by Shawn James
“I’m sorry but– No. I can’t do this.”
“Don’t you want to be one of us?” Grand Mother Flowers pleads. “Don’t you want to be like your Mother?”
Her question hits me in the gut. I came here to honor my Mother. To respect her memory by being a part of the organization that was such a major part of her life. But I’m not going to dishonor myself to preserve her legacy.
“No.”
Grand Mother Flowers looks out to everyone and grimaces. “It looks like the Pledge’s position isn’t going to change. Sister Marcia, Sister Abigail, Take Colleen back upstairs. We’ll figure out what to do with her later.”
Chapter 72
I choke back tears as I pass by my mother’s portrait in the vestibule. I’m sorry Mom.
I march up the stairs with my heart pounding in my chest. As much as I love my Mother, I won’t do drugs. They may be pondering their punishment for me, but I’ve already decided what I’m going to do regarding my Pledgship. My actions may bring my family shame, but I have to have enough pride to stand up for what’s right. What’s right for me.
As I shuffle into the suite and have a seat on the bed, I feel the tension in the air as Marcy and Abby forlornly stare at me. I’ll try to keep things amicable between us.
“Are you sure you want to do this Col?”Marcy asks.
It looks like they still regard me as a friend. “Yeah.” I mutter.
“But it’s gonna make your family look bad if you don’t participate in the secret Theta tradition.” Abby pleads. “You don’t want to make your family look bad do you?”
I can hear them in my head. Aunt Margaret will probably never forgive me, and Daddy won’t be too happy with me either. But I couldn’t live with that secret hanging over my head. I’d be a hypocrite if I told my children not to do drugs and here it was I did it in my youth.
“Is that why you did it?”
“Yeah. I just figured God would forgive me. It’d be a secret between Him, me and my sisters.” Abby says.
“Even though a little leaven leavens the whole lump.”
“Sometimes we do the things we don’t like to in order to do the things we want to. For the people we love.”
Daddy said the same thing a few months ago. But some sacrifices lead to a slippery slope down the road to compromise. And I’m not taking that trip down to rock bottom.
“I didn’t want to do it either, but I just felt so much pressure. Marcy says. “Once you’re out, your entire family is out until your next daughter turns eighteen.”
I can understand the pressure they’re under. The connections they’d lose by being cut out of the Theta network could cripple their family’s businesses. By the time eighteen or twenty years pass there wouldn’t be anything left of their families’ fortunes. But I’d rather go broke than compromise my integrity.
“Whatever happens, I just hope we can remain friends.” Abby says.
I won’t hold it against them. They had to do what was right for them just like I have to do what’s right for me. I ease up off the bed and say goodbye to my former sisters. “Maybe you can still help me build that laptop when I get back into the city.” I say extending my hand to Abby.
Abby grabs me and gives me a hug. “I’ll give you my address before you go.” Abby says embracing me tightly.
After Abby breaks her embrace Marcy grabs me and gives me a hug. “I’m gonna miss you Col.”
“I’ll drop you an e–mail when I get back to the city. Along with a picture of me in a bikini in the Hamptons.”
Marcy smiles as she breaks the embrace. “And I’ll send you one of me on Virginia Beach.”
Marcy and Abby smile at me as they close the door behind them. After they leave, I walk over to the mirror and take a long look at the reflection of the woman in the steel blue business suit. If this is a Theta, then it’s not who I want to be. If I tell one lie to myself I’d lose face in front of the person I’d have to look at in the mirror every morning when I get up. If I can’t be honest with myself, I can’t be honest with anyone else.
I rush into my closet to pack my things. I’m not going to be a Theta. I’m not going to be an Anderson or a Travis. From here on in I’m just going to be Colleen.
Chapter 73
I’m doing my best to stuff the rest of my clothes in the Louis Vuitton trunk. Aunt Margaret was right, I do have twice as many clothes as I did when I came here. I hope I can get them all into the trunk of the Rolls.
I manage to get the lid closed and locked when I hear footsteps in the Suite. “Colleen? Colleen? Marcia calls.
