‘It’s me Meera. Don’t worry. No one else will come here.’ He said as he emptied the package he held on the dining table.
I settled in the dining table and was ready to eat. He served the food and we had a quiet meal. At least for me it felt like it was a quiet meal as I didn’t give a damn about anything he had told me. It was all about how I had loved him and I somehow couldn’t relate myself to it. To disturb the silence, his phone rang. He quickly washed his hands in the plate with half the food left over and rushed to his room with his phone jingling away merrily. He had a terrified look when he had seen who was calling. I couldn’t see the display of the mobile. I was curious. He shut the door behind him the moment he had walked inside the room. The ring continued till then.
‘Why did he want to talk in secrecy? Was it something I shouldn’t know? I surely should know it if I’m not supposed to.’ My curiosity aroused, I tip toed to the room and pressed my ears against the door. My hands were still unwashed. I could hear a few phrases from his conversation.
‘..No uncle. Give the phone to Santhosh…’ I heard this somewhere in between.
‘Was he talking to my dad?’ I wondered.
‘Listen carefully. She is fully not…..I will take care… Yes...Risky to do that but….’ I heard the bits.
‘What was risky?’ Every word cooked up stories within me.
‘Her mind is like a blank piece of paper. Whatever gets written first gets imprinted forever. Even if a movie impresses her, she might assume herself as a character in it. We should be extremely careful and watchful. So I will first make her stable enough to listen to her own past. First of all, she needs to believe that she is Meera. Give me a week’s time and I will bring her there myself. Now if I bring her, just because uncle and aunt are asking, she might strain herself. She will battle with her thoughts and try to find out if she had seen anyone or anything before. This might make her go back into a coma forever.’ I had no idea why I heard that length of conversation without any disturbance.
Later I realized that he had not closed the door and my thrust on it with my ears had opened the door a little. I was scared to be caught overhearing his conversation but my curiosity ate up my fear.
‘You guys shouldn’t come here either. I want to give her a few more psychological treatments. Have you sent Clara?’ he asked.
‘Who is Clara? Sounds Christian! So she can’t be my relative. Is Clara my best friend from the past? Whoever it is I am getting a new companion other than this pumpkin-headed moron.’ I couldn’t resist my aversion towards him.
4: Meera meets Clara
The curiosity driven day came to an end and I lay on my back dreaming about a future with a known past. I was eager to meet Clara and dig a little more into my past. I desperately wanted to catch up with some sleep so that the next dawn came closer. But anxiety danced between my eye lids, holding them far apart, preventing me from sleep. I counted numbers from 1 to too-bored-to-count-more. It went beyond a few hundred but I was still wide awake. I was disturbed by a part of my past that Ashruth had briefed me on. I was excited to know the part of my past that Clara would tell me. I was curious to know more about myself.
My life was like a jigsaw puzzle; I had to pick parts of my past from all over and arrange them in the right order to get a clear picture of who I am. Sorry, who I was! The Meera from my past felt like a complete stranger to me, she was someone who had escaped from my flesh and blood, someone who escaped out of me. She had done a clean job for me to trace the stains she had left behind. She had not left empty handed, she had robbed me of all my happiness and my life. All she could leave behind for me was this fellow. He could just tell me two things quite clearly. One, the way I loved him. Two, the way he was loved by me; only he could notice the difference between the two.
I opened my eyes but I still felt that my eyes were closed; it was so dark in the room. I blinked a few times and played with darkness. I quizzed myself if my eyes were open or closed. I blinked again. When I opened my eyes I could see streaks of sun’s rays peering through the blurred shades of the window covered with thick curtains. The clock read ‘6:00 A.M. 1st NOV. I unwrapped myself off the blanket and snail paced to the bathroom. I got fresh, brushed and went out of the room.
‘Good morning darling. Slept well?’ Ashruth asked with that irritating smile. He was arranging vessels on the dining table.
Without pausing for an answer, he asked another 'Brushed?' the smile was still wide on his face. I just nodded. 'Coffee?' he asked as he placed the milk vessel on the stove. I nodded again.
I sat on the couch. The TV blared with a host talking non-stop to a caller. A caller named Clara had called. I got reminded of Ashruth speaking about Clara the previous day over the phone. I couldn't ask him when she was coming but I was dying to know. I could smell the arrival of someone with the way things were neatly piled up on the table and the way the house smelled of delicious food. I eagerly browsed through the rooms for a few more clues to figure out when Clara was coming.
He passed the coffee mug to me, kissed my forehead and as I pushed him away with hate brimming in me, he walked back to the kitchen. Relieved, I reached out to the window and opened it wide. For the first time I got to see the world outside the house, excluding the green area of curtain at the hospital. It was a busy street. Buildings around were too huge. As I peeped out, I could guess that I was positioned high somewhere in the 7th or 8th floor. I enjoyed the cold breeze that brushed gently upon my face and ruffled my hair. The clouds above were grey, all set to pour down merry showers onto the tarnished roads. I started enjoying the weather sipping my hot coffee and decided not to think anything further about my past. The coffee tasted heavenly. Maybe I was a coffee addict and that was one reason I might have fallen for this fellow. Maybe I was too lazy and was searching for a husband who was a good cook. But wasn't I wealthy enough to hire a cook? I was! Why then? Why had I fallen for him? What had attracted me to this guy? How many ever times I decide not to think about my past, I couldn't restrict myself from connecting things to it. I sipped air and realized the emptiness of the cup.
