”
“Everything you disclosed to us here about yourself will stay between us.” Grand Mother Flowers reassures. “And it will never be brought up at any other Theta affair.”
“But you guys talk about Aunt Margaret–”
“To you, because she’s your relative.” But we don’t discuss her or her affairs to anyone else.”
Nice to get some clarification on the policy. It looks like a lady’s code of conduct may benefit me after all. And since being open and honest is part of who I am already, the face I’m sketching out doesn’t need me to erase any lines. Yet.
“The only reason we tell you about your aunt is because we feel you could learn from her mistakes.” Dean Mother Carver says. “Not to malign her.”
“We only tell you about what we’ve seen, nothing more nothing less.”
I’ll admit they are honest. Everything they say about my aunt is something I felt on the inside of me when I was little. Nice to get some confirmation on it as true.
“Well, I think I learned not to be pretentious from her years ago.” I say. “Now I’m learning not to be fake either.”
“Because real ladies will see right through you.” Grand Mother Flowers says. “And some of them might even call you on it.”
Like Abby did. She had enough character to be honest enough to let me know how full of crap I was. If she wasn’t my friend she’d have let me go on being arrogant and condescending. Without that little wake–up call I would have never learned as much as I have here.
Speaking of character, I wonder if they’ll have enough integrity to let me know what I’m in for on the test that’s coming up in two weeks.
“About this exam, can you disclose what it’s on?”
“Everything in the Theta Manual.” Grand Mother Flowers says.
“And everything you’ve learned here so far.” Dean Mother Carver says. “So I hope you’ve been paying attention.”
That’s a lot of stuff. “What should I be focusing on primarily?”
“If we told you what it was on the test it wouldn’t be a test.” Grand Mother Flowers jokes.
That’s probably all the information I’m going to get. So I’ll have to take it and work with it. I’m going to have to test my character and work my way out of this by studying my butt off. The only way I can lose face is if I don’t give it my all.
“Do I still get to go to Bikini Saturday?”
“It’ll either be a celebration of your success or your sendoff.” Grand Mother Flowers says smiling at me.
Chapter 45
Over the course of the past two weeks my time at the Theta House has gone into a routine. My mornings are spent with Angela training on the paths and in the gym. After breakfast Linda works with me on etiquette and poise walking the Plank.
Lunchtime I spend time with Edna discussing politics and hanging out on the swing or playing with Marcy and Abby on the lawn. My Afternoons are spent with Janeen learning more about the ins and outs of Daddy’s business, while my evenings after dinner are spent studying the Theta manual. I’ve practically read that book cover to cover twice and studied the most minutest details in the hopes that I’ll be able to pass the test that’ll allow me to stay here another month.
On the fitness scene, I’ve made a lot of progress in just three weeks. My heart rate is up so I’m a little healthier than I was when I first came here. I don’t know if I’ve lost any weight, but I do have a lot more energy than I did when I first got here. I’m doing at least six laps on the trails in the mornings and I’m benching forty in the weight room. So I’m a lot stronger and a little faster than I was before I came here.
Thanks to walking the plank I’ve straightened out my awkward stance into a more formal one. Even if I don’t make it after tomorrow I’ve learned stuff here that I’ll still be applying in my life years after I leave here.
I check my watch. 9:45. Time to walk the plank again. I drop my Theta manual on the chaise, head over to the dresser and fish through my drawer for a swimsuit. Crap, Not a one left except for my Black Chanel. Which I’m saving for Bikini Saturday. Looks like it’s going to be Brooks Brothers and Gucci today. I’ll try not to get too much water on the suit.
I affix a navy blue Church hat to my head and hurry out of the suite down the back stairs, through the kitchen and out to the patio. Dean Mother Carver greets me with a concerned look as I approach her. “What happened to your swimsuit?”She asks.
“They’re in the wash. So I’ll be washing dishes this afternoon after lunch.”
Dean Mother Carver smiles at me. “No, it was about time you gave it a try in a full suit.”
I light up. “No punishment?”
“I can’t punish you for taking a risk.” Dean Mother Carver encourages. “You’ve gotten a good handle on your balance and control, so I think you’re almost ready for tomorrow.”
“When do you want me to start?”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
I take a deep breath as I step onto the plank. I’m risking a $700 suit, $300 heels, and a $240 hat. But it’s the only way to know if I’m ready for tomorrow. I set my eyes out to the rose bush and start my trip across the board. Wearing bikinis for the past two weeks, I’m not used to having my thighs constrained by the skirt, but I quickly adapt my movements to the clothes I’m wearing. My steps are strong as I see the petals of the bush. I make the turn on the dime and make my way back to the patio umbrella. Dean Mother Carver smiles proudly at me as I step off the plank without a drop of water on my navy blue heels.
“Great. Better than you’ve done all week. It’s almost there.”
“What’s missing?”
“You could use a little more personality.”
Personality? “I was just focused on getting across–”
“That’s your problem. Remember it’s not just about getting across the plank. It’s about poise and posture too. You’d lose points for presence if we tested you today.”
“Think about what we’ve taught you. Put your personality into it. Let us feel your energy.”
I hop on the plank. Before I start taking steps I imagine myself wearing a fine evening gown. As I make my way down the board, I feel a bit of a spring in my steps. My body flows into a rhythm where arms and legs synchronize as I make my way to the rose bush.
I feel Dean Mother Carver’s eyes on me. “There it is! I can feel you!”
I feel me too. And I like it. On the turn, I give her my best smile. Linda flashes a smile back at me; I feel myself radiating energy as I make my way down t
he plank. In the distance, I catch Abby rushing out of the tall French doors out to the patio. She lights up as I hop off the plank and approach her.
“Hey, Col, looking hot.”
She must be feeling my energy too. This is my plainest suit. “This old thing?” I tease. Just something I threw on. Where’s Marcy?” I ask.
“Marcy’s helping out with the decorations for tomorrow. Abby replies. “I hate to cut things short, Dean Mother Carver, but Grand Mother Flowers wants me to take Colleen to the esthetician for tomorrow.”
I give Linda a look. “It is my time of the month.”
Dean Mother Carver laughs. “You should look your finest for tomorrow.”
“Maybe you should get a manicure too.” Abby suggests.
I look down at my hands. My nails are a little tatty. “Perhaps I’ll go with bubble gum pink to match my suit.”
Chapter 46
Abby and I step out of the Sunny Day beauty salon looking like a million dollars. I feel energized after the pube rip, leg wax, manicure, pedicure, and a new hairstyle. The new do with swept bang across my forehead and a lot of body makes me look like a sophisticated lady. I like this one so much it may become my new regular style.
We’re on our way to Hanna’s for cheeseburgers when I notice the picture windows of Madame Panache have changed. Brightly colored fall leaves surround new merchandise. I’m going to have to stop in and look around.
Penelope lights up when we enter the sales floor. She rushes from behind the counter and approaches us with a smile. “Good Afternoon girls.” She greets. “How can I help you?”
“Good afternoon Penelope. I inquire looking around the store. “Little early for fall merchandise?”
“But right on time for back–to–school.” Penelope replies. “A lot of the kids who live in town are getting ready to head back into the city next month.”
And I’ll be headed back around that time too. I’m going to need more than a blouse if I’m going to build a wardrobe.
“Well, I do need new school clothes. And I should start shopping now.”
I give into my urge to shop and walk around the store. Perusing the merchandise, I spot a long Black gabardine skirt on the new arrivals rack that’ll go great with that white blouse I bought a few weeks ago. When I put it up to me the hem falls a few inches above my ankles.
“That’s our finest all–season gabardine.” Penelope says. “Perfect for fall.”