“I’m in here!” I call out.
Marcy and Abby rush into the walk–in closet. The ladies are taken aback at the sight of me in the black long gabardine skirt, white fitted blouse, and tall black biker boots. As I stand in my formal stance I meet their somber eyes with my serious ones.
“Er…We’re ready to convene the Circle of Shame.”
I have nothing to be ashamed of. “Good.” I say smiling.
The clock on the night table reads 12:44 as I walk out of the suite behind Marcy and Abby. I’m calm cool and collected, ready to show everyone who really I am.
The ladies flank my sides as make our way down the back stairs down the hall into the ballroom. The space is draped in black curtains and tablecloths. A lone spotlight shines on the center of the room where the ladies lead me.
Another spotlight comes on in front of me. Presented atop a pedestal are the mirror with the lines of cocaine on it and a straw.
As the display of drugs is lit up, Marcy and Abby step away from me. As they step back, the Dean Mothers step forward. When Grand Mother Flowers stands in front of the pedestal of cocaine I realize I’m surrounded. I meet her intense brown eyes with mine as I make my stand.
“What’s with the abrupt change of clothes Pledge?” Grand Mother Flowers inquires.
“It’s what I’m comfortable in.” I reply.
Grand Mother Flowers gets straight to business. “You do know you’re in serious trouble Pledge. Declining to participate in the secret Theta Tradition is a serious offense.”
“I understand.”
“You know we can punish you for this. Are you prepared to face the consequences for your actions?”
“I’m prepared.”
“Guess we gonna have to paddle that ass!” Dean Mother Carver shouts.
The high Dean Mother Carver rushes over to the wall and grabs old hickory off the wall. As she charges towards me with the paddle I give her a look that stops her dead in her tracks.
“You’re not going to have to use that. I reply. “I’m going home.”
“You’re quitting?” Dr. Reed asks.
I won’t give them the satisfaction of kicking me out. This way I go out on my own terms. “Yes. My things are packed upstairs. I’ll be out of here by tonight–”
“I wouldn’t be so quick to leave Pledge.” Grand Mother Flowers interrupts.
“I didn’t think I’d still be one after being kicked out of the lounge.”
“Whether you remain a Pledge or not is for me to decide.” Grand Mother Flowers continues. “Now I know it was a bit of a shock for you to witness our sacred Theta Tradition, so I’m going to give you one last chance. “Do one line and you’re one of us.”
I look down at the line of cocaine on the mirror and reaffirm my position as I look into her eyes. “I’m sorry, but if that’s what I have to do to be a Theta then I won’t be one.”
“So you’re going to leave the Theta network without a financial leader after your father passes?”
I see the guilt trip. But I’m aware of the consequences of my actions. I wouldn’t be a very effective financial manager if I became someone who compromised my ethics to appease others. A junkie would spend all their money before it was even made.
“I’m sure you’ll all have enough time to find someone else to manage your portfolios–”
It took your mother and father thirty years to build o
ur portfolio. You’re going to throw all their hard work away to do what’s right for you? Don’t you think you’re being selfish?” Dean Mother Morgan asks.
She’s probably scared for her job. And the job of every other Theta working for Daddy. I won’t fire her. Yet. “It’s not selfish to do what’s right for me–”
“But what about us? Anderson Financial is the nucleus of the Theta network. Without your father’s company to manage our finances we’ll all go broke.”
“You’re all survivors. You’ll either sink or swim with or without me.”
“You’re telling me you’re willing to risk everyone’s fortune over a line of drugs?” Dr. Reed asks.
I could care less about their money or my money. They’re not going to guilt me into taking that cocaine. “I can’t control your money if I can’t control myself.”
“Come on, Colleen. It’s one line of coke.” Dean Mother Morgan pleads. “We won’t tell your father–”
“I’m sorry but if it being part of The Thetas is drug use then I won’t be a Theta.”
“My you have a strong resolve.” Grand Mother Flowers says.