I dropped the cup on the table and spread out on the couch. As I glanced at the TV, the host was still there, talking to another caller.
'Hi....’ the caller screamed in his telephone splashing all his excitement onto the viewers.
'Hi. Who is this?' said the dull host.
'I am Shanthanu. I studied in Sri Lal Engineering College. I have lost contact with most of my college friends. I want to wish Anusha a happy birthday. Wherever she is, if she is watching this show, I want to convey to her that I still use the same number and I am in love with her.' he said with a tone that indicated tears behind the telephone.
'Sure Shanthanu. Wishes to Anusha, wherever she is from x music team. The next song is dedicated to her. Hope Anusha calls you soon. SONG!' she said as a song was telecasted following it. A number was displayed in the screen for viewers to call the music channel.
'I will go to the shop and be back in a minute. Take care dear.' Ashruth said as he almost slid out of the door, locking it behind. An idea struck my mind. I picked the phone next to the couch and dialed the number. A peculiar voice asked me to wait in the queue. Two other callers poured out their dedication lists already but I was still waiting. I got annoyed and lost hope. I was about to hang up when someone said 'Hi you will go live in a minute. Talk when you hear the beep.'
A minute lapsed.
‘BEEP’
'Hi. Who is this?' the host's voice reached me before it could be telecasted on TV . 'Please lower the TV volume and concentrate over the call’ she commanded.
I did not know where the remote was, I looked around to spot it. At last, I realized that I was sitting on top of it. I moved a little and the channel got changed. I quickly put it in mute and spoke to her.
'Hi. I am Meera Prabhu. Dad, if you are watching this please come and take me with you. I am too scared. I don’t like Ashruth. Please take me away from he
re.' the line got cut as I started crying.
I quickly changed the channel and raised the volume to know if my voice was heard. The host said 'I think it was a kid who called us for fun. Next song is for the confused and lost kid left at a relative's place. SONG!' she said.
'I am not a kid. Why will someone dedicate a song to a lost kid who cries? Crazy music channels! ' I cried to myself.
Ashruth came back with a cover in his hand. He looked terrified. He took it inside. I sat still. He came back and handed over a parcel to me.
'Why did you do this to me Meera? Do you hate me so much?' tears edged his eyes. I went blank. I didn't know what had happened now.
'Why did you call the TV channel and say you hate being here?'
'Did my dad watch it?' I was happy that my dad had watched it and might call me anytime or even better, take me with him.
'No'
'Did my mom watch it?'
'No'
'Santhosh watched it?'
'No! No! NO!' his voice shook with sorrow and anger when I uttered the word ‘Santosh’.
'Did Clara watch it?' I asked. She was my last hope. She must have anyway almost reached close enough to meet me.
'Clara? How did you know the name?' he asked, bewildered.
'Skip that. Did Clara watch it? Is she coming?' I insisted on knowing about her arrival. She was my only hope now to get relieved of this prison.
'How did you know the name Clara?' he asked with a smile.
I wanted to cover it up and I said 'I remember a few names and things from my past.'
'What?' he started laughing hard.
'What’s making you laugh now?' I wasn’t able to tolerate him anymore.
'You know who Clara is?'
'My friend?' I was doubtfully guessing.
He gestured a no.
'My cousin?'
Again he gestured a big no.
'Who the hell is she?' my voice became more pronounced, anger gripping my throat.
'Hold this. Here is your dear Clara.' He handed over a parcel to me.
I was surprised. I impatiently tore the parcel and there she was 'Clara'. It was a shining silver diary with the name 'Clara' printed on it in gold.
He laughed as much as he could. I was annoyed at this joker making me one.
'Stop laughing.' I yelled.
'Okay. Okay!' he couldn't control his laughter. I stared at him and he bit his lips to control his laughter.
I flicked through the pages of the book and figured out that it was my personal diary.
'This is your diary Meera. I wanted you to know who you are through your own words. That’s why I did not go beyond your name yesterday. I had asked uncle to send it across. Read it to know your true past, about the Meera who loved me. My Meera.'
I did not give a damn to even a word he had uttered. I stood up to leave the room and read my diary in solace. He snatched the diary from me. My full attention was on the shining diary when he started speaking.
‘Meera, listen to me carefully. This is your diary, your life. It doesn’t have anyone else’s influence but just your real past. No one can explain your past to you better than Clara. That’s why I got you this. You don’t have to trust my words or anyone else’s, trust your own words. Read it, trust it and imprint it in you. Read it slowly and live it page by page.
My entire concentration was on Clara. I tried to reach the diary when he handed it over to me himself. The moment I got hold of it, ran to the room and locked myself in to prevent him from delivering speeches again.
I lost myself in the thought that I was going to learn my past within a short span of time. I was going to give birth to the old Meera within me. I felt the labor pain of a mother delivering her child. I kissed the book and opened it slowly with extreme levels of excitement.