Built up from my time here. “I have to do what’s right for me. Even though I’d love to honor my mother, I can’t be a part of an organization where I’d be forced to compromise my personal beliefs. I’d be dishonoring myself.”
“Is that how you feel Sister?” Grand Mother Flowers asks.
“I have to do what’s right for me–”
“Perhaps you didn’t hear me Sister.”
I catch that last word before I state my position again. “Sister?”
Grand Mother Flowers smiles at me. “Congratulations Colleen. You’re now a Theta.”
I give the ladies a surprised look as they break out of character. “But I didn’t do the line–”
“And you didn’t cross one either.” Grand Mother Flowers says. “By maintaining your integrity you showed that you have the strength of character and the resolve that meets the Theta standard for a Sister.”
“But I failed–”
“You were supposed to fail.” Dean Mother Carver says.
“But you never lost face.” Dean Mother Dr. Reed says. “In fact, you showed great courage as you stood your ground. You were willing to sacrifice everything you had to do what was right.”
“But I thought you wanted someone who would be loyal to you–”
“While we demand loyalty, we don’t demand blind loyalty.” Dean Mother Carver continues. “Remember what the Bible says about our relationship with God: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”
“And you wouldn’t someone in your organization who would make the Thetas their god.”
“No. A zealot would only compromise our mission with their extreme behavior.”
“Like Aunt Margaret.”
“We keep her around to show our pledges an example of how not to behave.” Grand Mother Flowers continues. “But I’d be eager to have you train some Pledges in a few years.”
Following in my mother’s footsteps. “Aren’t Sisters supposed to come back every four years?”
“To support other Pledges as a Big Sister. But I think you’d make an excellent Dean Mother in a few years.”
At least I’ve got something to shoot for. I can’t wait to give grand baby Flowers the shock of her life.
Speaking of time, if I’m a Sister now, I have to wonder why they’re going to keep me around for another month.
“But If I’m a Sister now, what are we going to do for the next four weeks?”
Grand Mother Flowers smiles at me. “What we planned to do. Continue on in the training we outlined at your test. “Besides, we need to give Martha Buffington time to make your gown for the Theta Ball.”
“Theta Ball?”
“Our big party coming up in at the end of the month.” Grand Mother Flowers says. “It’s a formal where we introduce you to the national network of sisters. That’s where we’ll do your pin ceremony.”
Chapter 74
My stomach is full of butterflies as Martha Buffington helps me step into my custom tailored evening gown. As she zips the strapless white silk taffeta dress up it feels like a perfect fit. “You’re all set Colleen.” Martha says as the zipper closes at the top.
“Thanks Miss Buffington.” I say.
The silk rustles in the air as I twirl around to look at myself in the mirror. I light up at the sight of myself with my hair done up, diamond studs in my ears and a diamond solitaire necklace around my neck. I look as pretty as a bride. And I feel like a princess.
“Wow. Are you sure there isn’t a tiara to go with this dress?” I tease.
Martha laughs at the compliment. “You think this one’s a stunner, wait till you see the original I’m giving you next week.” Martha teases back.
I’m imagining myself in that original when I hear Abby’s soft footsteps hurrying into the room. When I turn away from the mirror and greet her with a smile she’s taken aback by my beauty.
“What’s up Abby?”
“…Wow.” Abby says looking me up and down. “Are you ready?”
I admit I’m a knockout in this dress. But she’s looking hot herself in that blue taffeta gown. “Just about.” I reply giving myself another once–over.
“Grand Mother Flowers wanted me to give you this.” Abby says handing me the light blue box she’s carrying. She wants you to open it before you go downstairs.”
I untie the bow and open the box. I snicker at the sight of a Taser gun with a pink ribbon tied around it. The card inside the box reads:
Alma will be turning 18 in five years and Andrea will be turning 18 in seven. Teach them lessons they’ll never forget.
Edna
I quickly close the box and I’m met by Abby’s curious eyes. “So what is it?”
“Something for the future.” I say putting the box on the dresser. “How are we going to do this?”
“We’re supposed to go downstairs first. When you hear the phone ring you’re supposed to come downstairs.” Abby says.
“Great. I’ll wait for the call.”
Abby and Martha’s gowns rustle in the air as they rush out of the suite. I walk over to the night table and wait for my cue. As I peer down at the phone anticipating its ring, I find my round gold wire glasses covered in a layer of dust. Funny how I hid behind them for years. Now I’m not ashamed to be myself. I’m just too pretty to hide behind a pair of glasses.
The phone rings. The jitters go away as I drop the glasses on the bed and rush out of the bedroom. I pause at the top of the stairs and take a deep breath. My movements are graceful as I make my way down the staircase into the vestibule. As I pass by my mother’s portrait I notice the reserved smile on it grows a little broader. I’m glad I could make you proud Mom.
My heart pounds in my chest as Marcy and Abby open the tall Mahogany doors. The clop of our strappy sandals echo through the parquet floors on the trip to the ballroom. I hear their footsteps several feet behind me. It seems I’m leading a procession; as I approach the tall mahogany doors to the ballroom Dr. Reed and Dean Mother Morgan open the doors of the ballroom. The room is decorated in white curtains and the lights in the tall crystal chandelier make it sparkle as it hangs in the center of the space. Soft classical music plays as the Theta Sisters from across the country make small talk with each other. The music stops and the chatter of the guests become silent as I pause at the door and wait for Dean Mother Carver to announce me.
“Ladies of The Thetas. I would like to present to you our newest Sister. From the Anderson and Travis families of New York I present to you Sister Colleen Millicent Anderson.”
A soft classical melody plays as I follow the path of pink rose petals laid out on the marble floor. I greet our guests with a friendly smile and feel all the love in the room as I lead the procession of Big Sisters and Dean Mothers to the front of the near the windows where Grand Mother Flowers, Daddy and Aunt Margaret are standing. Daddy gives me
a proud smile as I hug him.
“I guess you’re not my little pumpkin anymore.”
“You’re gonna have to walk me down the aisle for that to happen.” I say breaking the embrace.
“You’re not a feminist anymore?”
“What can I say? I like my Pumpkin privileges.”
Aunt Margaret gives me a grimace as I hug her. I must have violated some rule she came up with. “All that talking. You know this is a sacred ceremony.” She mumbles.
Sorry Auntie, you’re not going to ruin my day. “Yeah, it’s so sacred you bought marijuana in your purse to celebrate it.”
Aunt Margaret’s eyes grow wide on the revelation. “That’s my home grown Oregano–”
“Like we’re serving pizza here.” Grand Mother Flowers whispers. “Just don’t smoke it on the Estate. Or there may be one less Travis Sister with a Theta pin.”
Aunt Margaret falls silent on the threat. I smile as I turn to face all the Theta Sisters. On Grand Mother Flowers’ cue, Dean Mother Carver walks down the aisle carrying a white velvet box. As she pauses in front of us, she opens the box to reveal a platinum pin with a diamond in it that’s got to be at least two carats. Being custom made it’s probably so expensive I can only think about wearing it to formal Theta occasions.
Dean Mother Carver takes the pin out of the case and hands it to Grand Mother Flowers. She catches my eyes. “Sister Colleen, do you promise to uphold the values and traditions of the Theta Sisterhood in accordance to our laws and bylaws?”
I’ll uphold those values until the day I die. “I do.” I say speaking from my heart.
“And do you promise to walk in the way of God being a woman of character and a suitable help meet to your husband?”
“I do.”
“By accepting this pin you pledge to honor our sisterhood by living in the way of an upstanding woman for the rest of your life.”
“I have no problem with that.”
I take a deep breath as Grand Mother Flowers affixes the pin to the breast of my gown. My heart races as she puts her arm around my shoulders and looks out to the crowd of Theta Sisters.
“Ladies of The Thetas, Here is our newest Sister, Colleen Millicent Anderson.” Grand Mother Flowers announces.