It was the diary of 2010. ‘This year’s diary?’ I immediately flicked through to know how much was written in it. It was April and the diary ended few pages before April started. ‘So I had not been asleep for long.’ Before any more doubts popped up I wanted to start reading it.
5: My Story Begins
Past:
I was all geared up to celebrate the New Year’s eve with him. I dressed myself in the best way I could and booked a table for the two of us in one of my favorite restaurants. I loved him crazy to an extent that no girl could ever love her guy. Though it had been almost a year now since our love story began, the excitement in me did not fade even a bit. I still felt the cyclone that collapses my respiratory system, the chemicals that bubble inside my tummy and the vacuum that pulls my throat skin in. I failed to wink in his presence just to avoid the few seconds that my eyes would miss admiring him. I still remember the way he had proposed his love to me.
Our first meeting was so interesting that it could be made into the best romantic film. A year ago, I was in a movie theater along with my friends. Every friend of mine had a boy friend except me. They sat with their boyfriends but I sat alone with a chair next to me left vacant. It was a corner seat which was pre booked by the time we booked our tickets. No one turned up until interval. Once we were back from interval I immersed myself in the movie as the rest of my company was too busy with stuff that I really can’t explain.
‘Alone?’ a voice whispered.
I turned and was shocked to see a guy next to me. ‘Was he here before too?’ I was surprised. He offered me popcorn which I refused to take.
‘Alone?’ he asked me again.
‘No I am with my friends.’ I snapped at him.
‘But I am not with any friends. I am here to grab a girlfriend.’
I was surprised. He was seated alone and a girl was nowhere to be seen around him. I ignored him and watched the movie with more seriousness than the director of the movie would have seen it himself.
‘I got a feeling that my girl would feel lonely at the movie today amidst her committed friends and hence I had to cancel all my appointments and book a seat next to her.’ He said that putting his arms around me forcefully.
It felt cute to me at the moment. I smiled but tried to hide it and get loose of his hold.
‘I am sorry honey for making you wait for so long, till the interval. I won’t leave you and go.’
‘Who the hell are you? Get off me.’ I shouted at him, disturbing my friends who were busy in their own ways.
‘Any problem?’ all of them asked in chorus.
‘Hi! Yes. She asked me to come for the movie so that she could introduce me to you all but I dropped in a little late. I had to join you guys for the movie in the interval. Sorry guys. I am her boyfriend.’ He said it so casually as though every bit of it was true. I took a minute, myself, to realize that it was a story he had cooked so well.
‘Take your hands off me.’ I insisted.
‘Sorry honey’. He took my hands and slid a ring into it and said ‘I love you.’
I had no clue if I was insane or if he was but I was sure that he sounded very impressive to me. I should have slapped him for all that, but I couldn’t.
‘What are you saying? Who the hell are you?’I stuttered.
~
Present:
‘Click.’ The door knob clicked and Ashruth came into the room with a sumptuous lunch but I wanted to read further without any interruption.
‘I don’t want anything. Please let me read it fully.’ I spoke at lightning speed.
‘Listen dear, the diary is all yours. I won’t rob it from you. Read it slowly. Don’t read it all at once, it might harm your mental state. Now, give the diary to me and eat this. He plucked the diary from my hand and planted the plate. He sat aside looking at me eat, leaving me no options but to obey. Once I was done with lunch, he went away with the plate and most importantly the diary.
‘Why can’t you leave the diary with me?’ I asked almost ready to pounce on him and snatch it.
He went out without a word but reappeared with tablets and a glass of water. I had to gulp down everything with the hope of getting
my hands on the diary again.
‘Diary?’ I asked aggressively.
‘You will get it once you are up in the evening. Sleep now.’ He commanded me like I was a small kid crying for chocolates. He went away slamming the door behind.
‘Was he so romantic? Why was I crazily in love with him for a year? Did I like him just for the way he proposed to me? What’s so impressive in a stranger stalking me and sliding a ring forcefully? Questions drilled my mind making it too difficult for me to sleep. The tablets played their part and patted me to sleep soon.
The moment I was up I ran to him to get my diary back. I didn’t want to ask him a word about what I had read. The last thing I wanted was a delay in getting my diary back.
‘Here’s your coffee.’ he said, as though I had rushed to him for coffee.
I gulped it down as quickly as I could, so that he didn’t have to threaten me that he would give back Clara only if I drank it.
‘Diary.’ I restricted to a word or two when I spoke to him.
‘It’s lying there.’ He pointed towards the couch.
I wanted to ask him if he was reading it but didn’t want any more time to pass without unfolding the secret of how I felt when the lights were on in the theatre.
‘Did I really like the way this pumpkin looked back then? If that’s the case I would certainly appreciate the memory loss that has hit me.’ I had almost started speaking to my own self more than what I spoke out by then.
Past:
‘What nonsense is all this?’ I lost my cool. The movie had ended before I could end the chaos. Lights were on and there he was.
‘Hey when did you fall in love with Rohan?’ Sheela asked.
Just You, Me and a Secret Page 3